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Beauty Is Only Skin Depp

Black Mass
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 122 min

black mass

American Hustle basically sucked.  Black Mass is the opposite of American Hustle, although the two share a decade, large pompadour hairdos, and strong machismo overacting

Above all – Johnny Depp is terrifying as real-life baddie Whitey Bulger.  And above that – Depp is udderly incredible in the film.  Obviously Depp is an incredible actor, but this may be his best (non-Tim Burton) performance since 1998’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.  I credit two things with this great achievement – the hair and the make-up.  So far, I’m rooting for no horses in the Oscar race, but Depp’s Mass face deserves a gold man, so I guess I’m rooting for that

Depp’s bad hair, bad skin, and cold blue killer eyes will haunt me 9ever

black mass deopp


his look is like a combo of this-es…

Johnny S. Thompson Loathing with Fear

fear loathing depp

meets all the Biff Tannens of BTTFII

biff tannen II

biff old ii

biff ii

meets Flattop of Dick Tracy

flat top dick tracy

meets William Forsythe in general

william forsyth

meets Coppola’s Dracula

coppola dracula

meets Electro of Spider-unwatchble-reboot-2


meets Gollum


meets the creepy-eyed lizard aliens of V


Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Black Mass preaches the bad words currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

black mass teef


It Ain’t Over ’til It’s Over

Peace The Forks Out


1 Dog Night

tocuh me cory wells

cory wells 2


Yogi Berra

yogi smile


yogi yank

yogi 2

yoji mets

yogi bear berra



Jackie Collins

jackie collins


Black Moses



moses bullets


Dom DeLuise The II

k paul

dom paul


The Log Lady

log lady

log lady 2

log lady 3

log lady 4



Joan Leslie

he took us on a ‘Sea Cruise’

he co-Zolofted

Lt Kevin Riley

he hid Americans

he was good to the last drop

Police Academy 1er

he saved Ronny

saved reagen

helped put man on moon

the 10th GB Packers head coach

she helped Petticoat Junction function

a Jimmy Olsen

a Sha Na Na-er

REO Speedwagon guitarist


Dean Jones

dean jones

Joaquin Andujar

Remo Williams’ maker

Lorimar Productioner

he connected with French

James Taylor’s mother dies at 92

LL Bean counter

he had it covered

dylan grts hits

Uncle Pat

Mrs Zappa

he took many pitching Chances

NATO commander

saxy Stooge

Dickie Moore

dickie moore

Marty Ingels/Mr Shirley Jones

he directed disasters

Kirk Douglas’ sister

that guy

that Disney kid

yeller soda

a Knick

Janus films dude

a Legend-ary actor

he survived Otis Redding

bagel machine man

Jean Darling

jean darling

press officer at Motown Records

he was strange

a TV man of #s

longtime owner of Michigan’s oldest gay bar

Mr Reston, VA

Mrs Fried Chicken

willie mae scotch

Pirate caller

Paul Sorvino’s Brother

a B-way director

Japanese-American who fought Japan on behalf of America in WWII!

the oldest remaining survivor of the San Francisco earthquake of 1906!!!!!!!!!!!!


Mr Subway – Frank DeLuca

frank deluca


Ten Things I Hate About Our Tenth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

our NFL pee view gets smaller and smaller each year.  is it cause the Breadskins endlessly suck?  or that the NFL is kinda predictable, as the same teams always win?  or is it that marriage has taken a toll on my free time?  Actually, I think it’s that the NFL isn’t as fun as it used to be.  too many off the field distractions, and not too much awesomeness on the field.  anywho, here’s a qwik pee view of what’s what for 2015…


chip kelly

The East is the Eagles for the taking, IF Sam Bradford can stay healthy, and IF Chip Kelly does the wise thing and dress up like a Patriot like his predecessor did

The Packers should run away with the North, and the NFC.  Sure, losing Jordy Nelson doesn’t help, but maybe he’ll be healthy enough to join the Nelson Brothers (Matthew and Gunnar) when they play in Spencer, Wisconsin on December 13th

It pains me to pick the Panthers as the mouths of the South, but the other three teams don’t seem to be going in the right direction, unless that direction is the same name as this division.  I guess you could say that they’ are all heading south for the winter

People are dogging the NFC West, but I say West will be best.  Sure, Marshawn Lynch reunited with Fred Jackson will have the Seahawks running all over their divisionmates, but I see both the Cardinals (Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald’s combined age is 67!!!) AND the Rams (somehow giving Jeff Fisher his 1st winning seasom there) snagging the two Wild Card spots


#1 Packers

#2 Seahawks

#3 Eagles

#4 Panthers

#5 Cardinals

#6 Rams

NFC Championship – somehow the Eagles do the impossible, go into Lambeau in January and freeze the hearts of all Packer fans – 31 – 28



Nothing will deflate the Patriots.  Brady will be more pissed and driven than ever, and kill everything in sight.  Always doesn’t hurt that they play 6 games against dogsh!t teams (within their division) – make that 7, since they play Deadskins too!

So will it be the Browns or the Bengals… who finish in last place?  Actually, the question is, and always is – who wins the North – the Ravens or the Steelers?  Sure, the suspensions and what not will have the Steelers shorthanded at the start, but don’t count these guys out in the long run

The Jags may surprise this year, but they’re still a bunch of Jag-offs, leaving the Colts needing no luck to walk off with the division crown.  Andre Johnson and Frank Gore will find the fountain of youth in Indianapolis, which would be the first thing anyone would find in Indianapolis, one of America’s lamest big citities

I guess I’m all about the West, cause I’m penciling in the Chiefs as head Chefs, with the Broncos (although Manning’s arm will fall off in week 16) and Chargers taking the wild card slotz


#1 Patriots

#2 Colts

#3 Chiefs

#4 Steelers

#5 Broncos

#6 Chargers

AFC Championship – nice try Colts, but you run out of luck vs the Patriots, again.  total snoozefest – 45 – 20

Super Bowl – is there anything more boring than another Patriots win?  no, and that’s why the boredom ends, with Chip Kelly and Sam Bradford and the Iggles topping the Patriots by deflating their hearts and their stupid helmet logo 

Eagles 25, Patriots 24

zero super bowl wins no mo!

superbowls zero eagles

wait, stop the presses – the Buffalo Jills are no longer????

oh well, we’ll throw our weight behind and on Eagle cheerleader Megan this season!!!!!!!

megan eagles cheerleader


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Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

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First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

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