The 2017 Thighsmans

we named the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2017

and now, for the only awards that matter…

Fourteenthial Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards





Thing In A Movie That Pissed Me Off More Than Urinating In and/or On My Own Pants

trying to make Rose from Star Wars
The Last Jedi 
a thing



Second Thing In A Movie That Pissed Me Off More Than Urinating In and/or On My Own Pants AND That Wasn’t Leia Flying In Space

the environmental message of freeing the DUMBo animals in Last Jedi



The 8th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The You Think You’re An Actress And Maybe You Are But You Annoy The Living Bejesus Out Of Me Every Time I See You On Screen And I Want You Gone So Please Stop Acting Award

go away

Lily James & her teef


The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Man of The Year


Dan Stevens

who had SEVEN flix released in 2017!!


Gifs of the Gawds

anything Rihanna was doing in Valerian


Begging For More Begbie

there is nothing better than Begbie, the best part of Trainspotting 2

so forget about making a 3rd one and just make a stand alone Begbie movie please


Bob’s Big Girls (& Boys)
The 2017 Bobbies!

these bobbies are darin!


The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award

aka – these ladies be DAMN fine award!!

Eiza González


Anjela Nedyalkova


Hot Aunt May



Gosling’s sister’s rack


 Salacious B Crumb sitting on a toilet, reading Playboy



Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever

aka Bestest Eyes

Ana de Armas 



FOAM Alone!

aka hottest NON-human part of any movie

the foam from Dunkirk




Hairing Is Caring AND Sexy


Come for the tennis, and then literally COME watching this hairdressing scene!!!



Würstest BESTEST Date Movie/Witherspoonfest
of 2017


I can’t believe I typed this

Home Again


Best Boys On The Side Player


 from I, Tonya


Songs That Execute Better Than Norman Mailer Does As Norman Bates


The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion – ‘Bellbottoms’ in Baby Driver (somehow I forgot this song existed)

hologram Elvis in Blade Runner 2049

Bowie’s In Space


Trailers Worth Tractoring

(in endless memory of Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor)



Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!


Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles

It Comes at Night / MarrowboneThe Girl with All the Gifts / All NighterCaptain Underpants: The First Epic MovieThe Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature


Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Ninja N. Devoe

Flint Beverage

David Buttolph



Don’t You Forget About Me/These Forgetmenot Bon Mots

i made all these Kao Kan gifs for you

this logo

Why I Love David Fincher’s Zodiac


where leia’s hair buns
were inspired from

Tom Selleck as Indiana Jones and Sean Young as Marion Ravenwood!!!!!!!!

Eworks on Ice!



Movies To Look For In The ‘018


Four Billboards Outside of Branson, Missouri

Boss Toddler


Hello Robin Christopher

The Man Who Invented Hanukkah

Rebel in the Pumpernickel

17 Fast, 17 Furious


In Memoriam


too many great names to name, so we’ll just leave it like this



don’t forget to peep out our  ’16,  ’15’14, ’13, ’12, ’11’10’09’08’07’06’05’04’03, and ’02 awards!! 

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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