Tag Archives: Twin Peaks

Fire Stalk With Me

the cast of the new Twin Peaks series is INSANE, and endless – click here to read ALL 217 names

it’s udderly nice to see soooo MANY familiar names on the roster – included our beloved Harry Goaz as Deputy Andy Brennan + Catherine E Coulson as The Log Lady – even though Catherine sadly left earth and logs behind in the fall of 2015.  Heck, even the front desk receptionist from The Great Northern is back!!!

however – absent from the list are – The Man from Another Place (really???) Sheriff Harry S Truman, his girlfriend Jodie, Piper Laurie, Leo ‘New Shoes’ Johnson (WTF),  any version of Donna Hayward, David Lynch’s son, Heather Graham, Dick Tremayne (one of my personal favorite characters), and even Van Dyke Parks!!  not sure if they are gonna cameo or it aint happening at all or what.  lettuce truss in Lynch/Frost and see where it goes

anywho, there are a fcukload of newbies, so lets take a guess as to what characters these actors are playing, and who they are (spoilers from Twin Peaks past may lie ahead… but shame on you if you’ve somehow never watched the greatest TV show that ever was)…

 

Jane Adams as Pepper Patterson

jane adams

Pepper is The Great Northern’s concierge, a job she learned all about from her aunt Julie, who held the same position 25 years ago

Monica Bellucci as Countess Valentina Bianchi

monica

a mysterious Italian woman who has taken over the affairs of Thomas Eckhardt.  she smokes more than she talks

Jim Belushi as John Aykroyd

belushi

long living in the shadow of his deceased brother and his brother’s business partner, he’s ready to step into the spotlight and make a lot of noise – with his loud mouth and wisecracks, which may end in his own demise

Michael Cera as The Blog Lady

michael cera

The Log Lady will die (it sadly has to be), and in her place, all the town’s mythical wisdom will come from her long lost son, who dresses as a woman and blogs about all the visions he has of the woods – THE BLOG LADY!!!

Richard Chamberlain as Chamberlain Richárd

rich cham

with the Renault Bros out of the picture, someone needs to run the drugs, women and every other vice from Canada down into Twin Peaks.  Chamberlain Richárd is that man, and he’s twice as malicious and twice as Canadian as the Renaults ever were

Frank Collison as Stooby Jensen

frank collison

the town’s preacher, who is also the town’s rabbi

Jeremy Davies & Balthazar Getty as Duffy and Daffy McScrappy

davies

getty

The McScrappy Brothers are the town’s biggest troublemakers, and drunks.  They’ve spent more nights in the sheriff’s overnight jail cell than they have on the outside.  No wonder – their uncle is Hank Jennings

Laura Dern as Dorna Loone

dern lynch

after Nadine goes blind in her other eye, she needs more help than ever – and in comes her doting niece Dorna Loone – but she has her own issues – she has three ears!!

Francesca Eastwood as Arnolda Palmer

eastwood fran

wait, Laura Palmer had MORE cousins???  Man, I fear for poor Arnolda Palmer.  Whatever you do Arnolda – don’t visit the town.  Bad things will happen.  And stay away from plastic or from people who like to wrap

Patrick Fischler as The One-Eyebrowed Man

flischer

remember the One-Armed Man?  well, now there’s the One-Eyebrowed Man – a man who’s a body to a spirit.  Good or evil – time will tell, but there aint no shaving or stopping this unibrow

Robert Forster as Sheriff Richard M Nixon

rob forest

strange that they’d replace honest Sheriff Harry S Truman with mischievous Sheriff Richard M Nixon, but he’s not a crook, is he?

Ernie Hudson as Spin Williams

ernie hudson

There were TWO black characters in the original series (BARELY), and now there’s at least one in the new series.  Spin William’s is the town’s #1 DJ on radio station WTIN (get it – it’s like TWIN, but spelled wrong!).  Yep, Twin Peaks is town that still values radio, in an age of Spotiwhatever

Ashley Judd as FBI Agent Wynonna Naomi

ashley kudd

the FBI knew it had lady trouble when their only lady was Denise Bryson.  No more – Georgian peach agent Wynonna Naomi is a no-nonsense lady who can pack heat and create it.  BAD GUYS BEWARE!!!! AND AGENT COOPER TOO!!!

Jennifer Jason Leigh as Marguerite Meade

jjleigh

rivalries are a big part of Twin Peaks culture, and there’s no rivalry going that may be more delicious than the one going on between the Double R Diner and the one Marguerite Meade owns – The Triple Q Diner.  TOAST WILL BURN!!!

Matthew Lillard as Gilbert Gottbaked

lillard

Twin Peaks is a town of full of nutjobs, and none may be nuttier than the guy in charge of the TP’s marijuana dispensary – Gilbert Gottbaked.  His original last name was Gottesbergfeld, but he changed it to increase business sales

Trent Reznor as Pavel Puree

david trent

first it was the Icelanders, then the Norwegians, and now come the Bulgarians looking to invest in Twin Peaks real estate.  But long gone are the nice and sweet blonde Northern Europeans, and in are the dark, brooding and shady Eastern Europeans, led by Pavel Puree, who has more than plots of land on his mind – like burying people under them!

Tim Roth as Ace Asimov

tim roth

ruthless Canadians aren’t the only dirty dealers dealing in Twin Peaks – in comes one of Russia’s biggest and baddest oil barons – Ace Asimov, who likes his vodka warm, and his murders cold

Amanda Seyfried as Poppy Hewitt

amanda s

there is, and will always be, only one Laura Palmer – the center of it all, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be a new object of everyone’s affection – like what happens when Dale Cooper finds out he has a daughter, who juss so happens to come to town looking for him.  Poppy Hewitt will light everyone’s F-I-R-E, but can Twin Peaks survive another blonde with endless ambition???

Ethan Suplee as Theo Johnson

ethan slurpee

Leo Johnson is missing, and his brother Theo wants to find him… and a pair of new shoes along the way

Lauren Tewes as Mildred Ambers Horne

tewes

it’s about time Jerry Horne stopped being horny and settle down, especially with a woman his own age.  happy homemaker Mildred Ambers Horne has changed Jerry’s life for the better, but is he a better man, or still up to his old tricks?

Eddie Vedder as Otis Skunkmeyer

eddie vedder

Big Ed still has a gas farm, but he aint getting any younger.  With his nephew James Hurley leaving the family business, that leaves mechanic Otis Skunkmeyer to help Ed out with this and that

Naomi Watts as Tilly Ivers

watts lynch

we told you Coop had a long lost daughter, right?  well, what about a long lost mother to that daughter?  welcome Tilly Ivers – Coop’s high school sweetheart who’s come to find him and reclaim his heart, and soul

Twin Peaks 2017 is so on.  I’m jazzed – hope you are too!!

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It Ain’t Over ’til It’s Over

Peace The Forks Out

to

1 Dog Night

tocuh me cory wells

cory wells 2

&

Yogi Berra

yogi smile

yogi

yogi yank

yogi 2

yoji mets

yogi bear berra

yogi3

&

Jackie Collins

jackie collins

&

Black Moses

moses

moses2

moses bullets

 

Dom DeLuise The II

k paul

dom paul

&

The Log Lady

log lady

log lady 2

log lady 3

log lady 4

&

+

Joan Leslie

he took us on a ‘Sea Cruise’

he co-Zolofted

Lt Kevin Riley

he hid Americans

he was good to the last drop

Police Academy 1er

he saved Ronny

saved reagen

helped put man on moon

the 10th GB Packers head coach

she helped Petticoat Junction function

a Jimmy Olsen

a Sha Na Na-er

REO Speedwagon guitarist

Laugh-out

Dean Jones

dean jones

Joaquin Andujar

Remo Williams’ maker

Lorimar Productioner

he connected with French

James Taylor’s mother dies at 92

LL Bean counter

he had it covered

dylan grts hits

Uncle Pat

Mrs Zappa

he took many pitching Chances

NATO commander

saxy Stooge

Dickie Moore

dickie moore

Marty Ingels/Mr Shirley Jones

he directed disasters

Kirk Douglas’ sister

that guy

that Disney kid

yeller soda

a Knick

Janus films dude

a Legend-ary actor

he survived Otis Redding

bagel machine man

Jean Darling

jean darling

press officer at Motown Records

he was strange

a TV man of #s

longtime owner of Michigan’s oldest gay bar

Mr Reston, VA

Mrs Fried Chicken

willie mae scotch

Pirate caller

Paul Sorvino’s Brother

a B-way director

Japanese-American who fought Japan on behalf of America in WWII!

the oldest remaining survivor of the San Francisco earthquake of 1906!!!!!!!!!!!!

&

Mr Subway – Frank DeLuca

frank deluca

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#TwinPeaks2016wishes


Twin Peaks is coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY??? FCUK YEAH!!!!!!!

here’s what the new series needs…

bring Coop back to the good side

cooper thumbs up

Killer Bob (the actor) is dead. find someone SCARIER than him to be the new spiritual menace

twin peaks bob couch

somehow keep the look and feel EXACTLY the same. SOMEHOW!!!

TP diner

TP hallway

it’s Showtime, so there will be nudity, but don’t over do it. only use the boobies when it suits the story

twin peaks waitress

10,000% more Bobby Briggs and Shelly Johnson

shelly bobby

bring back Lara Flynn Boyle and explain how she once was Moira Kelly but no longer is Moira Kelly

LFB

include everyone and anyone who was in Twin Peaks, but limit the sh!tty characters’ involvement

hank jennings

more of Ben Horne obsessing over things/anything

minutes will be precious – so limit the onscreen singing

give the deceased actors some sort of honorable salute/send off (so long/goodbye – Killer Bob, Pete Martell, Major Briggs, Mayor Milford, Andrew Packard, Ernie Niles, the waiter, Norma’s mom, Mrs Tremond, Judge Clinton Sternwood, Rev Brocklehurst, Coach Wingate, Tom Brockman, Biker Scotty, Theodora Ridgely, the real Mrs Tremond, Jimmy Scott, Dell Mibbler, Janice Hogan)

briggs-pete

this has nothing to do with the show – but recreate this cover

rollingstone tp

resurrect the whorehouse / casino locale, but this time make it twice as whorey and casinoy – TWO Eyed Jacks!!

two eyed jacks

give Dr Jacoby a daughter, and her daughter a wacky husband, who also happens to be Dr J’s psychiatrist partner

cross tamblyn

add the following actors to the cast – Ciarán Hinds, Mads Mikkelsen, Paul Dano, Saoirse Ronan, Laura Harring, Olivia de Havilland, Chadwick Boseman, ‎Bae Doona, Edie McClurg, Peter Mullan, Yaphet Kotto, M Emmet Walsh, Daniel Brühl, Hal Holbrook, Tippi Hedren, Alden Ehrenreich, Val Kilmer’s son, Adam West, and/or Keith David/David Keith

david keith

let Andy be Andy

andy be andy

somehow incorporate a Curly W, since Mark Frost’s nephew / Doctor Hayward’s real life grandson is Nationals prospect Lucas Giolito

lucas giolito

Tremayne’s – a department store owned by Dick Tremayne

dick tremayne

juss don’t fcuk it up

tp light

twin peaks simpsons

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