we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2016
and now, for the only awards that matter…
Thirstweenth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards
Crap To The Future Award For Würstest Acting of The Year Award!!!
he somehow molded his character and acting style based on the ‘I think he stole his wallet‘ guy from Back To The Future II – Lester! WTF???
The 7th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK, You Are Not An Actress And Should Stop Pretending To Be One So Please Stop Being An Actress Now Award
The OK, That Awkward Tuna-Salad Lips, Keeping Your Head Down, and Then Picking Your Head Up Thing That You Do In Every Movie Muss Be Stopped Forever Award
no seriously, stop it with those dumb lips of yours
and that face thing you do
The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year
who had EIGHT flix released in 2016!!
Gifs of the Gawds
folding buildings in Doctor Strange!
(better than anything Chis Nolan can do!)
Hairing Is Caring
Aaron Eckhart and his partially Ruffalo-Foxcatchered shaved forehead in Bleed For This!
runner up – his and Hank’s Sully staches!!!
Bob’s Big Girls
The 2016 Bobbies!
The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award
aka – these ladies be DAMN fine award!!
I bleed for Christine Evangelista
and you would too if you saw her in NSFW action
the b-witch-ing Anya Taylor-Joy
the nottiest nottie of the year
whatever the fcuk this alien is. WTF ARE YOU ???
them crazy fat crazy naked chicks in Nocturnal Animals that you should be happy I don’t have gifs for (yet)
Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever
aka Bestest Eyes
in Hacksaw Jim Duggan
runner up – Natasha Bassett
in Fail Caesar!
The Nosey Nose That Knowse Bestest!
aka Bestest Nose!
in Me Before You
Würstest Date Movie/Snoozefest
Best Boys On The Side Players
THIS GUY in Love & Friendship
THIS GUY who was a Star Wars extra
and tells his tales in the great Elstree 1976
Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates
OMG – that La La Land soundtrack
‘Sabotage’ in Star Trek (which seemed so wrong in the trailer, but was so right in the movie!)
Trailers Worth Tractoring
Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!
Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles
Max Steel / Pete’s Dragon / Bad Moms / Midnight Special / Everybody Wants Some!! / No Pay, Nudity / The BFG
Bestest Names Award
Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots
Martin Short’s wedding coordinator character from Father of The Bride – Franck – IS BASED OFF OF A REAL HUMAN BEING!!!
when New York City’s in trouble – who you gonna call? Pat Kiernan!!!!!!!!!!!!!
woah – Officer Debbie Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) from Police Academy sang the National Anthem at Super Bowl XVII!!!
Movies To Look For In The ‘017
Bossk To The Future – A Star Wars Story
Wild Breasts & Where To Find Them
The Detergent Series: PureX
Some Marvel Super Hero Movie
I Could Give 2 Fcuks About
Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s Ridge
Bridget Jones’s Farts
Billy Lynn’s Short 20-Second Timeout Walk
16 Fast, 16 Furious
how are you still reading this? and how are you still a fan of this website?? WHO ARE YOU??!??!
until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
Like me, you’re human. Like me, you LOVED The LEGO® Movie!!! Everything about it was awesome, especially the Batman parts, and so when they decided to make a LEGO® Batman Movie, of course you and I had to see it, and of course we knew it was gonna be AND actually would be equally as AWESOME as the other LEGO® movie was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Batman and the Gotham universe is rich in everything – characters, scenery, color, darkness, awesomeness, and history – and it’s all on display, tongue in cheek, in another mad dash of 100 minutes of LEGO® brick building (and destroying) fun for all ages
The thing about these LEGO® movies vs actual movies is that the possibilities of what they can do is limitless. When they make a real Batman movie with humans, they are limited. They can’t have too much fun, and they can’t do everything. Well, EVERYTHING happened in this LEGO® Batman Movie, and even though it’s seems like they did everything, I’m sure it won’t be hard for them to top this if they go for a 2nd round of LEGO® Batman Movie (please Lord, make it happen)
To be honest – this one LEGO® Batman Movie was more entertaining than anything Christopher Nolan ever did with the character, or in fact, any super hero movie released this century done did! Like LEGO® Batman’s password would say – IRON MAN SUCKS!!!
I don’t see a lot of animated movies, mainly cause I’m an adult without kids (and would much rather see a documentary or an old black & white movie), and mainly cause they don’t make them like they used to, but whatever they’re doing when making these LEGO® movies, they need to NEVER stop, EVER with them
They need to take EVERY existing franchise and turn them into LEGO® movies. I’m sure they’ll eventually somehow make a Star Wars one, and when they do, it will be better than the new Star Wars movies they’ve been making. IT WILL BE TRUE!!!
Wouldn’t you rather see young Han Solo as a LEGO®, then as a human who isn’t Harrison Ford?
LEGO® my eggo!!! And my Solo!!!
Verdictgo: Breast In Show
Batman is batsh!t awesome at a theater near jews AND white nationalists
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
I’m never getting around to seeing Fences or Lion, so here’s…
Dwelve Into These Twelve
A real life tragic event gets Waking Lifed, and it’s not only scary and horrific, but hopeful AND inspiring!
What it’s like to be an African-American in America (when you’re white and have no clue what it’s like). It raises all sorts of important questions that no one is really asking, or sadly, bothering to answer
3) Patriots Day
An event I didn’t plan on reliving ended up making me feel proud to be an American… in a time I’m ashamed to be an American
It’s like listening to The Talking Heads for the very first time – WOAH!
5) The Founder
Sometimes it takes some awful in humans to make greatness, and greasiness for us all!
Perhaps the year’s most overlooked movie that had ‘Oscar bait’ written all over it. You no longer have to take the bait to something that no longer is baiting you, and it’s time for you to no longer overlook this film!
if Miles Teller bleeds – I will come!
8) Embrace of the Serpent
I apparently never reviewed Serpent, but you need to Embrace this film – which puts the ‘lonely’ in ‘coLONELYialism’!
All things must pass – even the Lower East Side’s last remaining matzah factory, and with it, a part of Jewish culture and identity in America :(
Why choose when you can have BOTH hell AND high water!!!
Dude is mad fly!
These guys lived out their childhood dreams, in childhood, and finished them in their adulthood! Fedora hats off forever to these dudes!!
and now for the…
Honor Blackmanable Mentions
Elstree 1976 / Snowden / Rouge One / Love & Friendship / The Witch / Jackie / La La Land / Toni Erdmann / Jheronimus Bosch, Touched by the Devil / Doctor Strange / the first 2/3rds of Moonlight / Indignation / The Lobster / Me Before You / Bridget Jones’s Baby / My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2
until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere