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This Is List – 2016

you know the drill – 2015 was all Kylie and Kylo and Kenny G, and 2016 is gonna be KKK free.  How do we know?  We juss do.  Anywho, The Washington Post does a list thing, and so do we, cause old habits fry lard…

 

OUT

IN

kristaps
Kristaps Porzingis
bazinga
Please Stop Bazinga
The Dress
is Black & Blue

The Chest
is Peach & Huge

The Danish Girl
Muffin Tops
Grantland
Hooverville
crying laughting emoji
egg fli[egg fli[egg fli[
‘Uptown Funk’
Downtown Gunk
Robert Durst’s twitches
Fred Durst’s Twitch
Who Are Rey’s Parents?
Hugh Flung Pu

David Keith

Keith David
Deflategate
Inflategate
Brian Williams’ Lies
Brian Williams’ Thighs
‘Watch Me
(Whip/Nae Nae)’

Watch Me Eat Miracle
Whip Mayonnaise
American Pharoah
Hong Kongese Jermajesty
set a watcvhman

Go Set a Watchman

watchman sony

Go Get A Watchman

the new Hamburglar
the old Professor
Ashley Madison Cheats
Mashley Adison Beats
Lifehacks
Freejack
Apple Watch
Lemon Clock
chappie chanuikah
Chappie Chanukah
johhny 5
Johnny 5 de Mayo
Donald Trump
Tronald Dump
Pizza Rat
Sushi Cat
El Chapo
El Guapo
Gigi Hadid
Gigi Hadon’t
snapchat
Snapchat
nap hat
Nap Hat
The Confederate Flag
Confederate Fag
Coloring Books
for Adults

The Complete Idiot’s
Guide for Dummies

Black Lives
Matter

The Black (Neil)
Diamond
 Lives

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006the ’007the ’008the ’009the ‘010, the ‘011the ‘012the ‘013, the ‘014, the ‘015

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Thighs Wide Telly 2015

boob tube groove tube tube tube loob… aka, here’s the best in TV, 2015

1. Restaurant Startup (CNBC)

restaurant starup faces

It’s like Shark Tank, but less annoying, and more evil, and more awesome, and food!!!!!!!!!!!!  Show was so fcuking good that I refused to watch the last episode of the 2nd season until about 3 months later, cause I couldn’t deal with the fact that season was over and that there were no new episodes to watch.  My new biggest fear in life is being insulted and yelled at by Tim Love and Joe Bastianich

– 

2. The Jinx (HBO)

blinx

More like the BLINX, amirite???!!!  What’s truly amazing is that the director of this HBO docuseries actually made a fictionalized version of this story and it kinda wasn’t that interesting, and so he takes it and makes a longform doc out of it and it not only shocks and freaks out a (pay cable) nation, but actually does real life truth, justice – the American way!!! 

– 

3. The Knick (Cinemax)

the knick

Granite – I only saw season 1 (which was from 2014), but this is the single greatest thing Cinemax has ever given the world.  Yes, even more betterer than soft-core porn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I want to live in the Knick world, even though it looks like the wurstest world eversz

– 

4. Arranged (FYI)

arranged

Arranged marriages apparently still exist – and not just for Indian couples.  FYI strikes love gold again (after Married At First Sight – our pick for best show of 2014) – following three couples in newly arranged marriages.  Yes, one of the couples is Indian, but the other Southern, and the other other Gypsy pups under 20 years of age!  You won’t get a better slice of American life than this.  And oh boy, that Gypsy couple – Christian and Maria – AND his parents – Michael and Nina – are simply the BEST BEST BEST BEST.  I pray for a spinoff for the Gypsy clan.  PLEASSSSSSSSSSSE!

5. Hanninbal (NBC)

smell hannibal

It’s either AS amazing as Silence of the Lambs the movie was or perhaps even better.  I mean, you saw that scene where they saw that dude’s head, right??? And that series finale ending, WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!

6. Gotham (Fox)

gotham joke

The world of Batman cannot be confined to the limits of cinema – and it has flourished in the longform of television with Gotham, which got even stronger in season 2.  The bad guys are even badder, and whoever’s casting these kids in these roles should be given the key to the city of Gotham, and have a street named after them, and stuff!!!  OMG, don’t even get me started on how super dope fly Silver St. Cloud is (and how way too young the actress who plays her is)

7. Behind The Screams (Reelz)

behiond the screma

I love movies.  I love serial killers (learning about them, not them themselves) and real-life scary sh!t.  I LOVE movies about serial killers and real life scary sh!t.  Reelz made a show that looks at the real-life stories that inspired big time scary movies – like Psycho, The Exorcist, It, and Silence of the Lambs, to name a few.  Sometimes the movies are tamer than the real life stuff!!!!!!!


8. Halt and Catch Fire (AMC)

halt catch

CTRL + ALT + DEL-ICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+ anything starring Lee Pace is beyond watchable

Especially <3 Kerry Bishé!!!

kerry bishe

9. Kendra On Top (WE tv)

kendra on top

You’d think a reality show about an ex-Playboy bunny and ex-NFLer couple with martial strife wouldn’t be something deep and meaningful, but you’re thinking would completely wrong.  Kendra On Top is all about family, and the roses and warts that comes along with it.  I’ve been with Kendra since the Girls Next Door days, and what was once fun fluff, is now fun tough stuff

10. The Americans (FX)

the americans

Those wigs + Keri Russell’s butt = RED SCARES AND APPOINTING SPEWING!!!!!!!!!

– 

11. The Last Man Earth (Fox)

last man on earth gif

last man on earth

What would you do if you were the last man on earth?  And what would Will Forte do if he was the last man on earth?  Luckily this show answers the second question, WITH ENDLESS HILARITY AND GUT-PUNCHING CRINCHING GRINNING!!!

(this ranking is for season 1 only, as 2 aint as novel and hilarious and imaginative as season 1 is/was)

12. Real World: Skeletons (MTV)

#gavage #therealworld #skeletons #gavage

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

Somehow Real World won’t quit, and as humanity gets worse, so do the Real World roomies, which juss makes it all that much more entertaining.  PLUS, there was a great script flip here – skeletons from these people’s past come to live with the housemates, with often and VERY often horrible results!!! PLUS, the girl from New York’s accent, and how she says ‘garbage’ – ‘GAVAGE’

other solid forms of entertainments: 

Mad Men – can’t believe they didn’t divide the final season and air it over 5 years (instead of 2).  was actually sad to see it go, even though it felt like it was getting meh towards the end, but it really wasn’t meh at all

Married At First Sight: The First Year – the more Doug and Jamie and Courtney and Jason in my life, the better

Married At First Sight 2 – didn’t work out for our new set of couples, but it worked out entertainmentwise

Veep – Jonah and Richard = endless gold

Finding Carter – teens make dumb choices, and I can’t stop watching, but I hope teens aren’t watching 

Drunk History – hopefully there will NEVER be a last call on these

Supergirl – screw all the other super heroes.  I mean, I want to screw Supergirl.  bonus pts for making her stepmom Helen Slater and her stepdad Dean Cain!!!

Tyrant – I want this guy to dictate me

Bates Motel – things get more uncomfortable and more out of control.  it’s only a matter of time before Norman does in his mother and becomes her

Fargo  – the accents are getting old, the action aint

A Very Barry Branson – long live Greg Brady and his enthusiasm and cheesiness.  never stop being you!

Homeland – Miranda Otto = hotttt-o

Modern Family – the kids are getting older, and more sexual.  it’s both unsettling, and HOTTT

House of Cardsthis guy juss looks like such a jackass

The Affair – caught season 1.  so steamy I had to take 23949249 cold showers, and beat off in the cold showers

Louie – Civil War hero

Vice – I prefer the US stories, like the one about Alabama and their dumb racism backfiring 

Black-ish – growing less and less funny, but still worth a watch

Fresh Off The Boat – it’s more yellow than blackish, and better

Shameless – when will it end?  please let it end.  it’s too hard to bear anymore

Better Call Saul – only saw a few episodes, which I loved, and when I wanted to watch the rest – they were off of on-demand.  bastards!!!

Younger – an impossible premise, but I couldn’t care less, cause it’s so dang enjoyable

Game of Thrones – I don’t really care, but juss wanna be like everyone else, and know what everyone else is talking about

Mistresses – so bad it’s… bad!

Maron – losing its funny, but not me as a watcher

The Grinder – who doesn’t love seeing Fred Savage back on a television!!!???!?!

Under The Dome – thank gawd it’s over.  it jumped more sharks that Lost ever did, and actually makes Lost‘s endgame look less lost

Girls – still sucks, but thanks for Kylo Ren!

+ bone-yes moments

that True Detective eyes wide sluts orgy

improve1

remember Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future????????

LORNE GREENE dm2

The faces behind the Peanuts voices

the existence of MeTV, and how it gave me the will to live and love The Brady Bunch again

beyond groovy #TheBradyBunch

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

the theme from The Jinx

Supergirl is supercute

supergirl show

Berle & Batman

bates motel look

I went on TV on opening day and basically Nostradamusly said the Nats would fail

small wonder

Addams Family Hopefuls – Photos From The Auditions

saying so long to the lusty slutty naughty Flowers In The Attic Lifetime movies

slutty

The Monty Hall Smokin-Stokin’ Fire Brigade

spelling pinball aaron

that fat redheaded kid on True Detective

any Hallmark Christmas movie starring Alicia Witt

the surprisingly seriousness of A Deadly Adoption

Tony Kornheiser on The Americans!!!!

Kev’s brother on Derek (another winning show from Ricky G)

Knitters With Attitude!!!!

Shaq and his Shaquila (Shaq Tequila) from Fresh Off The Boat

shaquila

and

SNL40: In Memoriam

my favorite TV performance of 2015…

anyone who pretended to be an actor on an 90s sitcom OR something by Aaron Spelling

dan as spelling

fake saget

&

a fond farewell to those who boldly went where no man or woman or character has gone before.  you will be missed

spock i am not2

&

dick van dogs

&

roscoe p

&

macnee
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

&

jim perry

&

al happy days

&

don vito

&

pugsley

&

clampett

&

L.A. Law

&

gene gene dancing machine

&

adiós Don Francisco‘s Sábado Gigante

don francisco

Bob Schieffer faced the nation one final time

Jon Stewart says goodnight to The Daily Show

Willard Scott leaves Your Neck of The Woods

&

Dave Letterman goes out with a letter A, man

number 3

&

log lady 2

– 

perv-iously ’14 ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07

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This One Goes To Eleven

11 years in the bag

thanks for caring

and if you didn’t, here’s what happened in TWS year 11…

on the set & behind the scenes with Vivian Kubrick

Photo of Peewee Herman

Goonies Never Stay Dead

best sac

best tilt

best best best

best texas 1974

never 5get – those McSleep hotels that never were!!!!!!!!!!

tiff2

OMG OMG OMG!!!!  THEY SAY THAT LIGHTNING DOESN’TSTRIKE TWICE, BUT DON’T TELL THAT TO JOSH BASKIN DOPPELGÄNG-BANGERS DAVID MOSCOW AND MY BOY ADAM HARRISON WHO RAN INTO EACH OTHER,AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kathy columbia

wait, WHAT FCUK WERE DANISH GO-ROUNDS????

bliss

Number One With The Bullets

groovy cushion

A Head Above The (B)re(a)st

oscar c3po

Ahhhhhhhhhhh Nuts

tp kid3

OMG – THE LEGEND IS TRUE – ATARI DID BURY E.T.CARTRIDGES IN A NEW MEXICAN LANDFILL!!!!!!!!

darth vader spolier

meet the new Star Wars VII cast, and what we guess will be their roles…

levis butttttt

Short Attention Spandex

Albert Finney

Weeghman Park / Cubs Park / Wrigley Field opened on April 23, 1914

schott smoke

Room For Improvement

REGINALD VELJOHNSON

dude, there was once a Commodore 64 video game about beating off called Stroker!!!!

 Bernadette Peters playboy 8

A Last Illicit Look Inside The Crumbling Kutsher’s Resort Before It’s Razed

jack kilmer

Vote For Butt

 wheat wtc

36 Actors Hanging Out With Their Body Doubles

1984-baseball

NAMEHEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

architect Paul Rudolph1

but did you know there were other lands with signs in Los Angeles????

 Saul-Bass-Bell-trippy-2-BAC

Up! Up! & Hathaway

 cates super fug

#TwinPeaks2016wishes

 

that time ‘Murder She Wrote’ went Psycho

prince laser

Thighs Wide Music 2014

robin juggle

did you know that Cincinnati has an abandoned subway??????

road of tomorrow

Thighs Wide Telly 2014

webster phone2

 

The Crystal Palace Garden Parties – 1971-1980

rushmore wash

Nevereverland

dummies3

remember Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future????????

 malk 1

never 5get Jimmy McBride – Boston Cab Driver – MTV Gabber

shanghai mcdonalds

Baseball Card Vandals are the best

thigh master vandal

Gentlemen Prefer Thighs

emma stone cabaret 2

Who Wore It Breasts?

bttf siblings pic

This Is List – 2015

geodesic

chip and me

Fare Thee Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well

jake crazy eyes

Hand Bras For The Cause

problem child2

Officially Not Gay

ibm close up'

Jill St John as Molly as Robin in the second ever episode of Batman

Lorna Patterson8

Bottoms Up Yours

winter ariel

BARF!!!!!!

 lady football2

Lois In The Fast Lane

tarkanian towel

brand new Astrodome in 1965 – the only year it had grass / didn’t haveAstroTurf

Angie-slaps_slaps

Thighs Wide Movies 2014

under-the-skin-trash-humpers

BEST HOLLYWOOD COUPLE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shatner nimoy

#SaraPalan2014

bparty

 

perv-iously

 

Ten Years A Thigh Master

Crap o’ Nine Tales

Eight Is Not Enough

Seven Thighs For Unlucky Number Slevin Brothers

Six Degrees of Snorting Bacon

Nut Saks Fifth Anniversary

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

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The 2014 Thighsmans

we somehow cobbled together the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2014

and now, for the only awards that matter…

hELlEVENth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

 

The Trash Humpers Biggest Piece of Humpy Trash Film of the Year!!!!!

(aka – somehow a movie with a naked ScarJo ScarBLOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

under-the-skin-trash-humpers

Under The Skin

dishonrable trash mentions that can hump my poo

Mockinglame Part 1 / Monuments Men / Chef

_

 

Cheesiest Fun Stinky Cheese
of The Year

jersey boys

the Jerseyness of Jersey Boys

_

 

Most Thighnamic Duo of The Year

ty muppet

Jean Pierre Napoleon (Ty Burrell) & Sam the Eagle

in Muppets Most Wanted

_

 

The 5th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK This Joke/Career Muss Be Stopped Now Award

sucks-muckfarlame

it goes without saying, but…

Sucks Muckfarlame

_

 

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
She Didn’t Like
Girl of The Year

 samuel-l-wendy

Wendi McLendon-Covey

who had 8 flix released in 2014!!

_ 

Gifs of the Gawds

jodo

step up ani4

jennifer lawrence red carpet fail

quicksilver

_

Hairing Is Caring

ruff beard

ruffalo beard foxcatcher

whatever was going on with Mark Ruffalo’s balding and bearding in Foxcatcher

_

Bob’s Big Girls
aka
The Bobbies!

pat guthrie

girls in the bobbedhood!

_

 

The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

waterston vice

Katherine Waterston is our vice [NSFW]

 

this poster/Eva Green’s boobs

eva green poster sin city

+

Val Kilmer & Joanne Whalley’s super hot son Jack

jackkilmer2

_

 

Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Scariest Eyes

creepy jake nightcrawler

Jake Gynnhahhanahalllahal!!!!

 in Nightcrawler

_

 

Word I Still Can’t Pronounce

awkward

Maleficent

_

 

Face Timeless

this dude

from Under The Skin

 _

 

Juss Josh Baskin’ In These Sunny Miscellaneous Missile Missives That Are Da Bomb Shiz!

baskin 2

the only bitched @ swirth that matters, AGAIN!!!!!!!

bttf siblings pic

ALT BTTF MCFLY SIBLING PICS!!

NAMEHEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The lady in the Columbia Pictures logo!!!!!!!!!

this guy painted these!!

36 Actors Hanging Out With Their Body Doubles

a more cartoony Snow White

oscar c3po

Celluloid Paper Dolls

that time ‘Murder She Wrote’ went Psycho

meeting the new Star Wars VII cast, and what we guess will be their roles…

Ryan Gage’s Hobbit unibrow

Problem Children reunion

Goonies Never Stay Dead

Albert Finney shaves 2 become Daddy Warbucks

on the set & behind the scenes with Vivian Kubrick

Paul becoming Pee Wee

and Paging Mr Herman

DICK POOP!!!!!!!!

+

a spoiler on a spoiler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

darth vader spolier

_

 

Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As A Normal Mailman

Norman Mailer Mailman

‘Big Eyes’ from the movie of the same name

The Double soundtrack

the theme from Interstellar

+

(more like MINUS)

the song that makes me wish I didn’t have ears

‘Hanging Tree’

 

_

Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 Robert 'Tractor' Traylor movie

_

 

Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

Posters2014 

_

Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

fiston

The Nut Job / Fiston / How to Train Your Dragon 2 / Mrs. Brown’s Boys D’Movie / Get On Up / Step Up: All In / Bang Bang!

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Fenella Woolgar

Chubby Johnson 

& Jet Jurgensmeyer 

& Gyp Decarlo 

& Googie Withers

_

 

Movies To Look For In The ‘015

fault czars

The Fault In Our Czars

 The Bok Choy Luck Club

14 Years A Slave

14 Fast, 14 Furious

_

 

In Memoriam

 

ROBIN FCUKING WILLIAMS :(

mcdonalds robin williams

+

Taylor Negrone & Rod Taylor & La Dolce Vita fountainhead

Bacall

Luise Rainer & Ed Herrmann

Welcome to Jurassic Park

Elizabeth Peña

Mike Nichols

Bob Hoskins

hoskins 247

the 7-Up guy

Maya & Giger & Gordon Willis

Tuco & Ruby Dee & Paul Mazursky & the dude from Raiders with the scimitar

Kiel!! Kiel!!! Kiel!!!!

+

jan hooks gum

Jan

&

Dim

dim milk clockwork karova

& 

THE ANCIENT BOOER!!!!

boooooooo

_

 

don’t forget to peep out our ’13, ’12, ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

if you got this far, pat yourself on the back, then yer balls

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thighs Wide Movies 2014

Movies2014

 

The Flowqueens of ‘14.5

 

1) Jodorowsky’s Dune

dune book

The greatest doc ever made about the greatest film never made, EVER!!  So many ‘what if?‘s AND ‘what the f#$k??!!!‘s to shake your head at

2) Whiplash

whiplash

Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.5) The Trip to Italy

the trip to italy

Lightening strikes twice as Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon take their thick shtick to Italy.  Hilarity ensues at every blip on the map.  AMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3) The Babadook

babdook

Are the things going bump in the night all in their heads?  Too late, they are now in our heads too!  BABA-DOOK DOOOK DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4) Mr Turner

mr turner

Literally watching paint dry – and it’s amazing!!!

5) Foxcatcher

foxcatcher

Carell’s nose, Ruffalo’s beard and hairline + Tatum’s sad face = Pinned-trest-ed!!!

6) Nightcrawler

creepy jake

Jake Gynenhehahehallllll is watching you.   Watch him back

7) The LEGO® Movie

lego movie

Toys with our emotions in the best way possible.  It also happens to be funniest Will Ferrell flick in half a decade

8) Inherent Vice

Inherent Vice

Katherine Waterston continues her ‘brave’ (read – ‘nude’) work in cinema

9) Dawn of The Planet of The Apes

dawn planet apes

Going ape-sh!t, again

– 

10) Citizenfour

ed snowden

The year’s best thriller is not only based on a true story – it is THE truest true story!

11) The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

hobbit 3

Unibrowser Yowzers!!

– 

12) Boyhood

gorw boyhood

Seamless production and process like none other make up for a somewhat lacking narrative.  Bring on Manhood!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13) The Double

the double

Every movie needs Jesse Eisenberg.  So why not have two Jesse Eisenbergs???

14) Step Up All In

step up ani3

If you’re not in, you are OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

honor blackman

The Fault In Our Stars / Get On Up / Interstellar / Jersey Boys / Lucy / Palo Alto / X-Men: Days of Future Past

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

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