we pricked the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2013
and now, for the only awards that matter…
Judi Den10th Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards
The Death To Smoochy Würstest Picture AND The Gus van Sant Most Pretentious Pig Sh!t Film of the Year!!!!!
dishonrable mentions for these movies for also sucking a$$ and making me really angry that they eggist
This Is The End & Don Jon & The Book Thief & The Bling Ring & Gangster Squad & I’m So Excited & Katsnooze II
Batsh!ttiest Un-Sh!tty Crazy/Beautiful Performances of The Year
Leo & Cate
The 4th Annual Greta Grrr Wig Recipient of The OK This Joke/Career Muss Be Stopped Now Award
we get it, you’re scrawny, Canadian and have a dumb voice. now go away and take Seth Rogen with you
Always Bet On These Lil Shirley Temple Black (& White) Children
and the würst
The Samuel L Jackson Never Met A Script He Didn’t Like Guy of The Year
who had 8+ flix released in 2013!!
Gifs of the Gawds
Hairing Is Caring
tied for 2nd – everyone’s Hustle hair
tied for 3rd – the MUST-staches of Dallas Buyers Club
Würstest Date Movie of 2013
würstest Dates IN a movie
any of the ones involving humans in Her
Bob’s Big Girls – The Bobbies!
The KFC Finger Stickin’ Goodness Goodie Three Shoes Award
anything in Blue Is The Warmest Color (although we didn’t see it) [NSFW]
and the leastest…
her and his in the dark orgasms in Her
the sexification of Amy Adams in Hustle
juss stop it. she’s too nice to be sexy
Mish-Mash-Up of The Year
Oz Breakers by ME!!!
Eyes Wide Open For Bidness 9ever
aka Bestest Eyes
in Frances Ha
runner-up - Blanca Suárez
Most Ablixaiest Ablixa
Dutch lawyer Emile Vrijman‘s face
seen in The Armstrong Lie
Josh Baskin’ In These Sunny Miscellaneous Missile Missives That Are Da Bomb Shiz!
THOSE CRAZY SEXY COOL NASA’S SPACE COLONY ART THINGS FROM THE 1970S COME TO LIFE IN the so-so Elysium!!!
Matt Zoller Seitz became like the new Jesus and we still have zero idea who he is
Songs That Execute Butter Than Norman Mailer’s Bong & Chong
‘Ordinary Love’ from the Mandela movie
‘Scary Monsters And Nice Sprites’ by Skrillex in Spring Breakers
the abso abso abso lute würstest be…
Trailers Worth Tractoring
Poster Her! Poster We! Poster Haste!
Unintentional Porn To Be Wild Titles
A Good Day to Die Hard / The Purge / My Little Pony: Equestria Girls / The To Do List / The Canyons / Jobs / Inside Llewyn Davis / Out of the Furnace
Fenella Woolgar Bestest Names Award
Movies To Look For In The ’014
World War ZZ Topps
The Haunting in Connecticut 3: Ghosts of Miami of Ohio
The Even Greater Gatsby
Othello (based off of the board game)
Korben Dallas Buyers Club
13 Years A Slave
13 Fast, 13 Furious
O’Toole & Fontaine & Phil Sey Mo & Ramis & Sid & Paul Walker & Mrs Peacock & Dennis F%&king Farina & The Albino from P-Bride & Gandolfini & stop motion sick-ness & Ebert
if you got this far, pat yourself on the back, then yer balls
until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
Japanese poster for A Night On The Town aka Adventures in Babysitting
interesting how they changed the hook-handed character from a white dude to a black one, for no reason
the original US poster features no hooked person
my guess is they used the image of the bad guy trying to grab lil Sara on the roof of that skyscrapper and added a hook to him cause Japanese people are scared of black dudes with hooks???