Tag Archives: Breast In Show

Third Time’s A Smarm

The Trip To Spain
Spanish, Fly
Official Site | Trailer
Not Rated | 111 min

I never really thought about it, but Michael Winterbottom and Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon‘s Trip series of films is a bona fide franchise – and in fact the best one going.  The first Trip landed at #17 on our best of 2011 list (woah, what a GREAT year of film that was).  The second Trip, which took the boys To Italy, netted #2.5 on our best of 2014 list!  Where will there latest adventure land in 2017?  Too early to make such lists, but The Trip To Spain will reign in my heart and mind and soul not only this year, but for every year that I breathe  

I LOVE these guys.  I LOVE these movies.  They may not be breaking new ground on each trek (although this one had quite an ending), but they certainly can dish it out, and I will continuously scarf down whatever they’re serving!  

I really don’t have much more to say other then PLEASE keep making more(Roger Moore) Trip movies, forever and fivealways.  I’d love to see the boys set loose in North America, and if so, can we make it a table for 3???

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

embark on The Trip To Spain, currently in limited release 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Foam & Away

Three Directions, Singular Styles
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 106 min

I am all for Christopher Nolan, and yet sometimes I am not.  Sometimes he hits it right, like his prestigious and tricky Prestige (still my personal fav of his). Other times he gets a lil too deceptive and heady, like with Inception.  Sometimes there’s good Battiness, and sometimes bad.  The guy always tries to make stellar work, as seen mos recently with Interstellar, and yet, for some reason, I don’t always look forward to what’s coming up next from him

I love movies.  I love film.  I love 35mm film being projected.  I want 35mm film to survive, and yet when I hear about Nolan pushing to keep it alive, I am somehow turned off by it and him.  Maybe it’s cause he seems so cocky and self-important.  Or thinks he’s the second coming of Stanley Kubrick.  Or maybe it’s cause he has such great hair.  Damn, I wish I had such hair!

Well, after watching his latest, very unpretentious, and mos excellent Dunkirk, I’m ready to let bygones be gone!

YOU DID IT CHRISTOPHER!!!!  You left all the overthinking and overdoing in the present and made very good by going back into the past!!!

Cause in the past, you can’t have buildings fold, or people walking on the ceiling, or Tom Hardy talking like he has 12838383 muzzles on his mouth.  Oh wait, you can!!

Anywho – what a fcuking show!!!  You learn NOTHING about this WWII battle, where English soldiers are practicality marooned on a French beach, while Germans have their way with them, but that’s OK.  I’m sure the actual soldiers on the beach (look how Captainy Kenneth Branagh looks!), and in the sky (oh, that Jack Lowden is a looker!) and in the sea (Mark Rylance, better at acting AND sailing than wearing hats) also had no clue as to what was going on either!!  And how can you better sympathize with your on-screen heroes when you know about as much as they do!  WE KNOW NOTHING!!!!  CEPT HOW RAD THIS MOVIE WAS!!!  AND WHAT INCREDIBLE SOUNDS WE DONE HEARD!!!  (if the movie only wins ONE Oscar, let it be for the sound one that awards achievement in HEXplosions and plane noises)

Juss so darn lucky to not have to fight in a war like these people did

Juss wish we were as lucky as Harry Styles is!  He’s so handsome!!!!  So fcuking fine looking that the ocean starts to ejaculate all over the beach anytime he’s near.  LOOK AT ALL THAT SEA FOAM!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Dunkirk is far from DUMBkirk at a theater near jews and white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Luc, You’re Our Only Hope

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Luc’s Skywalking, And Everyone Else Is Sleepwalking
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 134 min

After seeing Luc Besson‘s super fun Lucy, I declared that I wanted him to ‘direct all my blockbuster blusters‘.  My wish was beyond granted in his Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, where imagination knows no bounds, and awe and awesome is around every corner!!!  

Sadly, others don’t seem to agree with my sediments, and the audiences have spurned it as well.  This wholly creative cinematic force will die a quick death in theaters, and with that, any hope of a sequel, or the chance of big studios taking other chances on chancy material that isn’t a known commodity.  Well that sucks!  Damn you people!!!  Didn’t you see The 5th Element?  Do you not want more of THAT same, but with a fcuking dope 21st century digital landscape that makes George Lucas’ Star Wars prequels look like Pong???

Do you not want to see a movie that has Rihanna doing this (AND MORE)???

Are these slick-a$$ robots not slick-a$$ enuff for ye???

Do you not want to take your favorite memories of Avatar, A.I., Mad Max, Mos Eisley, The Neverending Story, Moulin Rouge and Contact and have them rolled up into one stellar movie roller coaster that’s beyond well worth the ride?

OK, so they maybe could have found a better Valerian than Dane DeHaan, but he was fine.  And I’m not usually a fan of smelling-a-bad-fart-faced Cara Delevingne, but here, as Val’s girl Friday – Laureline, she’s a woman with more depth and rockitude than anything Wonder Woman womanized!  

WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?  YOU DON’T WANT THIS, AND INSTEAD YOU WANT CRAP???  WELL, YOU WILL KEEP GETTING CRAP!!!!  Hollywood will continue to make the garbage that you so rightfully deserve

I believe, and sincerely hope that time will be kind to Besson’s Valerian.  Today’s box office ‘bomb’ will one day turn into a cult classic that we’ll be talking about well beyond the 28th century.  Beam me up, and boo on you haters!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Valerian  soars at a theater near jews and white nationalists (but hurry – shiz is gonna leave theaters ASAP!!)

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Paint Mrs Behavin

Micro, Soft Paint
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 115 min

Maud Lewis was a simple woman, who lived a simple existence in a simple Nova Scotian coastal town.  Apparently everything else about her was not so simple.  She suffered from juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, and in turn, suffered from unsupportive and resentful relatives.  No one believed in her, or her ability to do anything because of her condition.  That trend continued when a no-nonsense loner fish peddler named Everett Lewis begrudgingly took her on as a live-in housekeeper, in his simple tiny home, cause simply there was no one else willing to take the job.  But after she moved in, she started to slowly move into his heart, and as she began to open hers, her talent as a folksy, SIMPLE painter emerged, and Everett succumbed to both painter and her paint.  Soon, others from around the continent (even Richard Nixon!) would line-up behind Everett to do the same.  YOU GO MAUDE!!

This is the subject of the simple, yet simply beautiful new film Maudie by Aisling Walsh, starring the mos eggsalad Sally Hawkins as the real-life subject, and a Sling-BladeEthan Hawke as the curmudgeon husband to be.  The movie is unassuming, unshowy, unpolished – and the exact kind of movie diversion we need during the summer of usual cinematic garbage.  Its simplicity is a stroke of genius – so dig in, and watch the paint  (Canada) dry, and perhaps watch as your eyes don’t remain dry!

VerdictgoBreast In Show

Maudie is on display currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Better Off Zed

The Lost City of Z
Hunnam Beef Cake
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 141 min

We all have boners for Indiana Jones.  But what if I told you that there was a real Indiana Jones, but he didn’t necessarily find what he was looking for?  You probably have at least a halfie right now, right?  Left?

Well, there was once a British bloke named Percy Fawcett, who became obsessed with finding a lost city in the dense Amazonian jungles, in the early 20th Century.  He was like a (then) modern day conquistador, a dashing Don Quixote, tilting at windmills for something that may not even exist.  He tried again and again to find a lost city he called ‘Z’, before ultimately disappearing for good in his final attempt.  SPOILER ALERT!!!  But nothing can be spoiled by true facts…  facts spelled out in author David Grann‘s MOS eggsalad New Yorker article/turned book about Fawcett and his life’s yearning mission of discovery, which has now been transformed into a grand motion picture written and directed by James Gray – The Lost City of Z

Now before you get all excited to grab a whip and get a crackin’, you must know that Fawcett’s adventure isn’t even close to being on the level of anything that the great Dr Jones accomplished.  You would think that WOULD be the case by looking at the image above, but that’s just one tiny part.  When not dodging the natives, Fawcett and company are kept busy by chopping dense trees in the jungle, attracting diseases, losing supplies, and being away from family (his are played by Sienna Miller and Tom Holland) for years, but yet, never losing hope of finding Z

And we don’t lose hope in Fawcett or his convictions and dreams either, cause he flows so well in the acting body of Charlie Hunnam.  I haven’t seen Sons of Anarchy or anything else he’s been in (although apparently he was in Children of Men), so he’s all new to me.  Oh man, I now LOVES ME SOME HUNNAM BEEF!!!!  He’s like an equally as gruff/less obnoxious/easier to understand Tom Hardy!  He’s like Brad Pitt, but he can actually act!  I know we’re half-ish way through the cinematic year, but it’s gonna be tough for anyone to top the Indiana Jonesing hard-on I have for Charlie as Percy.  Man o man!  BREAST IN SHOW ACTING!!  Hunnam as Fawcett – my cup runneth over!!!

But like I said, you may be put off by a movie about discovery that actually doesn’t really discover anything, but you will at least discover how incredible Charlie Hunnam (and his mustache) is (and how Robert Pattinson is also pretty darn good too… looking like Fagin from Oliver Twist)

I hope you found what you were looking for Percy, and are still chilling in Z!  Z’s nuts!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Lost is FOUND currently at a theater near jews AND white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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