Tag Archives: Samuel L Jackson

The 2014 Thighsmans

we somehow cobbled together the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2014

and now, for the only awards that matter…

hELlEVENth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards





The Trash Humpers Biggest Piece of Humpy Trash Film of the Year!!!!!

(aka – somehow a movie with a naked ScarJo ScarBLOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


Under The Skin

dishonrable trash mentions that can hump my poo

Mockinglame Part 1 / Monuments Men / Chef



Cheesiest Fun Stinky Cheese
of The Year

jersey boys

the Jerseyness of Jersey Boys



Most Thighnamic Duo of The Year

ty muppet

Jean Pierre Napoleon (Ty Burrell) & Sam the Eagle

in Muppets Most Wanted



The 5th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK This Joke/Career Muss Be Stopped Now Award


it goes without saying, but…

Sucks Muckfarlame



The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
She Didn’t Like
Girl of The Year


Wendi McLendon-Covey

who had 8 flix released in 2014!!


Gifs of the Gawds


step up ani4

jennifer lawrence red carpet fail



Hairing Is Caring

ruff beard

ruffalo beard foxcatcher

whatever was going on with Mark Ruffalo’s balding and bearding in Foxcatcher


Bob’s Big Girls
The Bobbies!

pat guthrie

girls in the bobbedhood!



The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

waterston vice

Katherine Waterston is our vice [NSFW]


this poster/Eva Green’s boobs

eva green poster sin city


Val Kilmer & Joanne Whalley’s super hot son Jack




Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Scariest Eyes

creepy jake nightcrawler

Jake Gynnhahhanahalllahal!!!!

 in Nightcrawler



Word I Still Can’t Pronounce





Face Timeless

this dude

from Under The Skin



Juss Josh Baskin’ In These Sunny Miscellaneous Missile Missives That Are Da Bomb Shiz!

baskin 2

the only bitched @ swirth that matters, AGAIN!!!!!!!

bttf siblings pic



The lady in the Columbia Pictures logo!!!!!!!!!

this guy painted these!!

36 Actors Hanging Out With Their Body Doubles

a more cartoony Snow White

oscar c3po

Celluloid Paper Dolls

that time ‘Murder She Wrote’ went Psycho

meeting the new Star Wars VII cast, and what we guess will be their roles…

Ryan Gage’s Hobbit unibrow

Problem Children reunion

Goonies Never Stay Dead

Albert Finney shaves 2 become Daddy Warbucks

on the set & behind the scenes with Vivian Kubrick

Paul becoming Pee Wee

and Paging Mr Herman

DICK POOP!!!!!!!!


a spoiler on a spoiler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

darth vader spolier



Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As A Normal Mailman

Norman Mailer Mailman

‘Big Eyes’ from the movie of the same name

The Double soundtrack

the theme from Interstellar


(more like MINUS)

the song that makes me wish I didn’t have ears

‘Hanging Tree’



Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 Robert 'Tractor' Traylor movie



Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!



Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles


The Nut Job / Fiston / How to Train Your Dragon 2 / Mrs. Brown’s Boys D’Movie / Get On Up / Step Up: All In / Bang Bang!


Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Fenella Woolgar

Chubby Johnson 

& Jet Jurgensmeyer 

& Gyp Decarlo 

& Googie Withers



Movies To Look For In The ‘015

fault czars

The Fault In Our Czars

 The Bok Choy Luck Club

14 Years A Slave

14 Fast, 14 Furious



In Memoriam



mcdonalds robin williams


Taylor Negrone & Rod Taylor & La Dolce Vita fountainhead


Luise Rainer & Ed Herrmann

Welcome to Jurassic Park

Elizabeth Peña

Mike Nichols

Bob Hoskins

hoskins 247

the 7-Up guy

Maya & Giger & Gordon Willis

Tuco & Ruby Dee & Paul Mazursky & the dude from Raiders with the scimitar

Kiel!! Kiel!!! Kiel!!!!


jan hooks gum




dim milk clockwork karova






don’t forget to peep out our ’13, ’12, ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

if you got this far, pat yourself on the back, then yer balls

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


May This Force Be With You

Kingsman: The Secret Service
Posh Spicy
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 128 min

My litmus test of dumb-fun movies goes like this – is the movie in question as dumb and as fun as the amazingly dumb-fun Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle is/was?

Last up for the test – Lucy, which passed with flying colors, and dumb-funness!!!

Next up for the test – Kingsman: The Secret Service.  result?  PASS WITH BRITISH FLYING COLORS!!!!!!


Colin Firth is mad game.  So is Michael Caine (although he wasn’t really needed) and Mark Strong too (being subdued for once), and even Samuel L Jackson (who adds a lisp to his usual one note acting – WHAT A STRETCH!!!), and so is newcomer Taron Egerton (guess they couldn’t get Jack O’Connell)  

You should be game for it too!  It’s like dumb James Bond, but fun!! It’s like a dumber-funner Layer Cake, a less dumb/more fun Kick-Ass, and a less awesome/more actioned X-Men: First Class.  What do those last 3 flicks have in common?  They came from the British king of dumb-fun – Matthew Vaughn (who took over that role from Guy Ritchie)

But the REAL reason you should see this movie?  Mark Hamill is in it, and while he’s not particularly amazing in it, or even all that memorable (he mainly juss makes a bunch of grunting faces), he is in this movie, and when’s the last time you saw Mark Hamill and his face in ANY movie, on the big screen? 2001’s Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back??  Some things are best left unseen and unsaid

hamill kingsman

Well, Mark will walk skies again this winter as Luke Skywalker, and whether the new Star Wars is simply passable, good enough OR amazing (please lord, we need this to be amazing), you may not be ready to see him again, but you need to be ready

kings hamill

It’s been so long since he’s been on the big screen, and that you and/or I have cared to see him on a big screen, and it is in your best interest to see him on the big screen ONE time before Star Wars drops.  You need to refamiliarize yo’self with his face and acting.  You want the shock and awww shucks to happen now, and not when you’re trying to take in the new Star Wars, while trying not to jizz in yer pants(/get to be disappointed all over again:)

hamill kings

Kingsman – so much dumb fun, and hispecially some Mark Hamill.  Welcome back Mark!!!  The big screen misses you.  We all missed you!!!  And now we’re ready for you to be a force to reckon with, again 

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Kingsman firths it up today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


The 2012 Thighsmans

picked the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2012

and now, for the only awards that matter…

9thishendith Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards





The Death To Smoochy Würstest Picture AND The Gus van Sant Most Pretentious Holy French Gar-bagé Film of the Year!!!!!

Smoochy Holy Motos

Holy Motors Shit

dishonrable mentions for also sucking a$$…

Hunger Lames & Hitchsucks



Favoriteisteest Performance
of The Year
Barr None

Tara Lynne Barr

Tara Lynne Barr

in the not so great God Bless America



The 3rd Annual
Greta Grrr Wig
Recipient of The OK
This Joke/Career
Muss Be Stopped Now Award

ODowd Grrr Wig

Chris O’Dowd

we get it, you’re Irish, bearded, and loud, now go away



Always Bet On These Lil Shirley Temple Black (& White) Children

Quvenzhané Wallis / The Impossible trio –  Tom Holland, Oaklee Pendergast Samuel Joslin / David Rauchenberger /  Max Charles / Ella Purnell / Gulliver McGrath / Shannon Beer / Thomas Doret / Brady Hender and Nick Nervies (above) /  Judd Apatow’s kids



The Samuel L Jackson Never Met A Script He Didn’t Like Guy of The Year


Bryan Cranston

who had 7 flix released in 2012!!



Comeback of The Year

that wasn’t Rodriguez


The 1972 Warner Bros logo as seen in Argo and Magic Mike



Facial Hair That Cares



Rory Cochrane in Argo

& James Spader in Lincoln 

bonus shout-out to
Marcel Herrand in 1945’s Les Enfants du Paradis


Würstest Hitchcock
Impersonation/Make-Up Job
That Was More Like
A TV’s Batman Penguin


Anthony Hopkins ‘as’ Hitchcock in Hitchsucks



Würstest Baseball Play-By-Play Call
By A Former Member of ‘N Sync

Justin Timberlake
in Trouble With The Play-By-Play



Bob’s Big Girls – The Bobbies!

bae doona bob

Bae Donna as Sonmi-451 in Cloud Atlas 
+7 other winners



The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

Anne Hathaway as Catwoman = WOWWWWWW

Ali Cobrin showing off her American boobs in American Reunion [NSFW]

the Skyfall Bond Girls

that kid from Project X was in nerd porn [NSFW]

Marion Cotillard is rusty, but she bones without 2 legs [NSFW]

the hunt for naked Helen Hunt never ends!!! [NSFW]



Apron We Wish Was
More Like AprOFF!!


Dreama Walker in an apron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with nothing else in Compliance



Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

eyes amanda s

Amanda Seyfried in Lez Snooze



Heathcote Most Worth Bellaing

aka Bestest Eyes That Aren’t Amanda Seyfried’s

Bella Heathcote

in Dark Shadows and Not Fade Away


The LAC Daddy Mommy

aka Bestest Eyes That Aren’t Amanda Seyfried’s
or Bella Heathcote’s 

Lauren Ashley Carter in Premium Rush



Face Timeless

Tim McMullan’s face in The Woman In Black


Miscecallous Things That Either Stepped Up or Stepped Down More Than Peter Gallagher’s Eyebrows Did In Step-Up 99999-D 

everything about The Tin Drum

those Robot & Frank VGC-60L posters

remembering the forgotten McDonalds scenes
in the original Red Dawn

Bradley Cooper as a student asked Robert DeNiro a question on Inside The Actor’s Studio

The Ancient Booer is still alive!!!!!

trying to figure out what ‘Wuthering’ means

Bob Marley’s dad was a white dude

our Prometheus review

that poor kid with the fish lips

I keep forgetting that Crispin Glover didn’t play George McFly in Back to the Future II and III

and wait, Michael Keaton was originally in Purple Rose of Cairo??

farting and hand jobs do not need to be seen
in 70mm or even 1mm

jury’s still out on 48fps

an athletic center grows in a former movie palace in Brooklyn

goodbye Lucas, hello better new Star Wars

Warhol of Fame

Javier Dean Bardem Morgan

the American dumphole palace to end all dumphole palaces can be yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DB Sweeney retweeted our DB Sweeney tweet!!!!!


Songs That Execute Butter Than Norman Mailer’s Bong Hobbit Pipe


anything by Rodriguez

Ici LondresandQui Aimes-tu?by Chiara Mastroianni & Paul Schneider in Beloved (Les Bien Aimés)

Skyfall by Adele

Les Surfs – ‘Tú serás mi baby (Be My baby)’ from Tabu

anything sung by Katpoop Everdeen

the theme from Django and Django Unchained

Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’ in Rust & Bone

Beasts of the Southern Wild soundtrack

The Cloud Atlas sextet

and my fav of the year…

Let My Baby Ride‘ in Holy Motors

and the würst

‘Señor Don Gato’ by Hani Furstenberg in The Loneliest Planet
(be thankful I can’t find a clip of it)


Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor we are going back to naming our trailer award after him!)

 robert traylor


Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!






& the würst

& the würrstetst

& twinsies würsteresteserteestsers!!!


Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

black hole

The Devil Inside / Joyful Noise / Coriolanus / The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel / Rust and Bone /The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure / Frankenweenie / Here Comes the Boom / Fun Size / The Man with the Iron Fists / Jack Reacher


Fenella Woolgar Bestest Names Award

(not limited to actors)


Wilfred Pickles / Pumpsie Green / Gonnie Baars / Bibhutibhushan Bandyopadhyay / Scoot McPoop / Billy Butts / Barend Barendse / Hella Kürty / Sky Low Low / Chill Wills / Cutter Dykstra / Poodles Hanneford / Tuffy Genders / Mimis Fotopoulos / Kittens Reichert / Toon Kortooms / Sal Pacino 


Movies To Look For In The ‘013

Mexican remake of DC Cab 

Jiro Dreams of Dreama Walker

Project XI

Abraham Lincoln: Holly Hunter

12 Fast, 12 Furious


In Memoriam

Vampire Baseball


Tony Scott & BorgNINEever & Ralph McQuarrie & Enduring Durning & Andy G & Dick D-AWESOME & Ben Gazzarra


Scary German Guy


don’t forget to peep out our ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

movies are amazing, and so are you 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Song of The Southsploitation

Django Unchained
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 165 min


For 9 hours of Quentin Tarantino‘s 9.75 houred Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino hands in the most un-Quentin Tarantino Quentin Tarantino movie Quentin Tarantino has ever made.  That is a MOST excellent thing.  Then, in that last 45 minutes, Quentin Tarantino fills his most un-Quentin Tarantino Quentin Tarantino movie with the typical Quentin Tarantino shoot-em up garbage you’d expect Quentin Tarantino to stuff into a Quentin Tarantino movie – guns are fired & blood splatters, endlessly AND ENDLESSLY AND EVEN MORE ENDLESSLLLLLLLLLY.  You know it’s all too much too muchedness when Quentin Tarantino himself appears in the last 45 minutes as a bad actor with an awful Australian accent.  Quentin Tarantino, why did you have to add so much so muchedness at the end of your un-Quentin Tarantino Quentin Tarantino movie that was going so well???  WHY?????

Yeah, but that first 77 hours is so much unchained fun and amusement that it almost makes up for the endless end!  ALMOST!!!!  For them 1278772 beginning hours, you basically get to hear Christoph Waltz not be a Nazi and talk 9ever and help Jamie Foxx find his way, and hopefully his wife (Kerry Washington).  They criss-cross the country, hunting bounties, and then land in Candyland, a plantation owned by a super angry Leonardo DiCaprio, who does the same accent he does in every movie that sorta requires an accent, which is kinda the würst accent (it’s like he’s trying tooooo hard), and yet, DiCaprio is kinda the best in this movie.  Actually, everyone’s the best.  Even Samuel L Jackson as an evil Uncle Ben house slave is the best!  And Samuel L hasn’t been the best in ages.  And the cameos, oh the cameos, from the kid from Breaking Away to the original Django to Luke Duke to The Tamblyns to Tom Savini to… a zillion others… although we weren’t really impressed by Don Johnson’s Col Sanders and his blathering blatherskites

But that last 45 minutes.  Bang, bang, bang, bang.  Blood. Splatter. Pause.  Repeat.  Zzzzz.  We get it Quentin Tarantino, but we didn’t have to have it.  Did we?

Btw, this movie is not as shocking as people are making it out to be/wanting it to be, when it comes to that racy race stuff.  The N word is the N word.  Big wup.  I don’t say that word and don’t care to hear it, but I don’t get shocked by hearing it 231812831238 times.  If you want to be shocked about how fcuked up racy race shiz is/was then rent Spike Lee’s Bamboozled

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Chain Her Up, In A Sexual Way, Not A Racist Way!!!:

Nichole Galicia

apparently her old name was Nichole Robinson

Django Unchained is UNCHAINED at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

The 2011 Thighsmans

showed yous the hottie hotness in movies of the 2011

picked the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2011

and now…

8thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards



The Death To Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year

Sucker Punch

The Beaver

& Transformers 1924253


The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious
Miranda July Movie
With A Talking Cat

The Future

runner down

 Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives


The Bare Un-Necessities/
Coulda Been A Contender

The Hangover Part II


In Time

The Ides of March

Our Idiot Brother

30 Minutes or Less


The Green Hornet

The Guard


in memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor
we are renaming our trailers award (for now)…

 Tinkered, Trailers, Awesome, Thighs


Poster Her!
Poster We!
Poster Haste!

& the wurstest ones eses eesses  essesses

and the worstest of the year???



Credits That Deserve Mad Credits

James Bond With A Dragon Tattoo


The 2nd Annual
Greta Grrr Wig
Recipient of
The OK, This Joke/Career
Muss Be Stopped
Now Award

Jennifer Lawrence


The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Guy of The Year

Jessica Chastain & Michael Fassbender
came close with 6 flix each 

but not even they could top

John Savage 

who had 8 flix in 2011!!


Bestest Line of The Year

I put on a granny wig and I made me a fat suit. You know what a fat suit is? Like in Norbit?

or pretty much anything Joyce McKinney says

& sorta the 2nd best and kinda the most worst

I have to help Charles finish his movie


The Gifs That Keeps On Gifing


Finger Stickin’ Goodness
Goodie Three Shoes Award

The Subway

Fassbender’s subway glances
make girls go wetty wetty

& pretty much every scene in Shame

+ these other hotnessies

we want teacher Eva Green to pet us

Dunst’s nude moonbathing

69% of Sleeping Beauty

Knightley’s daily moans

that catfish banging that woman???


Movie Things
That Aren’t Movies
That Moved Us 

the launch of our sister site Quiet On The Sets

Tom Kruse

silent pianist Ben Model

VHS Dreams

Panel Discussion

The Kove

Addams Family + Tag Team = ‘Addams Family (Whoomp!)’

this guy and his wife

Kirkstart My Heart

Ghanaian movie posters

Jake Busey as a child


Bestest Flix We Netted / Saw In A Theater
Cause Seeing Old Movies In A Theater
Is Better Than Seeing New Movies
In A Theater!!!


Always Bet On These Lil
Shirley Temple Black
(& White) Children

Steve Zahn Charlie Tahan

Clare Foley

Amelia Clarkson

Amara Miller

Laramie Eppler

Jasper Newell

Kimia Hosseini


Face Timeless

Brady (fake Michael Pitt) Corbet’s face, in anything


Songs That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer’s Bong

Immigrant Song by Karen O, Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross

Nightcallby Kavinsky featuring Lovefoxxx

Man or A Muppet?

anything Cliff Martinez scored

Harry Escott’s ‘Shame Suite’


Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles


The Thing

The Big Bang

A Screaming Man

The Bang Bang Club

My Afternoons with Margueritte

My Piece of the Pie

The Beaver


Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Bonecrusher the Mastiff 

Clement von Franckenstein

Raphaël Personnaz

Pure Watanabe

Ludger Pistor

Bitsie Tulloch

& Oona Service


Miscecallous Things That Either Stepped Up or Stepped Down More Than Step-Up 9D

Gary Oldman’s fantastic portrayal of Bill Nighy

what’s the story with
J Edgar Hoover & Shirley Temple?

Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation

hidden titties in Disney’s The Rescuers!!!

Linda Manz Kills All Hippies

Roland Emmerich’s house

Stand By Me turns 20

 Rachael Blake’s cold eyes in Sleeping Beauty

Casey Siemaszko’s sister is alive and adorable

Laurence Olivier had his own brand of cigarettes?? 

The Bobbediest & Flapper Dapperiest
Filmed Entertainments of 2011


Movies To Look
For In The ‘012

What About Bobbed?

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never Again Again in 4D

We Brought A Zardoz

Uranus Needs Moms

Cowboys & Raelians


Martha Marcy May Marlene II: Martha Marcy May Marlene Mabel Megan Mallory Medea Mona Myrtle Melinda & Melinda

11 Fast, 11 Furious

don’t forget to peep out our
’10’09’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!

movies are amazing, and so are you

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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