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Seep Sixteen

thighs wide is SIXTEEN years shut!!!!! 

(turned sweet 16 on March 8th!)

I just don’t know how to quit me.  do you?

(note – each picture below is clickable and will take you to its own magical place)

Daphne Zucchini Bread

Do Believe The Hyphen

Steve Carlton Fisk

Orange Crushed

You’ve Reached the Office of Stuart Ullman by George Jenne

They Were The Man Then Dog

William H. Banksy

Commodore 69

The VillaG.I.e Joe People

Judge Hot, Lust Ye Be Judged

Alfred E Pluribus Unum


Give Us Us Freed

Dreams of Field

Take My Balls Out To The Game

Popeye characters wuz real peoples! 

20th Century Foxy

Pool As Hell

by Frank R. Paul

Flapper Jacks

Sam He Was

Ryan Snook

Pound Coolish

Torn Rip


Radio Waved

This Is List – 2020

So Gay

Thighs Wide Movies 2019

this Costacos Brothers poster hasn’t exactly aged well…

SEXtenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards aka THE THIGHSMANS!!!

Room & Board Games

Mikey Likes Nike

to ensure The Michael Scott Paper Company, INC. ‘Unparalleled Customer Service’ $$COUPON$$ pdf doesn’t EVER get lost to time…

Six Degrees of Maria Snoeys-Lagler



Fifteen Nifteen

[year 14 missing]

Barf Mitzvah

Cheesier By The Dozen

This One Goes To Eleven

Ten Years A Thigh Master

Crap o’ Nine Tales

Eight Is Not Enough

Seven Thighs For Unlucky Number Slevin Brothers

Six Degrees of Snorting Bacon

Nut Saks Fifth Anniversary

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!


The 2019 Thighsmans

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2019

and now, for the only awards that matter…

SEXtenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards





Greatest Righting of A Wrong In A Movie Franchise EVER

in The Rise of Skywalker when they like, hey Rose, want to join us on this adventure, and she’s like, sorry, I’m busy being buried in a shallow grave by the scriptwriter!!!  EAT IT ROSE!!!


The 10th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of Please Go Away You Annoy The Living Poop Out of Me Over-Acting Actor, How Are You An Actor, and In Every Movie? Award

Lucas Hedges

(a make-up call for previous years of annoying the crap out of me)


Popular Movie That Irrationally Upsets My Soul Because There Is Nothing Special About It Whatsoever And I’m Still Mad At Riannnn Johnsonn for Ruining My Adulthood With What He Did To Star Wars

Knives Out 

a whodunnit
that who don’t

reveal the twist at the beginning!
so clever Riannn!!
(nice accent James Bond! NOT!!!)


The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year


with 6 films a piece in 2019

Jim Gaffigan AND Luke Evans


The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – these damn ladies be DAMN fine award!!

Cardi B’s DDs in the otherwise, somehow unwatchable movie about strippers – Hustlers

The Goldenest Globes


Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes EVER

Molly Gordon


Eyes Wide Closed For Bidness 9ever


wtf is going on here Alita: Battle Angel???


Hairing Is Caring 

Alec Baldwin’s DeLorean eyebrows in Framing John DeLorean


I don’t really love the hair but special mention to all hair things that’s going on in The Beach Bum


Songs That Execute Better
Than Norman Mailer
Hanging With Cliff Clavin

the ENTIRE soundtrack to The Last Black Man in San Francisco


Taron Egerton IS Elton John

Kenny Rogers ‘in’ Richard Jewell

‘Hey Dude’


Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)


Midsommar / Joker / Uncut Gems / The Lighthouse / Once Upon A Time In Hollywood / The Last Black Man in San Francisco /A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (I cry every time the kids sing to him on the train) / Yesterday / 1917 / Ad Astra / It Chapter 2 (teaser) 


Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!


Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

Overcomer / Shaft / Annabelle Comes Home / Stuber / Fiddler: A Miracle of Miracles / The Day Shall Come/ Her Smell / The Death of Dick Long


Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Gustaf Gründgens + Liv Mjönes + Taddeo Kufus


Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

Nike is from Oregon.  The Goonies was shot in Oregon.  together they were a natural pair-ing of two great American legends & icons

BLESS the folks forever at Red Letter Media

Joe Pesci and David Ferrie RETURN!!

May The Fluoride Be With You

Ullman Are Created Equal


Movies To Look For In The ‘020

Fast & Furious Presents: Nobbs & Shaw

Tolkien: White Guy

Super Thighs Me 2: Thighs Wide Slightly More Shut

Calendar Man

21 Jeff Bridges

Chris Wallace Is Here

Shazam! The Story of Gomer Pyle


In Memoriam

too many great names to name
so we’ll just leave it like this


don’t forget to peep out our ’18, ’17,  ’16,  ’15, ’14, ’13, ’12, ’11, ’10, ’09, ’08, ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!! 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Thighs Wide Movies 2019

Seven 2019 Films That Were More Pitch Perfect Than Jerry Blevins!

1) Midsommar

Something wicker man this way comes!!!

2) Ad Astra

it space races your heart!

3) Joker

apparently never posted a review here, but this will have to do

4) The Lighthouse

low tidings on the high sea – black and white delight

5) Parasite (기생충)

out of site, can’t get you out of my mind

6) Uncut Gems

maximum Jewish neurosis overdrive 

7) The Last Black Man in San Francisco

soul brother down to one.  be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

movie awards by friday. until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

& 2002

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This Is List – 2020


there is nothing I look forward to more than compiling our annual goodbye to last year’s trends and hello to this year’s puns. The Washington Post is more professional at this sorta thing, but maybe you’re not into the whole brevity thing…



Adam Gase’s Gaze

Adam Driver, Driver


Tikki Tikki Tembo

Baby Yoda

Baby Hoda

Lil Nas X’s
  ‘Old Town Road’ 

Li’l Abner’s
  Dogpatch, USA

Peloton girl

Pelota girls

The 2010s

The 1020s

Storm Area 51

It’s Raining Heinz 57

Ta-Nehisi Coates

Tallahassee Coats

David Keith

Keith David

Washington Nationals

Warshington Natinals

Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

Olive Oyl Change

Trust Exercises

Misturst Jazzercise

Miley & Liam

Morton & Hayes

Leaving Neverland

Weaving Hugoland

Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler Documentaries

Momo Challenge

Muumuu Challenge



Quid Pro Quo

Pro Sonny Bono


Le Bag

A Very Brady Renovation

A Very Cosby Demolition


Master Ebates

License To Drive

License Two Plate

White Claw

Dr Claw

Mitch McConnell is Toby Turtle from Disney’s Robin Hood

Mitch McConnell is Star Wars‘ Maz Kanata and her butthole eyes

Megan Rapinoe

Mega Wrap Strip

The Mandalorian

The Tan DeLorean 

Oh! Oh! Oh! Ozempic

Try A Little Tenderness and a lot of Triaminic

‘I heard you
paint houses’

‘I heard you
garden hos’

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006, the ’007, the ’008, the ’009, the ‘010, the ‘011, the ‘012, the ‘013, the ‘014, the ‘015, the ‘016, the ‘017, the ‘018  and the ‘019


Fifteen Nifteen

thighs wide is FIFTEEN years shut – TODAY!!!!! 

(somehow we skipped documenting fourteen, but fourteen is always an odd age) 

we’ve finally gotten our learner’s permit, and let me permit you to see some of the crap we crapped here over the past year of cheers and fears!

(note – each picture below is clickable and will take you to its own magical place) 

Patty Meld

Nixon Bidness With Fashion

Я You With Me?

Make Room For Caddy

Cereal Bol-ing

The Bike-Share Oversupply in China: Huge Piles of Abandoned and Broken Bicycles

Sports Meet Movies Collection

Seeing Is Believing Heavy Breathing

Days of Moving Heaven and Earth

Short Round The Bases

It’s A Large World After All

Truth of Lasso

Mouth of The South North

1967 Triumph XL90 prototype

Handicapped Cars by Swiss artist Beni Bischof

Investing & Inbreasting

the art of Morley Safer

So Tell Me Again, Why Did You Have To Die? Part VII

Dog Guide

Bib Red

Apple To The Corps

Jeremy Miller Time

Bros Before Barnum

Ascent From Heaven

Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz

Wes Anderson and Jacques Henri Lartigue

A Bell of Its Former Self

Exploring Great Indiana High School Gyms

License To Fry

NES Black Box Custom Action Figures by Death By Toys

Thighs Wide Movies 2018

Simon & Garfunkel & Fisher & Marshall

a Doodle For Hunger by Luke Perry


Barf Mitzvah

Cheesier By The Dozen

This One Goes To Eleven

Ten Years A Thigh Master

Crap o’ Nine Tales

Eight Is Not Enough

Seven Thighs For Unlucky Number Slevin Brothers

Six Degrees of Snorting Bacon

Nut Saks Fifth Anniversary

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

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