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The Movie About Movies That Wasn’t There

Hail, Caesar!
What The Hail???
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 106 min

hail caesar

You sit there watching the Coen BrosHail, Caesar!, and you think to yourself – this is cool – they love old Hollywood, I love old Hollywood, they’re totally doing right by old Hollywood, and as the movie snappily moves along, you start to realize that nothing is really going on, and you’ve laughed MAYBE twice during this comedy, and by the time that Joel & Ethan’s name appear on screen to kick off the end credits, you start to question what in the film is there to actually hail?

It seems like the Coen Bros invested more time on casting, or OVER-casting (Josh Brolin, George Clooney, Alden Ehrenreich, Ralph Fiennes, Jonah Hill, Scarlett Johansson, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, Channing TatumAlison PillChristopher LambertFred MelamedPatrick FischlerDavid KrumholtzFisher StevensAlex KarpovskyClancy BrownRobert PicardoDolph Lundgren and Michael Gambon‘s voice), than they did trying to construct a fluid movie.  They have ideas – WAY too many of them – and they’d maybe work if they were short films, but together as one long film – it’s juss a bunch of loving valentines with no heart

What I don’t REALLY understand, like I also didn’t REALLY understand with Inside Llewyn Davis, is if this stuff is based on reallife stuff, then why do the Coen Bros bother to fictionalize it into fluff?  They would be better off actually making a movie about the real players, instead of trying to impress us with their impressions.  It’s a waste of their talents, and a waste of our time

I mean, they obviously put a lot of thought into the movie, but I juss didn’t think too much of it.  Less is more.  They needed less of most of it, and more Alden Ehrenreich.  He gets a hail + the sets + Josh Brolin’s tuff gruff + the double dip of Tilda Swinton

Trumbo captured a similar time and themes in Hollywood, but it lacked the professional polish the Coen Bros gave Caesar.  Maybe the Coen Bros should have made Trumbo, instead of trying to make a movie that makes you feel like a sad trombone after watching it

Hail YEAH!!: it’s been awhile since we highlighted some movie hotties.  so here’s two that need hailing!!!

Natasha Bassett

Natasha Bassett

Natasha Bassett 3

Natasha Bassett eyes

Natasha Bassett 2

&

Emily Beecham

Emily Beecham

Emily Beecham 2

Emily Beecham 3

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Caesar is a mixed salad today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Box & One & Thensome

Creed
Spawn Sacrifice
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 133 min

creed

A funny thing happened to the Rocky film series as it got older – it got better.  2006’s Rocky Balboa was fcuking great.  It was nice to have Rocky back, and for Sylvester Stallone to act fo’real, instead of acting a’fool.  And I thought that was that… until writer/director Ryan Coogler came up with an ever better idea – what if Apollo Creed breed?  He did, and his forgotten son Adonis (a fit and fantastic and a fine mustachioed Michael B. Jordan) wants in on the family rope-a-doping, but he aint gonna get there without SlyRocky Ballone’s words of wisdom and fistdom.  And that pretty much tells you what you need to know about what Creed is… besides, in a word, awesomeszósz!!

And Tessa Thompson is so fine.  She needs to be in everything, including her own pants (that’s how fine she is – she needs to jump her own bones!)

tessa t

tessa t bw

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Creed packs a wallup – still in theaters near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Wet T-Shirt No Contest

the deep     deep wet bissett

deep water

bissset deep

JacquelineBisset1977TheDeep 4

JacquelineBisset1977TheDeep 3

JacquelineBisset1977TheDeep

JacquelineBisset1977TheDeep 2

bless you Jacqueline Bisset and water and t-shirts and the combo of all three

 

Star Wars Flashback: When No Theater Wanted to Show the Movie in 1977 (and wanted to show wet t-shirts instead!)

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My Sweet Lourd

Carrie Fisher’s daughter Billie Lourd is super adorable, juss like mom, and she’s in The Force Awakens!!!!!

billie lourd

lourd awakens

and she’s not afraid to have a little bun fun

scream queens billie lourd

lourd bun

lourd look

head bob lourd

lourd

buillie lourd nod

lourde

leia bun

billie lourd nomrkla

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Spectrefapping

every female that appears in a Bond movie is a Bond Girl, and so here be…

the Bond Girls of Spectre

Léa Seydoux

léa seydoux

Madeleine Swann

Monica Bellucci

Monica Bellucci
Lucia

Stephanie Sigman

Stephanie Sigman

Estrella

Adriana Paz

Adriana Paz

Mexican Woman in Lift

Brigitte Millar

Brigitte Millar

Vogel

Noemi Krausz

noemi krausz

Snowboarder #1

Marie Fee Wohlmuth

Marie Fee Wohlmuth

Snowboarder #6

Lili Epply

Lili Epply

Snowboarder #7

Lara Parmiani

Lara Parmiani

L’Americain Manager

Jill Buchanan

Jill Buchanan

London Business Woman 

Leila Elbahy

Leila Elbahy

Business Woman Passerby 

Neve Gachev

Neve Gachev

Clinic Patron

Yumiko Hanasaka

Yumiko Hanasaka

Whitehall Commuter

Rogers Leona

Rogers Leona
Business woman

Joanne Manchester

Joanne Manchester
Business Woman

Conny Sharp

Conny Sharp
Corpse Bride 

Ruolan Zhang

Ruolan Zhang
Clinic VIP Guest

Sid Man

sid man
Boss, Palazzo meeting

 

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