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The Welles Report

Orson Welles had one of the greatest voices to have ever been recorded on planet earth.  it worked wonders in radio, TV and cinema, and even later in his life, when he needed extra money, and would lend his pipes to anything and everything.  and what’s so wrong with that???

I’m sure you’ve heard the outtakes from his ad for frozen peas, right????? (please tell me you have.  it’s one of the greatestestetestsstttt things mt EVERest)

well, there were plenty of other ads, which probably all had cringe-worthy outtakes, but these finished takes are all an aural thing of beauty…

I mean, with that voice – he could sell horse piss to a horse without a mouth!

I mean, I could listen to him say ‘Copenhagen’ ALL DAY

I didn’t need to be sold on Dark Tower, the greatest board game ever created, but I’d take a sword for him after hearing his pitch!!!

Orson, please save the world instead of scaring us about its impending doom!!!

Nashua!!!  wish the company was called Nashua’s Joshua.  would’ve love to hear him say that!!!

smoking added a touch of class, well, at least back then

the part where he says ‘par excellence’ words gets me weak in the knees

Orson’s voice is an oasis, and so is whatever that cloak he’s wearing

hello, let me take 10 seconds to light this thing!  btw – love that it always looks like he’s talking to the audience, but he’s basically juss talking to himself

he should make that woman’s bandana disappear

if it’s not HBO, apparently it’s slutty cable TV.  sit back and enjoy!!!

not sure if he’s actually hot, out of breath, out of money or all 3

I bet he thinks this camera’s a real piece of sh$t

and now you are entering the Paul Masson section of this post…

if Orson has wine farts, and yer standing behind him, you’d be gone with the wind

somethings can’t be rushed – including Orson Welles

here’s an outtake from the same spot – NO GREASED BOTTLES!!!

if only the ‘Chablis’ was from Copenhagen!!

same jacket as above?  but with one of Peter Bogdanovich’s ascot/neck scarf thingies??

wait, why does this one have more voice-over to it, than him juss talking to the camera

oh, that’s why – he’s fcuking drunk as a skunk!!!

bless this man.  wish I was that other hand in the photo

paul masson orson welles

he looks like he’s either ready to leave, fart, or upset that you’re not paying for the bill, or all 3

orson paul masson

omg! omg! omg!!


and this MIGHT(???????????????????????) be him talking about STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!!!!

anywho, Orson was the best.  who cares if he was squandering his talent by making his pocketbook bigger and stomach bigger by doing ads?


Get On The Huss

never 5get – Toby Huss as faux Frank Sinatra – riffing and rhyming on current [1994] MTV hits

sinatra huss

huss sinatra


Toby Huss did plenty of other non-Sinatra MTV promos


was Artie The World’s Strongest Man on The Adventures of Pete & Pete!!!!!!!!!

artie pete n pete

and can now be seen on Halt & Catch Fire, which is a pretty damn fine show!

toby hass halt


McBride & Prejudice

never 5get Jimmy McBride – Boston Cab Driver – MTV Gabber

jimmy mcbride

even mo spots on Donal Logue’s site

Yapping Cabbie – Jimmy Mcbride Adds Gross To MTV’s Domestic Product

‘jimmy will live again!’ – Donal Logue


Treasure Chess


is one of the greatest commercials of all time(/my childhood)

it almost made me want to join the Marines or learn chess or play outdoors in armor when it’s thundererering and lightninginging.  I never did none of that stuffs :(

it’s the Marine Corps ‘Chess’ ad created by J Walter Thompson in 1991


further reading – The Legend of the Gulf War: Marine Corps Recruitment and the Metaphor of Chess [pdf]


Whatever You Want,
Think Belmont!


we’ve been looking for this egggzact BELMONT TV ad 9ever!!!!

anywho, if you didn’t live in the DC area during the 80s, this ad will probably do nothing for ya, but juss listen to that sweet-a$$ed Belmont jingle.  it makes us jingle jangle jazzum all over ourselves. cause dude, no phrase pays bettererer than:


empee3 of the commerical [d-lode]

go Belmont!!


!!!!!!!the Jhoon Rhee Taekwondo ‘Nobody Bother Me’ commercial, aka the most/best ghetto/ass crazy/beautiful local commercial ever!!!!!!!


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