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Five Easel Pieces

Mr Turner
In Living Watercolor
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 150 min

mr turner

Mike Leigh‘s movies are works of art, so it’s no stretch for the master to take on another. He did it before with much fun and flare about Gilbert & Sullivan in 1999’s Topsy-Turvy, and he does it again, with JMW Turner in his lush AND drab Mr Turner

You should go see this, no questions asked. Why? Wait, that’s a question. Well, as we’ve said beforeWhen a Mike Leigh film is released, without question, you should go and see it. The man is incapable of bad filmmaking, and if you’ve seen anything he’s made, we’re sure you’ll agree

In Mr Turner, Leigh paints JMW’s life with very broad strokes, but he certainly pours on the minute details. It begins with Turner at the height of his career, and follows him to the coughy-end, when photography was on the rise, and his style of painting and his health was on the decline

Leigh couldn’t have reached the finish line so masterfully if he hadn’t turned to longtime collaborator Timothy Spall to embody the big bodied painter. Spall’s performance is of few words, but many many many grumbles, sneers, blurps, and gasps of breath, and it’s engrossingly amazing

The film is literally watching paint dry, and yet it’s the opposite of boring + it’s a Mike Leigh film, which means you should go see it. Why? NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Mr Turner turns it on today, in limited release

turner sneer

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Honey I Grew Up the Kid

12 Years A Boy
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 165 min

gorw boyhood

I finally did it – I saw Boyhood. The movie was 12 years in the making. Me seeing it was 22 weeks in the seeing. Seeing is believing. And yet I can’t believe that no one ever made a movie like this before – filming someone every year for a decade-ish and then making some kind of a movie out of it. Richard Linklater did it! And the result is awesome – as an idea, but not necessarily as a movie

One is certainly in awe of watching little Ellar Coltrane go from a chubby cheeked tyke into a collegiate furrowed-browed man in under 3 hours, and yet I still wanted something more. For such an incredible journey of growing (for screen sister Lorelei Linklater too!), you’d think it would’ve evoked more of an emotional experience, but there’s little emotion to be seconded, besides feeling scared by a glass-throwing drunken stepfather, and Patricia Arquette telling a Mexican laborer that he can make something of himself, and then he, BOOM, years later shows up and made something of himself!

Did Arquette’s (and ex-screen-hubby Ethan Hawke‘s) boy Mason (Ellar) make something of himself? Sure, we saw him grow and growns up, but we didn’t really grow to know him all that well. We were there when he graduated from video games to booze and drugs, then to girls, and then to adult thoughts and stuff, but what does it all mean? Don’t know if this distance from the character was by design, or that’s just who Ellar is as a person IRL, but there has to be something more than just turning on the camera, pointing and shooting, and then showing us what was captured. Guess we’ll juss have to wait for Manhood, and if so, can’t wait!! But I guess we can wait another 12 years!

patricia boyhood

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Boyhood grows on you, barely still in theaters, and soon on Blu-Ray and stuff

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


I Don’t Second That Emotion

Smokey Robinson
Barclays Center
December 11th

smokey robinson barclays

It’s no miracle that Smokey Robinson STILL sounds like good ol’ Smokey Robinson (or that he can rock a green outfit from neck to toe AND look simply amazing), but it is a absolute sin that I walked away from his concert dissatisfied. Yes, he played the sure-fire hits, and yes, they sounded great, but he only played 14 tunes in total, and 3 were shortened into a quickie Temptations medley. Where was ‘Shop Around’ or ‘Going To A Go Go’ or ‘Mickey’s Monkey’? Smokey was too busy padding time with pointless stories and jokes that a 6 year old could make. How could such a gifted writer have no gift for gab? And even if he did, why bother when there’s plenty more music he could have done sung? How could a Smokey Robinson concert not be amazing? That’s like an anti-miracle. And how could he have written the song ‘Love Bath’? It’s so gross that I need to take a hate shower after hearing it

SetlistBeing With You / I Second That Emotion / You Really Got a Hold on Me / Quiet Storm / Ooh Baby Baby / Temptations Medley – The Way You Do the Things You Do / Get Ready / My Girl / The Tears of a Clown / Fly Me to the Moon (Kaye Ballard cover) / Love Bath / That Place / The Tracks of My Tears / Cruisin’


Black Holes & Red Hearts

The Theory of Everything
Cosmically Coupling
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 123 min

theory of everything

Behind every great man there’s a great woman. Such is the case of Stephen Hawking and his wife Jane Wilde Hawking. As his brainiac star was rising at Cambridge, so was his penis – for Jane, but then, so was his ALS. There were no ice bucket challenges to be had, but Jane took on a challenge of her own – being in love with someone who would be rapidly deteriorating, and could soon die. But Stephen didn’t die (just in case you didn’t know), and he didn’t give up, and Jane never gave up on him, and helped him become the Stephen Hawking we all be still talking bout. GO JANE GO!!!

James Marsh‘s The Theory of Everything is not really Stephen’s story, but Jane’s. It’s based on her memoirs – Travelling to Infinity: My Life with Stephen – so if you’re looking for the theories within Theory yer better off reading Stephen’s A Brief History of Time or watching the Errol Morris doc of the same name. And while Jane’s story is worthy of telling, the movie kinda lacks the brainy Stephen stuff it’s purposely avoiding

Stephen is played by Eddie Redmayne, who talks and walks steadily in the first act, and then basically becomes a lump of human flesh in a wheelchair for the rest of the film. Not sure if that’s a performance to be applauded, or juss to feel uncomfortable about. Jane gets her justice in the form of Felicity Jones, who carries Stephen and the film from start to finish. How does she do what she does, for him, and not get much in return besides some kids and a lot of anguish? HOW????? See and find out, but I wouldn’t say the answers are so vast that they would fill a black hole

Marsh does a good job with the material, but I STILL expect much more from the guy that gave me my favorite movie of 2011 (Project Nim) and a top 5er from 2008 (Man On Wire). His last non-doc flick – Shadow Dancer – kinda felt the same – good, but not grand. I appreciate Marsh expanding his universe, but it’s juss a little hard for me to curb my enthusiasm when I expect any and ALL of his work to be out of this world

Get yer a$$ to Mars, and orbit Uranus!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Everything is currently everywhere

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

jane stephen hawking


40 Meg-A-Ton

Meg White is 40!!!!!!!!!!!

and still missing

although I did find some recentishish pictures of her…

like this one from 2014 of this girl and her dad (WHO IS THIS GUY????) and ‘girlfriend’ Meg(!!!!!!!!)

meg white 2014 today

and how bout…

this picture of her from April(?) 2013

meg white 2013 today


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