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Fifteen Nifteen

thighs wide is FIFTEEN years shut – TODAY!!!!! 

(somehow we skipped documenting fourteen, but fourteen is always an odd age) 

we’ve finally gotten our learner’s permit, and let me permit you to see some of the crap we crapped here over the past year of cheers and fears!

(note – each picture below is clickable and will take you to its own magical place) 

Patty Meld

Nixon Bidness With Fashion

Я You With Me?

Make Room For Caddy

Cereal Bol-ing

The Bike-Share Oversupply in China: Huge Piles of Abandoned and Broken Bicycles

Sports Meet Movies Collection

Seeing Is Believing Heavy Breathing

Days of Moving Heaven and Earth

Short Round The Bases

It’s A Large World After All

Truth of Lasso

Mouth of The South North

1967 Triumph XL90 prototype

Handicapped Cars by Swiss artist Beni Bischof

Investing & Inbreasting

the art of Morley Safer

So Tell Me Again, Why Did You Have To Die? Part VII

Dog Guide

Bib Red

Apple To The Corps

Jeremy Miller Time

Bros Before Barnum

Ascent From Heaven

Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz

Wes Anderson and Jacques Henri Lartigue

A Bell of Its Former Self

Exploring Great Indiana High School Gyms

License To Fry

NES Black Box Custom Action Figures by Death By Toys

Thighs Wide Movies 2018

Simon & Garfunkel & Fisher & Marshall

Doodle For Hunger by Luke Perry

perv-iously

Barf Mitzvah

Cheesier By The Dozen

This One Goes To Eleven

Ten Years A Thigh Master

Crap o’ Nine Tales

Eight Is Not Enough

Seven Thighs For Unlucky Number Slevin Brothers

Six Degrees of Snorting Bacon

Nut Saks Fifth Anniversary

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

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The 2018 Thighsmans

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2018

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Fifteenie Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

 

Thing In A Movie That Was Lame-r Than Your Mom

that there’s a bad guy named after overpriced water

_

 

Thing In A Movie From Another Movie That MOV(i)ED Me

I wasn’t ready and overlooked how amazing the Overlook Hotel shined in Ready Player One

_

 

The 9th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of Please Go Away You Annoy The Living Poop Out of Me Over-Acting Actor Award

Lin-Manual-Miranda’s blimey as I live and breathe attitude as a character that doesn’t matter whatsoever in Mary Poppinz

_

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year

 

Eric Roberts

who had SIXTEEN ‘films’ released in 2018!!

_ 

Gifs of the Gawds

they call him MISTER Rogers

_ 

The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – this lady be DAMN fine award!!

+

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

Kiera Bell

_

Hairing Is Caring 

Brian May & The Men of The Favourite
have the same hair!

 _

KFC Sucks, Except For This One Time

stereotypes are stereo-typical
BUT WORK FINGER LICKING GOOD in

Green Book

_

Möst Bestest Racist Performänce By An Actor With An Ümulat In His Näme

Jasper Pääkkönen in BlacKkKlansman

_

THAT Kid Who May One Day Become a ‘THAT Guy’ Kinda Guy

Jake Ryan from Eighth Grade

_

Art Imitating Itself

Mike Myers Hating ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ in the movie of the same name is genius

_

Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Mailing It In With Mailman Karl Malone

‘Sail Away’ in Eighth Grade

all the Luxing & Grinding in Vox Lux

‘Shallow’

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 traylor-tractor-gif

_

Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

 

_

Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

The Rider / Climax / On The Basis of Sex / 7 Days in Entebbe / Juliet, Naked / Her Smell / The Night Comes for Us / Chappaquiddick / Golden Exits

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Honor Kneafsey

&

the aforementioned

Jasper Pääkkönen

_

 

Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

didn’t realize all those cheesy Burt Reynolds car movies were actually awesome

+

Wes Anderson and Jacques Henri Lartigue

So Tell Me Again, Why Did You Have To Die? Part VII

 

Sports Meet Movies Collection

_

 

Movies To Look For In The ‘019

 

Duo: A Star Wars Story

A Loud Place

HellFraiser

Second Man

Stan & Deliver 

18 Fast, 18 Furious

_

In Memoriam

 

too many great names to name, so we’ll just leave it like this

_

don’t forget to peep out our ’17,  ’16,  ’15’14, ’13, ’12, ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thighs Wide Movies 2018

Eleven Movies From 2018 That Popped My Eyes More Than Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Did in Mary Poppins Returns

1) Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Fred, won’t you be our everything?  You were.  And we need you to be again.  How do we bring you back to life???

2) Eighth Grade

Our Bodies, Ourselfies.  SAIL AWAY!!!

3) The Rider

From the heartland, this one goes straight for the heart (and it will tear it apart!)

4) Green Book

Sappy? Yes.  Feel good?  OH so good!!!  It’s the historical buddy movie you never thought you needed!

5) Three Identical Strangers

Who knew the Boys From Brazil could actually sorta be a reality?

6) The Wife

A masterclass in acting.  Honored to be in the classroom

7) Chappaquiddick

Hope doesn’t always float for our most beloved Massholes

8) Filmworker

Who wouldn’t want to be Stanley Kubrick’s bitch?  Well, on second thought…

9) American Animals

Fact and fiction blend into wonderful friction!

10) The Favourite

Accessible Lanthimos, for those who have been seeking it.  Me, I just want more Lanthimos!

11) At Eternity’s Gate

If they van Gogh it, I will come

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned and thirsty my friends!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2017
2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
2002

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This Is List – 2019

another year has passed gas, and what a wet fart 2018 was.   The Washington Post does an In/Out list thing, ushering what’s coming and what’s going in 2019, and we’ve been doing our own version of said list since 2006(!!!).  our list is always IN!  join IN the fun!

 

OUT

IN

The Mueller Report

The Mullet Report

Arianna & Pete

Pete & Pete

Instapot

Slow Weed

This Is Us

Give Us Us Free

The
Flyers’
Gritty

The Steelers’ Itsy Bitsy
Teenie Weenie Yellow
Polkadot Bikini

Sister Jean

Parker Brothers

Starbucks’ Racial-Bias Education

“I like my coffee like I like my women, black”

Elon Musk

Elon Cuffs

Keith David

David Keith

Amazon HQ2

Sears SixFtUnder

Wild Wild Country

Wild Wild Life

The Conners

The Donners

Beto O’Rourke

Beta O’Cam

Yanny or Laurel

Manny & Olga’s

BlacKkKlansman

White ZinfanDell Curry

Midterm Elections

Midwood Erections

Tide POD Challenge

listening to P.O.D. Challenge

Les Moonves

Moon Vests

Brett Kavanaugh

Sally Ann Cavanaugh

The Romanoffs

The Saxe-Coburg
and Gotha-ers

Street Tacos

Sewer Coq Au Vin

‘Girls  Like You’

Weird Al’s ‘Girls Like Poop’

Mbappé

MMMBopé

resurgence of 
Freddie Mercury

resurgence of
Shreddy Mercury

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Jennifer Taylor-Clarke

Bert and Ernie are gay

Bert and Ernie sleigh

Three Identical Strangers

Three Identical Perfect Strangers

Hugh Dancy

Hugh Dancey

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006the ’007the ’008the ’009the ‘010, the ‘011the ‘012the ‘013, the ‘014, the ‘015, the ‘016, the ‘017, the ‘018

 

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The 2017 Thighsmans

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2017

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Fourteenthial Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

 

Thing In A Movie That Pissed Me Off More Than Urinating In and/or On My Own Pants

trying to make Rose from Star Wars
The Last Jedi 
a thing

_

 

Second Thing In A Movie That Pissed Me Off More Than Urinating In and/or On My Own Pants AND That Wasn’t Leia Flying In Space

the environmental message of freeing the DUMBo animals in Last Jedi

_

 

The 8th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The You Think You’re An Actress And Maybe You Are But You Annoy The Living Bejesus Out Of Me Every Time I See You On Screen And I Want You Gone So Please Stop Acting Award

go away

Lily James & her teef

_

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year

 

Dan Stevens

who had SEVEN flix released in 2017!!

_ 

Gifs of the Gawds

anything Rihanna was doing in Valerian

_

Begging For More Begbie

there is nothing better than Begbie, the best part of Trainspotting 2

so forget about making a 3rd one and just make a stand alone Begbie movie please

_

Bob’s Big Girls (& Boys)
aka
The 2017 Bobbies!

these bobbies are darin!

_ 

The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – these ladies be DAMN fine award!!

Eiza González

 

Anjela Nedyalkova

 

Hot Aunt May

 

 

Gosling’s sister’s rack

 

 Salacious B Crumb sitting on a toilet, reading Playboy

 

_

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

Ana de Armas 

_

 

FOAM Alone!

aka hottest NON-human part of any movie

the foam from Dunkirk

 

_

 

Hairing Is Caring AND Sexy

 

Come for the tennis, and then literally COME watching this hairdressing scene!!!

 _

 

Würstest BESTEST Date Movie/Witherspoonfest
of 2017

 

I can’t believe I typed this

Home Again

_

Best Boys On The Side Player

THIS GUY!!!!

 from I, Tonya

_

Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates

norman-bates-mailer

The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – ‘Bellbottoms’ in Baby Driver (somehow I forgot this song existed)

hologram Elvis in Blade Runner 2049

Bowie’s In Space

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 traylor-tractor-gif

_

Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

_

Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

It Comes at Night / MarrowboneThe Girl with All the Gifts / All NighterCaptain Underpants: The First Epic MovieThe Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Ninja N. Devoe

Flint Beverage

&
David Buttolph

_

 

Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

i made all these Kao Kan gifs for you

this logo

Why I Love David Fincher’s Zodiac

 

where leia’s hair buns
were inspired from

Tom Selleck as Indiana Jones and Sean Young as Marion Ravenwood!!!!!!!!

Eworks on Ice!

_

 

Movies To Look For In The ‘018

 

Four Billboards Outside of Branson, Missouri

Boss Toddler

DiPs

Hello Robin Christopher

The Man Who Invented Hanukkah

Rebel in the Pumpernickel

17 Fast, 17 Furious

_

In Memoriam

 

too many great names to name, so we’ll just leave it like this

 

_

don’t forget to peep out our  ’16,  ’15’14, ’13, ’12, ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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