we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2019
and now, for the only awards that matter…
SEXtenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards
aka
THE THIGHSMANS!!!
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Greatest Righting of A Wrong In A Movie Franchise EVER
in The Rise of Skywalker when they like, hey Rose, want to join us on this adventure, and she’s like, sorry, I’m busy being buried in a shallow grave by the scriptwriter!!! EAT IT ROSE!!!
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The 10th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of Please Go Away You Annoy The Living Poop Out of Me Over-Acting Actor, How Are You An Actor, and In Every Movie? Award
Lucas Hedges
(a make-up call for previous years of annoying the crap out of me)
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Popular Movie That Irrationally Upsets My Soul Because There Is Nothing Special About It Whatsoever And I’m Still Mad At Riannnn Johnsonn for Ruining My Adulthood With What He Did To Star Wars
Knives OutÂ
a whodunnit
that who don’t
reveal the twist at the beginning!
so clever Riannn!!
(nice accent James Bond! NOT!!!)
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The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year
TIE!Â
with 6 films a piece in 2019
Jim Gaffigan AND Luke Evans
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The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award
aka – these damn ladies be DAMN fine award!!
Cardi B’s DDs in the otherwise, somehow unwatchable movie about strippers – Hustlers
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Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever
aka Bestest Eyes EVER
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Eyes Wide Closed For Bidness 9ever
aka WÃœRSTEST Eyes EVER
wtf is going on here Alita: Battle Angel???
WHO WANTS TO WATCH THAT SCARY FCUKING SHTT!!???
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Hairing Is CaringÂ
Alec Baldwin’s DeLorean eyebrows in Framing John DeLorean
+
I don’t really love the hair but special mention to all hair things that’s going on in The Beach Bum
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Songs That Execute Better
Than Norman Mailer
Hanging With Cliff Clavin
the ENTIRE soundtrack to The Last Black Man in San Francisco
+
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Trailers Worth Tractoring
(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)
 
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Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!
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Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles
Overcomer / Shaft / Annabelle Comes Home / Stuber / Fiddler: A Miracle of Miracles / The Day Shall Come/ Her Smell / The Death of Dick Long
_
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Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots
BLESS the folks forever at Red Letter Media
Joe Pesci and David Ferrie RETURN!!
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Movies To Look For In The ‘020
Tolkien: White Guy
Super Thighs Me 2: Thighs Wide Slightly More Shut
21 Jeff Bridges
Chris Wallace Is Here
Shazam! The Story of Gomer Pyle
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In Memoriam
too many great names to name
so we’ll just leave it like this
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don’t forget to peep out our ’18, ’17,  ’16,  ’15, ’14, ’13, ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!Â
until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
10. Mar, 2020 
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