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Mulholland Driven

Maps To The Stars
A Fine Line Between Glove & Hate
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 112 min

maps to the stars

If you ever wanted to see what a David Cronenberg Mulholland Drive would look like, you gots it in his Maps To The Stars, a tale of nasty Hollywood players and their hidden secrets and desires spilling all over each other.  There’s washed-up and vulnerable actress (Julianne Moore), who’s haunted by her dead mom (Sarah Gadon), but finds renewed hope in new assistant/burn victim (Mia Wasikowska), who’s back in town after many years away, and about to wreak quiet havoc on her self-help guru dad (John Cusack), mom (Olivia Williams) and bitter teen star brother (Evan Bird).  Add in Robert Pattinson as a hunky limo driver + a lot of movie talk + a lot of creepiness, and everything goes wrong, and it feels (mostly) oh so right.  Incest is best, but it’s the würst, and Mia Wasikowska and Evan Bird are the bestest!!!!  EVAN BIRD!!!

evan bird

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Creepers

Stars get geographic currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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1989ever

the greatest collection of random late 80s actors ever!!!

wow

The 61st Annual Academy Awards Rehearsals for the ‘Break-Out Super Stars of Tomorrow’ Musical Number on March 20, 1989 at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California.  photos by Ron Galella

top row – Patrick Dempsey, Carrie Hamilton, Chad Lowe, Corey Parker and Tracy Nelson

center Row –  Blair Underwood, Joely Fisher, Holly Robinson, Ricki Lake, Patrick O’Neal and Melora Hardin

front row – Keith Coogan, Savion Glover and Tricia Leigh Fisher

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Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whiplash
Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 107 min

Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s like Black Swan, and juss as awesome.  Birdman was like Black Swan, but was not awesome.  Whiplash got hosed at the Oscars.  Probably should have won best picture (since Jodorowsky’s Dune wasn’t even nominated).  Hell, Miles Teller was juss AS amazing as J. K. Simmons was and MT should have been nominated.  Heck, we’ve even had to amend our Best of 2014 list!

Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It went like this…

whplash toss

whiplash slap

whiplash tempo

whiplash

whiplash bloody fingers

whiplash kick

whiplash tired

whiplash eyes

O M GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whiplash aliens

Verdictgo: beyond BREAST IN SHOW!!!

Whiplash bangs it on home on BD/DVD/whatever

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Dismissive Submissive

Fifty Shades of Grey
Fifty Shades of Meh
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 125 min

50 shades

I have zero clue if EL James‘ book Fifty Shades of Grey is any good, but I know the movie based on her book isn’t very good.  Sure, the movie has endless amounts of Dakota Johnson‘s butt and boobs and a lil bit of vag, and yet it’s all udderly dull.  Lots of teasing… and wooden acting… and contract negotiations.  Negotiations haven’t been this blah since Sio Bibble opened his trap.  Apparently this Grey sh!t started off as Twilight fan faction, and if it wanted to be any bit interesting (well, it kinda is a little bit interesting – I mean, Dakota is kinda nice to look at), it should add some vampire baseball, or at least show Jamie Dornan‘s junk, or at least do some sorta of EL James / EL Fudge crossover

EL Fudge

Verdictgo: Zero Merit AND No Stinkin Badgers

Grey is meh at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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