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The Turing Point

Ex Machina
Ro-bust!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 108 min

ex machina

Ever wanted to see a less big A.I.?  You can in Alex Garland‘s Ex Machina, which is quiet and creepy and sexy and scary, and welll designed, and stuff!

It’s got dweeby Domhnall Gleeson trying to disguise his Irish accent with a horrible American accent, and Alicia Vikander trying not to be super hot cause she’s a robot who is super hot, and Oscar Isaac trying not to be a nice guy, and trying to be an amazing dancer (with Sonoya Mizuno) AND SUCCEEDING!!!

machina danc23

machina dance

What’s the movie about?  Robots, humans, robots interacting with humans, humans interacting with robots.  What is real?  What is robotz?  What are emotions?  How amazing a dancer is Oscar Isaac?  How badly do you want to stay at this place in Norway (where the film was filmed)?

Question is, do you like robots and da future and questions?  If you answer ‘yes’ or ‘ellllls yeah’ to all three, then see this film

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Machina ruins smoothy at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Phat Amy

Pitch Perfect 2
Not Awful!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 115 min

pitch perfect 2

I don’t think I sat all the way thru Pitch Perfect 1 (I was probably laying/lying, not sitting). The wife said, lets watch it on TV, and she watched it, while I played on my phone and mocked it while 1/2 paying attention. It was a movie you can get the gist of in about 8 seconds – it’s Glee, with girls as the focus, and maybe more laffs, but not really

Well, a funny thing happened on the way to being forced to see #2… after 5 minutes of eye-rolling, my eyes stood in place, and my ears followed, and I sat thru the sequel – ALL OF IT. And you know what, it was not awful! Sure, this thing was far from sexy or original or awesome or deep or anything, but it has more going for it AND was more enjoyable than Sucker Punch is/was, and Sucker Punch had scantily clad women fighting ninjas or something!  

Pitch Perfect 2‘s plot is razor thin, but it makes up for it in the girth that is Fat Amy/Rebel Wilson, who doesn’t steal the show, cause she IS the show.  Without Fat Rebel Wilson, the movie would be nothing but mousy Anna Kendrick looking for cheese and Brittany Snow rolling her eyes more than I did when I was forced to watch #1, and Elizabeth Banks (who directed this movie!!!) and John Michael Higgins with their not so witty repartee reprising its repetitive rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s.  But don’t worry, you get all of Fat Wilson, and the fat butt and fart and poop jokes that come with it!!  + Keegan-Michael Key! and David Cross!  and Snoop Dogg!!  and some Green Bay Packers!!!!!

The Pitch Perfercts are light and fluffy and pitch perfect for viewers young and old, but if it REALLY wanted to razzle dazzle (at least if it wanted to dazzle my razzles), they should go light on the tunes and heavier on the theatrics.  Time to Step-Up evermore yo!

Verdictgo: sirprizingly Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Pitch fast at a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thigh Octane

Mad Max: Fury Road
Beyond BeliefAwesomeDome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 120 min

mad max fury road

woah George Miller, WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You made 3 Mad Max movies that kicked ass 19ever ago, then went soft with pigs and penguins, but then you were like, fcuk it, I’m going back to the well, and I’m going to kick the fcuking ballistics to the nth degree and to the nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnth degree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Instead of describing in words what his new AMAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZINGGGGGGGGGG Mad Max movie is about and what it’s like, we’ll take a page from the movie’s book, and keep the talking to a minimum, and let the pictures do the talking

SHIZ was OUT OF FCUKING CONTROL, from start to finish, and was like this…

castle greyskull

bane

weaver shave

rosie whitley

zz_2

michael j anderson

binaca

nightmare b4 xmas

dune

twisty

pricislla queen of desert

guitra on fire

jem

monster trucks

psycho mad max

Tusken Raiders

blues bros car chase

hills have eyes

road runner

bmx bandits

crank sttham

gonzo

the mummy desert

the mummy desert

fast furious

croc dundee

all other movies are not movies, cause

THIS IS A MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Beyond Hotttiedome:  I’m down for a post-apoclayptic world, but only if Cheedo the Fragile is my sex slave.  BLESS YOU COURTNEY EATON!!!

Courtney Eaton 2

Courtney Eaton 3

Verdictgo: BREAST IN SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

go Mad for Max at a theater near jews this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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The Old Rush

Iris
Fashioned Old
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 78 min

iris

I know nothing about fashion (just ask my wife), so I had no idea who Iris Apfel was.  You probably don’t either, but if you saw a picture of this woman, wouldn’t you want to spend 78 minutes with her?????????????

iris 2

no doubt you would, and our tour guide into a few years of this crazy lady’s life is none other than recently departed Grey Gardens/Gimmie Shelter brother Albert Maysles!!!

IRIS + ALBERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iris albert

And what do you get????  A new lease on your own life.  Iris will show you that the busier you are, the more alive you will become!!  

iris

MAY WE ALL LIVE TO BE 90 AND BECOME FASHION ICONS WHO HAVE NO TIME TO REST CAUSE YOU TOO BUSY BEING THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: MOS DEF Jeepers Worth A Peepers

feel Iris deserves your eyes, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Portrait of a Serial Stiller

While We’re Young
Fountain of Youth Truths
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 97 min

while we're young

Noah Baumbach cannot be stopped, and I hope he doesn’t, cause he keeps handing us charming little films that charm the little big pants off of us, and sometimes they make us cringe, but in the best possible way.  So what would happen if you took his gruff Ben Stiller Greenberg character, grounded him a bit more (but still let him be crazy after all these years), and then let his inner youth playfulness play out like France Ha?? I’ll tell – you get While We’re Young, which is like Girls, but with girls AND boys AND adults, and it’s like actually watchable (read – not horrible), and thensome and things!

Documentary filmmaker Stiller and producer wife Naomi Watts aren’t having a midlife crisis, but all their friends are having babies (including Ad-Rock Adam Horovitz!!!) and they aren’t, or doing much of anything, so they’re looking for something fun and new.  They find it in hipster extraordinaire couple Adam Driver and Amanda Seyfried.  Driver wants to make docs like Stiller, and Darby makes ice cream.  Stiller and Watts eat them up, take them under their wings, but it’s really Driver and Seyfried who take the ‘older’ couple under their wings – introducing them to a world where bike riding with a dope hat, hip-hop dance classes, VHS movie watching, and tripping balls on ayahuasca are the new normal

Things go well, until, well, they don’t, and Stiller starts to see a rusty lining in his dip in the fountain of youth.  Join them + Charles GrodinBrady Corbet and Ryan Serhant (perfectly playing a douche-wad just like himself) as they search for youthful truths, and adult realities

Oh, and nice Scott Rudin cameo there!!

Verdictgo: MOS DEF Jeepers Worth A Peepers

feel Young at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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