Tag Archives: Samuel L Jackson

The 2012 Thighsmans

picked the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2012

and now, for the only awards that matter…

9thishendith Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

 

The Death To Smoochy Würstest Picture AND The Gus van Sant Most Pretentious Holy French Gar-bagé Film of the Year!!!!!

Smoochy Holy Motos

Holy Motors Shit

dishonrable mentions for also sucking a$$…

Hunger Lames & Hitchsucks

_

 

Favoriteisteest Performance
of The Year
Barr None

Tara Lynne Barr

Tara Lynne Barr

in the not so great God Bless America

_

 

The 3rd Annual
Greta Grrr Wig
Recipient of The OK
This Joke/Career
Muss Be Stopped Now Award

ODowd Grrr Wig

Chris O’Dowd

we get it, you’re Irish, bearded, and loud, now go away

_

 

Always Bet On These Lil Shirley Temple Black (& White) Children

Quvenzhané Wallis / The Impossible trio -  Tom Holland, Oaklee Pendergast Samuel Joslin / David Rauchenberger /  Max Charles / Ella Purnell / Gulliver McGrath / Shannon Beer / Thomas Doret / Brady Hender and Nick Nervies (above) /  Judd Apatow’s kids

_

 

The Samuel L Jackson Never Met A Script He Didn’t Like Guy of The Year

 Cranston-Windu

Bryan Cranston

who had 7 flix released in 2012!!

_

 

Comeback of The Year

that wasn’t Rodriguez

WB-Logo

The 1972 Warner Bros logo as seen in Argo and Magic Mike

_

 

Facial Hair That Cares

spader-lincoln

tie  

Rory Cochrane in Argo

& James Spader in Lincoln 

bonus shout-out to
Marcel Herrand in 1945′s Les Enfants du Paradis

_

Würstest Hitchcock
Impersonation/Make-Up Job
That Was More Like
A TV’s Batman Penguin
Impersonation/Embarrassment

HitchcockPenguin

Anthony Hopkins ‘as’ Hitchcock in Hitchsucks

_

 

Würstest Baseball Play-By-Play Call
By A Former Member of ‘N Sync

Justin Timberlake
in Trouble With The Play-By-Play

_

 

Bob’s Big Girls – The Bobbies!

bae doona bob

Bae Donna as Sonmi-451 in Cloud Atlas 
+7 other winners
!

_

 

The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

Anne Hathaway as Catwoman = WOWWWWWW

Ali Cobrin showing off her American boobs in American Reunion [NSFW]

the Skyfall Bond Girls

that kid from Project X was in nerd porn [NSFW]

Marion Cotillard is rusty, but she bones without 2 legs [NSFW]

the hunt for naked Helen Hunt never ends!!! [NSFW]

Paperwoman

+

Apron We Wish Was
More Like AprOFF!!

dreama-apron

Dreama Walker in an apron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with nothing else in Compliance

_

 

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

eyes amanda s

Amanda Seyfried in Lez Snooze

_

 

Heathcote Most Worth Bellaing

aka Bestest Eyes That Aren’t Amanda Seyfried’s

Bella Heathcote

in Dark Shadows and Not Fade Away

_

The LAC Daddy Mommy

aka Bestest Eyes That Aren’t Amanda Seyfried’s
or Bella Heathcote’s 

Lauren Ashley Carter in Premium Rush

_

 

Face Timeless

Tim McMullan’s face in The Woman In Black

 _

Miscecallous Things That Either Stepped Up or Stepped Down More Than Peter Gallagher’s Eyebrows Did In Step-Up 99999-D 

everything about The Tin Drum

those Robot & Frank VGC-60L posters

remembering the forgotten McDonalds scenes
in the original Red Dawn

Bradley Cooper as a student asked Robert DeNiro a question on Inside The Actor’s Studio

The Ancient Booer is still alive!!!!!

trying to figure out what ‘Wuthering’ means

Bob Marley’s dad was a white dude

our Prometheus review

that poor kid with the fish lips

I keep forgetting that Crispin Glover didn’t play George McFly in Back to the Future II and III

and wait, Michael Keaton was originally in Purple Rose of Cairo??

farting and hand jobs do not need to be seen
in 70mm or even 1mm

jury’s still out on 48fps

an athletic center grows in a former movie palace in Brooklyn

goodbye Lucas, hello better new Star Wars

Warhol of Fame

Javier Dean Bardem Morgan

the American dumphole palace to end all dumphole palaces can be yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DB Sweeney retweeted our DB Sweeney tweet!!!!!

_

Songs That Execute Butter Than Norman Mailer’s Bong Hobbit Pipe

norman-mailer-hobbit

anything by Rodriguez

Ici LondresandQui Aimes-tu?by Chiara Mastroianni & Paul Schneider in Beloved (Les Bien Aimés)

Skyfall by Adele

Les Surfs – ‘Tú serás mi baby (Be My baby)’ from Tabu

anything sung by Katpoop Everdeen

the theme from Django and Django Unchained

Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’ in Rust & Bone

Beasts of the Southern Wild soundtrack

The Cloud Atlas sextet

and my fav of the year…

Let My Baby Ride‘ in Holy Motors

and the würst

‘Señor Don Gato’ by Hani Furstenberg in The Loneliest Planet
(be thankful I can’t find a clip of it)

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor we are going back to naming our trailer award after him!)

 robert traylor

_

Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

2012-Movie-Posters

2012-Movie-Posters_wide

 

+

 

& the würst

& the würrstetst

& twinsies würsteresteserteestsers!!!

_

Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

black hole

The Devil Inside / Joyful Noise / Coriolanus / The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel / Rust and Bone /The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure / Frankenweenie / Here Comes the Boom / Fun Size / The Man with the Iron Fists / Jack Reacher

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Fenella Woolgar Bestest Names Award

(not limited to actors)

fenella

Wilfred Pickles / Pumpsie Green / Gonnie Baars / Bibhutibhushan Bandyopadhyay / Scoot McPoop / Billy Butts / Barend Barendse / Hella Kürty / Sky Low Low / Chill Wills / Cutter Dykstra / Poodles Hanneford / Tuffy Genders / Mimis Fotopoulos / Kittens Reichert / Toon Kortooms / Sal Pacino 

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Movies To Look For In The ’013

Mexican remake of DC Cab 

Jiro Dreams of Dreama Walker

Project XI

Abraham Lincoln: Holly Hunter

12 Fast, 12 Furious

_

In Memoriam

Vampire Baseball

+

Tony Scott & BorgNINEever & Ralph McQuarrie & Enduring Durning & Andy G & Dick D-AWESOME & Ben Gazzarra

+ 

Scary German Guy

 

don’t forget to peep out our ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

movies are amazing, and so are you 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

3 Comments

Song of The Southsploitation

Django Unchained
Funslinger
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 165 min

django_unchained

For 9 hours of Quentin Tarantino‘s 9.75 houred Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino hands in the most un-Quentin Tarantino Quentin Tarantino movie Quentin Tarantino has ever made.  That is a MOST excellent thing.  Then, in that last 45 minutes, Quentin Tarantino fills his most un-Quentin Tarantino Quentin Tarantino movie with the typical Quentin Tarantino shoot-em up garbage you’d expect Quentin Tarantino to stuff into a Quentin Tarantino movie - guns are fired & blood splatters, endlessly AND ENDLESSLY AND EVEN MORE ENDLESSLLLLLLLLLY.  You know it’s all too much too muchedness when Quentin Tarantino himself appears in the last 45 minutes as a bad actor with an awful Australian accent.  Quentin Tarantino, why did you have to add so much so muchedness at the end of your un-Quentin Tarantino Quentin Tarantino movie that was going so well???  WHY?????

Yeah, but that first 77 hours is so much unchained fun and amusement that it almost makes up for the endless end!  ALMOST!!!!  For them 1278772 beginning hours, you basically get to hear Christoph Waltz not be a Nazi and talk 9ever and help Jamie Foxx find his way, and hopefully his wife (Kerry Washington).  They criss-cross the country, hunting bounties, and then land in Candyland, a plantation owned by a super angry Leonardo DiCaprio, who does the same accent he does in every movie that sorta requires an accent, which is kinda the würst accent (it’s like he’s trying tooooo hard), and yet, DiCaprio is kinda the best in this movie.  Actually, everyone’s the best.  Even Samuel L Jackson as an evil Uncle Ben house slave is the best!  And Samuel L hasn’t been the best in ages.  And the cameos, oh the cameos, from the kid from Breaking Away to the original Django to Luke Duke to The Tamblyns to Tom Savini to… a zillion others… although we weren’t really impressed by Don Johnson’s Col Sanders and his blathering blatherskites

But that last 45 minutes.  Bang, bang, bang, bang.  Blood. Splatter. Pause.  Repeat.  Zzzzz.  We get it Quentin Tarantino, but we didn’t have to have it.  Did we?

Btw, this movie is not as shocking as people are making it out to be/wanting it to be, when it comes to that racy race stuff.  The N word is the N word.  Big wup.  I don’t say that word and don’t care to hear it, but I don’t get shocked by hearing it 231812831238 times.  If you want to be shocked about how fcuked up racy race shiz is/was then rent Spike Lee’s Bamboozled

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Chain Her Up, In A Sexual Way, Not A Racist Way!!!:

Nichole Galicia

apparently her old name was Nichole Robinson

Django Unchained is UNCHAINED at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

The 2011 Thighsmans

showed yous the hottie hotness in movies of the 2011

picked the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2011

and now…

8thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!


The Death To Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year


Sucker Punch

The Beaver

& Transformers 1924253

_

The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious
Miranda July Movie
With A Talking Cat

The Future

runner down

 Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives

_

The Bare Un-Necessities/
Coulda Been A Contender

The Hangover Part II

Hanna

In Time

The Ides of March

Our Idiot Brother

30 Minutes or Less

Unknown

The Green Hornet

The Guard

_

in memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor
we are renaming our trailers award (for now)…

 Tinkered, Trailers, Awesome, Thighs

_

Poster Her!
Poster We!
Poster Haste!


& the wurstest ones eses eesses  essesses

and the worstest of the year???

WORST POSTER EVER????

_

Credits That Deserve Mad Credits

James Bond With A Dragon Tattoo

_

The 2nd Annual
Greta Grrr Wig
Recipient of
The OK, This Joke/Career
Muss Be Stopped
Now Award

Jennifer Lawrence

_

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Guy of The Year

Jessica Chastain & Michael Fassbender
came close with 6 flix each 

but not even they could top

John Savage 

who had 8 flix in 2011!!

_

Bestest Line of The Year

I put on a granny wig and I made me a fat suit. You know what a fat suit is? Like in Norbit?

or pretty much anything Joyce McKinney says

& sorta the 2nd best and kinda the most worst

I have to help Charles finish his movie

_

The Gifs That Keeps On Gifing

_

The KFC
Finger Stickin’ Goodness
Goodie Three Shoes Award

The Subway

Fassbender’s subway glances
make girls go wetty wetty

& pretty much every scene in Shame

+ these other hotnessies

we want teacher Eva Green to pet us

Dunst’s nude moonbathing

69% of Sleeping Beauty

Knightley’s daily moans

that catfish banging that woman???

_

Movie Things
That Aren’t Movies
That Moved Us 

the launch of our sister site Quiet On The Sets

Tom Kruse

silent pianist Ben Model

VHS Dreams

Panel Discussion

The Kove

Addams Family + Tag Team = ‘Addams Family (Whoomp!)’

this guy and his wife

Kirkstart My Heart

Ghanaian movie posters

Jake Busey as a child

_

Bestest Flix We Netted / Saw In A Theater
Cause Seeing Old Movies In A Theater
Is Better Than Seeing New Movies
In A Theater!!!

_

Always Bet On These Lil
Shirley Temple Black
(& White) Children

Steve Zahn Charlie Tahan

Clare Foley

Amelia Clarkson

Amara Miller

Laramie Eppler

Jasper Newell

Kimia Hosseini

_

Face Timeless



Brady (fake Michael Pitt) Corbet’s face, in anything

_

Songs That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer’s Bong

Immigrant Song by Karen O, Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross

Nightcallby Kavinsky featuring Lovefoxxx

Man or A Muppet?

anything Cliff Martinez scored

Harry Escott’s ‘Shame Suite’

_

Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles

Rubber

The Thing

The Big Bang

A Screaming Man

The Bang Bang Club

My Afternoons with Margueritte

My Piece of the Pie

The Beaver

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Bonecrusher the Mastiff 

Clement von Franckenstein

Raphaël Personnaz

Pure Watanabe

Ludger Pistor

Bitsie Tulloch

& Oona Service

_

Miscecallous Things That Either Stepped Up or Stepped Down More Than Step-Up 9D

Gary Oldman’s fantastic portrayal of Bill Nighy

what’s the story with
J Edgar Hoover & Shirley Temple?

Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation

hidden titties in Disney’s The Rescuers!!!

Linda Manz Kills All Hippies

Roland Emmerich’s house

Stand By Me turns 20

 Rachael Blake’s cold eyes in Sleeping Beauty

Casey Siemaszko’s sister is alive and adorable

Laurence Olivier had his own brand of cigarettes?? 

The Bobbediest & Flapper Dapperiest
Filmed Entertainments of 2011

_

Movies To Look
For In The ’012

What About Bobbed?

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never Again Again in 4D

We Brought A Zardoz

Uranus Needs Moms

Cowboys & Raelians

Currencytesticle

Martha Marcy May Marlene II: Martha Marcy May Marlene Mabel Megan Mallory Medea Mona Myrtle Melinda & Melinda

11 Fast, 11 Furious
_

don’t forget to peep out our
’10’09’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!

movies are amazing, and so are you

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

2 Comments

7thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

we already showed you the hottie hotness in movies 2010, and then picked the breastest movies of the beastest of 2010 (with the late addition of Dogtooth!!), and now it’s time for everything else movies 2010!!! welcome to the…

7thishendith Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

now called

THE THIGHSMANS!!!


The Death to Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year


Trash Humpers

Valentine’s Day

Enter The Void*

Get Him To The Greek

& Clash of The Titans in ’3-D’

*also happens to be one of the year’s bestest too!

_

The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious
Most Overhyped
Most Boring Movie of The Year
That Has Only One Line of Dialog
Repeated 9272767 Times
You Seen My Daddy?


Winter’s Boring

runner down: True Grit

_

The Bare Un-Necessities/
Coulda Been A Contender


Red

Cop Out

Machete

Shutter Island

The Expendables

Scott Pilgrim vs The World

the reunion of Brian Cox and Paul Dano

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

Catfish, The Social Network, Enter The Void, TRON Legacy

Somewhere, Let Me In, I’m Still Here, Black Swan,

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World & Inception

and the wurst: Exit Through The Gift Shop

_

Poster Her!
Poster We!
Poster Haste!


& the wurstest ones

+ 18 minus boo-nus pts for the Takers one!!!

_

Credits That Deserve Mad Credits


Enter The Void

_

The 1st Annual
Greta Grrr Wig
Recipient of
The OK, This Joke/Career
Muss Be Stopped
Now Award

Greta Gerwig

_

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Guy of The Year

Liam Neeson with 7 movies released in 2o10!!

_

Thighopening Call To Action!

thanks to Art of The Steal for forcing us to visit the Barnes Foundation at its real home in Merion, PA before it moves and that experience will never exist again and we’ll be even more super mad pissed than we are now!!

next up is getting laid in
the Blue Valentine future space sex room

_

Bestest Wurstest Lines of The Year

&

_

The KFC
Finger Stickin’ Goodness
Goodie Three Shoes Award


Portman & her fingers in Black Swan

+ these other hotnessies

Shannon Twins’ pole dancing in Somewhere

Anne Hathway’s endless nudity in Sex & Other Drugs [NSFW]

Rachel McAdams’s morning glorious legs & tush

& Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s many colored wigs in Scott Pilg

_

Movie Things That Aren’t Movies
That Moved Us For The 1st Time

Mr Plinkett’s Star Wars Prequels Ass-Riping
But Well Thought Out Reviews!!

+ his love of pizza rolls
which he wants to mail to us!!

lime juice on theater popcorn!!!
(had at the Film Forum)

visiting the cinema treasure that is The Loews Jersey
(what took we so long??????)

& Ebert’s twitterings

_

Bestest Flix We Netted Or Saw In A Theater
Cause Seeing Old Movies In A Theater
Is Better Than Seeing New Movies
In A Theater!!!

_

Always Bet On These Lil
Shirley Temple Black
(& White) Children

Dylan Riley Snyder

Izzy Meikle-Small

Kelly O’Neill

Emma Hinz

Eros Vlahos

Faith Wladyka

the babies of Babies

_

Face Timeless



Zhao Benshan in Woman, A Gun and A Noodle Shop

_

Saddest Sadness
& The Infinite Sadness

we knew The White Stripes’ days were numbered
as soon as we saw this

_

Songs That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer’s Bong

Daft Punk’s TRON Legacy score

Beck’s ‘Ramona’ from Scott Pilgs

The Langley Schools Music Project’s
‘Good Vibrations’ from Catfish

Scala & Kolacny Brothers’ cover
of ‘Creep’ from TSN teaser

any Phil Spector produced song in The Agony & Ecstasy

Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross ‘In Motion’
from The Social Network

Clint Mansell’s ‘Perfection’ from Black Swan

Mike Zorin’s score to the Inception teaser trailer

anything on the Blue Valentine sdtrk

Nick Urata’s ‘Faking Death’ from Phil Morris [empee3]

Devendra Banhart & Beck’ ‘Life During Wartime’

& LFO’s ‘Freak’ from Enter The Void

_

Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles

44 Inch Chest

The Black Waters of Echo’s Pond

Faster

For Colored Girls

Furry Vengeance

Get Low

Harry Brown

How to Train Your Dragon

The Killer Inside Me

Make-Out with Violence

Rabbit Hole

The Spy Next Door

Trash Humpers

Touching Home

Unstoppable

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award


Hendrik von Bültzingslöwen

Wotan Wilke Möhring

Ophelia Lovibond

Sterling Cooper

BooBoo Stewart

Bingo O’Malley

Pleasant Wayne

Dossy Peabody

& Eros Vlahos

_

Miscecallous Things That Either Stepped Up or Stepped Down More Than Step-Up 3D

a VHS tape, duct tape, a hand and
a whole lotta anger in Dogtooth

the way Leo DiCap says ‘Maaaaaaaaaaaaarssshal’
in Stutter Island

the glowing cockscapades at the sex hotel
@ the end of Enter The Void

the mousterpiece dioramas in Din for Schmucks
by the The Chiodo Brothers

finally figuring out what the dealio was with 
Pruitt Taylor Vince‘s eyes was was:
pathologic nystagmus

also, finally looking into what Fletch’s ‘Pup’ n’ Taco was!

Abraham Aronofsky’s resume

photo of the real Get Low guy attending his own funeral
which is 81889283838 times more interesting
than the actual movie

this college recruiting video starring a pre-Doors Morrison

The Fighter sisters > any other sisters

James Frain being a 7th rate Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg???

where they filmed Harry Brown

the only good kind of Plague

when Joan Rivers met Gwar

our collection of the moist flamous kisses EVER

& notmileycyrus.com

_

Movies To Look
For In The ’011


127 Ray Browers

Goy Story 3:16

Liam Neeson Ices Eastern Europeans

X-Men XII: Boyz II X-Men

Ranch Farts: A Nose Opening Documentary

Stephen King’s The Queen

Madoff Never Sleeps

10 Fast, 10 Furious
_

don’t forget to peep out our
’09’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

6 Comments

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