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Cheesier By The Dozen

TWS turns 12 today.  one more year and it becomes a man

if you missed anything in year 12, here ye blow…

Smells Like Teen Dispirited

 

freedie darth

 

The 2015 Thighsmans

 

Bridge Of Thighs

 

bless you Callahan!!

 

gretzky lies

 

Thighs Wide Movies 2015

 

abs

 

The Welles Report

 

abe-vigoda-head

 

Ohhhh Fuuudge!

 

hooters air safety

 

GibsiHana

 

Auf Wiedersehen Europe. until we Wiedërsehen again!!!

A photo posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

#Wienning

 

krtecek

 

Reality Czech

 

last night in #BudaBest and already starting to miss the greatest word ever – #szósz #awesomeSZÓSZ

A photo posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

I’m Going Hungary

 

the deep

 

This Is List – 2016

 

danish girl redmayne

 

Thighs Wide Telly 2015

 

armstrong toilet2

 

Spectrefapping

 

early taco bell

 

Gyros of The Day

 

chrysler peepz

 

Supergirl is supercute

 

jump zowe trope

 

Beauty Is Only Skin Depp

 

gloria 2

 

ALWAYS Trust A Big Butt AND A Smile

 

gary coleman co,or padres san diego

 

Don’t Cut It Out

 

now THAT is how you toss a salad!!!!! #HouseOfYum #HouseOfYES

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

Foggy With A Chance of Zodiac Balls

 

lords

 

Citizen Schwarzenegger

 

foodbaby1

 

Aaron Spelling’s wife got him a pinball machine made based on his life and work!!!!!!!

 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

Bass Ackwards

 

Gina Ekiss

 

KOCA NOLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Clifton Webb as a baby-sitter indulging with two women in scene from film "Sitting Pretty."

 

Ann B Davis in Omaha, Nebraska, September 1971

 

IMG_6165

 

Chairmen of the Cardboard: Recreating memorable trading cards

 

hamill card 5

 

never 5get – Toby Huss as faux Frank Sinatra – riffing and rhyming on current [1994] MTV hits

 

SitDown

 

what if Jason Todd LIVED inBatman: A Death in the Family???

 

me drew 1

 

The Monty Hall Smokin-Stokin’ Fire Brigade

 

stomach ball

 

Addams Family Hopefuls – Photos From The Auditions

 

j lo body us weekly

 

Oh Well, Whatever, Nevermind

 

number 3

 

that time The Eagles playedRolling Stone magazine in softball, May 1978

 

TBM

 

Buck(ingham) Naked

 

mark kistler 2

 

THERE WERE FEMALE PILOTS IN RETURN OF THE JEDI!!!

 

 

Unwanted Poster

 

airplane jello boobs

 

what Detroit’s Pontiac Silverdome looks like these days

 

dali zoo2

 

Hughes or Lose

 

interview me opening day

 

Phil Hartmann, album cover designer!!

 

chevy food fight

 

Cher being Cher

 

LORNE GREENE dm1

perv-iously

This One Goes To Eleven

Ten Years A Thigh Master

Crap o’ Nine Tales

Eight Is Not Enough

Seven Thighs For Unlucky Number Slevin Brothers

Six Degrees of Snorting Bacon

Nut Saks Fifth Anniversary

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

 

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The 2015 Thighsmans

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2015

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Twelvethie Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

The Trash Humpers Biggest Piece of Humpy Trash Film of the Year!!!!!

early-dying-girl

Me and Earl and The Dying Girl

this movie makes me so mad cause it tries so hard to be cool and its the furthest thing from coeol, but it’s the closet thing to sucking poop from an ass

_

Most Entenmann’staining
Film of the Year

the danish girl

The Danish Girl

which was sadly NOT about danishes

_

 

The 6th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK This Joke/Career Muss Be Stopped Now Award

crane-rooney-sleepy-hollow-grrr

I still don’t get the deal that is

Rooney Mara

(who looks exactly like Disney’s Ichabod Crane)

_

 

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
She Didn’t Like
Girl of The Year

 Alicia Vikander Samuel L Jackson

Alicia Vikander

who had 7 flix released in 2015!!

_ 

Gifs of the Gawds

mad max fire guy

machina danc23

raped by bear leo

machina dance

_

Hairing Is Caring

gimatti landy

heller giamatti

Paul Giamatti as two different assholes
with two different asshole wigs

runner up – the wigs of The Big Short

_

Nice Piece of Glass

iris 2

Iris Apfel’s and her
endless collection of glasses

_

Cry Me A Rivers

melissa rivers

Melissa does mom Joan proud in Joy

_

Bob’s Big Girls
aka
The Bobbies!

rita ora

these bobs are muy deniro!

_ 

The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

Courtney Eaton 2

we wants 2eat Courtney Eaton
2 the max

 

Nathalie Emmanuel furious 7

she’s fast AND she’s furious

 

Anne Hathaway’s sweater puppies
in
The Intern

anne hathway sweater puppies

&

I’d follows Maika Monroe anywhere

maika-monroe

+

Spectrefapping

Monica Bellucci

sid man

_

 

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Scariest Eyes

black mass deopp

Johnny Depp’s scary ass
depp blue eyes
!!!!

 in Black Mass

_

Würstest Date Movie of 2014

saul fia

Son of Saul

_

 

Always Bet On These Lil Shirley Temple Black (& White) Children

raffey-cassidy

Raffey Cassidy

&

evan bird

Evan Bird

_

Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

shermer high

breakfast club hs

The John Hughes Driving Tour I Sorta Invented!

Han Solo Hands Things to Rey

GENE HACKMAN AS DOC BROWN??????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hamill card 7

Carrie Fisher’s adorable daughter Billie Lourd

THAT GUY is married to a 4 time Academy Award winning costume designer!!!!!

Clifton Webb as a baby-sitter indulging with two women in scene from film "Sitting Pretty."

Buddy Ebsen was going to play the Tin Man in the 1939 version of The Wizard of Oz

Major League cards by Topps

THERE WERE FEMALE PILOTS IN RETURN OF THE JEDI!!!

a street called Lois Lane

Margot Kidder is SuperFLY!!!!!!!!

 EL Fudge

Woody Allen toots

Happy 99th Birthday Olivia de Havilland!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

angie dickinson point blank

The Two Women With The Ass Crack Dress

TBM

M1R_walk

The Kid from Left Field

two VHS tape covers/posters that made me wish I didn’t have eyes as a kid, and STILL creep me out to this very day

sun phase iv

The Story of Star Wars 8-track

Funko’s ReAction action figures!!!

+

the deep

bparty

airplane jello boobs

_

 

Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates

norman-bates-mailer

NWA’s greatest hits

‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ (Violin version) from COBAIN: Montage of Heck

‘You Could’ve Been A Lady’ by Hot Chocolate from Mistress Ameirca

Ellie Goulding – ‘Love Me Like You Do’

the Carol Sountrack

the Joy soundtrack

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 traylor-tractor-gif

_

 

Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

_

Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

lady in the van

The Lady In The Van / Under Milk Wood / 90 Minutes in Heaven / The Duff / Inside Out / The Longest Ride / Trumbo / The Big Short / Run All Night / Boonie Bears: Mystical Winter / Steve Jobs

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

fenalla

Doodles Weaver

& Man Mountain Dean

& Steele Stebbins 

_

 

Movies To Look For In The ‘016

Bridge Of Thighs

Bridge of Thighs

Uranus Descending 

The Woman from A.U.N.T.

Untitled Unfunny Judd Apatow Movie

Breasts of Some Nation

Terminator Levitycus

Magic Mike XS

33 Jump Street: Generations

15 Fast, 15 Furious

_

 

In Memoriam

Spock

leonard

Dracula/Scaramanga/Lord Summerisle/Saruman/Count Sudoku

chris lee dracula

Omar Sharif

omar top secret

Wes

wes craven 

Albert Maysles

 al maysles

The Other Dick Van + Jerry’s Wife/Ben’s Mom/Anne Meara + THE John Steed + Jason Voorhees’ mom + Stand By Me‘s Milo Pressman

Fagin

moody3

Leatherface & Maureen O’Hara

that suave-ass French actor who was in Octopussy

One Crazy Negron
& Rod Taylor and Ekberg

negron last boy scout

+ the guy who designed this

ghosbusters logo

Dean Jones & Dickie Moore
& Jean Darling

Cindy Mancini

CAN'T BUY ME LOVE, Amanda Peterson, 1987, ©Buena Vista Pictures

That Woman From Every 80s/90s Movie

Uggie

&

Mister Deltoid

NoTime

_

 

don’t forget to peep out our ’14, ’13, ’12, ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

if you got this far, pat yourself on the back, then yer balls

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

Thighs Wide Movies 2015

1) Deli Man

deli man

I never reviewed this documentary, cause I saw it on a plane, and I usually don’t review movies I’ve seen on planes.  It was the perfect plane movie, but it was also the perfect movie movie – it was funny, and entertaining, and informative, and it actually made me cry – tears of joy.  It also made me proud to be Jewish, and reminded me what I value most of my Judaism – tradition thru food, and how we must never lose either.  Levy’s Rye said you didn’t have to be Jewish to love their bread, and the same is true of this documentary.  Bless you Ziggy Gruber – you are the Jewish Ziggy Stardust

there were plenty of other grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat films in the ’15 of 2000, but instead of ranking them against one another, this year I’m juss gonna lump them together, saying they all grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat – in reverse alphabetical order…

 

Straight Out of Compton

nwa

if Paul Giamatti is your movie’s main a$$hole, and your soundtrack is NWA, you have a surefire hit

Star Wars – The Force Awakens

force awakens

JJ Abrams may have played it safe, leaning on the past, but that’s what the people wanted, and he gave us stuff we didn’t even know we wanted – a Rey of hope for the future  

George Lucas who?

Spotlight

spotlight

it’s the Zodiac of priest abusing children movies!!

Son of Saul

son of saul

imagine the intensity of Saving Private Ryan, but strip the patriotism and cheese, set it in and around a concentration camp, and let the horror destroy your senses – yes the würst date movie of 2015 is also one of its best!

The Search For General Tso

search general tso

a MUST for anyone who eats Chinese food in America (aka, every American)

The Martian

who said Ridley Scott needed aliens to make space wonder-full?

Maps To The Stars

maps to the stars

I had to pick one fcuked up movie to make my list, so why not the one that says incest is best/würst!!!

Mad Max – Fury Road

I mean the guy with the flamethrower guitar was the tamest part of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joy

this is the movie American Hustle should have been, but wasn’t, but this is Joy, and Joy was all American, all hustle, and all awesome

The Intern

schmaltz-o ball soup for the soul.  I SLURPPED IT UP BIG TIME.  can’t wait to watch it on cable for eons to come!!

The Death of Superman Lives, What Happened?

superman lives

the (second) greatest doc ever made about the (second) greatest film never made 

(the first was last year’s #1)

Creed

some things DO get better with age

Brooklyn

they say they don’t make movies like they used to, but they wrong.  they should say they should make more movies like this

Black Mass

Deep as Whitey gave me a bulger in my pants

The Big Short

finally, a movie about the economic collapse that doesn’t make you want to take a coll-nap

Amy

too bad the title Trainwreck was wasted on another movie

 

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

honor blackman sean

Vacation / While We’re Young / Tomorrowland / Steve Jobs / Rosenwald / Room / Pitch Perfect 2 / Kingsman: The Secret Service / It Follows / Iris / Furious 7 / Ex Machina / The Danish Girl

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

2 Comments

This Is List – 2016

you know the drill – 2015 was all Kylie and Kylo and Kenny G, and 2016 is gonna be KKK free.  How do we know?  We juss do.  Anywho, The Washington Post does a list thing, and so do we, cause old habits fry lard…

 

OUT

IN

kristaps
Kristaps Porzingis
bazinga
Please Stop Bazinga
The Dress
is Black & Blue

The Chest
is Peach & Huge

The Danish Girl
Muffin Tops
Grantland
Hooverville
crying laughting emoji
egg fli[egg fli[egg fli[
‘Uptown Funk’
Downtown Gunk
Robert Durst’s twitches
Fred Durst’s Twitch
Who Are Rey’s Parents?
Hugh Flung Pu

David Keith

Keith David
Deflategate
Inflategate
Brian Williams’ Lies
Brian Williams’ Thighs
‘Watch Me
(Whip/Nae Nae)’

Watch Me Eat Miracle
Whip Mayonnaise
American Pharoah
Hong Kongese Jermajesty
set a watcvhman

Go Set a Watchman

watchman sony

Go Get A Watchman

the new Hamburglar
the old Professor
Ashley Madison Cheats
Mashley Adison Beats
Lifehacks
Freejack
Apple Watch
Lemon Clock
chappie chanuikah
Chappie Chanukah
johhny 5
Johnny 5 de Mayo
Donald Trump
Tronald Dump
Pizza Rat
Sushi Cat
El Chapo
El Guapo
Gigi Hadid
Gigi Hadon’t
snapchat
Snapchat
nap hat
Nap Hat
The Confederate Flag
Confederate Fag
Coloring Books
for Adults

The Complete Idiot’s
Guide for Dummies

Black Lives
Matter

The Black (Neil)
Diamond
 Lives

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006the ’007the ’008the ’009the ‘010, the ‘011the ‘012the ‘013, the ‘014, the ‘015

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Thighs Wide Telly 2015

boob tube groove tube tube tube loob… aka, here’s the best in TV, 2015

1. Restaurant Startup (CNBC)

restaurant starup faces

It’s like Shark Tank, but less annoying, and more evil, and more awesome, and food!!!!!!!!!!!!  Show was so fcuking good that I refused to watch the last episode of the 2nd season until about 3 months later, cause I couldn’t deal with the fact that season was over and that there were no new episodes to watch.  My new biggest fear in life is being insulted and yelled at by Tim Love and Joe Bastianich

– 

2. The Jinx (HBO)

blinx

More like the BLINX, amirite???!!!  What’s truly amazing is that the director of this HBO docuseries actually made a fictionalized version of this story and it kinda wasn’t that interesting, and so he takes it and makes a longform doc out of it and it not only shocks and freaks out a (pay cable) nation, but actually does real life truth, justice – the American way!!! 

– 

3. The Knick (Cinemax)

the knick

Granite – I only saw season 1 (which was from 2014), but this is the single greatest thing Cinemax has ever given the world.  Yes, even more betterer than soft-core porn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I want to live in the Knick world, even though it looks like the wurstest world eversz

– 

4. Arranged (FYI)

arranged

Arranged marriages apparently still exist – and not just for Indian couples.  FYI strikes love gold again (after Married At First Sight – our pick for best show of 2014) – following three couples in newly arranged marriages.  Yes, one of the couples is Indian, but the other Southern, and the other other Gypsy pups under 20 years of age!  You won’t get a better slice of American life than this.  And oh boy, that Gypsy couple – Christian and Maria – AND his parents – Michael and Nina – are simply the BEST BEST BEST BEST.  I pray for a spinoff for the Gypsy clan.  PLEASSSSSSSSSSSE!

5. Hanninbal (NBC)

smell hannibal

It’s either AS amazing as Silence of the Lambs the movie was or perhaps even better.  I mean, you saw that scene where they saw that dude’s head, right??? And that series finale ending, WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!

6. Gotham (Fox)

gotham joke

The world of Batman cannot be confined to the limits of cinema – and it has flourished in the longform of television with Gotham, which got even stronger in season 2.  The bad guys are even badder, and whoever’s casting these kids in these roles should be given the key to the city of Gotham, and have a street named after them, and stuff!!!  OMG, don’t even get me started on how super dope fly Silver St. Cloud is (and how way too young the actress who plays her is)

7. Behind The Screams (Reelz)

behiond the screma

I love movies.  I love serial killers (learning about them, not them themselves) and real-life scary sh!t.  I LOVE movies about serial killers and real life scary sh!t.  Reelz made a show that looks at the real-life stories that inspired big time scary movies – like Psycho, The Exorcist, It, and Silence of the Lambs, to name a few.  Sometimes the movies are tamer than the real life stuff!!!!!!!


8. Halt and Catch Fire (AMC)

halt catch

CTRL + ALT + DEL-ICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+ anything starring Lee Pace is beyond watchable

Especially <3 Kerry Bishé!!!

kerry bishe

9. Kendra On Top (WE tv)

kendra on top

You’d think a reality show about an ex-Playboy bunny and ex-NFLer couple with martial strife wouldn’t be something deep and meaningful, but you’re thinking would completely wrong.  Kendra On Top is all about family, and the roses and warts that comes along with it.  I’ve been with Kendra since the Girls Next Door days, and what was once fun fluff, is now fun tough stuff

10. The Americans (FX)

the americans

Those wigs + Keri Russell’s butt = RED SCARES AND APPOINTING SPEWING!!!!!!!!!

– 

11. The Last Man Earth (Fox)

last man on earth gif

last man on earth

What would you do if you were the last man on earth?  And what would Will Forte do if he was the last man on earth?  Luckily this show answers the second question, WITH ENDLESS HILARITY AND GUT-PUNCHING CRINCHING GRINNING!!!

(this ranking is for season 1 only, as 2 aint as novel and hilarious and imaginative as season 1 is/was)

12. Real World: Skeletons (MTV)

#gavage #therealworld #skeletons #gavage

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

Somehow Real World won’t quit, and as humanity gets worse, so do the Real World roomies, which juss makes it all that much more entertaining.  PLUS, there was a great script flip here – skeletons from these people’s past come to live with the housemates, with often and VERY often horrible results!!! PLUS, the girl from New York’s accent, and how she says ‘garbage’ – ‘GAVAGE’

other solid forms of entertainments: 

Mad Men – can’t believe they didn’t divide the final season and air it over 5 years (instead of 2).  was actually sad to see it go, even though it felt like it was getting meh towards the end, but it really wasn’t meh at all

Married At First Sight: The First Year – the more Doug and Jamie and Courtney and Jason in my life, the better

Married At First Sight 2 – didn’t work out for our new set of couples, but it worked out entertainmentwise

Veep – Jonah and Richard = endless gold

Finding Carter – teens make dumb choices, and I can’t stop watching, but I hope teens aren’t watching 

Drunk History – hopefully there will NEVER be a last call on these

Supergirl – screw all the other super heroes.  I mean, I want to screw Supergirl.  bonus pts for making her stepmom Helen Slater and her stepdad Dean Cain!!!

Tyrant – I want this guy to dictate me

Bates Motel – things get more uncomfortable and more out of control.  it’s only a matter of time before Norman does in his mother and becomes her

Fargo  – the accents are getting old, the action aint

A Very Barry Branson – long live Greg Brady and his enthusiasm and cheesiness.  never stop being you!

Homeland – Miranda Otto = hotttt-o

Modern Family – the kids are getting older, and more sexual.  it’s both unsettling, and HOTTT

House of Cardsthis guy juss looks like such a jackass

The Affair – caught season 1.  so steamy I had to take 23949249 cold showers, and beat off in the cold showers

Louie – Civil War hero

Vice – I prefer the US stories, like the one about Alabama and their dumb racism backfiring 

Black-ish – growing less and less funny, but still worth a watch

Fresh Off The Boat – it’s more yellow than blackish, and better

Shameless – when will it end?  please let it end.  it’s too hard to bear anymore

Better Call Saul – only saw a few episodes, which I loved, and when I wanted to watch the rest – they were off of on-demand.  bastards!!!

Younger – an impossible premise, but I couldn’t care less, cause it’s so dang enjoyable

Game of Thrones – I don’t really care, but juss wanna be like everyone else, and know what everyone else is talking about

Mistresses – so bad it’s… bad!

Maron – losing its funny, but not me as a watcher

The Grinder – who doesn’t love seeing Fred Savage back on a television!!!???!?!

Under The Dome – thank gawd it’s over.  it jumped more sharks that Lost ever did, and actually makes Lost‘s endgame look less lost

Girls – still sucks, but thanks for Kylo Ren!

+ bone-yes moments

that True Detective eyes wide sluts orgy

improve1

remember Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future????????

LORNE GREENE dm2

The faces behind the Peanuts voices

the existence of MeTV, and how it gave me the will to live and love The Brady Bunch again

beyond groovy #TheBradyBunch

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

the theme from The Jinx

Supergirl is supercute

supergirl show

Berle & Batman

bates motel look

I went on TV on opening day and basically Nostradamusly said the Nats would fail

small wonder

Addams Family Hopefuls – Photos From The Auditions

saying so long to the lusty slutty naughty Flowers In The Attic Lifetime movies

slutty

The Monty Hall Smokin-Stokin’ Fire Brigade

spelling pinball aaron

that fat redheaded kid on True Detective

any Hallmark Christmas movie starring Alicia Witt

the surprisingly seriousness of A Deadly Adoption

Tony Kornheiser on The Americans!!!!

Kev’s brother on Derek (another winning show from Ricky G)

Knitters With Attitude!!!!

Shaq and his Shaquila (Shaq Tequila) from Fresh Off The Boat

shaquila

and

SNL40: In Memoriam

my favorite TV performance of 2015…

anyone who pretended to be an actor on an 90s sitcom OR something by Aaron Spelling

dan as spelling

fake saget

&

a fond farewell to those who boldly went where no man or woman or character has gone before.  you will be missed

spock i am not2

&

dick van dogs

&

roscoe p

&

macnee
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

&

jim perry

&

al happy days

&

don vito

&

pugsley

&

clampett

&

L.A. Law

&

gene gene dancing machine

&

adiós Don Francisco‘s Sábado Gigante

don francisco

Bob Schieffer faced the nation one final time

Jon Stewart says goodnight to The Daily Show

Willard Scott leaves Your Neck of The Woods

&

Dave Letterman goes out with a letter A, man

number 3

&

log lady 2

– 

perv-iously ’14 ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07

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