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The March of Times

Selma
(Mostly) Down With The King
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 127 min

selma

How has there never been a full length feature film made about Martin Luther King Jr, before Ava DuVernay‘s Selma marched onto the scene????  HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW????  I know Spike Lee wanted to make one, and I’m sure Spielberg did too, and anyone else who has a brain in Hollywood (about 4 people), and yet none got made.  And so we have/are stuck with Selma, which is a good start, but certainly not the greatest, for a man who deserves greatness.  Selma is such a small, albeit important, part of the King legacy, but for a movie mainly about him, don’t we want to see the complete picture?  The rise AND the fall?  The march on Washington and the assassination in Memphis????  There aren’t 20 Malcolm X movies, but the one we have is definitive.  It tells the whole story.  Who’s gonna bother now with a whole King movie?  Throne alone!

Well, we got Selma.  Its got some good (David Oyelowo as King is a royal treat, and so is his MLK Jr stache, and the costumes, and the other stuff), but it also has some whateves.net (like it be mad dry and boring at times – several times! and Oprah, why do you have to be in movies????  you add nothing to everything cinematic!  stay behind the scenes and just throw your money at movies so they can get made!!  and what’s with all the British actors playing Americans?  it’s like letting James Bond being played by a Yankee – and I aint talkin bout Derek Jeter).  But we got Selma, and it’s alright.  We shall overcome this!  Maybe we won’t, but we all have dreams

but will never undercome for such hotness as…

Carmen Ejogo

Carmen Ejogo

+

Tessa Thompson

tessa thom

tessa 3

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Selma blairs at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

ebony

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Problem Solving

The Problem Children reunited for The John Ritter Foundation for Aortic Health

problem child1

problem child2

problem child3

[don’t know how we missed this!]

problem child4

dude, Ivyann Schwan is a-dorbsz!!!

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Pike’s Peaked

Gone Girl
Desperate Housewife
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 149 min

gone girl

Gone Girl the movie is thankfully no Gone Baby Gone

but it’s no Zodiac either. NOTHING IS ZODIAC!!! Zodiac‘s the only great thing post 9/11 besides my wife and Curly Ws!!

What is Gone Girl? Some ballyhooed book by some gal writer who used to write about TV for Entertainment Weekly. Watching all that trashy TV probably helped her come up with her trashy story about a bad husband and a wicked wife, which turns even darker under the watchful eye and skill of director David Fincher‘s skillful watching eye. HIS EYES WATCH, WITH SKILL!!!

There’s like a twist midway thru the film/story that apparently will ruin everything if we mentioned it – so lets juss say – the film is not called Dead Girl. SHE GONE!!!! Who she? She Rosamund Pike – that icy blondey gal who usually doesn’t have much to do in other movies, besides being some pretty girl who our hero wants or something. Well Gone Girl finally showcases Pike’s acting chops, and boy is she choppin here, yo!!! While she GONE, baby, GONE, left holding the bag is hubby Ben Affleck, who has to face the public spotlight, and scrutiny – A ROLE BEN AFFLECK WAS BORN TO PLAY!!!! And a funny thing happens on the way to not loving Ben Affleck as per usual – YOU START TO FEEL FOR BEN AFFLECK(‘s character). GO BEN AFFLECK’S FLAWED CHARACTER!!!

Movie is be long, but it all goes by real quicks. Not exactly sure what went on, or if any of it made sense, but it wasn’t The Curious Case of Benjamin Borings, so that’s good enuff for me, from Fincher, although I always eggspect Zodiac II

Along for the ride are his annoying screen sister (Carrie Coon), his crafty lawyer (Tyler Perry’s Madea‘s Law Firm), and Doogie Howser, playing against type, as a character who is not a child prodigy doctor + apparently Ben Affleck’s penis, and this girl, who’s boobs aren’t gone, they HERE!!!!!

Emily Ratajkowski2

Emily Ratajkowski

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Gone Girl is found at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Kilmer Me Softy With His Eyes

Palo Alto
Nepotism The Movie
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 98 min

palo alto

Apparently if you have the last name Coppola, it’s yer dog-given right to make a film.  And apparently if you’re the child of a movie actor/ess, it’s yer dog-given right to follow in their footsteps.  Man, it muss be tuff to give it the old Hollywood try when all the tries are being given to someone famous’ son or daughter or their cousin, twice removed.  (Too bad my parents were a lawyer and a teacher, although I didn’t follow in either of their footsteps.  Maybe my children will become Thigh Masters.  DO IT KIDS!!!)

Nepotism is on full display in Gia ‘grandaughter of Francis Ford’ Coppola‘s Palo Alto, starring Eric Roberts’ daughter and Val Kilmer & Joanne Whalley’s son (Val is in it to, but for maybe like 10 seconds).  The film is based off of James Franco’s book of short stories, and he gets a role in the film too.  Somehow his brother Dave Franco didn’t get nepotized into the cast.  (I did a quick check of the rest of the roster, but couldn’t find any more famous parental connections, outside of minor roles for Emma Gretzky and Bailey… Coppola)

OK, all that nepo-ness aside, the movie Palo Alto is still a movie and is somewhere between aunt Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere, and yet nowhere, and also Gus van Pretentious’ Paranoid Park, with a heavy dose all things Bret Easton Ellis.  So what I’m saying is Palo Alto is a moody piece of something, that’s really nothing.  Usually I loathe those kind of movies, and obviously I’m no giant fan of nepotism, AND YET, I still kinda really enjoyed Palo Alto

Why?

- there’s a faux recreation of Phoebe Cates’ Fast Times pool ascent scene, for no reason

- Kenny Powers’ fatty nephew is in it

Nat Wolff’s hair and attitude 

- the dumb high school talk

- it wasn’t awful like The Bling Ring was

- seeing what Chris Messina high and touchy-feely would look like

- the score

Father Guido Sarducci is in it (the actor, not the character), and he funny!

- it made me feel uneasy from start to finish, and I have no idea why, but movies should make you feel something, and this movie did

- and mainly cause I’m now in love with Val Kilmer & Joanne Whalley’s son Jack.  he’s almost hotter than both mom AND dad, and that’s basically impossible.  he looks like mini-Beck-River Phoenix.  I want to play with his hair.  I want to live on his face

jack kilmer

jack kilmer cu

jack kilmer 2

jackkilmer2

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Palo is palling about in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

val kilmer ice

jo whaley

val joanne

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