If you ever wanted to see what a David CronenbergMulholland Drive would look like, you gots it in his Maps To The Stars, a tale of nasty Hollywood players and their hidden secrets and desires spilling all over each other. There’s washed-up and vulnerable actress (Julianne Moore), who’s haunted by her dead mom (Sarah Gadon), but finds renewed hope in new assistant/burn victim (Mia Wasikowska), who’s back in town after many years away, and about to wreak quiet havoc on her self-help guru dad (John Cusack), mom (Olivia Williams) and bitter teen star brother (Evan Bird). Add in Robert Pattinson as a hunky limo driver + a lot of movie talk + a lot of creepiness, and everything goes wrong, and it feels (mostly) oh so right. Incest is best, but it’s the würst, and Mia Wasikowska and Evan Bird are the bestest!!!! EVAN BIRD!!!
You should be game for it too! It’s like dumb James Bond, but fun!! It’s like a dumber-funner Layer Cake, a less dumb/more fun Kick-Ass, and a less awesome/more actioned X-Men: First Class. What do those last 3 flicks have in common? They came from the British king of dumb-fun – Matthew Vaughn (who took over that role from Guy Ritchie)
But the REAL reason you should see this movie? Mark Hamill is in it, and while he’s not particularly amazing in it, or even all that memorable (he mainly juss makes a bunch of grunting faces), he is in this movie, and when’s the last time you saw Mark Hamill and his face in ANY movie, on the big screen? 2001’s Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back?? Some things are best left unseen and unsaid
Well, Mark will walk skies again this winter as Luke Skywalker, and whether the new Star Wars is simply passable, good enough OR amazing (please lord, we need this to be amazing), you may not be ready to see him again, but you need to be ready
It’s been so long since he’s been on the big screen, and that you and/or I have cared to see him on a big screen, and it is in your best interest to see him on the big screen ONE time before Star Wars drops. You need to refamiliarize yo’self with his face and acting. You want the shock and awww shucks to happen now, and not when you’re trying to take in the new Star Wars, while trying not to jizz in yer pants(/get to be disappointed all over again:)
Kingsman – so much dumb fun, and hispecially some Mark Hamill. Welcome back Mark!!! The big screen misses you. We all missed you!!! And now we’re ready for you to be a force to reckon with, again
Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers
Kingsman firths it up today at a theater near jews
How has there never been a full length feature film made about Martin Luther King Jr, before Ava DuVernay‘s Selma marched onto the scene???? HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW???? I know Spike Lee wanted to make one, and I’m sure Spielberg did too, and anyone else who has a brain in Hollywood (about 4 people), and yet none got made. And so we have/are stuck with Selma, which is a good start, but certainly not the greatest, for a man who deserves greatness. Selma is such a small, albeit important, part of the King legacy, but for a movie mainly about him, don’t we want to see the complete picture? The rise AND the fall? The march on Washington and the assassination in Memphis???? There aren’t 20 Malcolm X movies, but the one we have is definitive. It tells the whole story. Who’s gonna bother now with a whole King movie? Throne alone!
Well, we got Selma. Its got some good (David Oyelowo as King is a royal treat, and so is his MLK Jr stache, and the costumes, and the other stuff), but it also has some whateves.net (like it be mad dry and boring at times – several times! and Oprah, why do you have to be in movies???? you add nothing to everything cinematic! stay behind the scenes and just throw your money at movies so they can get made!! and what’s with all the British actors playing Americans? it’s like letting James Bond being played by a Yankee – and I aint talkin bout Derek Jeter). But we got Selma, and it’s alright. We shall overcome this! Maybe we won’t, but we all have dreams
Margaret Keane made some pretty freaky looking art in the 60s – you know, those ones with them kids with giant scary eyes. Well, apparently during the height of the paintings’ fame and fortunes, it was her husband, Walter Keane, who took ALL the credit for creating them, while Margaret kept a blind eye and muted mouth, perpetuating the lie. Eventually she had had enough of the lies, and Walter, and went public with the truth. Tim Burton‘s Big Eyes tells this story, and while I guess it’s a story that should be told, it’s not an enjoyable one to listen to whatsoever
Big Eyes is zero fun to watch. That doesn’t mean that Burton didn’t do the job visually – in fact, the 60s hazy glow, and Keane’s painting all shine bright (and worth most of the price of admission), but the story behind the easel is juss too much to deal with. But if you’re super into Christoph Waltz being a smarmy jerk to Amy Adams for slightly over and hour and a half, then stare wide at Big Eyes! (and listen to Lana Del Rey’s amazing song!)
In The Imitation Game, Bennie Cumby plays Alan Turing, the godfather of computers, and the man that broke the Nazi Enigma machine code, and shortened WWII by II years. WHAT A GUY!!! But he was gay, and being gay back then was not all that, like being gay is now all that. He couldn’t wear feather boas in the streets or see Can’t Stop The Music in theaters, and ultimately it cost him his dignity and his life. WOAH!!!
The movie is his story – becoming gay, going gay for Maths (love how British people call it ‘Maths’), then going gay for cracking codes and saving the world, then juss being gay, and getting in trouble for it. SO GAY!!! But all this gayness doesn’t make for a super gay movie – it’s actually a pretty straightforward tale of men (and a woman – Keira Knightley) at war and trying to end it – and it’s good stuff – juss nothing super gay that will make you shoot rainbows out of your butt
BUTT – Charles Dance – cinema’s greatest modern screen a$$hole (a SAG-HOFer) – gets to be a screen a$$hole to a cocky Cumberbatch. I could watch them go at it ALL DAY (not in a gay way, but yes, also in a gay way). Sadly, they don’t go at it all day, so I guess I’ll hope for Imitation Game 2 or juss a 2nd pairing between the two (although the two have been in 2 other things together but not sure they shared the screen at the same time)
I mean, who doesn’t want to see a Benedict-Charles dance off pants off???
Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery at a theater near jews
Maps To The Stars A Fine Line Between Glove & Hate Official Website | Trailers & Mo R | 112 min If you ever wanted to see what a David Cronenberg Mulholland Drive would look like, you gots it in his Maps To The Stars, a tale of nasty Hollywood players and their hidden secrets and desires spilling […]
Whiplash Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Official Website | Trailers & Mo R | 107 min Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s like Black Swan, and juss as awesome. Birdman was like Black Swan, but was not awesome. Whiplash got hosed at the Oscars. Probably should have won best picture (since Jodorowsky’s Dune wasn’t even nominated). Hell, Miles Teller was juss AS amazing as J. […]
Fifty Shades of Grey Fifty Shades of Meh Official Website | Trailers & Mo R | 125 min I have zero clue if EL James‘ book Fifty Shades of Grey is any good, but I know the movie based on her book isn’t very good. Sure, the movie has endless amounts of Dakota Johnson‘s butt and boobs and […]
Kingsman: The Secret Service Posh Spicy Official Website | Trailers & Mo R | 128 min My litmus test of dumb-fun movies goes like this – is the movie in question as dumb and as fun as the amazingly dumb-fun Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle is/was? Last up for the test – Lucy, which passed with flying colors, […]
Selma (Mostly) Down With The King Official Website | Trailers & Mo PG-13 | 127 min How has there never been a full length feature film made about Martin Luther King Jr, before Ava DuVernay‘s Selma marched onto the scene???? HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW???? I know Spike Lee wanted to make one, and I’m sure Spielberg did too, and anyone else who […]
the year was 1984, and Tom Hanks wasn’t the Tom Hanks yet, he was 80s Tom Hanks, and he starred in a silly sassy movies like Bachelor Party Not exactly sure when or how I first saw Bachelor Party, but I’m assuming it was on HBO (endlessly), and I saw it at home at age 7 or […]
Margot Kidder is SuperFLY!!!!!!!! and kinda Ursa-lish here! + the coolest group photo EVER!!!! (maybe/probably) Griffin O’Neal, Ray Parker Jr, Tatum O’Neal, Randy Jackson, Magic Johnson, Dan Aykroyd, Michael Jackson and Margot Kidder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Judy Landers and Lisa Hartman attend the taping of the television special ‘The Stars Salute the U.S. Olympic Team‘ to help raise funds for the U.S. Olympic Committee and the U.S. Olympic Team on January 29, 1984 at Pasadena Civic Auditorium in Pasadena, California. photos by Ron Galella
11 years in the bag thanks for caring and if you didn’t, here’s what happened in TWS year 11… – on the set & behind the scenes with Vivian Kubrick Goonies Never Stay Dead never 5get – those McSleep hotels that never were!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!!! THEY SAY THAT LIGHTNING DOESN’TSTRIKE TWICE, BUT DON’T TELL […]
we somehow cobbled together the breastest movies of the beastest of the 2014 and now, for the only awards that matter… hELlEVENth Anal Thighs Wide Movie Awards aka THE THIGHSMANS!!! _ The Trash Humpers Biggest Piece of Humpy Trash Film of the Year!!!!! (aka – somehow a movie with a naked ScarJo ScarBLOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Under The Skin dishonrable […]
The Flowqueens of ‘14.5 1) Jodorowsky’s Dune The greatest doc ever made about the greatest film never made, EVER!! So many ‘what if?‘s AND ‘what the f#$k??!!!‘s to shake your head at – 2) Whiplash Dude, WHIPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – 2.5) The Trip to Italy Lightening strikes twice as Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon take their thick shtick to Italy. Hilarity ensues […]
you know the drill – 2014 was so 1014, and 2015 is so gonna be as awesome as 2112 will be. Anywho, The Washington Post does a list thing, and so do we, cause the lord commands it… OUT IN The Ice Bucket Challenge – The Lice Bucket Challenge – Meghan Trainor – Tranny Meagan – LARP – […]
being married kept me away from the movie theatre/theater, and more at home, glued to the good ole boob tube, and that was way OK, cause TV was pretty fraking good in 2014… 1. Married at First Sight (FYI) A reality show that made us believe in love AND reality TV again, and it all felt so real. […]