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The 2016 Thighsmans

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2016

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Thirstweenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

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Crap To The Future Award For Würstest Acting of The Year Award!!!

nick-kroll-back-to-the-future-ii

Nick Kroll 

in Loving

he somehow molded his character and acting style based on the ‘I think he stole his wallet‘ guy from Back To The Future II  – Lester!  WTF???

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The 7th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK, You Are Not An Actress And Should Stop Pretending To Be One So Please Stop Being An Actress Now Award

go away

Olivia Munn

The OK, That Awkward Tuna-Salad Lips, Keeping Your Head Down, and Then Picking Your Head Up Thing That You Do In Every Movie Muss Be Stopped Forever Award

stop it 

Eddie Redmayne

no seriously, stop it with those dumb lips of yours
and that face thing you do

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The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year

 

Danny Glover

who had EIGHT flix released in 2016!!

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Gifs of the Gawds

doctor-strange

folding buildings in Doctor Strange!

(better than anything Chis Nolan can do!)

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Hairing Is Caring

ekhart-shave-foxctahcer

Aaron Eckhart and his partially Ruffalo-Foxcatchered  shaved forehead in Bleed For This!

runner up – his and Hank’s Sully staches!!!

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Bob’s Big Girls
aka
The 2016 Bobbies!

these bobbies are darin!

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The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – these ladies be DAMN fine award!!

Emayatzy Corinealdi

Emayatzy Corinealdi miles

&

I bleed for Christine Evangelista

christine-evangelista-4

and you would too if you saw her in NSFW action

 

 

bisous for Ingrid Bisu

&

heaven and hot water
for this hot tamale!

mel-paps

&

the b-witch-ing Anya Taylor-Joy

anya-taylor-joy

&

Emily Beecham

Emily Beecham

&

Mon Mothma, before she was!!

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Fast Times glamour shots

ca. August 1983 --- Actresses Jennifer Jason Leigh (front) and Phoebe Cates played the unforgettable roles of Stacy Hamilton and Linda Barrett, respectively, in the 1982 classic . --- Image by © Douglas Kirkland/CORBIS

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leather boobs

grey sophie tuener

&

these headshots

hemsworth ghostbusters

 

the nottiest nottie of the year

ugly stoopid aline

whatever the fcuk this alien is.  WTF ARE YOU ???

+

them crazy fat crazy naked chicks in Nocturnal Animals that you should be happy I don’t have gifs for (yet)

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Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

palmer-eyes

 Teresa Palmer

 in Hacksaw Jim Duggan

runner up – Natasha Bassett 

Natasha Bassett eyes

in Fail Caesar!

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The Nosey Nose That Knowse Bestest!

aka Bestest Nose!

jenna coleman 3

 Jenna Coleman

 in Me Before You

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Würstest Date Movie/Snoozefest
of 2016

Snoozechester By The Snoozefest

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Best Boys On The Side Players

THIS GUY in Love & Friendship

&

THIS GUY who was a Star Wars extra

john chapman

 and tells his tales in the great Elstree 1976

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Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates

norman-bates-mailer

OMG – that La La Land soundtrack

20th Century Women‘s tunes!

‘Sabotage’ in Star Trek (which seemed so wrong in the trailer, but was so right in the movie!)

Keanu‘s love of George Michael

+

Toni Toni Toni’s daughter

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Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 traylor-tractor-gif

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Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

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Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

Max Steel /  Pete’s Dragon / Bad Moms / Midnight Special / Everybody Wants Some!! / No Pay, Nudity / The BFG

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Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

King Baggot

& Rags Ragland

& Chill Wills

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Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

the best movie from some other year I saw this year

toynbee

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure is STILL as amazing AS Amazing Larry is + tons of tidbits!!

amazing larry mario pee wee

Annelies van Overbeek

alfredo-jimmy-sewart

Martin Short’s wedding coordinator character from Father of The Bride – Franck – IS BASED OFF OF A REAL HUMAN BEING!!!

dr-pepper-halloween

when New York City’s in trouble – who you gonna call? Pat Kiernan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edward-g-ten

So Tell Me Again, Why Did You Have To Die? Part VI

fosters taxi cdriver

seeing Purple Rain for the first time, with an audience that cars

money pit money

RICHARD SIMMONS (may have) PLAYED A FAT GUY IN FELLINI’S SATYRICON!!!!!!!!

freedie darth

woah – Officer Debbie Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) from Police Academy sang the National Anthem at Super Bowl XVII!!!

the lerners

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Movies To Look For In The ‘017

 

Bossk To The Future – A Star Wars Story

Wild Breasts & Where To Find Them

The Detergent Series: PureX

Some Marvel Super Hero Movie
I Could Give 2 Fcuks About

Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s Ridge

Oscar Mike Golf

Bridget Jones’s Farts

Billy Lynn’s Short 20-Second Timeout Walk

16 Fast, 16 Furious

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In Memoriam

gene yellow

hans gruber

duke oscar

garry happy days

gary coleman nancy

loggia

curtis-la

gaynes po0loice

kenny 2d

&

the man who said…

its a trap 

&

the guy that gave us this

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don’t forget to peep out our  ’15’14, ’13, ’12, ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

how are you still reading this?  and how are you still a fan of this website??  WHO ARE YOU??!??!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thighs Wide Movies 2016

I’m never getting around to seeing Fences or Lion, so here’s…

Dwelve Into These Twelve
of 2016

1) Tower

tower-doc

A real life tragic event gets Waking Lifed, and it’s not only scary and horrific, but hopeful AND inspiring!

2) I Am Not Your Negro

What it’s like to be an African-American in America (when you’re white and have no clue what it’s like).  It raises all sorts of important questions that no one is really asking, or sadly, bothering to answer

3) Patriots Day

An event I didn’t plan on reliving ended up making me feel proud to be an American… in a time I’m ashamed to be an American

4) 20th Century Women

It’s like listening to The Talking Heads for the very first time – WOAH!

5) The Founder

Sometimes it takes some awful in humans to make greatness, and greasiness for us all!

6) The Light Between Oceans

light between oceans

Perhaps the year’s most overlooked movie that had ‘Oscar bait’ written all over it.  You no longer have to take the bait to something that no longer is baiting you, and it’s time for you to no longer overlook this film!

7) Bleed For This

bleed-for-this

if Miles Teller bleeds – I will come!

8) Embrace of the Serpent

I apparently never reviewed Serpent, but you need to Embrace this film – which puts the ‘lonely’ in ‘coLONELYialism’!

9) Streit’s: Matzo and the American Dream

streits matzo doc

All things must pass – even the Lower East Side’s last remaining matzah factory, and with it, a part of Jewish culture and identity in America :( 

10) Hell or High Water

hell-or-high-water-mustaches

Why choose when you can have BOTH hell AND high water!!!

11) Sully

sully

Dude is mad fly!

12) Raiders!: The Story of the Greatest Fan Film Ever Made

raiders dudes

These guys lived out their childhood dreams, in childhood, and finished them in their adulthood!  Fedora hats off forever to these dudes!!

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

Elstree 1976 / Snowden / Rouge One / Love & Friendship / The Witch / Jackie / La La Land / Toni Erdmann / Jheronimus Bosch, Touched by the Devil / Doctor Strange / the first 2/3rds of Moonlight / Indignation / The Lobster / Me Before You / Bridget Jones’s Baby / My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

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Thighs Wide Music 2016

I bought more CDs this year than I probably have in an entire decade!  it’s TRUE!!!! I WILL NOT LET PHYSICAL MEDIA DIE!!!

here’s what I listened to in 2016!!  all certified thightastic!

you know my theory – see your favorite musicians in concert before you or they die…

 

Live By Night!

toht raiders axl roses guns

Raul Malo @ City Winery

31st Annual Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony (Deep Purple / Ste ve Miller / NWA / Chicago / Cheap Trick(  @ Barclays Center

David Gilmour @ Madison Square Garden

Pearl Jam @ Madison Square Garden

Flight of The Conchords @ The Heath at The McKittrick Hotel

Ellie Goulding @ Madison Square Garden

Guns N’ Roses @ MetLife Stadium

Paul McCartney @ MetLife Stadium

Pitbull @ the Prudential Center

Willie Nelson @ the Amphitheater at Coney Island Boardwalk

The Bangles @ Irving Plaza

Jeff Lynne’s E.L.O. @ Radio City Music Hall

Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam @ Beacon Theatre

Brian Wilson presents Pet Sounds – Celebrating the 50th Anniversary with Al Jardine and Blondie Chaplin @ Beacon Theatre

Tidal X 10/15 @ Barclays

Sia @ Barclays

my very first (and long overdue) @PearlJam show was more epic than Epic Records #ImStillAlive

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

here’s a bunch of misc music junk from TWS in 2016…

 

The The and They They

elton bat

freedie darth

believe it or not, in my adolescents, I used to be even angrier about really dumb stuff

mr kite poster

stuff auctioned off from The Estate of the late Syd Barrett, in 2006

billy spakrs

Bantha 8-Tracks

wish you were here outtake

it sucks the most when musicians die, cause you can never relive their greatness visually like you can with actors.  it’s true!

 

Goodnight Sweet
Prince & Princesses

leonard-cohen

prince

george martin

glenn frey

sharon-jones

phife-dawg-waves-goodbye

changes bowie

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This Is List – 2017

you know the drill – 2016 was all Tronald Dump, and Gigi Hadon’t and bunch of other garbage szauce, but 2017 is gonna be different, and amazing, and awesome szauce.  There may be some KKK, but don’t worry, everything will be A-OKKKK.  How do we know?  We juss do.  Anywho, The Washington Post does a list thing, and so do we, cause old rabbits cry bards…

 

OUT

IN


Celebrity Deaths

Celery Chefs
Feel The Bern
Peel The Perm
Netflix & Chill
DQ’s Grill & Chill
Fake News
Fake Mews

High Ponytails

High Ponies
Believeland
San DiegBLOWS
The Mannequin
Challenge

Mannequin Three:
For The Show

Gene Wilder
Gene Milder

Keith David

David Keith
The Killing
of Harambe

Death to
the word ‘Bae’

Zika
FIKA
Galaxy Note
7 Explosions
Murder She Wrote
‘Northern Explosion’
CAPTCHAs
Gotcha!

Crying Jordan
 
Crying Neil Jordan
Westworld
Vestworld
Liberal Bubble
Puzzle Bobble
Leslie Jones
Joan Leslie
Carpool Karaoke
Rideshare Harakiri


Moving
To Canada

Gluing
From Canada

Russian Hackers
Russian Lacquer
‘Cake By
The Ocean’

Cakes by
Laotians

Ken Bone
Ben Koné

Chewbacca Mom

Mom Calamari

Fuller
House

Perfecter
Strangerers

Pokémon GO
Poke, Go Away!
Squad Goals
Squat Goats

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006the ’007the ’008the ’009the ‘010, the ‘011the ‘012the ‘013, the ‘014, the ‘015, the ‘016

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Thighs Wide Telly 2016

oh man, that TV stuff in 2016!!!

1. The People vs OJ Simpson (FX)

paulson hair

left a PERManent 90s stain on my psyche 

(please note – I didn’t get a chance to watch the ESPN doc series on OJ yet):

– 

2. The Americans (FX)

poor poor Martha Hanson

– 

3. Baskets (FX)

louie anderson baskets

Louie Anderson – BIGGEST comeback of the 21st Century!!!

– 

4. Murder Made Me Famous (REELZ)

a who’s who of horrible human beings – Jodi Arias, Scott Peterson, The Menendez Brothers, Drew Peterson, Ted Bundy, Joran van der Sloot, Pamela Smart, Jean Harris, Billionaire Boys Club, The Preppy Killer, Steven Avery, Charles Manson.  sure, the news is old, but the reenactments are fresh – and I friggin love reenactments!!!  also, the Steve Avery one had me throw out any sympathy that I had formed from watching Making of a Murderer!!!  also, I could listen to Steve Helling talk ALL DAY

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5 & 6. Gotham (Fox) & Supergirl (CBS/CW)

supergirl show

(still) amazing how DC heroes are done OH so right on the small screen, and OH so wrong on the big screen

7. Younger (TV Land)

this is basically TV’s best kept secret.  Sutton Foster and her teefy smile are infectious!

8. Shameless (Showtime)

a show I truly hate to watch, cause I always feel the need to take 82929 showers after watching it, but I cannot quit on the Gallaghers, especially now that the little kids are coming into their own, and so is Kevin (above) and his shorter hair!

9. Bates Motel (A&E)

the show inches closer and closer to the Norman Bates we all know and love, while creating the Norman Bates we never knew anything about.  sad that the upcoming season will be its final one 


10. Halt and Catch Fire (AMC)

even more ones and zeroes, and four of my favorite TV HEROES!!!!

11. Drunk History (Comedy Central)

more Rich Fulcher please!

12. Fresh Off The Boat (ABC)

 

making broadcast TV comedies fun again, and again!  probably my favorite modern TV family

other solid forms of entertainments: 

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver – it was all a lot of fun AND games, until his efforts to stop Trump were in vain, and I couldn’t watch the show anymore

The Circus – fantastic and immediate election season show was a must watch, although I still haven’t brought myself to watch the final episode.  gasp

The Affair – so so so soo soo excellent that it made me eat Lunch

Maron – nice ending to a show that didn’t seem to have a beginning

Silicon Valley – still my favorite cast on TV

The Last Man Earth – still my 2nd favorite cast on TV

Married At First Sight 4 – finally, some of the people found love

Veep – incredible how the insane politics of this show were outdone by the real insane politics of 2016!

Married by Mom and Dad – what a great bad idea.  its heart is in the right place, even if the hearts don’t end up in the right place

Tyrant – the show ran out of steam, and I was basically done with it once Ashraf Barhom was done

Fargo  – I hope they keep farGOING and GOING!!!

Modern Family – it’s like they’re trying too hard to be funny, and it shouldn’t have to be that way

House of Cards – OMG – the Russian guy is really Mads Mikkelsen’s brother!!!

Game of Thrones – still not as good as HBO’s Rome

Million Dollar Listing New York – I’m sold on Fredrik, Ryan and Luis

Mistresses – so long, goodbye, don’t let your awfulness hit you on the way out

Restaurant Startup – Joe is still an a$$hole, and Tim Love still has giant eyes, and I still cannot miss an episode

11/22/63 – they need to travel back in time and remake the series without James Franco!

Girls – this show needs an abortion from itself

+ bone-yessss!! moments

long live Mrs Garrett

mrs g

the BUZZR channel. it’s what the Game Show Network used to be!

orson paul masson

Richard Dreyfuss as Madoff!

sorkin-harley-quinn

MTV Classic – what MTV was, and needs to be

guessing the Twin Peaks 2017 characters!!

goldie ball

when New York City’s in trouble – who you gonna call? Pat Kiernan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pepsi-chill-guys

Growing Pains goes to Europe! and Family Matters goes to Disney World!

old stars tv mcdonalds

They Fcuked With The Babysitter

hulk bruce

SUPER DICKMANN’S!!!

sweetin solo

the 30 for 30 on the first pitch after 9/11

baton side

The Double Dare Reunion!  LONG LIVE HARVEY!!!

The Unknown Flag Raiser of Iwo Jima – rights history’s wrong, AND employed the retired Gene Hackman to tell us!

kerns

when Adrien Brody channeled Andrew Dice Clay – which may have been my favorite TV moment of 2016

Debbie Gibson goes Hallmark and gives us an awesome acoustic ‘Only In My Dreams’

and this!!!

 

it growing pains me to say goodbye to all these amazing people :(

&

flo-hen

&

john mac

&

mr ed

&

judy jetson

&

morley chucjles

&

patty hair

&

shandling hand

&

ken howard tv guide

&

larry draje

&

punky

&

don david dobs guns

&

abe-vigoda-head

+ hail & farewell to…

Charles Osgood on our televisions on Sunday mornings

charles-osgood

&

Vin Scully calling Dodgers games

vin-scully

– 

perv-iously ’15 ’14 ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07

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