Tag Archives: Breast In Show

Manes Best Friend

The Rider
Cowboy Up, And Down, But Not Out
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

R | 105 min

Native American… cowboys???  They exist!  And one in particular’s real life story has been turned into an incredible pure American feature film starring the rodeo driver (his family and friends) himself (and themselves)!  Chloé Zhao‘s The Rider is to be seen, and to be savored!   In competition, Brady Jandreau had a horse stomp on his head and almost fatally crush his skull!!!  Brady (who looks like a leaner, rougher Josh Hartnett) was lucky to be alive, but he had to give up the only life he’s known and loved – rodeo horse riding, cause one more false move could spell the end of his days.  But this cowboy would not go gently into that badnight.  Sure, his best friend Lane Scott suffered a worse fate (in the movie AND in real life) – immobilized and incapable of speech – but Brady just wants to get back on a horse – or get as close as he can, like training them.  The ‘will he or won’t’ he tension, trioed with family financial hardships, and his touching relationship with his real-life and screen-life sister with Asperger’s syndrome – Lily, is a triple threat of cinematic awesomeness.  Saddle up folks, this one is for home AND the range

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Isle of Dogs
Scruffy Looking Nerd Hoarders
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

PG-13 | 105 min

Forget human beings Wes, cause your cutesy minutiae works best when you’re playing with actual toys.  Personally, I don’t think you’ve hit a human home run since Tenenbaums, but as Fantastic Mr Fox and now Isle of Dogs shows, you can be SO freaking creative and provide SO much fantastical fun when utilizing stop-motion animation.  I am not usually a fan of stop-motion animation, or even dogs, or even Greta Gerwig, but you nailed it (minus the Greta Gerwig part)

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

The Rider saddles up in limited release, while Dogs remains in da house at a theater near jews AND white nationalists!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Camelot CameNOT

Chappaquiddick
Sunk Political Aspirations
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

PG-13 | 101 min

You’ve heard the names Chappaquiddick, Ted Kennedy and Mary Jo Kopechne before, but do you truly KNOW the UNTOLD STORY between those three?  I didn’t either, BUT NOW THE TRUTH CAN BE TOLD!!!  IN MOVIE FORM!

CHAPPAQUIDDICK!!!!!!!!!!!!

And?

Chappaquiddick > Chappaqua

Chappaquiddick > quidditch 

Chappaquiddick > Japaquidbitch (whatever that means)

but fo’realz, this movie has more umph and gusto and infotainment to it in every inch of its being than the snoozefest The Post had in all of its snoozing.  TAKE THAT THE POST!!!  Take your Oscar nominations and shove em up yer a$$!

But I’m a sucker for faux Kennedy accents and novelty teef, and so I was THE target audience to watch Jason Clarke loom large as the Massachusetts Senator done bad and make dumb.  You root for Jason as Ted, and you shake your head at him/them, and then you want to smack him like father Joe does (Bruce Dern, making quite the splash with limited strokes), and then you want hug him, and then you want to shrug him, and then you want to vote for him, and then you want to leave theater cause the movie has ended and there’s nothing left to see, but there was PLENTY to see, including Kate Mara drown, and Ed Helms be effective in a drama (when I didn’t think he could shake his funniness and be serious), and Jim Gaffigan do the same (although he barely has anything to do, and he’s still the biggest waste of CBS Sunday Morning screentime), and Clancy Brown with slicked back McNamara hair!!!

The truth has been told, or whatever truth they claim to be true, and I fell for it, hook, line and sunk-her

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Chappaquiddick doesn’t suck dick at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Stranger Danger Things

A Quiet Place
Shush, Money
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

PG-13 | 90 min

Imagine if Jim Halpert took over Schrute Farms, and instead of being so cocky and talky, he had to keep silent (CAUSE LIKE ALIEN BUG THINGS HATE NOISE AND WILL KILL THINGS THAT MAKE NOISE!), and be in a movie you’d expect M. Night Shyamalan to make – and that is what A Quiet Place is!!

Never did I expect a movie directed/co-written/starring John Krasinski to be THIS good.  His directorial debut left much to be desired.  Never saw his follow-up, cause I never thought much of his non-Jim talents.  BOY WAS I WRONG.  I’m sure you were/will be too! 

JIM!!!  FROM THE OFFICE!!!!  AND HIS REAL LIFE WIFE (Emily Blunt) PLAYS HIS WIFE!!  AND THEIR TWO KIDS (who aren’t their real kids) ARE INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMG Millicent Simmonds and Noah Jupe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND THAT FARM!!!  

MAD BEETS CORN!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

A Quiet Place can be found at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Tree of Virtual Life

Ready Player One
Props Culture
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

PG-13 | 140 min

At the close of last year, I bemoaned that The Post was material not worthy of Spielberg’s talents.  He’s a great history teacher, but I prefer him as a science(-fiction) professor.  Take his Lincoln, his Bore Horse, his Bridge of Thighs (two of which were good movies), and erase his names off of them.  Let someone else direct those movies.  Give me more of his The Adventures of Tintin.  Did you see that movie?  It was STUNNING.  I wanted him to make 239239239 more of them.  He didn’t, but hey, my post-Post prayers have been answered in his big screen version of Ernest Cline‘s Ready Player One book (which I sadly didn’t read, but now maybe should have).  THIS is the kind of movie Spielbergo needs to direct.  This material isn’t beneath him, nor above him – it suits and fits him perfectly like a Power Glove

Spielberg made his mark in the 80s.  Ready Player One is a movie/book love letter to that time, and even to the movies he made and produced (Back To The FutureJurassic Park).  And it feels like a Spielberg extension of the leap he took when he finished Kubrick’s A.I.A.I. was his love letter to Kubrick, and it didn’t feel like a Spielberg movie whatsoever, and that’s part of what makes it such an incredible undertaking and end result.  I mean, look at this!

And with RPO, Spielberg is free of Kubrick’s ghost and essentially makes his own A.I.

Now I’m not going to say that RPO is perfect – it’s not – it does better with the virtual gamer sh!t than it does with the reality real world stuff, and the ending was kind of a meh drop off, but it’s one fcuking hell of a visual ride that must be taken on the big screen.  My jaw was dropping endlessly, and my eyes kept popping out, not believing the unbelievable things it was seeing (spoiler alert – The Shining stuff alone is worth the price of admission).  It’s like a Tintin adventure for the modern and future-modern times.  Most importantly – it just works.  It works, where other films like it should have worked but just didn’t, like Speed Racer, Scott Pilgrim vs The WorldTron: Legacy, Sucker Punch, and even Back To The Future II

And what really worked for me was that it’s a movie that takes place in 2044, but it feels like an 80s movie.  The good guy is our Marty McFly-type (Tye Sheridan, who made his debut with Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life, a visual feast as well), the bad guy is straight out of any 80s movie evil corporate boardroom (Ben Mendelsohn, who should be in EVERYTHING), and the ghost hanging over the whole affair (not Kubrick) is a cross between Steve Jobs and Louis Tully (Mark Rylance, nailing the nerdy awkwardness, kinda like he was Mitch from Real Genius).  Not sure how 80s Olivia Cooke‘s character was, but I love her and her eyes, and it had to be said

Spielbergo, I’m ready for more, player.  So why are you bothering with remaking West Side Story?  Are you too close to George Lucas to touch a Star Wars movie?  You wanna remake something?  REMAKE THE PREQUELS!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Player One is Ready for you today at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

steven arcade2

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Show Off Me State

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Ad Diction
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

R | 115 min

I was like – no way do I want to sit thru a movie where Frances McDormand is making endlessly farty frowny faces and Sam Rockwell is acting his usual fool self to the displeasure of a farty frowned McDormand.  GOOD THING I DIDN’T LISTEN TO MYSELF AND GAVE INTO THE MASS ADULATION!!!  Martin McDonagh‘s Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri turned out to be exactly what I was expecting and NOT exactly what I was expecting!  I really wanted to hate this movie.  Not sure why I did, but I did, but I couldn’t hate this movie!!!  It was so ebbing good!!  It’s the first Lucas Hedges movie I loved!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Billboards is still posted at theaters near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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