Tag Archives: Breast In Show

What If/TF

Jodorowsky’s Dune
Mœbius Strip Tease
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 90 min

dune book

The greatest movie never made is probably/maybe Jodorowsky’s Dune. Who is Jodorwsky? I’ve never seen a single one of Jodo’s movies, but from the looks and sounds of em – namely El Topo and Holy Mountain – they look and sound beyond batshit crazy, and I need to see them YESTERDAY!! Well apparently Mr Jodorwsky was riding such a creative and critical wave after completing them movies in 70s and that he had carte blanche in choosing his next project, and so he chose the dense & sandy Frank Herbert Dune book(s). Jodorowsky never read the book(s), but that mattered little to this visionary, ready to unleash his vision that would send his audience on a vision quest. All he needed was some ‘warriors’ ready to make a movie of supreme consciousness, which would make its viewers feel like they were on drugs without even taking them (paraphrasing his words). He had the whole thing ready to go – frame by frame storyboards + a creative army to end all creative armies – Salvador Dalí, Orson Welles, Mick Jagger, artists HR Giger, Chris Foss and Mœbius, effects man Dan O’Bannon + music by Pink Floyd. Yep, THIS WAS GONNA BE THE MOST BANANANANANANAAS PROJECT EVER!!!

dune storyboards

As you might have guessed, his Dune was never made (David Lynch later got the dis-honor), for numerous reasons (being 10+ hours probably wouldn’t work in Hollywood), but Frank Pavich‘s fun and frustrated doc relishes the mind in that big ‘what if’ (it got made), and if it did, WHAT THE FCUK!!! Sure, Dali and Orson and others are dead, but Jodo aint, so why not make it now?!??!?!? Jodorowsky’s Dune doesn’t have to stay forever doomed. Even Terry Gilliam hasn’t given up on his Don Quixote

giger dune

Verdictgo: this is essential viewing – Breast In Show

Jodorwsky’s Dune LIVES on BD/DVD/streaming!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

jodo

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Ape Man Out

Dawn of The Planet of The Apes
Hail & Hearty Caesar!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 130 min

dawn planet apes

Dude, I am all about planets and apes and the’s and of’s.  So when all those things come together- BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZAMO – my eyes and ears and brain may explode!!!!!!!!  They have, and they did!!!  I am so about Planets of Apes.  I’ve seen them all – even the crappy ones – and in some ways, they are all awesome – unless Tim Burton had something to do with them.  20th Century Fox was wise to start over with the dusty and musty Apes franchise.  They did a wonderful job with started over #1 – Rise of The Planet of The Apes – giving us something old, but making it feel entirely new, although I slightly miss seeing men and women in dumb ape costumes!

Well, the old-new juss got old-newer, and iMuss say, even betterer!!!!!!!!!!!  Director Matt Reeves takes over in round 2 with Dawn of The Planet of The Apes, and everything is not only bigger – it’s even betterereeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrr.  I know I already said that, but had to say it again, so you know I’m being serious, cause I seriously love this Ape movie, cause it’s even betterererrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Andy Serkis goes ape-sh!t again, but this time the CGI is even betterer than before, making his head ape in charge – Caesar – feel even more realer than the real thing. EAT THAT LANCELOT LINK!!!  These apes feel so real that I got like semi-emotional for them and their family problems, and like want to be their friends and stuff!  They so reals, that I may juss JO to them right now…

OK, I’m back, and so are these apes!!!!!  Trying to make peace with them are humans Jason Dark Thirty Clarke, Felicity Russell and Kodi I look like Meathead from Meatballs Part II Smit-McPhee.  And trying to make war with them are Gary Oldman and Toby Kebbell!!  BUT WILL PEACE AND WAR FIND A BALANCE WHERE MAN AND APE CAN LIVE TOGETHER ON THIS PLANET????  What do you think?  The movie aint called Planet of The Happy Go Lucky Apes & Humans.  Cause if that was the name of this movie, it would be about as exciting as that Ed movie.  But it’s EVER BETTETETEERRR THAN ED!!!!  But I’ve actually never seen Ed, but I would welcome a planet apes movie where the apes play humans in baseball – and the winner gets to own earth!!!  APE BASEBALL > VAMPIRE BASEBALL!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Dawn rises big time at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

ed leblanc

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Dos Toyevsky & Dos Eisenbergs

The Double
Double Unstandard
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 93 min

the double

How do you like your Jesse Eisenberg - nebbish, dweeby and overly nervous (The Squid and The Whale), or cocky, bullish, and totally in charge (The Social Network)?  Why choose when you can have BOTH in Richard Ayoade‘s crazed second feature - The Double, based on Fyodor Dostoevsky‘s second novel of the same name, with a script co written by Harmony Korine’s brother Avi

We first meet the lesser Eisenberg - Simon James – a 1984ish worker drone, stuck in a rut.  Barely noticed or appreciated, he goes through life hoping for more - to climb the corporate ladder, and to climb into the heart of fellow co-worker and neighbor Mia Wasikowska.  Everything changes when a look-a-like, James Simon – also Eisenberg, starts work at his company, and fulfills his dreams… for himself.  The new brash Eisenberg does what the shy old Eisenberg can’t – he becomes the apple of the boss (Wallace Shawn)’s eye, and the orange of Wasikowska’s heart.  So much for dreams, as this is a total nightmare!!

A nightmare indeed, but Ayoade keeps the dark material as light as he can, and makes it as fun as he can too.  The same was true of his mostly brilliant debut Submarine, and with these two films in the bag, Ayoade has made himself a director to be watched, and to be greatly admired.  Submarine was very Rushmore-y, and I was curious if his follow-up would be more of the same, the way that every Wes Anderson movie is more of the same (but not in a good way).  The Double is not more of the same, it’s a leap from Submarine, in both style and substance, but equally mostly brilliant, and we can’t wait to see where his next leap takes us

Obviously Ayoade has fans on the inside too, as such killer actors as Sally HawkinsNoah TaylorJames FoxPaddy ConsidineCathy MoriartyCraig RobertsRade Serbedzija and Yasmin Paige signed up for Double duty in the teeniest tiniest of roles.  Oh yeah, I forgot to include Chris O’Dowd on that list, but he’s not a killer actor.  He’s annoying and unfunny.  He’s like an Irish Seth Rogen

Anywho, Ayoade ALL THE DAYS!!!!!!

Verdictgo: basically Breast In Show

The Double is up, not down today in limited release AND on-demand!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Toying With My Emotions

The LEGO® Movie
Slick Brick
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 100 min

lego movie

I am no fan of cartoon movies aimed at kids these days.  Sure, I can sit thru some Pixar flicks here and there, but for the most part, I aint having these computer animated films.  Oh, your panda knows kung-fu??  Great, I don’t give a fcuk.  Oh, your dragon can be trained?  Wake me up after I’m done sleeping thru Game of Thrones too. These flixs are for your kids, not the kid in me

I’m a stickler for a bygone area – the hand-drawn toons that Disney built an empire on.  So if yer gonna get me to see one of yer new movies (not that they care), you’re gonna have to tap into that old fashioned style… or other things from my beloveded childhood. Disney’s Wreck-It Ralph is a perfect example of how to whet my current animation whistle.  Go all nostalgic, and break out the fun!  And here comes The LEGO Movie, which not only whets my whistle, it practically drowns it.  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

Dude, this LEGO movie is so so so fcuking awesome.  Even more awesome than the awesome song within it.  And it’s not juss awesome cause it’s a kids movie that works, it’s awesome, because it’s a real fcuking movie, and really really well done.  Heck, it’s the funniest  flick in half a decade!!  It appeals to anyone who has ever touched a LEGO, young or old, and I’d say to anyone who probably doesn’t know these bricks from brac  

LEGOs have certainly changed over the years. They used to be all smiles, and not much else, but today, they have teeth, and grit, and can be anything, like Batman or Lord of The Rings or any movie tie-in you can think of. Well, the people who wrote and directed this film, thought of everything and anything, and threw it all together in a non-stop rollercoaster of fun fun fun fun fun fun fun that I never wanted to stop.  WHY DID IT STOPPEDEDED!!!!!!!!!!  They assured that all them LEGO bases would be covered in movie one, if it ended up being juss a one and done flick, but the future is beyond bright for this franchise.  Maybe for the sequels, instead of incorporating all LEGO worlds, they could focus on one subject – like the space guys, or the forest-men.  Whatever, I don’t really care what they do, cause I’m gonna go see it.  I juss want them to never stop building!!!!

VerdictgoBreast In Show

LEGO is still connecting in a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

lego forestman

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Love Bytes

Her
OS Oh Yes! 
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 119 min

her

 is so fcuking creative.  Maybe he needs lotsa time to be so fcuking creative.  And if so, is that why he’s only made four movies since 1999?  And if that so is so, so what?  If he’s gonna keep delivering mind-bending/blowing cinema, then please, take yer jolly a$$ time Spike!  His latest Her is just another grand notch on his ultra-cool, ultra-crazy filmmaking belt.  The difference with this flick vs his other works is that this one’s 111% the vision of Jonze, as he wrote the script from scratch himself

I for one am obsessed with technology.  I can’t keep my fingers off my phone (and my fiancee, but she doesn’t always do what I tell her to do :).  Jonze knows this (not about me, but about all of us), and he sees our relationships with our computers (in the near future) growing even closer, for worse AND for better.  His Her is a new computer operating system unlike anything that came before it, in our reality, and even in cinema’s fantasies.  Before Her, there was the artificial intelligence that was Metropolis‘ Maschinenmensch2001‘s HAL-9000, Tron‘s Master Control ProgramWarGames‘ WOPR, and in body form, A.I.‘s David.  You can see what direction these movie AIs have been going – less evil, more human-like, more helpful, and more lovable (yet always creepy!!).  Woah, Spike, you just unknowingly made a sci-fi epic, without being at all sci-fi-y!

 is our end user Theodore Twombly, a lonely, thoughtful and misunderstood soul looking for someone to talk to, and to fill the void of his recently lost love life.  When he purchased his new operating system, simply named OS1, little did he know that he was about to embark on another rollercoaster of love and all that comes with it.  OS1, with the voice of , gives herself the name Samantha, and Theodore a new lease on life.  She grows as a learning computer, and he grows closer to ‘her’ with every byte, and they ultimately and completely fall in love with one another.  But can a man fall in love with his computer?  Well, in 2009, a man married a video game character, so why couldn’t this happen?  The love in Her feels true, but remains so unnervingly creepy to us (there’s a scene that cuts to moments of black, which will make you feel beyond awkward), but in this near future landscape, it’s more acceptable than it is frowned upon

Do we want this bad good bad future to happen?  To be honest, I don’t want anything in Spike Jonze’ head to become real, but I want to keep on seeing what he sees, cause only he could make a make-up-less  seem sexier than she did being half-naked in American Hustle

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Clothing Jonzeing: now you can dress like it’s the near future too, with Opening Ceremony’s Her inspired line!

her clothes

Her boots up currently at a theater near jews

(this was the last movie we needed to see before coming up with our best of ’13 list. sorry Phil O Meana & Nebraska, there juss aint time to see you)

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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