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Red, White & Black & Blue & 100 Shades of Gray

Captain America: Civil War
Marvel-ous
Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 147 min

OMG, these guys…

civil war 1

and these guys…

civil war 2

are all on the same team – but because Captain America has a hard-on for Sebastian Stan, there gonna be a war son, CIVIL style!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

This is what Avengers 2: Age of Voltron should have been!!!  Sorta kinda whatever!!!

Actually, this sequel (which is miles above #1) is basically Avengers 3, but works so much better cause there’s less clutter, and less dumb Thor and bulky Hulk.  Those two dudes caused way too much destruction.  HULK SMASH!! The less destruction the better!! Like slash the Hulk smash!

And this one has Daniel Brühl, and in case you didn’t know – Brühl rühlzzzz!!!!!!  But he’s not a superhero or a superhero villain, but he is a bad guy, but he kinda has a reason to break bad – like our superheroes do in this movie.  Man, so much noir going on here.  Who’s bad?  Who’s good?????  No black and white – juss lots o’gray – 100 SHADES OF IT!!!

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT – the movie is wayyyyyyyyyyyy too long.  Like 9 hours too long.  I enjoyed it all, but man, it’s a haul, a long one – like a long haul!!!! (I ran out to pee 2 times – but that’s cause I drank like a gallon o’soda – and all I missed was the superheroes talking about stuff)

Also, Jeremy Renner‘s Hawkeye is beyond lame.  Cut him and his character out of this Marvel universe

And I don’t care how cool he is, but Paul Bettany‘s Vision creeps me out too much and made me wish I didn’t have vision in my eyes

vision civil

but it’s OK cause we get to see Ant Man become Gi-Ant Man, and there’s a new Spidey – who’s a no name actor – and actually looks like a teenager – which already seems more right than Tobey or Andrew Garfield minushimself could ever muster as Peter Parkz!!!

But the real bestestest thing???  There are three black dudes in the movie, and they blow away the white dudes and dudettes outta the water.  I’d rather see a movie with juss Rhodey (Don Cheadle), Falcon (Anthony Mackie), and my new mos favorite superhero ever – Blank Panther (the treasure that is Chadwick Boseman) – kicking major a$$ AND gla$$!!!!!!!!!  They should take Hawkeye out back and beat the lame fcuk outta him!!!

black panther

blank panther

Heck, there needs to be a movie (superhero or not) with Boseman, Mackie, Cheadle, Denzel, Will Smith, Michael B Jordan, and Billy Dee Williams called Smooth Operators – where they’re a gang of telephone operators who are SMOOTH AS FCUK!!!!

VerdictgoJeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers (if it was somehow shorter, it woulda been BREAST IN SHOW)

Captain soldiers on at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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The Little Chill

I never realized how much I needed/wanted a PepsiLicense to Chill‘ card… until 25 years after the fact :(

card-backforth

pepsi-chill-guys

card-zoom

pepsi-dance

license to chill card

chill card

lic chill

back chill

licesne to chill ad

pepsi chill

which should not be confused with Pepsi‘s ‘Gotta Have It‘ card

gotta have it

gotta have it 2

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A World Less Safer

Peace The Forks Out

to

Morley Safer

Morley Safer, the longest-serving correspondent in the history of "60 Minutes," says it is time to retire. Safer, 84, said in a statement, "It's been a wonderful run, but the time has come to say goodbye to all of my friends at CBS and the dozens of people who kept me on the air."

morley 60

morley chucjles

morely smokes

morley snmokes

morley desk

morley face

+

the last Casablancer

madeleine lebeau casablanca

THE DIRECTOR OF GOLDFINGER (and LIVE AND LET DIE!  THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN! DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER!)

guy hamilton bond

THE DIRECTOR OF TEEN WOLF and LIKE FATHER LIKE SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

teen wolf director

voice of Lucky Charms’ Lucky The Leprechaun

Mr K-tel/Miracle Brush/ Veg-o-matic

he came up with the phrase ‘The Fab Four’

Chyna

HE MADE YOU MIND THE GAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flyers founder

Mr Dirty Dozen

an ole Hollywooder

he made us all go JFGay

rush to judgment

Him & Mr Jones

Touchable

Mr Nice

she Geeked Love

a voice guy

Silicon Valley dude

Orangeman Washington

Cub Pappas

Laker McMillian

Tiger McAuliffe

Red Ellis

Bronco Lee

THAT guy who always played a dad!!

William Schallert

attorney for WikiLeaks

world’s oldest firefighter

Papa Wemba

the godfather of Rodeo Drive

the nut king of Chicago

ABA money maker

Purple Rain cinematographer

THE COP FROM CLUE!!!

cop clue

publicly fired on Godfrey show (whatever that means)

she grounded the Flying Nun

voice of Michigan Stadium

U Dub announcer

Everybody Loves Doris Roberts

doris roberts

Sacha Baron Cohen’s dad

Tupac’s mom

Steve Carell’s mom

Patton Oswalt’s wife

Eli Wallach’s wife

that weird dude once married to Liza

Mr Os

square foot gardener

he taught the world to sing AND drink coke

some country guy

some lady singer

some Tejano singer

some experimental filmmaker

some comic book guy

some basketball guy

some Australian producer

some costume designer

some painter

some British comedian

some pizza guy

some drum dude

some coach

some blues-rock guy

some old guy on Seinfeld 

some actor

some British actor

some other British actor

some Kiwi actor

some Israeli actress

some Canadian actor

some Romanian actor

some guy who was Uncle Fester or something

some building guy

&

the Mr. Softee jingle-man

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