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The 2014 Thighsmans

we somehow cobbled together the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2014

and now, for the only awards that matter…

hELlEVENth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

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The Trash Humpers Biggest Piece of Humpy Trash Film of the Year!!!!!

(aka – somehow a movie with a naked ScarJo ScarBLOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

under-the-skin-trash-humpers

Under The Skin

dishonrable trash mentions that can hump my poo

Mockinglame Part 1 / Monuments Men / Chef

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Cheesiest Fun Stinky Cheese
of The Year

jersey boys

the Jerseyness of Jersey Boys

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Most Thighnamic Duo of The Year

ty muppet

Jean Pierre Napoleon (Ty Burrell) & Sam the Eagle

in Muppets Most Wanted

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The 5th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK This Joke/Career Muss Be Stopped Now Award

sucks-muckfarlame

it goes without saying, but…

Sucks Muckfarlame

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The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
She Didn’t Like
Girl of The Year

 samuel-l-wendy

Wendi McLendon-Covey

who had 8 flix released in 2014!!

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Gifs of the Gawds

jodo

step up ani4

jennifer lawrence red carpet fail

quicksilver

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Hairing Is Caring

ruff beard

ruffalo beard foxcatcher

whatever was going on with Mark Ruffalo’s balding and bearding in Foxcatcher

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Bob’s Big Girls
aka
The Bobbies!

pat guthrie

girls in the bobbedhood!

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The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

waterston vice

Katherine Waterston is our vice [NSFW]

 

this poster/Eva Green’s boobs

eva green poster sin city

+

Val Kilmer & Joanne Whalley’s super hot son Jack

jackkilmer2

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Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Scariest Eyes

creepy jake nightcrawler

Jake Gynnhahhanahalllahal!!!!

 in Nightcrawler

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Word I Still Can’t Pronounce

awkward

Maleficent

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Face Timeless

this dude

from Under The Skin

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Juss Josh Baskin’ In These Sunny Miscellaneous Missile Missives That Are Da Bomb Shiz!

baskin 2

the only bitched @ swirth that matters, AGAIN!!!!!!!

bttf siblings pic

ALT BTTF MCFLY SIBLING PICS!!

NAMEHEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The lady in the Columbia Pictures logo!!!!!!!!!

this guy painted these!!

36 Actors Hanging Out With Their Body Doubles

a more cartoony Snow White

oscar c3po

Celluloid Paper Dolls

that time ‘Murder She Wrote’ went Psycho

meeting the new Star Wars VII cast, and what we guess will be their roles…

Ryan Gage’s Hobbit unibrow

Problem Children reunion

Goonies Never Stay Dead

Albert Finney shaves 2 become Daddy Warbucks

on the set & behind the scenes with Vivian Kubrick

Paul becoming Pee Wee

and Paging Mr Herman

DICK POOP!!!!!!!!

+

a spoiler on a spoiler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

darth vader spolier

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Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As A Normal Mailman

Norman Mailer Mailman

‘Big Eyes’ from the movie of the same name

The Double soundtrack

the theme from Interstellar

+

(more like MINUS)

the song that makes me wish I didn’t have ears

‘Hanging Tree’

 

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Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 Robert 'Tractor' Traylor movie

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Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

Posters2014 

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Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

fiston

The Nut Job / Fiston / How to Train Your Dragon 2 / Mrs. Brown’s Boys D’Movie / Get On Up / Step Up: All In / Bang Bang!

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Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Fenella Woolgar

Chubby Johnson 

& Jet Jurgensmeyer 

& Gyp Decarlo 

& Googie Withers

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Movies To Look For In The ‘015

fault czars

The Fault In Our Czars

 The Bok Choy Luck Club

14 Years A Slave

14 Fast, 14 Furious

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In Memoriam

 

ROBIN FCUKING WILLIAMS :(

mcdonalds robin williams

+

Taylor Negrone & Rod Taylor & La Dolce Vita fountainhead

Bacall

Luise Rainer & Ed Herrmann

Welcome to Jurassic Park

Elizabeth Peña

Mike Nichols

Bob Hoskins

hoskins 247

the 7-Up guy

Maya & Giger & Gordon Willis

Tuco & Ruby Dee & Paul Mazursky & the dude from Raiders with the scimitar

Kiel!! Kiel!!! Kiel!!!!

+

jan hooks gum

Jan

&

Dim

dim milk clockwork karova

& 

THE ANCIENT BOOER!!!!

boooooooo

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don’t forget to peep out our ’13, ’12, ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

if you got this far, pat yourself on the back, then yer balls

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thighs Wide Movies 2014

Movies2014

 

The Flowqueens of ’14

 

1) Jodorowsky’s Dune

dune book

The greatest doc ever made about the greatest film never made, EVER!!  So many ‘what if?‘s AND ‘what the f#$k??!!!‘s to shake your head at

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2) The Trip to Italy

the trip to italy

Lightening strikes twice as Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon take their thick shtick to Italy.  Hilarity ensues at every blip on the map.  AMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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3) The Babadook

babdook

Are the things going bump in the night all in their heads?  Too late, they are now in our heads too!  BABA-DOOK DOOOK DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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4) Mr Turner

mr turner

Literally watching paint dry – and it’s amazing!!!

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5) Foxcatcher

foxcatcher

Carell’s nose, Ruffalo’s beard and hairline + Tatum’s sad face = Pinned-trest-ed!!!

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6) Nightcrawler

creepy jake

Jake Gynenhehahehallllll is watching you.   Watch him back

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7) The LEGO® Movie

lego movie

Toys with our emotions in the best way possible.  It also happens to be funniest Will Ferrell flick in half a decade

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8) Inherent Vice

Inherent Vice

Katherine Waterston continues her ‘brave’ (read – ‘nude’) work in cinema

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9) Dawn of The Planet of The Apes

dawn planet apes

Going ape-sh!t, again

10) Citizenfour

ed snowden

The year’s best thriller is not only based on a true story – it is THE truest true story!

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11) The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

hobbit 3

Unibrowser Yowzers!!

12) Boyhood

gorw boyhood

Seamless production and process like none other make up for a somewhat lacking narrative.  Bring on Manhood!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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13) The Double

the double

Every movie needs Jesse Eisenberg.  So why not have two Jesse Eisenbergs???

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14) Step Up All In

step up ani3

If you’re not in, you are OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

honor blackman

The Fault In Our Stars / Get On Up / Interstellar / Jersey Boys / Lucy / Palo Alto / X-Men: Days of Future Past

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our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

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