Tag Archives: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

The Dirty Dozen Dumbing

The Monuments Men
Monumental Lameness 
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 118 min

monuments men

!  All in one movie!!  Fighting the (real) good fight, to save plundered precious art from the Nazis, for generations to come!!!  Sounds like this movie can’t miss!!!!  Sadly, The Monuments Men is a total misfire.  The mission is important, and the movie tries to relay that thought, but it comes off as completely corny, udderly uninteresting, and as static and still as an actual monument.  It’s like Oceans 11 meet Saving Private Ryan minus everything.  I’d rather watch paint dry than watch them save these paintings.  I kinda wish the real people in reals lifes didn’t save these painting so this movie didn’t have to exist.  And honestly, that about all there needs to be said about this lame-fest. Good night, and good suck

VerdictgoSlit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Men not at works, tomorrow at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

0 Comments

The Boring Lames II: Catshit On Pita

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Garbage In, Garbage Out
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 146 min

catching fire

enuff’s been said already…

 

 

 

 

but two positive things to say!!!

 

&

-

wow, what a piece of fcuking crap. it’s JUSS as awful as The Apple, cept The Apple is awesomely bad and Catching Snoozes is just bad (same applied with the first movie)

VerdictgoSlit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Hunger lames it up at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

0 Comments

Schindler’s Lisp

The Book Thief
The Time & Energy Thief
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 131 min

book thief

There’s some book called The Book Thief by some Australian author named Markus Zusak.  Apparently people read it and were into it, and now it’s a movie.  And the movie, directed by ?  Drivel.  Cheesy.  Lame.  Pointless.  Grasping for emotion, but is as emotionless as these people that google say have no emotion.  Zzzzzzzzzzz fest ’41.  Filled with dumb German accents, when they should have just used stupid English accents.  Nothing.  Blah.  Insufferable (that’s how another moviegoer described it to me, as we were both taking a well desrved mid-movie snooze/bathroom break… and no, we weren’t in a bathroom at the time of this exchange of adjectives).  The Book Thief tries so hard to be something Oscar-worthyish, but it’s basically juss a blah pile of wishy-washy-ish-ishy ishness.  But the costumes and sets look pretty decent!!  Who cares??  Yeah, who cares about yet ANOTHER WWII tale, from the view of Germans (BUT THESE ARE GOOD GERMANS!!!), especially when this whole story was made up.  That’s right – pure fiction.  Oh man, oh man.  This movie isn’t terrible, but it’s a terrible waste of time, and of the efforts of those who made it into a movie

I pity poor .  A very gifted actor, forced to be even cheesier here than he was in The King’s Speech.  Instead of teaching a king how to speak clearly, here he’s teaching a girl (a good enuff ) how to read.  Oh yeah, the girl likes books, and thieving them, but she can’t read them.  But in The Book Thief, she will steal them, and THEN read them!!!  And then hate it when the Nazis burn them.  DAMN YOU NAZIS!!! And what does reading teach her?  That words help you express things, like stuff!!!  WOWSERS!!!!!  Yeah, and Rush’s wife is , another person I pity.  I pity her cause she has to play a role with about as much character as a rotten carrot on tour.  She yells at the girl, and her husband, and anything that has ears.  Heck, she’d even yell at anything that doesn’t have ears.  If only I didn’t have ears AND eyes.  Makes me also wish that I didn’t have a butt, so I wouldn’t have had to sit thru this dumb dumb movie.  Dear lord.  I need a time machine and somehow get WWII to never happen so we and I and you and everyone we know won’t have to sit thru any more movies like this.  Ughhhhhhh.  Oh, and I pity .  He’s a good lookin dude, playing a Jew on the run who gets Anne Frank hidden by Rush and Watson, and every 30 minutes in the movie, he gets sick, then heals, and then teaches the girl about how words are cool and stuff.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Re-zzzzzzzz.  One person I do not pity is the German boy played by .  I don’t want to hurt children, but I wanted to punch the crap out of his kid character.  Is that wrong?  I dunno, but this movie is

VerdictgoSlit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

STOP Thief, in limited release tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

0 Comments

Jersey Snore

Don Jon 
Off Beat Beat Off 
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 90 min

don jon

And the most annoying, poorly made debut film by someone we respect, and now don’t fully respect, cause we hated his film so much, film of 2013 is ‘s Don Jon

If you love a movie that revolves around endless internet masturbation (by a character who doesn’t even know how to clear their own browsing history – ZERO REALISM HERE PEOPLES), gratingly AWFUL hammy Joooursey accents (wish I didn’t have ears), endless annoying annoyingness (wish I also didn’t have eyes), that throws away whatever it ‘built’ up in its first 2/3rds for a final third that feels so out place and nothing to do-ish with them first two-thirds that you’ll juss wish this movie were released on any rock from the sun that isn’t the third one

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Love me some Joseph Jason Jordan Gordon-Gerry-Graydon-Levitt-Stein-Berg.  Always felt like he (and James Franco) was to fill the vacuum that Heath Ledger left with his passing.  For the most part, he has come thru, and we relish anything he does, even if it is doo-doo, but Don Juan?  Beyond thunderdome doo-doo.  I wouldn’t wish this film on my würst enemies, and my würst enemies are sports teams from New York and the south, and George Clooney

JG-L plays the title character – a guy who loves the gym, his boyzzz, and picking up sluts, and going to church, and taaaaawwwwwk-ing with horrible Joouuurrrrssssssey accents with his over-acting parents  and .  He also loves his screen sister , but she doesn’t say a word, just plays on her phone and that’s suppose to be funny.  It’s not.  This movie thinks it’s really funny and clever, but it puts the UN in fUNny, and is more like clNEVER

Things get interesting for Jon (but not for us) when  shows up and rocks his world (and destroys our ears with her Joooooororuururusseey accent – that’s worseserererer than everyone else’s).  And then she finds out that he masturbates endlessly, and then awkward funny is suppose to happen, but all that happens is how awkard I felt watching this movie about a guy who beats off.  I beat off.  All men do.  But I don’t want to see a movie about it, especially if it has nothing deep to say about it.  JOing isn’t suppose to be something we think deep about.  It’s actually something we all enjoy doing, but then when the climax happens, it’s best to forget about what juss happened – but sometimes remorse seeks in.  Well, Don Juan is the same, but there’s no climax, and it’s all remorse.  WHY DID WE WATCH THIS???

Later in the movie,  shows up resembling an actual character that we could actually care about, but by the time the focus shifts to her, and away from the other crap that came before it, all wees want is Julianne LESS of anything having to do with this movie

JG-L’s production company is called hitRECord.  He should have hit delete on this whole project

Verdictgo:  Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Donna JOn: if I had to say one nice thing about the movie – I would say that it least it had a lot of hot women in it, like…

Antoinette Kalaj

Antoinette_Kalaj

Don Jon sucks tomorrow at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

Star-Crossed In Transtagnation

The Bling Ring
Time Theft
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 90 min

‘s ‘movie’ about The Bling Ring ringers goes a little something like this…

kids

+

fame stolens

+

LA map

+

bags

+

home alone

+

bling ring

+

selfie

+

facebook

+

repeat repeat repeat

= 

 nothing

empty

star wall

boring

don’t even bother with this movie and juss read Nancy Jo Sales Vanity Fair article ‘The Suspects Wore Louboutins’, which the movie was based off of

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Bling Ring rings false in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment
eXTReMe Tracker