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Thighs Wide Movies 2018

Eleven Movies From 2018 That Popped My Eyes More Than Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Did in Mary Poppins Returns

1) Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Fred, won’t you be our everything?  You were.  And we need you to be again.  How do we bring you back to life???

2) Eighth Grade

Our Bodies, Ourselfies.  SAIL AWAY!!!

3) The Rider

From the heartland, this one goes straight for the heart (and it will tear it apart!)

4) Green Book

Sappy? Yes.  Feel good?  OH so good!!!  It’s the historical buddy movie you never thought you needed!

5) Three Identical Strangers

Who knew the Boys From Brazil could actually sorta be a reality?

6) The Wife

A masterclass in acting.  Honored to be in the classroom

7) Chappaquiddick

Hope doesn’t always float for our most beloved Massholes

8) Filmworker

Who wouldn’t want to be Stanley Kubrick’s bitch?  Well, on second thought…

9) American Animals

Fact and fiction blend into wonderful friction!

10) The Favourite

Accessible Lanthimos, for those who have been seeking it.  Me, I just want more Lanthimos!

11) At Eternity’s Gate

If they van Gogh it, I will come

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned and thirsty my friends!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2017
2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
2002

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This Is List – 2019

another year has passed gas, and what a wet fart 2018 was.   The Washington Post does an In/Out list thing, ushering what’s coming and what’s going in 2019, and we’ve been doing our own version of said list since 2006(!!!).  our list is always IN!  join IN the fun!

 

OUT

IN

The Mueller Report

The Mullet Report

Arianna & Pete

Pete & Pete

Instapot

Slow Weed

This Is Us

Give Us Us Free

The
Flyers’
Gritty

The Steelers’ Itsy Bitsy
Teenie Weenie Yellow
Polkadot Bikini

Sister Jean

Parker Brothers

Starbucks’ Racial-Bias Education

“I like my coffee like I like my women, black”

Elon Musk

Elon Cuffs

Keith David

David Keith

Amazon HQ2

Sears SixFtUnder

Wild Wild Country

Wild Wild Life

The Conners

The Donners

Beto O’Rourke

Beta O’Cam

Yanny or Laurel

Manny & Olga’s

BlacKkKlansman

White ZinfanDell Curry

Midterm Elections

Midwood Erections

Tide POD Challenge

listening to P.O.D. Challenge

Les Moonves

Moon Vests

Brett Kavanaugh

Sally Ann Cavanaugh

The Romanoffs

The Saxe-Coburg
and Gotha-ers

Street Tacos

Sewer Coq Au Vin

‘Girls  Like You’

Weird Al’s ‘Girls Like Poop’

Mbappé

MMMBopé

resurgence of 
Freddie Mercury

resurgence of
Shreddy Mercury

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Jennifer Taylor-Clarke

Bert and Ernie are gay

Bert and Ernie sleigh

Three Identical Strangers

Three Identical Perfect Strangers

Hugh Dancy

Hugh Dancey

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006the ’007the ’008the ’009the ‘010, the ‘011the ‘012the ‘013, the ‘014, the ‘015, the ‘016, the ‘017, the ‘018

 

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The 2017 Thighsmans

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2017

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Fourteenthial Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

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Thing In A Movie That Pissed Me Off More Than Urinating In and/or On My Own Pants

trying to make Rose from Star Wars
The Last Jedi 
a thing

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Second Thing In A Movie That Pissed Me Off More Than Urinating In and/or On My Own Pants AND That Wasn’t Leia Flying In Space

the environmental message of freeing the DUMBo animals in Last Jedi

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The 8th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The You Think You’re An Actress And Maybe You Are But You Annoy The Living Bejesus Out Of Me Every Time I See You On Screen And I Want You Gone So Please Stop Acting Award

go away

Lily James & her teef

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The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year

 

Dan Stevens

who had SEVEN flix released in 2017!!

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Gifs of the Gawds

anything Rihanna was doing in Valerian

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Begging For More Begbie

there is nothing better than Begbie, the best part of Trainspotting 2

so forget about making a 3rd one and just make a stand alone Begbie movie please

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Bob’s Big Girls (& Boys)
aka
The 2017 Bobbies!

these bobbies are darin!

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The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – these ladies be DAMN fine award!!

Eiza González

 

Anjela Nedyalkova

 

Hot Aunt May

 

 

Gosling’s sister’s rack

 

 Salacious B Crumb sitting on a toilet, reading Playboy

 

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Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

Ana de Armas 

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FOAM Alone!

aka hottest NON-human part of any movie

the foam from Dunkirk

 

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Hairing Is Caring AND Sexy

 

Come for the tennis, and then literally COME watching this hairdressing scene!!!

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Würstest BESTEST Date Movie/Witherspoonfest
of 2017

 

I can’t believe I typed this

Home Again

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Best Boys On The Side Player

THIS GUY!!!!

 from I, Tonya

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Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates

norman-bates-mailer

The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – ‘Bellbottoms’ in Baby Driver (somehow I forgot this song existed)

hologram Elvis in Blade Runner 2049

Bowie’s In Space

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Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 traylor-tractor-gif

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Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

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Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

It Comes at Night / MarrowboneThe Girl with All the Gifts / All NighterCaptain Underpants: The First Epic MovieThe Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature

_

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Ninja N. Devoe

Flint Beverage

&
David Buttolph

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Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

i made all these Kao Kan gifs for you

this logo

Why I Love David Fincher’s Zodiac

 

where leia’s hair buns
were inspired from

Tom Selleck as Indiana Jones and Sean Young as Marion Ravenwood!!!!!!!!

Eworks on Ice!

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Movies To Look For In The ‘018

 

Four Billboards Outside of Branson, Missouri

Boss Toddler

DiPs

Hello Robin Christopher

The Man Who Invented Hanukkah

Rebel in the Pumpernickel

17 Fast, 17 Furious

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In Memoriam

 

too many great names to name, so we’ll just leave it like this

 

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don’t forget to peep out our  ’16,  ’15’14, ’13, ’12, ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thighs Wide Movies 2017

Ten 2017 Movies That Rose Higher Than Rose From The Last Jedi

1) Loving Vincent

LOVE doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about this waking life walk thru van Gogh’s paintings.  this is one for the ages!!

2) The Lost City of Z

more of an Indiana Jones movie than Kingdom of The Crystal Skull was!!!  AND IT REALLY HAPPENED!!

3) Mother!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4) Dunkirk

I was praying that it was going to be a bad movie so I could call it Dumbkirk

5) The Disaster Artist

Finally, a Seth Rogen movie I can get behind!

6) Phantom Thread

Style over substance AND style!

 

7) Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Fart faced McDormand and zany Sam Rockwell overcome themselves to surprise even me!

8) Maudie

Art with heart

9) The Trip To Spain

More of these, less of the Fast & Furiouseseses

10) Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Beyond this world, and apparently beyond the grasp of today’s dumbed-down audiences.  Enjoy the same crap over and over people, cause Hollywood aint going to take a chance anymo on a movie that takes a chance like this one did

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

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Thighs Wide Telly 2017

2017 in TV was Tele-LICIOUS.  somehow I still haven’t seen the new Twin Peaks, which is a miracle and a tragedy as the original is my favorite TV show of all time, but I’ll get to it in 2018, I promise – myself!  anywho, here’s all the other stuff from TV that made my heart beat stronger and my shlong beat shlonger…

 

1. Riverdale (CW)

I always need a show in my life that’s the modern equivalent of Beverly Hills 90210Riverdale is it (it even has Luke Perry) AND THEN SOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There was even Zodiac love!!!

2. Mindhunter (Netflix)

Dude, it’s like my dream come true – more of Fincher’s Zodiac!!!

3. Feud: Bette and Joan (FX)

What Hollywood does to actresses is horrible.  Now AND THEN.  Susan was born to be Bette.  The EYES have it!

4. Married At First Sight: Second Chances (Lifetime)

I don’t do Bachelor shows, but I love the Married At First Sight series, so when they whored out two former Sighters and let a bunch of whores try to whore all over them – the end result was one giant sloppy mess, and I couldn’t get enough of it!!

5. American Horror Story: Cult (FX)

Evan Peters is scary as fck!!!  Zodiac!!!  But the real revelation here is Carrie Fisher’s daughter, ready to be her own person – hello Billie Lourd

6. The Americans (FX)

Martha stuck in Russia is the saddest thing ever in a show of so many sad things ever!

7. Veep (HBO)

It’s truly amazing how a comedy about the US Presidency could be out clown-showed in real life by our current US President, and even more truly amazing is how the TV show this season was able to re-out clown show the real clown show.  CLOWN SHOW!!!!

8. The Hunt For the Zodiac Killer (History)

Spoiler alert – they didn’t catch him/her.  BUT LET THEM KEEP TRYING!!!

9. Curb Your Enthusiasim (HBO)

Long time off, and not much has changed, and that’s fine by me.  Loved the Fatwa advice from Salman Rushdie, like having an excuse to not pick someone up from the airport

10. Wormwood (Netflix)

Errol Morris at his best, and he’s always at his best, so this is BESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!!!

11. Fresh Off The Boat (ABC)

Still, the funniest network comedy going.  Love the shifting focus to the school kids.  Eddie’s friends are more interesting than Eddie!  Bonus props to redhead Trevor Larcom! Bonus bonus props to their Rent ripoff – Brent!

12. Bates Motel (FX)

Norman Bates COMES full circle, and what better way to COME all over than with Rihanna as Marion Crane!

+ bone-yessss!! moments

give all the awards in the world to Natasha Bassett who totally speared the lead (and my heart) in Lifetime’s Britney Every After

&

the awkward adorableness of Stranger Things 2‘s Snowball Dance

&

the theme music of the game show Now You See It

&

realizing that I never saw Beverly Hills 90210 Season 4 and loving it beyond belief

&

finally watched the final season of The Knick, and I already miss the fcuk out of this guy

&

the real life filming locations of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

&

Chelsea Cardwell‘s sexy and sad portrayal of Monica Lewinsky in an ep of Scandal Made Me Famous

&

the return of Battle of The Network Stars

&

the new Dynasty is mostly garbage, cept Alan Dale remains TV’s finest a$$hole

&

BUZZR’s excellent doc about game shows, hosted by Alex Trebek! – Game Changers

&

Amazon gets STACKED and streams the original UNSOLVED MYSTERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

&

the horrible awfulness amazingness awfulness of the made-for-TV version of Dirty Dancing

&

Copycat Killers‘ talking head J. Buzz Von Ornsteiner – for his name, and how he talks, but mainly for his name

&

I hope Kendra On Top never stops

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cheering for The Bold Type gals

&

booing the girls of Girls. good riddance. YOU FCUKING SUCK!!!

&

goodbye Merc Lapidus.  YOU WERE THE ABSO FCUKING BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND WILL ALWAYS BE ONE OF MY MOSTEST FAVORITE TV CHARACTERS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

 

wish we could MAKE A DEAL to keep these people with us on earth :(

 

monty firewe

perv-iously ’16 ’15 ’14 ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07

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