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Tower Record

Rifiling With Rotoscoping
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
Not Rated | 82 min


I do not condone murder, but I cannot help but be fascinated by murderers (and their victims).  If you’ve read this site before, you know that (I’m insane) David Fincher’s Zodiac is my everything (that isn’t fried chicken, the Nationals, or my wife), so a documentary about the 1966 University of Texas Tower Shooting was totally gonna be up my alley, and up my butt – and it totally ended up being so/both!

In 82 measly (un)easy minutes, Keith Maitland‘s Tower lets the victims tell their stories from that day, and beyond.  From historical records and new interviews, Maitland took their testimonial transcripts and recreated the tragedy by rotoscoping actors and pairing it with whatever existing footage exists into a dreamy nightmare documentary that instills fear and thrills, but also inspires hope and peace

Normally the murderer is the one who gets the most attention in any filmed infotainment about murderers, but Charles Whitman’s name barely gets a mention by the time the films wraps, and while I was wondering about the who/what/when/where/how/why about Whitman the entire time, I actually didn’t mind ending up not knowing anything about him at all.  He set the event in motion, but he’s not important

This doc is important

Most folks know little of this event, but hopefully that will no longer be the case if one checks out one the most essential films of 2016!  EAT THAT ALL OTHER 2016 MOVIES!!!

Sadly, history has repeated itself many times since this event, but maybe we can learn from the past mistakes of others.  What a TOWERing achievement that would be

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Tower is very tall, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


(To Be) Young, Omitted & Black

This Boy’s Life In Three Acts
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 110 min



I usually don’t start these reviews by displaying the movie’s poster, let alone TWO posters, but not one picture can fully capture what’s going on in Barry JenkinsMoonlight – a tale of a(n African-American) boy becoming a (gay) man, told in three acts, like these posters can!

Act I was fantastic.  The boy – known as ‘Little’ (Alex R Hibbert) – is too shy to even speak – speak about not fitting in with the other boys, or what’s going on/wrong with his strung-out mom (Naomie Harris – trolling hardcore for Oscar bait, but I didn’t take the bait).  He finds solace in the hands and home of a drug dealer with a heart of gold (an incredible Mahershala Ali) and his beautiful lady friend (the beautiful singer Janelle Monáe, making her screen debut)

Life moves on… to Act II, which perhaps is even more fantastic than Act I was, where ‘Little’ now goes by ‘Chiron’, his birth name.  This high school version of the boy is still a fragile egg, but at least he has a better understanding of how the world works… apparently working against him.  His mom’s even more of a mess than before, and he still can’t fit in with the boys, cause he likes boys, but not ready to let that part of him out.  This version is played by Ashton Sanders, who holds the weight of his character’s sh!tty world mightily on his shoulders.  Sanders reminds me a lot of another up-and-comer – Keith Stanfield.  I’d love to see the two in a movie together (but not a buddy-cop one)

The third Act, where our boy is now a man, and goes by the name ‘Black’ (the 50 Cent-looking Trevante Rhodes), is important to the character’s arc, but not nearly as interesting or impactful as the previous two acts.  He finally comes to terms with who he truly is, and reunites with a former classmate, who we’ve also seen grow alongside him in each act (this final iteration played by the forver smiling André Holland).  It’s nice to see the two find peace with themselves and one another, but this final act is basically watching one long slow-a$$ scene of two dudes having dinner in a diner

Moonlight certainly shines, but could have been a bit more brighter, and a bit more fuller than the waxing gibbous that it ultimate is

Worth checking out – Jenkins’ previous feature/his debut – Medicine for Melancholy

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Moonlight rises, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Baby’s Got Hack

Villians, Heroes, Ones & Zeroes
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 134 min


Edward Snowden and his story must be told, as many times as possible.  It has been told thru the news, endlessly, and then again, personally, in the vital doc Citizenfour, and now Oliver Stone takes his crack, and you’d think it would be all kinds of crackpot-ted, but it’s actually crackerjack!

In fact – Stone’s Snowden is his best film since 1995’s Nixon!  Woah, that’s a long-ass time ago, and yeah, he’s kinda made nuttin but crap since then (although I thighly recommend his TV show ‘The Untold History of the United States‘), but maybe Ollie needed to circle the wagons before he could find himself again – railing against the system, while telling a good story

When watching Stone’s post Nixon output, I kept saying to myself – these don’t feel or look like Oliver Stone films.  They look like sh!t and they feel like a$$.  Maybe Ollie’s done with the 60s and 70s, but we weren’t done with Ollie’s 60s and 70s, but Snowden shows that in the 10s, and with the 1s and 0s, he can make a modern Oliver Stone movie that works, and one that we can be at peace with… while it’s at war, with the world!

As for the movie? Joseph Gordon-Levitt IS Snowden.  If you’ve seen Citizenfour (and you should), you’ll think that G-Levitt nailed it as Snowden.  And Shailene Woodley as his love interest?  She makes things lovely, and interesting, adding well needed humanizing to Snowden’s story, which I didn’t really expect from Stone, or from a spy story that mainly involves keyboards and monitors!

And the rest of the cast?  Outside of Nicolas Cage‘s oddly restrained role as a burned out g-man, Melissa Leo (nice and quiet), Zachary Quinto (forever intense with those eyebrows), Tom Wilkinson (nice Scottish accent!), Scott Eastwood (so glad we’ll have someone that looks like Clint for decades to come), Timothy Olyphant (always a jerk), Ben Schnetzer (keep an eye on this guy), Keith Stanfield (another one to watch), and Rhys Ifans (always a prick, always amazing) all help to shine a much needed light on the darkness that lies behind keeping our enemies at bay

Plus, most people aint gonna see a documentary, so it’s important that thee fictionalized movie gets it right, cause more people will see it, and this movie gets it right, and more people need to see it!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Snowden snowDOES it right, currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Rob Peter To Pay Paul Peter

Hell or High Water
Bank Shot
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 102 min


Cops!  Robbers!  Cowboys!  Injuns!  Texas!  Dust!  MUSTaches!!!!!!!!!  Captain Kirk with one particularly MUST must MUSTache!!  That crazy actor dude who was banging Sean Penn’s ex-wife playing crazy, and wily, and crazy wily!!  (I mean, can he play anything else?  would you want him to?)


Jeff Bridges with a strange accent but he kinda disappears into that strange accent!!  His partner that sorta looks like my uncle!

It’s the David Mackenzie directed film from Taylor Sheridan‘s script – Hell or High Water!! 

There’s not much hell or water, but plenty of thirsting, for dollars, and doing things right, even if they have to be done in a wrong way!  

The plot is this – two guys rob banks and then re-pay outstanding debts to the very same banks they juss stole from with the money they stole!  It’s like robbing Peter to pay Paul Peter!!!  Woah!!!!  

And man, those Texas vistas are beautiful!

And this girl – Melanie Papalia – who played a hooker – has some nice vistas of her own!




Verdictgo:  Breast In Show

douse Hell with Water, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


About Face

Bridget Jones’s Baby
Meet The Parents
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 123 min


I was expecting nothing from the movie where Bridget Jones is expecting, mainly cause the trailer was so so so so awful Awful AWFULLLLLLLLL!!  It looked like a dreadful TV comedy of errors, and cheerie-o, pip-pip cheekiness, and thankfully, this third installment is none of that, although the soundtrack was cheesier than the world’s largest cheese sculpture 

Bridget Jones’s Baby finds BJ single again, but this time she and Renée Zellweger are thinner, and they both have a new face.  Bridget was much more charming with the girth, and those puffy red cheeks.  Same with Renée…


BUT, underneath this new face, today’s Renée Zellweger is still our same ye olde Renée Zellweger (who was like the Jennifer Lawrence of her time).  If you want to imagine the old faced Renée, you can particularly see it in any scene where she’s wearing glasses…


But for most of the movie she isn’t wearing glasses, but you start to get used to her face, in a way you start to get use to seeing what Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill look like today (which means they don’t look as good as Harrison Ford looks today)

OK, enuff about the face, and more about the actual movie… which stars FOUR Academy Award winners!!!  Joining Zel is former beau Colin Firth, pops Jim Broadbent, and new addition, as BJ’s doc – Emma Thompson, who also co-wrote the script!  Their accolades were not mentioned in said horrible trailer, but their skills punch up a movie that serves as nothing more than a delightful one that women will enjoy today and on cable TV for eons to come

Hugh Grant sat this one out, so the new rival for BJ’s affections is Yankee Patrick Dempsey.  I’m not much of a Dempsey guy.  I left him after Can’t Buy Me Love, and never got McSteamed up by any of his subsequent work.  He’s a good foil for Colin Firth in Baby, which makes the series feel a little new, while dwelling on BJ issues very old.  Plus, we forgot much of what happened in both of the previous movies, cause the last one was TWELVE years ago, so this threequel felt both new and old!  NEWSED!!!

Man, twelves years is a long time.  Last movie we personally saw Zel in was 2008’s Appaloosa and I didn’t even remember anything about that movie, especially the fact that she was even in it.  Had to look it up.  Anywho, we hold too much onto the past, but we need to move on. Renée’s face is what is, and now we’re ready to see it again in Bridget Jones’s Journey To Uranus

By the way, what’s with Jones’s?  Why not juss Jones’??  Didn’t these English people invent English?

And what’s up with Sarah Solemani and how come we’ve never have heard of her???  She’s like a Persian-English Winona Ryder!!!  Adorablezz!!!




Verdictgo:  Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Jones for Bridget at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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