♣ Pinder [N$4W]
♣ when we grow up, we want to go to Victory University, where everyone’s a winner
♣ more like Korova Milk-boo
28 years ago, Thriller dropped, and so did this
still love her
never forget Cuthy
never forget Cuthy with Milla Kunis
Cuthbert still = Cuthbest!
A dashing young Englishman (Ben Barnes, being a little less wooden here than he was playing Narnia’s Prince Caspian) is swept off his feet by a brash, independent American (Jessica Biel, not proving too much
in a blond wig with dyed hair), and after a whirlwind marriage, it’s off to meet his snooty family (buttoned-up Kristin Scott Thomas, permadrunk Colin Firth, and nosy sisters Katherine Parkinson and Kimberley Nixon… more on her below) at their vast countryside estate. It quickly becomes apparent that the American aint too fond of the fam’s quaint uppercrustednessness (cept she does take to black sheep Firth) and in return, they aint too fond of her truth, justice and American ways (cept for Firth, duhvs course), and so a bunch of misbehaving rolls out and a comedy of manners ensues. Sound familiar? Yeah, it’s purty much the set-up for like 50% of all British movies involving Americans, and this one is 51% fun and 49% run of the mill. Based off of a Noël Coward play, writer/director Stephan Elliott (The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert) keeps the affair light and breezy, while the witty one-liners pop out to little or no effect on the audience’s end. Most of the chuckles are served up by the manor’s manservant, played with much reserved verve by Kris Marshall (the dude in Love Actually who went to America to have threesome with Ivana Milicevic, January Jones, and Elisha Cuthbert & also seen in the beyond thighlarious Death At A Funeral), who in our humboldt opinion, deserves a break out role a little bit more than Timberlake’s ladyfriend does. Easy Virtue is certainly easy on the eyes, with it’s lush green settings and dainty flapper wardrobes, but had it been a lil bit more difficult, it also might have been a lot more virtuous
Welsh’s Great Juice: there may only be 50 women in all of Wales, but we’d have to agree that cutie pie mcgee Kimberley Nixon is probably the top of them hots! can’t wait to see her in Cherrybomb, where she pops Ron Weasley’s cherry!!
Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges
New World Order
Paranoid Park Rangers
Official Website + Trailer
The sky is falling, the sky is falling! That’s what many a conspiracy theorists are saying, claiming that there’s a… NEW WORLD ORDER at hand, pulling all the strings (juss like Bela said) behind the scenes, and yet, not that many people are listening to them. Luke Meyer & Andrew Neel‘s thighopening and fascinating doc introduces us to a handful of these American truth seekers and a lil bit about their causes (ringleader and entertaining radio loudmouth Alex Jones, 9/11 disbelievers Luke Rudkowski and newish convert Seth Jackson, and Jack McLamb, a former cop who lives in fear with guns up in the mountains). The film plays fair by showing them on and off their soapboxes, which makes ‘em look like half whack jobs, and half juss regular concerned citizens who demand answers. New World Order raises a lot of valid questions, and you might also start demanding some of dem answers yerself. That’s a hella lot more useful than Mel & Julia’s Conspiracy Theory ever twas
JF-KO-ed: no one questions authority like Oliver Stone does, so there muss be no better place for conspiracy theorists to vacay other than Oliver Stoneland (this never gets old)
Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers
Virtue opens today in NY & LA, while New World Order causes disorder in NY only, but will air on IFC next Tuesday
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
That woman [Beyoncé] he had singing for him [Obama], singing my song [‘At Last’] — she’s going to get her ass whipped! - Etta James
I saw three girls and chose one out of the three. It wasn’t a long, drawn-out process. It’s not looking for someone [with] the perfect breasts. - Cutbert/best
I wish there was another fucking word for what I do, because I don’t think of myself as a rapper. – Joaquin Phoenix
The day the music died was the day Lady Sovereign picked up a microphone. – anonymous
lettuce be honest hear. there were only two reasons we saw this movie and one of them wasn’t that The Uninvited was a well shot, beautifully located, yet ultimately subdued and subpar remake of the Korean nightmareclusterfudge A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon)
Emily Browning, that adorable girl with those luscious jackson lips that sink ships from Lemony Snicket, who we can finally talk dirty about cause the girl will be/is a woman soon/now finally/finally (aka, she’s legal seafood now!)
Arielle Kebbel, who has one of the moistest fun names to say, especially in her ear, when we’re giving her the old in-out, in-out. she’s always in crappy movies and we feel bad for her. we also feel her up
these sweet cheeked cheekie cheeks play sweet cheeked cheekie cheek sisters in
The Sixth Sense The Hand That Rocks The Cradle What Lies Beneath The Uninvited. their dad is Edward R Murrow and he’s totally banging Elizabath ‘Apparently I Never Turn Down Any Script’ Banks. they don’t like her (we’re starting to feel the same way) and they think she killed their mumsy. the whole time we’re led to believe that Banks did kill their mums, but can it be as simple as that? or is there a twist heading our way that’s about as twisty as The Fat Boys’ cover of the Chubby Checker cover of the Hank Ballard and the Midnighters original song? or both? or neither?
who cares cause it’s all about the Browning-Kebbel eye and thigh candy up on the big screen. unfortch these aren’t the kinda sisters that take showers together to save time and the earth’s resources, so our consolation prize is one lil scene where they hold hands in bed. it’s nuttin to fax home about, but we haven’t been this eggcited by a bed sharing scene between two hotties we sweat more than the fat people sweat in Sweatin’ To The Oldies since The Quiet, aka the movie where TWO Her Royal Thighnesses (Cuthbest and Camilla Ring Our Belle) share a bed cause nature intended it! Speaking of Her Royal Thighnessesesses, our current one (that’s Leonor Watling, for those praying at home) juss gave birth to a bebé that isn’t ours so it’s off with her head!! while we search thigh and low for her replacement, the raw offices of Browning-Kebbel will fill in as temporary HRTs. which lady in weighting do you bee leave is moist deserving of sitting on the throne of Thighland and sitting on our face?
The Ending of a Don Era: although he’s in the movie for 8.6 seconds, The Uninvited marks the very last motion picture performance of our main man amongst Charles Mann, Don S. Davis. you may know him breast as Scully’s Dad or the other voice of Wild Bill or that dude from that show, but in our hearts and in our farts, he will always remain Major Garland Briggs
breast in peace Major!
Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges, although the chicks are BREAST IN SHOW!!
The Uninvited is currently playing at a theater new Jews
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…