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Pike’s Peaked

Gone Girl
Desperate Housewife
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 149 min

gone girl

Gone Girl the movie is thankfully no Gone Baby Gone

but it’s no Zodiac either. NOTHING IS ZODIAC!!! Zodiac‘s the only great thing post 9/11 besides my wife and Curly Ws!!

What is Gone Girl? Some ballyhooed book by some gal writer who used to write about TV for Entertainment Weekly. Watching all that trashy TV probably helped her come up with her trashy story about a bad husband and a wicked wife, which turns even darker under the watchful eye and skill of director David Fincher‘s skillful watching eye. HIS EYES WATCH, WITH SKILL!!!

There’s like a twist midway thru the film/story that apparently will ruin everything if we mentioned it – so lets juss say – the film is not called Dead Girl. SHE GONE!!!! Who she? She Rosamund Pike – that icy blondey gal who usually doesn’t have much to do in other movies, besides being some pretty girl who our hero wants or something. Well Gone Girl finally showcases Pike’s acting chops, and boy is she choppin here, yo!!! While she GONE, baby, GONE, left holding the bag is hubby Ben Affleck, who has to face the public spotlight, and scrutiny – A ROLE BEN AFFLECK WAS BORN TO PLAY!!!! And a funny thing happens on the way to not loving Ben Affleck as per usual – YOU START TO FEEL FOR BEN AFFLECK(‘s character). GO BEN AFFLECK’S FLAWED CHARACTER!!!

Movie is be long, but it all goes by real quicks. Not exactly sure what went on, or if any of it made sense, but it wasn’t The Curious Case of Benjamin Borings, so that’s good enuff for me, from Fincher, although I always eggspect Zodiac II

Along for the ride are his annoying screen sister (Carrie Coon), his crafty lawyer (Tyler Perry’s Madea‘s Law Firm), and Doogie Howser, playing against type, as a character who is not a child prodigy doctor + apparently Ben Affleck’s penis, and this girl, who’s boobs aren’t gone, they HERE!!!!!

Emily Ratajkowski2

Emily Ratajkowski

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Gone Girl is found at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Kilmer Me Softy With His Eyes

Palo Alto
Nepotism The Movie
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 98 min

palo alto

Apparently if you have the last name Coppola, it’s yer dog-given right to make a film.  And apparently if you’re the child of a movie actor/ess, it’s yer dog-given right to follow in their footsteps.  Man, it muss be tuff to give it the old Hollywood try when all the tries are being given to someone famous’ son or daughter or their cousin, twice removed.  (Too bad my parents were a lawyer and a teacher, although I didn’t follow in either of their footsteps.  Maybe my children will become Thigh Masters.  DO IT KIDS!!!)

Nepotism is on full display in Gia ‘grandaughter of Francis Ford’ Coppola‘s Palo Alto, starring Eric Roberts’ daughter and Val Kilmer & Joanne Whalley’s son (Val is in it to, but for maybe like 10 seconds).  The film is based off of James Franco’s book of short stories, and he gets a role in the film too.  Somehow his brother Dave Franco didn’t get nepotized into the cast.  (I did a quick check of the rest of the roster, but couldn’t find any more famous parental connections, outside of minor roles for Emma Gretzky and Bailey… Coppola)

OK, all that nepo-ness aside, the movie Palo Alto is still a movie and is somewhere between aunt Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere, and yet nowhere, and also Gus van Pretentious’ Paranoid Park, with a heavy dose all things Bret Easton Ellis.  So what I’m saying is Palo Alto is a moody piece of something, that’s really nothing.  Usually I loathe those kind of movies, and obviously I’m no giant fan of nepotism, AND YET, I still kinda really enjoyed Palo Alto

Why?

- there’s a faux recreation of Phoebe Cates’ Fast Times pool ascent scene, for no reason

- Kenny Powers’ fatty nephew is in it

Nat Wolff’s hair and attitude 

- the dumb high school talk

- it wasn’t awful like The Bling Ring was

- seeing what Chris Messina high and touchy-feely would look like

- the score

Father Guido Sarducci is in it (the actor, not the character), and he funny!

- it made me feel uneasy from start to finish, and I have no idea why, but movies should make you feel something, and this movie did

- and mainly cause I’m now in love with Val Kilmer & Joanne Whalley’s son Jack.  he’s almost hotter than both mom AND dad, and that’s basically impossible.  he looks like mini-Beck-River Phoenix.  I want to play with his hair.  I want to live on his face

jack kilmer

jack kilmer cu

jack kilmer 2

jackkilmer2

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Palo is palling about in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

val kilmer ice

jo whaley

val joanne

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Stripes & Stars

beach boys striped

plly mc

dick van stripes

colleen moore patriot

bobby brady

Gondoliers

angie dickinson

stripers

toothy

mick

breathless

jay north dennis menace

mary lou

gweny

capone stripes

pizza red shirt

gallagher

sally stripes

bardot

urkel

striped bathing suits

kirk 20000

freddy k

elvis

stand by me

REGINALD VELJOHNSON

monroe

troggs

striped time

beatles stripes

stache striped

hamburglar

quant2

rick nelson

olivia newton

bud collins

gary colemam

davy jones

debbie harry

marquette

picasso

zack morris

cadets

foot locker

jane fonda

redford

german stripes

 

bert ernie

cobain

mork mindy

edie andy

cindy crawford

peter brady

coco c

iu pants

audrey striped

china mcdonalds

kingston trio

twiggy2

shirley temple

waldos

freddie dreamers

steelers

ann mags

daper dans

smee

wendy thomas

zebra man

bettle

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The Front & Back Page

Bettie Page Reveals All
Pin-Up, Chin-Up
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 101 min

bettie page

You saw that Notorious Bettie Page movie, right?????  If you wanted to see Gretchen Mol gloriously topless in a gloriously filmed ‘art’ movie you most certainly did!!!  That movie was purty dang good, but we felt it to be rather incomplete –  wondering ‘whatever became of her, post-pin-up daze’???  Yeah, WHAT HAPPENED TO BETTIE PAGE AFTER SHE WENT FROM PIN-UP QUEEN TO WOMAN IN HIDING QUEEN?????  Well, for those thirsting for that ‘what’ (ME! ME! ME! ME!), ‘s doc delivers the answers, in spades AND boobs, and in Bettie Page‘s own words/voice!!!!!  Sadly, the doc itself looks like it was edited by a 6 year old film student using a Commodore 64, but slipshoddiness aside, if you have ANY interest in Bettie or her boops OR boobs, you GOTS to give in and check out Bettie Page Reveals All, for all is revealed, just like the title sez!!!!

VerdictgoJeepers Worth A Peepers

a Page turner opens in NY tomorrow, and elsewhere elsewhen

sorry, gotz to jet, juss thought of something that needs my immediate attention.  now where’s that bottle of lotion and box of kleenexessz???

mol bettie

(Bettie herself rules, but I choose Mol as Page over the real thing every day, ALL DAY!!!)

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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