Thighs Wide Shut

caught up on a lot of movies.  no time to devote full diatribes – so quick hitz!

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Skywalker works because it wasn’t The Last Jedi.  You really screwed the pooch Rian Johnson.  Can’t blame J.J. for trying to right/write the ship when he was handed a mess and a mop and bucket, and had the impossible task of moving on with Princess Leia, when you don’t really have her.  Kudos to you J.J.  I knew this would work when early in the film they were like, hey Rose, wanna join us on this adventure, and she was like, sorry, I need to stay back and be thrown in character jail.  I literally cheered out loud when that happened.

When did servicing fans become a bad thing?  This is a continued trilogy of the original trilogy.  We want more of the same.  Save different fom the next non-Skywalker trilogy

Only REAL misfire?  Lando was underused and basically a waste.  Still, he’s one smooth muther fcuker!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

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Hustlers

This movie is a piece of garbage.  You’d think a movie with endless beautiful actresses barely wearing anything, and riding on poles and crotches for almost two hours would be something watchable.  It’s not.  You count down the seconds until these ‘hustlers’ are caught and the credits roll.  Jo-L deserves a Razzie more than a nomination for any actual award of merit.  She’s a talented entertainer, but not even remotely a talented actress.  Cardi B was no better, but I will admit, I enjoyed seeing her Cardi DD ‘talents’ out on display.  Stay away and just read the original article it’s based on.  It’s enuff to get you off

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

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Parasite (기생충)

If a foreign language movie can keep my attention and grab it (on home viewing) – it’s a success, and Parasite is way more than a success.  It’s like Us, but actually well done and meaningful.

Also, it’s two crazed movies within one.  The first half is a melancholy comedic grifter flick, and then when we go into the basement, it becomes a psychological horror show that’s real horrorshow!

Also, that house should get an award for best movie house!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

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The Last Black Man in San Francisco

I love movies that are soulful postcards of cities.  My Winnipeg comes to mind as one of the best I’ve seen this century. Last Black Man in San Francisco isn’t the best, but it has soul, and the postcard is really damn pretty.  Plus, Emile Mosseri’s score is one of the best scores I’ve heard since Michael Nyman’s for Wonderland.  SCORE!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

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Knives Out

Big stars and a whole lot of big nothing. I’m late to the game here but I don’t see what the big deal is.  Sure, we all like large group Agatha Christie whodunits, but this whodidn’t.  It wishes it was clever.  It wishes it was Clue.  It has a nice title treatment, and Ana de Armas is nice to look it.  The rest??? Blow me Rian Johnson.  Wait, blow yourself.  You can tell he had already been doing so with his ‘snappy’ and ‘witty’ script

Verdictgo: Whatever – it’s not Clue

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stay tuned.  more to pun

Ad Astra
Stellar-Inter
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 122 min

Brad Pitt emoting in space > George Clooney dying in space (and I REALLY enjoyed watching Clooney die in space!).  Best Brad’s been in years!!!!  Maybe cause he did less talking… and more emoting!

Also, why make a space movie where you only go to the moon or Mars or Neptune, when you can make a movie where you go to ALL THREE!!!  But no love for Uranus?

But why did you have to include a Subway Sandwich shop at the moon spaceport?  I thought in the future people would be smarter and stop eating Subway cause it sucks, and especially cause their lettuce is shredded newspaper

But way to reuse Space Cowboy stuff!!!  If only they could have figured out a way to reuse Tommy Lee Jones Clay Shaw JFGay stuff!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

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Mark Knopfler + Bonnie Raitt
Madison Square Garden
September 25

THEY GAVE US SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT!

But where was the sweatband Mark??? 

And how the funk have you never played ‘Storybook Love‘ live in concert, and even if you never did, how could you NOT break it out on the VERY anniversary of the release date of The Princess Bride????  I mean, you can play whatever you want to play (c’mon, ‘Bacon Roll’??), but there are missed opportunities and then there are REALLY missed opportunities!!  YOU MISSED IT!!! And where was Sting?  Or all the sports highlights paired to your ‘Walk of Life’, which wasn’t even worthy of playing??

Bonnie Raitt Setlist – Unintended Consequence of Love/ Need You Tonight / One Belief Away / I Believe I’m in Love With You / Devil Got My Woman / Something to Talk About / Thing Called Love / Angel From Montgomery / I Can’t Make You Love Me / You Got the Love / Love Sneakin’ Up On You

Mark Knopfler Setlist – Why Aye Man / Corned Beef City / Sailing to Philadelphia / Once Upon a Time in the West / Romeo and Juliet / My Bacon Roll / Matchstick Man / Done With Bonaparte / Heart Full of Holes / Your Latest Trick / Postcards From Paraguay / On Every Street

Encore – Money for Nothing / Wherever I Go (with Bonnie Raitt) / Going Home: Theme of the Local Hero

View this post on Instagram

maybe the money’s for nothing (and the chicks for free), but a night of two mighty Marks • @markknopfler + @unclegrambo • is pri¢ele$$

A post shared by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on Sep 26, 2019 at 4:16am PDT

Midsommar
Swedish Fishy
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 147 min

this sums up my incredible cinematic experience with Midsommar perfectly…

OMG! @MidsommarMovie is the movie I’ve always been looking for!!!!!!! WICKER MAN + PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK + TX CHAINSAW MASSACRE + THE WHITE RIBBON + THE SOURCE FAMILY + THE VILLAGE + THE SHINING guy in a bear costume!!!!!! #MIDSOMMAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¡

— thigh masteя (@thighmaster) July 16, 2019

Verdictgo: Breast In Show 

Midsommar never ends in a theater near jews and white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Rocketman
He’s Still Standing, And Outstanding
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 122 min

Who knew that Elton John‘s life story was so sad??!!!? We know that sad songs say so much, but his music is so un-sad – it’s joyous!!  And although 74% of the movie about Reginald Dwight’s transformation from broke bloke to sensational superstar is super sad (it’s like Tommy meets Pink Floyd’s The Wall, but WAY less  creepy and scary), you’ll be too busy enjoying the rise, to forget about the fall

What I particularly liked about Dexter Fletcher (that guy from Lock Stock!!) and Lee Hall‘s film is the pace – NON-stop.  You don’t even know where you are on the calendar year.  Time flies. The music soars.  The pain is real, but the antidote is right around the corner.  You can feel it.  It’s almost here!

Also, no knock on Taron Egerton, but before I saw Rocketman, I didn’t think for a second that the Kingsman kid would be able to pull off a role like this.  After?  I WAS BEYOND FCUKING WRONG.  TARON!  TARON!  TARON!!!  I mean, Elton’s retiring soon, so why doesn’t he go on tour with Adam Lambert and they can sing Queen and Elton songs and make billionz!!

Oh, and ALL those fcuking costumes!  And hairpieces!  And glasses!!  Make an special one year Academy Award for best movie glasses!!  SEEING IS BELIEVING 

Verdictgo: Breast In Show 

Rocketman has already lift-off

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Favourite
Powdered Go NUTS!
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 121 min

We keep wanting someone to be out next Stanley Kubrick, and while some push and argue for David Fincher or Christopher Nolan to be that guy, I think people are overlooking the work and genius that is Yorgos Lanthimos, as he’s the best heir to the throne!

His Dogtooth was a revelation.  The Lobster wasn’t perfect, but we haven’t escaped its claws either and are still thinking about it years later.  The Killing of a Sacred Deer?  Oh deer!!!!!!!!!!!

And his latest, the first he didn’t have a hand in writing – The Favourite?  It’s like Barry Lyndon trapped in The Overlook Hotel, and that’s a wonderful wonderful wonderful thing.  And if you’ve found Lanthimos’ other work to be way too bleak and hard to handle, this may suit your pansy-self a lot better, you pantsy pansy you!

Corseted Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz deliciously duel each other for the love and attention of Queen Anne (a maddeningly magnificent Olivia Colman).  There is not a single non-tense moment in the film – it’s like watching one long-ass fuse burn and burn and burn, as we wait for the dynamite to explode.  Along the way in this power play, we also get a cadre of powdered up men (Nicholas Hoult, Mr. Taylor Swift, James Smith, and Mark Gatiss) doing their own fun scheming and conniving.  If you have a back in this movie, it will get stabbed.  

Screw Jane Austen – cause Lanthimos’ court jesting is more aligned to my nutty senses and sensibilities!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Favourite compels U in NY/LA today and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…