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Monroe County Thanks

they and we used to say ‘Monroe County Dank‘, but now we say ‘Monroe County Thanks’.  thank you Monroe County, for giving us a place to escape after a wild week of American head-shaking and denial.  if there was ever a weekend to get away and disappear into a fuzz of farts and beer, then this was the one  

Monroe County was one of four blue counties in the entire state of Indiana red
monroe-county

but my blood bleeds blue AND red for the city seat of the county – Bloomington

ahhhhhhhhhhhh Bloomington – the home of my ‘education’ from 1995-1999, and the home of an annual weekend trip where a bunch of dudes I truly love get together and party like it’s (1995-)1999

❤️THESE GUYS!!!!!!

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except our bodies can’t really handle it

but who cares – cause we will ALWAYS give it the old college try!

these-guys

once again – LOVE THESE FCUKING GUYS!!!

(and the ones who couldn’t make the trip this time)

Indiana, our Indiana, Indiana we're all for you! I-U! miss you Bloomington. stay ranchy until I return

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and we were there to get our game on

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMt-wh6jzyZ/

football vs Penn State live, with an outcome leaving us half empty… like the stadium holding the event

Halftime entertainment

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and got to watch the bball Hoosier boys play in Hawaii at our favorite bar

#GoHoosiers #KuckFansas

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beer me

beer

onion rings him

rings

sometimes we juss had to wing it

wild-wings

and sometimes we REALLY needed to wing it (our mothers and wives are so proud)

and coat our stomachs with something that looks like glue, but tastes like heaven

when I dip you dip we dip #RanchFarts2016 #RanchFarts @pizzax

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and occasionally, add a few ‘greens’ into our weekend diet

the only 'vegetables' I will see all weekend #RanchFarts2016 #RanchFarts

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and then eat incredible cheesy and breaded foods from that bear with boobs!

the big dipper #RanchFarts #RanchFarts2016

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and of course – dig in on one of America’s best non-chain hamburgers

inkles

on Veteran’s Day no less – and you can’t get more American than this…

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMrpkeSj9ls/

and you can’t get more delicious than this – as we tried out a NEW place (a very rare thing to do – try something new)!

quaff-foods

and said goodbye to some old places (who have moved to a nearby location, but this building was kinda an institution to us)

goodby-bbc

and we even branched out on more new stuff… like antiquing!

gone antiquing

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and something I’ve wanted to do since I left…

early for class

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ATTEND A CLASS!!!

and especially this class – which I always got shut out of when registering for in the 90s – but better late than never…

The Music of Beatles by Glenn Gass!!!!

learning never ends

and sometimes lines never end either…

Saturday night alive #BTown

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shout out to the IU Art Museum and their awesome Vik Muniz exhibit!

#VikMuniz does #GerhardRichter does Betty

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what a lovely fcuking city/town/place Bloomington is

#BigJohnson

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and even as the world feels like its upside down – the world still turns

as the world turns

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and I’m thankful to be alive, and to have such amazing friendships, that were forged in such an amazing place

falllll

life is beautiful

I could go on and on, and spin some more yarns…

yarn

but methinks you’d rather wear these NFL tie-dyes than hear more

tie-die-nfl

RANCH FARTS ÜBER ALLES!!!!!!!!

previously…

2015 – Diana, In

2014 – The Union Forever

2013 – Thighwalker Ranch Farts

2012 – Unhidden Valley Ranch Farts

2011 – Ranch DuBois

2011 – #RanchFarts2011

2009 – Herman B. Wells That Ends Well

2008 – Ranch Sauce Farts Part 6 Meets Police Academy Part 6

2008 – Bloomingtales

2007 – Village (Pantry) Idiot

2006 – College of Arts & SciencesCollage of Farts & Appliances

bonus…

the trip actually began briefly with a night stay over in Chicago!

I can now cross Midway Airport off my bucket list

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where having an Italian beef sammy at 11pm wasn’t nearly enuff to quench my burst

indigestion fest stop #1 with my Chicago culinary tour guide @mgomberg #HotBeefInjection

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also had to have hot dogs covered in fries – to begin the stomach stretching the weekend required!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMntqtnjgPz/

and on the way down south – stopped off in Gary, Indiana, and paid love and respect to the Jackson family home

and if you aren’t following us on Instagram, you may not have known that the Mrs and I were in Indiana (and Michigan) 10 days earlier!

where we…

paid respect to the Rebel

#RebelRebel

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said goodbye to a Moose

lights on one last time, before the lights go out at the original Chocolate @moosebtown :(

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and fell for the fall leaves

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMPSuWvDzTI/

big time!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMRgGtoDfAr/

btw – an amazing time to be on any college campus is Halloween!!

#College #Halloween Part 1

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although there were not as many slutty cats as you’d think there’d be!

#College #Halloween Part 2

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looks like today’s kids are more into slutty zombies

love you so much B-town

so long IU. see you in 9 days – no joke, but the next time with the #RanchFarts fellas #Bloomington5ever

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5ever

#College

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cheers!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMQBhB0DC_T/

and cheers to you MSU campus!

#College #GoSparty #SpartyLikeIts1999

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and even to you Michigan fans!

a proud @uofmichigan mom in enemy territory #AHouseDivided #GoTerps #GoHoosiers

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Big Ten = Big Friends!

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#Wienning

we way no longer Hungray, and totally Czeched out of Krtekland, and it was off to our final destination in our European holiday…

Vienna

first thing first, Vienna is actually named Wien, as in hot dog Wieners

smëlls lïkë üp dög

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or as in Wienerschnitzel (the city is HOME to it, duh)

BRÖWNED FÖÖDS ÄLWÄŸS ÄND ÄLL WÄŸS BÏTTË & DÄNKË SHÖN MËÏNË DÄMËN ÜND HËRRËN

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but not as in Tafelspitz or Mark Spitz

Tafelspitz

wonder if they have an AM radio station called 1010 Wiens.  anywho, Wien is in Austria, which shouldn’t be confused with Australia

Auf Wiedersehen Europe. until we Wiedërsehen again!!!

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and it never would, with such an awesome language in use like German!

wë hävë ärrivëd ïn Äüstria. Gööötën Mörgän Fäïrchïld #winning

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although ‘Gloria’ is a beautiful song in ANY language

GLÖRIA!!!!! #ZDFKultur

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but not sure what Chuck sauce is like in any language

Chück yöü

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but pizza in every language is ‘pizza’ (although we didn’t have pizza in Europe, cause why would we??)

I want this tattööed on meine ëÿës MEINEVER!!!

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cause when in Wien, do as the Wieners do – #Wienning

I'm shocked Herr Wöödy never made un film about Tafelspitz and giant wooden spoons

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and talk to random German and Swiss dudes

and kiss yer wife, cause you can’t stand how beautiful she is

and pick on someone not your own size

pïckïng üp gööd vïbrätïöns

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and be like The Third Man and ride that ye olde Ferris Wheel

this wiener riesëns mad rad yo!

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and know nose where to find one of your favorite painter’s work!  BLESS YOU GIUSEPPE ARCIMBOLDO!!!!!!!!

zumtimes I wish I had un pickle for ä schnauze too. bless yoü #Arcimboldo

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now Wien doesn’t have Eastern European charm like Hungary and Czech Repub do, but Austria never had to deal with all that standing in line for bread and sharing stuff.  it remained a cosmopolitan place, for centuries, and remains so

vienna street

where they have palatial palaces!!!

belvedere

with selfie points – how modern!

selfie point

round we go!

kunsthistorisches

too even more schmancy cafés!

hööráy 4 cáfës!

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and schmancy chocolatiers!

demel

and to one of the most unique structures I’ve ever seen – KunstHausWien – a museum created by the artist himself – Friedensreich Hundertwasser!!!!!!!!!

Hundertwasser in dä haus, bringing dä fünk

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tiley smilerus!

kunst haus

even the bathrooms are funky fresh!

kunst bathroom

and he also designed other buildings that aren’t his own museumz!!!

 wasser 3

like the Hundertwasserhaus

wasser 2

it’s like a Smurf village for humans!!

wasser 1

but everything we did wasn’t juss fatrsy artsy culture stuff

of course we hit up grocery stores to see what was a brewin’

tiroler alm

although we actually did try this – Almdudler –  which is basically Austrian ginger ale – and once bitten, forever smitten

almdudler

and apparently gefilte aint just for fishes.  it’s a thing, but I guess they go with the less Jewish ‘gefüllte’ which translates to ‘stuffed’.  but however it’s spelled, I’m g’scared of anything gefilted/gefüllted

gefullte

then it was off to check out the famous Naschmarkt 

where there’s kraut by the barrel!!!

sauerkraut

oh, you think we forgot to go to McDonalds, and McLook at their McMenü?

MCMenu

or miss seeing the Doc Brown Opera – 88 Meilen pro Stunde????

austrian doc brown

so long Austria, and Europe – never lose that old world Epcot charm, or the MUSTaches

horst lichter

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Reality Czech

we were stuffed and no longer Hungray, then decided to Czech out…

Prague

the city is actually called Praha, but is somehow called Prague.  never quite understood why we change the names of places that already have a name, but I didn’t invent English, and am happy that most people in big cities around the globe speak English, so I no complainsz.  also makes ordering McDonalds much easier

yep, McDonalds.  me and the wife broke down and had to try their fried cheese balls.  and Burger King’s too!!!  AND THEY WERE ha-mazing.  not sure why these aren’t sold in America(/Philadelphia), considering we love cheese AND fried things!!!

#ČzechingOut all the local cheese ball delicacies

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in the same mall eatery there was a place that grabbed our attention

la finger food

but the finger food didn’t grab out appetite

finger food 2

so American that Bay Watch plate!!!  (it’s about $4)

finger food 3

sadly Czech people don’t speak and spell like Hungarians, so no szósz here :(

szó many szószes, szó little time #PriceČzechOnAisle5

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but they do have their own fun-named foods

skrob

and strange candy that isn’t really all that strange

candy everyone wants

and unbelievably beautiful and tasty breads

this bread is ŠOOOO šo tasty, and only costs 15¢

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and some sort of cheese bread thing!!!

chees bread thing

and meats meats meats!!! like this meat platter at the lovely Café Savoy!

savoy meat plate

and four of the best things I ate on my trip (AND IN LIFE!!!!) were from Prague…

cabbage pancakes from Mlejnice!!

cabbage pancakes are the new any other kind of pancakes!!! #ČzechPlease

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steak tartare on toast!!!

steak tartare bread

+ wide noodles in mushroom sauce, both from Vinohradský parlament!!!

wide noodles

and this hamburger from Naše maso.  OMG!!! who knew non-Americans could take us to burger heaven???!!!

burgher

there was also PLENTY of beer done dranken!!!!

but we did pass on the plastic 2 liter bottle of beer

2l beer

and we didn’t try this, cause we’d be f$%king ourselves by doing so

claššy drinkš

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ok, ok, enuff with the food and drink stuffs already, and on with the seeing stuffs!

like the crazy gothic castle on the hill!!

castle prague

where the reverse view is equally as majestic

prague castle hill view

anywho – on top of the castle hill – there’s crazy beautiful church!

(p)raise the roof part II

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and the lanes are golden!

golden lane

and so are the palaces!

palace prague

hey look, I’m an annoying tourist!

toursit

back on the other side, in the old town, there’s plenty else to see

like a bunch of old synagogues, which are now mainly museums

(p)raise the roof

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since tons of Jews left Europe, if they were lucky

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and their main town square is the stuff dreams are made of

(B)EAT THIS – STUPID UGLY @ROCKCENTERNYC CHRISTMAS TREE!!!! #ĆzechPoint

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and architecture that runs the gamut of now and zen

#ČzechBounced

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another purty café!

Art Decoveau

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even the subway was stylin’!!

čonnecting the dotš…

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and so be their shoe stores!!

need me all of these @botas66 shoes. send money, or a Čzech in the mail. OK thanks!

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and this arcade mall place!!!

downside up

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and even their movie posters are cool cause they’re not in English!

some kinds of wonderful

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where inspiration can be found for one and all, right Wes?

goodbye Prague/Praha. you were grand, but it's time to #ČzechOut :( #TheGrandBudapestHotel

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and we made new friends…

like graphic designer Pavel!!

who designed this amazing poster that hangs in my abode!!!!!!!!

Print

and a cartoony creature that now rivals Chip n’ Dale for our hearts…

krtecek

Krtek / Krteček!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

krtek

ok, we done here, Czech please!

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I’m Going Hungary

me and Thighs Wife went to Budapest/Prague/Vienna for New Years thyme.  guess what?  it was great, and you should go too, just prepare not to eat many vegetables, or see people drink water.  They seem to only drink beer or really strong coffee, but if you’ve been to Europe, you know this.  anywho, gonna break the adventure up by city, into 3 separate posts, so up first is…

Budapest

Everything about Budapest is steeped in the past – either from the monuments they erected in their millennial anniversary of 1896, or during the times of Nazi occupation, followed by the drab architecture of red Communism – and the look and feel of the city shows all this wear and tear.  While they do have Starbucks, this place retains a certain iron-curtained charm that the world now gets to peek behind

TRAINed eye #BudaBest

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the city is split into two by the river Danube – the hilly Buda to the west and the flat Pest to the east.  if you go, stay in Buda, and stay at the Hilton in the Castle District.  you’ll wake up to the best view ever.  EVERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

wish I could wake up to this view every morning

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and yer literally in a castle or castle district or something!

buda castle

and it’s amazing, day or night

halabastya

and they have statues with giant awesome szósz mustaches

szoz mustaches

what’s ‘awesome szósz’?  it’s awesome sauce, but since the word for sauce in Hungarian is ‘szósz’ – it’s awesome szósz.  got it?

last night in #BudaBest and already starting to miss the greatest word ever – #szósz #awesomeSZÓSZ

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btw – if you want to get to know a culture, seeing art and buildings is a good start, but so is visiting a super market.  in Hungary, since all ‘s’es have a ‘z’ after em, it’s called a szupermarket.  also – anything that has a ‘z’ in it, is followed by an ‘s’.  confuszing.  iszn’t it?

I think America could learn a thing or two on how to betterer name their cat food products #BudaBest

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but they muss import their pizzas, otherwise this would be called ‘Pizszsa Guszeppe’, no?

pizzaz

and who doesn’t want corn with their salami pizza??

speaking of salami – they love it.  at their central market, every other stall sells salami.  the other stalls sell paprika and dried fruits

market

what else did we eat?

CHIPS ON A STICK!!

czhips on a sztick. geniusz #BudaBest

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chimney cakes called kürtőskalács!!!!!

kürtőskalács árë šô bèÿøñd dēlįčîõüś #BudaBest

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cheese bread delicious things called Lángos, which will have you lángosing for more of dem as soon as you finish eating one

Goodbye and so Lángos #BudaBest. hope we meet again for some more #szósz-y times

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chicken wrapped in cheese and bacon!!

grilled chicken wrapped in cheese & bacon. btw – Hungarians never go HUNGARY. portions are larger than America's!

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and of course we were going to eat goulash!!!!  and it lives up to its goul-lashy reputation!!!  I want to make shoes of em and call em goulashes!!!

goulash

and of course we went to McDonalds – cause you always HAVE to go to McDonalds in a foreign country to see what’s on their menu – like Falatkák!!  (plus it’s the only place guaranteed to have fountain sodas, and ice)

hungary bnudapest 

and then we did this thing called Eat & Meet where you go to this apartment and this nice young Hungarian lady and her parents make you a multi-coursed meal and get you drunk on wine and pálinka, and you meet random travelers from around the globe doing the same thing yer doing.  SUPER AWESOME-SZÓSZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and we drank all these foods down with a hot cup of hot wife!!!

hot cup o'wife, mugging for the camera #BudaBest

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OK, time for a quick break

wc

and onto sightseeing!!!

no ben, all parliament – which is as beautiful on the inside, as it is on the outside

budapest parliment

parli

and paid respect to the great Synagogue

holy moly – it's the largest synagogue in all of Europe

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and went to da Zoo

Elephant House at the #BudaBest Zoo

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where we found the missing link between chimp and man

the found link

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and went to da Opera house

and watched people ice skate in front of a faux castle thing!

Epcot Center is awesome szósz this time of year!!!!

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and had schmancy coffee at this schmancy cafe

and checked out a schmancy ye olde movie theater

movie palaces, palaces for the people > royal palaces

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and brought in the new year at a schmancy restaurant in the castle wall thing!!

me and the wife bended our New Year's like Beckham's spicy wife – POSH!!!! #BudaBest

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and went to the opposite of a schmancy bar – called a ‘ruin pub’, which is like a former dump hole, turned into a super awesome szósz bar!!!  the one we went to was called Szimpla Kert, and it was szimply amazsing!!!

and the best thing we did?  the thing locals AND tourists all do – go take a bath!!!

whirlpoolin' dervishes

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spa steam

cabins

we will never go hungry again, but we’d totally go to Hungary again, even if a lot of the food looked like this!!!!!!!

sludge

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Foggy With A Chance of Zodiac Balls

I gay for the bay!

sf 1

no US city has views like this!!!!

bay

always gotta hit up the touristy sites

full house

I’ve got nothing but love and HAIGHT (that pun will never not be awesome) for this city

haight

where the streets have names, and are curved, for everyone’s pleasure

real streets have curves

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did the Jewish slaves erect this one too?

transamerica

the Coppolas own this sweet a$$ building

zoetro[pe

this Palace is a hotel!

palace

lets try 8 mini beers!!

billion beers

but will I pass the test????

booz o meter

or get knocked out?

mechanicool

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or catch on fire?

fire drink with me

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but the drinks aren’t the only thing that be loaded

loaded potato

and who doesn’t want their salad tossed and dressed in front of their own eyes?

now THAT is how you toss a salad!!!!! #HouseOfYum #HouseOfYES

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I went NUTS for mini donuts!!!

you can't spell donut without 'do'

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you can smell this, right?  or at least my farts from it, right???

torta

sorry if the puns feel old, and that I’m phoning it in

phobne

but things are on the rise, out there in the Napa Valley

geyser

where the wine flows like overpriced restaurants

grapezsz

and where the only storms are castle storming

castke

and all the rooms have views

room with a view

and all the hills have (my) eyes

hiklz

what, you think I was going to the SF area and do zero Zodiac zsleuthing???

zodiac

didn’t find Z, but did go to Lake Berryessa, where those poor kids were stabbed 46 years ago

zodiac 2

place was super creepy & quiet… I was actually a little bit frightened

zodiac 3

but me & the Mrs survived, and rode another vacation off into the glorious sunset

sun

perv-iously

Old Bay Seasoning

 

A Fine Line Between Love And Haight

 

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