Tag Archives: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Postmetheus

Alien: Covenant
Fassbender²
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 122 min

I returned from 2 weeks away in Italy, and after a night of attempting to reset my biological clock (it didn’t work), the next morning, the only thing I wanted to do (besides laundry) was see the new Alien movie – Alien: Covenant.  But I think I forgot to brush up on Prometheus before seeing it.  Oooops.  Kinda woulda helped!!!

Speaking of Prometheus, why did everyone hate that movie so much?  Cause the humans were dumb and did dumb things?  Well, what would you have done on a planet you’ve never been too????  Also, who wants to see a movie where smart astronauts avoid getting killed?  Aren’t the Alien movies all about watching humans getting killed by aliens in the most horrific ways possible??? And did everyone forget about how scary and captivating the movie was, and how there was an alien in our hero’s body and she c-sectioned the thing the fcuk out of her and it literally was like the most insane thing ever??????????????

Anywho, Covenant is the next prequelish chapter in Ridley Scott‘s continued attempt to properly resurrect the franchise, while raising new big questions, and introducing us to new dumb humans (welcome Billy Crudup!)  Luckily, the smartest ‘man’ in the room remains Michael Fassbender, and… Michael Fassbender.  No spoilers here, but lets just say, double the Fassbender, double the twisted fun!  And while the new crew includes a nice mix of actors from Demián Bichir to Danny McBride (not as comicy reliefy as you’d think), you know this one’s gonna be all about some short-haired lady, who’s probably going to have a high survivability rate – hello Katherine Waterston!!! 

Yes, hello!  Waterston seems to be in everything these days, but I would say any movie where she is wearing clothes, is a failure, cause she can totally be in a movie without clothes [NSFW]

But there’s something about her in Covenant that doesn’t exactly click, and we don’t feel for her, like they way we did for PrometheusNoomi Rapace.  Oh yeah, whatever happened to her?????  And what’s up with the white engineer dudes?  And the black goo?  And this and that?  

Covenant has more to say than Prometheus, but I don’t necessarily think it’s AS good – but remember, I really liked Prometheus (and you probably didn’t).  The day after seeing the new one, I revisited the Prometheus and I like it more now than I ever have!!!  I mean, again, c’mon, the good doctor gives herself a cesarean section and the thing that comes out of it sucks on one of those white engineer dudes and becomes a fcuking insane alien!!!!!  WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT???  There are aliens in this Alien movie, and we sorta now know how they came to be, and how we came to be, and it’s both beautiful and unnerving, and these are prequels making us think – not making itself STINK

VerdictgoJeepers Worth A Peepers

Covenant agrees with you at theater near jews AND white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Buttered Kaiser Roll

The Exception
Outside of Prussia, With Love
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 107 min

Whatever happened to Kaiser Wilhelm II, the last Emperor of Germany??  Never thought to ask this question, but glad David Leveaux‘s The Exception gives us an answer (wrapped in a love story of sorts)!

After World War I came to an end, so did the Kaiser’s rule over his homeland.  He left Germany for good and lived in exile in nearby Netherlands starting in the 1920s.  The film begins in 1940, with Wilhem (Christopher Plummer, relishing the role and facial hair) and wife Victoria (a forever sneering Janet McTeer) holed up in a lovely Dutch estate, Huis Doorn.  While they fine drink and dine, Europe begins to unravel under the Nazi menace.  When Holland comes under their rule, the former Kaiser does too

Enter too cool for school soldier Captain Stefan Brandt (Jai Courtney), who has been assigned to watch over Wilhem at the estate.  He doesn’t seem to love his assignment, or life as a Nazi, but duty is duty.  Luckily there’s a looker in the maid’s staff (Lily James), and within 3 seconds of meeting her in his private quarters, he’s having his way with her privates.  OH SNAP!!

Turns out, she’s no simple maid, but a Jew!  And maybe a spy!!!  Oh my!!  What’s going to happen???  Will they continue to have sex, even though she’s a Jew and he’s a Nazi, AND fornication between the grounds’ staff is strictly forbidden???  Can Captain Stefan ignore the Kaiser’s bad-mouthing of Hitler and his horrible henchmen, or will he report his loose lips to Berlin?  What’s gonna happen when Heinrich Himmler (Eddie Marsan) comes to dinner?  Will he ask K-Willy to come back to Germany and be a monarch once again, like he and the wife have been dreaming of???  WHAT WILL HAPPEN????  Oh my!!  OH MY!!!

While the romance seems a little forced upon the proceedings, the Kaiser stuff and eventual spy intrigue that plays out held my attention til the end.  Sure, it was a little hard to root for main characters who were anti-Semitic at heart, but it’s not a rule, just THE EXCEPTION to the rule!!! (get it???)

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

make an Exception, currently on Direct TV, and in a limited theatrical release on June 2nd

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Deer White People

Get Out
The Step-Stepford Wives
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 104 min

I finally got out and saw Get Out.  It’s true!  And it was good!  Way to make a real movie Jordan Peele!  I thought all you were gonna do was be in a bunch of Keanus (which isn’t a bad thing, juss more of the same kinda thing), and yer directorial debut movie had some Keanu-ish stuff with comic relief from Lil Rel Howery, but some seriously good serious stuff too!

It was scary! And creepy!  Even Catherine Keener was supes creepers jeepers, and so was Caleb Landry Jones and Stephen Root! And Bradley Whitford was douchey as always!!  And Allison Williams, who is not much of an actress, totally did that things she does – being a white chick!!  And Posh Kenneth from Skins (Daniel Kaluuya) is in something other than Skins (that I know of)!  [aside – man, Skins was the fcuking best!]

Half way thru the movie, I knew exactly where it was all going, but I still enjoyed the rest of the ride

Then when I left the theater, I was like, man, I REALLY need to see 1975’s Stepford Wives again.  And so I did (and you can too here), and was like, MAN, Get Out is a modern, but loving and topical, rip-off of The Stepford Wives!  I have a feeling that most people who saw AND loved Get Out have never encountered the Ira Levin novel or 1975 movie version.  You/them peoples should get out (or stay in) and go see that…

…and see Katharine Ross in a see-thru nightie!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Get Out is still in theaters, and digital/disc things next month

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Things That Make You Go Hummus

In Search of Israeli Cuisine
Melting Pot of Jewish Culinary Gold
Official Site | Trailer
Not Rated | 94 min

Know what would make a great TV show?  This documentary!

Director Roger Sherman and restaurateur Michael Solomonov take their love of Israeli food and attempt to explain what it is today and where it came from in a delicious new doc called In Search of Israeli Cuisine

What the doc certainly did was made me hungry (although I have my limits of tomato intake)

What it didn’t really do is make me hungry to go visit Israel (I’ve been, and liked it, but I have many other places to see first before I give it a 2nd go)

What it did do is give me a good general idea of how the Israeli food culture came to be, melding from all different Jewish cultures around the world who eventually settled together in one new place where a cuisine basically had to be invented

What it didn’t really do is come up with exact answers… cause there aren’t any

But a doc should be probing, not jumping from one kitchen visit to another, with some farms and wineries thrown in between.  A TV show doesn’t have to be probing, and can spend more time with cooks AND the kitchens, and the eating.  Somehow 94 minutes felt like an eternity, but if you took the bits and expanded and spread them out into 6-10 thirty minute episodes, I think the material would simmer a bit more than it did in one long doc form

Regardless, I love hummus and falafel, and pickled things, and plenty of other Jewish food.  It was nice to see and hear about them on a screen.  If you do too, you may want to watch this as well.  If you plan to visit Israel, this is where your Yelp recommendations and bookmarkings begin

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Search continues in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Spunk Knit I

Hidden Figures
Space Race-ist
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG | 127 min

I am all for movies about equal rights, the space race, the American spirit, conquering adversity and unheard true stories that must be told.  Hidden Figures needs to exist.  It’s a PG movie that anyone and everyone can and should see.  You + watching it will = entertained. But.  But… But?

But, Hidden Figures is also an overly saccharine, sappy and sassy movie that could have been something truly special, instead of having that made-for-TV/made for the brain capacity of 5-year-olds feel to it

Our film’s main NASA mathematician hero, Katherine Johnson (by way of the always amazing Taraji P Henson), doesn’t have a proper place to pee in the all-white folk work environment she’s been thrusted into (but happy to be a part of), eh??  Well, she’s juss gonna have to deal with that, and run across her work campus to go pee pee in the ‘colored’ sanctioned bathrooms, day after day (and scene after scene).  This run to go pee pee repeated sequence is such a perfect place to put an Oscar ‘caliber’ song by Pharrell Williams, that we can play over AND over, again AND again, pee AFTER pee!  I’m surprised Pharrell didn’t re-purpose his song ‘Happy’ to be ‘Hap Pee-Pee’

Don’t get me wrong, I LIKED this movie, but I felt we were always about 1 line of dialog away from such words being spoken as…

Oh, you want to get him to the moon?  Well, 2 + 2 = GET YO A$$ A PROTRACTOR!!

or

Your cosigns don’t add up, so I’m gonna go off on a TANGENT!!

or

The square root of 81 is I’M GOING TO WHOOP YO A$$ INTO SPACE!!

But, the movie IS important, although you can learn more about Mrs Johnson and her accomplishments below, in less than 4 minutes, than you can with the entire movie, about her and 2 other breakthrough ladies breaking on through – with class, AND SASS!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Hidden is revealed at a theater near jews AND white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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