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Barton Sheen

Mischa Barton still looks great
barton sheen

Martin Sheen’s look may be even greater

sheen face

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Swamp Thang

Claudia Cardinale

Claudia Cardinale in 1965’s Blindfold

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STDeez Nutz

It Follows
The F$%king Dead
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 100 min

it follows

There’s noting scarier than sexual transmitted diseases – where pleasure brings pain, so what if you got an STD that made you see dead people – dead people that follow you and want you to be dead like them, and the only way you can get rid of them is if you bone another person, and pass on the disease, to free yourself from it??? That is the gist of David Robert Mitchell‘s It Follows, and It happens, so get to It!

It is super creepy (WITH MAJOR HELP FROM THAT AMAZING DREAMY CREEPY MUSIC!!!), but ultimately not all that scary (although Detroit in ruins is pretty scary on its own), but if you dug last year’s Babadook, you’ll dig this.  And if you like super cute chicks, Maika Monroe is a super cute chick!!!

maika-monroe

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Follow It at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Back In Lucas Black

Furious 7 (7 Fast 7 Furious)
Sky Driving & Crying
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 140 min

Furious 7 is ultimately the greatest movie ever, but is it the greatest Fast and Furious movie? I don’t think it’s as amazin as #6 was is, and to be perfectly honest, I kinda don’t like the new direction they went in for #7 – more guns and blammo and less cars and jammos.  YES, there is still plenty of car stuff for the motorheads, but when did our Furious crew need to turn into Jason Bourne/GI Joe and play a bunch of Patriot Games????  That kinda dumb suff started when The Rock showed up in the series, but it’s fastly getting even more and s’mores redonkulous.  I mean, wtf is going on here???

rock furious 7

We have a need for speed, not drones and helicopter shoot-outs.  Guess the filmmakers said, well, after #6, we have no where to go but up… in the air.  And yes, there’s a slick ass scene of cars flying thru da air, and another where cars fly thru buildings (AND IT’S ALL AWESOME!!), and anything else you can imagine, and then they threw in a bunch of other over the top stuff which is anything else I guess they imagined… like, hey, we need two pointless bad guys, and we also need a slick-haired Kurt Russell in dis movie for no reason!

kurt russel fast 78

Am I complaining?  No, but we’re about 1-14 robots away from this franchise turning into the digital eye-fcuk-sore that is the Transformer movie series, and I’m not too thrilled about it.  BUT, I am all in, and always will be, until they stop making these

+ their goodbye to Paul Walker was fitting/kind/loving/CG awkward but acceptable, and it is what is, although they totally should bring one of his brothers on board for #8

walkers

+ this new addition is super crazy/beautiful sexy cool

Nathalie Emmanuel furious 7

Nathalie Emmanuel 3

Nathalie Emmanuel 2  Nathalie Emmanuel

+ they finally acknowledged Lucas Black and Little Bow Wow exist in the FF universe!!!

lucas black furious 7

and for #8?  why not go old school and do some sort of Cannonball Run cross-country fun-a-athon???? Tyrese is thighlarious, and they should take more advantage of that, ramping up the laughs and car chases, not the guns and dumbo

furious-cannonball

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Furious air mails it in at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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