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The 2016 Thighsmans

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2016

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Thirstweenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards

aka

THE THIGHSMANS!!!

_

Crap To The Future Award For Würstest Acting of The Year Award!!!

nick-kroll-back-to-the-future-ii

Nick Kroll 

in Loving

he somehow molded his character and acting style based on the ‘I think he stole his wallet‘ guy from Back To The Future II  – Lester!  WTF???

_

The 7th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK, You Are Not An Actress And Should Stop Pretending To Be One So Please Stop Being An Actress Now Award

go away

Olivia Munn

The OK, That Awkward Tuna-Salad Lips, Keeping Your Head Down, and Then Picking Your Head Up Thing That You Do In Every Movie Muss Be Stopped Forever Award

stop it 

Eddie Redmayne

no seriously, stop it with those dumb lips of yours
and that face thing you do

_

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year

 

Danny Glover

who had EIGHT flix released in 2016!!

_ 

Gifs of the Gawds

doctor-strange

folding buildings in Doctor Strange!

(better than anything Chis Nolan can do!)

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Hairing Is Caring

ekhart-shave-foxctahcer

Aaron Eckhart and his partially Ruffalo-Foxcatchered  shaved forehead in Bleed For This!

runner up – his and Hank’s Sully staches!!!

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Bob’s Big Girls
aka
The 2016 Bobbies!

these bobbies are darin!

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The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – these ladies be DAMN fine award!!

Emayatzy Corinealdi

Emayatzy Corinealdi miles

&

I bleed for Christine Evangelista

christine-evangelista-4

and you would too if you saw her in NSFW action

 

 

bisous for Ingrid Bisu

&

heaven and hot water
for this hot tamale!

mel-paps

&

the b-witch-ing Anya Taylor-Joy

anya-taylor-joy

&

Emily Beecham

Emily Beecham

&

Mon Mothma, before she was!!

&

Fast Times glamour shots

ca. August 1983 --- Actresses Jennifer Jason Leigh (front) and Phoebe Cates played the unforgettable roles of Stacy Hamilton and Linda Barrett, respectively, in the 1982 classic . --- Image by © Douglas Kirkland/CORBIS

&

leather boobs

grey sophie tuener

&

these headshots

hemsworth ghostbusters

 

the nottiest nottie of the year

ugly stoopid aline

whatever the fcuk this alien is.  WTF ARE YOU ???

+

them crazy fat crazy naked chicks in Nocturnal Animals that you should be happy I don’t have gifs for (yet)

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Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

palmer-eyes

 Teresa Palmer

 in Hacksaw Jim Duggan

runner up – Natasha Bassett 

Natasha Bassett eyes

in Fail Caesar!

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The Nosey Nose That Knowse Bestest!

aka Bestest Nose!

jenna coleman 3

 Jenna Coleman

 in Me Before You

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Würstest Date Movie/Snoozefest
of 2016

Snoozechester By The Snoozefest

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Best Boys On The Side Players

THIS GUY in Love & Friendship

&

THIS GUY who was a Star Wars extra

john chapman

 and tells his tales in the great Elstree 1976

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Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates

norman-bates-mailer

OMG – that La La Land soundtrack

20th Century Women‘s tunes!

‘Sabotage’ in Star Trek (which seemed so wrong in the trailer, but was so right in the movie!)

Keanu‘s love of George Michael

+

Toni Toni Toni’s daughter

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Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)

 traylor-tractor-gif

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Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!

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Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

Max Steel /  Pete’s Dragon / Bad Moms / Midnight Special / Everybody Wants Some!! / No Pay, Nudity / The BFG

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Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

King Baggot

& Rags Ragland

& Chill Wills

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Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

the best movie from some other year I saw this year

toynbee

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure is STILL as amazing AS Amazing Larry is + tons of tidbits!!

amazing larry mario pee wee

Annelies van Overbeek

alfredo-jimmy-sewart

Martin Short’s wedding coordinator character from Father of The Bride – Franck – IS BASED OFF OF A REAL HUMAN BEING!!!

dr-pepper-halloween

when New York City’s in trouble – who you gonna call? Pat Kiernan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edward-g-ten

So Tell Me Again, Why Did You Have To Die? Part VI

fosters taxi cdriver

seeing Purple Rain for the first time, with an audience that cars

money pit money

RICHARD SIMMONS (may have) PLAYED A FAT GUY IN FELLINI’S SATYRICON!!!!!!!!

freedie darth

woah – Officer Debbie Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) from Police Academy sang the National Anthem at Super Bowl XVII!!!

the lerners

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Movies To Look For In The ‘017

 

Bossk To The Future – A Star Wars Story

Wild Breasts & Where To Find Them

The Detergent Series: PureX

Some Marvel Super Hero Movie
I Could Give 2 Fcuks About

Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s Ridge

Oscar Mike Golf

Bridget Jones’s Farts

Billy Lynn’s Short 20-Second Timeout Walk

16 Fast, 16 Furious

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In Memoriam

gene yellow

hans gruber

duke oscar

garry happy days

gary coleman nancy

loggia

curtis-la

gaynes po0loice

kenny 2d

&

the man who said…

its a trap 

&

the guy that gave us this

_

don’t forget to peep out our  ’15’14, ’13, ’12, ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

how are you still reading this?  and how are you still a fan of this website??  WHO ARE YOU??!??!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Bat Out of Hellz Yeah!!!

The LEGO® Batman Movie
Boy Wonder Boys
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG | 104 min

Like me, you’re human.  Like me, you LOVED The LEGO® Movie!!!  Everything about it was awesome, especially the Batman parts, and so when they decided to make a LEGO® Batman Movie, of course you and I had to see it, and of course we knew it was gonna be AND actually would be equally as AWESOME as the other LEGO® movie was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Batman and the Gotham universe is rich in everything – characters, scenery, color, darkness, awesomeness, and history – and it’s all on display, tongue in cheek, in another mad dash of 100 minutes of LEGO® brick building (and destroying) fun for all ages  

The thing about these LEGO® movies vs actual movies is that the possibilities of what they can do is limitless.  When they make a real Batman movie with humans, they are limited.  They can’t have too much fun, and they can’t do everything.  Well, EVERYTHING happened in this LEGO® Batman Movie, and even though it’s seems like they did everything, I’m sure it won’t be hard for them to top this if they go for a 2nd round of LEGO® Batman Movie (please Lord, make it happen)  

To be honest – this one LEGO® Batman Movie was more entertaining than anything Christopher Nolan ever did with the character, or in fact, any super hero movie released this century done did!  Like LEGO® Batman’s password would say – IRON MAN SUCKS!!!

I don’t see a lot of animated movies, mainly cause I’m an adult without kids (and would much rather see a documentary or an old black & white movie), and mainly cause they don’t make them like they used to, but whatever they’re doing when making these LEGO® movies, they need to NEVER stop, EVER with them

They need to take EVERY existing franchise and turn them into LEGO® movies.  I’m sure they’ll eventually somehow make a Star Wars one, and when they do, it will be better than the new Star Wars movies they’ve been making.  IT WILL BE TRUE!!!

Wouldn’t you rather see young Han Solo as a LEGO®, then as a human who isn’t Harrison Ford?

LEGO® my eggo!!!  And my Solo!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Batman is batsh!t awesome at a theater near jews AND white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thighs Wide Movies 2016

I’m never getting around to seeing Fences or Lion, so here’s…

Dwelve Into These Twelve
of 2016

1) Tower

tower-doc

A real life tragic event gets Waking Lifed, and it’s not only scary and horrific, but hopeful AND inspiring!

2) I Am Not Your Negro

What it’s like to be an African-American in America (when you’re white and have no clue what it’s like).  It raises all sorts of important questions that no one is really asking, or sadly, bothering to answer

3) Patriots Day

An event I didn’t plan on reliving ended up making me feel proud to be an American… in a time I’m ashamed to be an American

4) 20th Century Women

It’s like listening to The Talking Heads for the very first time – WOAH!

5) The Founder

Sometimes it takes some awful in humans to make greatness, and greasiness for us all!

6) The Light Between Oceans

light between oceans

Perhaps the year’s most overlooked movie that had ‘Oscar bait’ written all over it.  You no longer have to take the bait to something that no longer is baiting you, and it’s time for you to no longer overlook this film!

7) Bleed For This

bleed-for-this

if Miles Teller bleeds – I will come!

8) Embrace of the Serpent

I apparently never reviewed Serpent, but you need to Embrace this film – which puts the ‘lonely’ in ‘coLONELYialism’!

9) Streit’s: Matzo and the American Dream

streits matzo doc

All things must pass – even the Lower East Side’s last remaining matzah factory, and with it, a part of Jewish culture and identity in America :( 

10) Hell or High Water

hell-or-high-water-mustaches

Why choose when you can have BOTH hell AND high water!!!

11) Sully

sully

Dude is mad fly!

12) Raiders!: The Story of the Greatest Fan Film Ever Made

raiders dudes

These guys lived out their childhood dreams, in childhood, and finished them in their adulthood!  Fedora hats off forever to these dudes!!

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

Elstree 1976 / Snowden / Rouge One / Love & Friendship / The Witch / Jackie / La La Land / Toni Erdmann / Jheronimus Bosch, Touched by the Devil / Doctor Strange / the first 2/3rds of Moonlight / Indignation / The Lobster / Me Before You / Bridget Jones’s Baby / My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

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