Archive | Movie Reviews RSS feed for this section

Contras Banned

Kill The Messenger
Runner Renner
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 112 min

kill the messenger

I was alive (and well) in the 80s, and heard all about the Iran-Contra Affair, but had no idea what any of it meant, other than Oliver North lied to us, and Fawn Hall had people fawning all over her. That’s why need movies like Kill The Messenger – to remind us of the shadowy things and stuff that the US done did, that we either don’t know or cared to forget about. The messenger is Gary Webb (Jeremy Renner in the rare role of a good guy), a reporter for the San Jose Mercury News, who blew the lid off of a story of how the CIA backed the sale of Nicaraguan Contras’ cocaine on American soil, and turned the profits into the Contras’ ammunition for their freedom fight back home. Once the lid came off, it couldn’t be put back on – and Webb became collateral damage of his own story. The CIA and even the media itself tried to bury the lead, and the lead writer with it. Michael Cuesta‘s film solidly captures the tension and fallout for Webb/Renner, but it never quite adds up to All The President’s Men II, even with a stellar supporting cast consisting of Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rosemarie DeWitt, Barry Pepper, Ray Liotta, Paz Vega, Oliver Platt, Michael Sheen, Richard Schiff, Andy García, Robert Patrick, Michael K Williams and Tim Blake Nelson

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Kill shoots to inform at a theater near jews

I’m still waiting for a Contra movie, called Contra: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start

contra1

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Comments Off

Pike’s Peaked

Gone Girl
Desperate Housewife
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 149 min

gone girl

Gone Girl the movie is thankfully no Gone Baby Gone

but it’s no Zodiac either. NOTHING IS ZODIAC!!! Zodiac‘s the only great thing post 9/11 besides my wife and Curly Ws!!

What is Gone Girl? Some ballyhooed book by some gal writer who used to write about TV for Entertainment Weekly. Watching all that trashy TV probably helped her come up with her trashy story about a bad husband and a wicked wife, which turns even darker under the watchful eye and skill of director David Fincher‘s skillful watching eye. HIS EYES WATCH, WITH SKILL!!!

There’s like a twist midway thru the film/story that apparently will ruin everything if we mentioned it – so lets juss say – the film is not called Dead Girl. SHE GONE!!!! Who she? She Rosamund Pike – that icy blondey gal who usually doesn’t have much to do in other movies, besides being some pretty girl who our hero wants or something. Well Gone Girl finally showcases Pike’s acting chops, and boy is she choppin here, yo!!! While she GONE, baby, GONE, left holding the bag is hubby Ben Affleck, who has to face the public spotlight, and scrutiny – A ROLE BEN AFFLECK WAS BORN TO PLAY!!!! And a funny thing happens on the way to not loving Ben Affleck as per usual – YOU START TO FEEL FOR BEN AFFLECK(‘s character). GO BEN AFFLECK’S FLAWED CHARACTER!!!

Movie is be long, but it all goes by real quicks. Not exactly sure what went on, or if any of it made sense, but it wasn’t The Curious Case of Benjamin Borings, so that’s good enuff for me, from Fincher, although I always eggspect Zodiac II

Along for the ride are his annoying screen sister (Carrie Coon), his crafty lawyer (Tyler Perry’s Madea‘s Law Firm), and Doogie Howser, playing against type, as a character who is not a child prodigy doctor + apparently Ben Affleck’s penis, and this girl, who’s boobs aren’t gone, they HERE!!!!!

Emily Ratajkowski2

Emily Ratajkowski

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Gone Girl is found at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

0 Comments

ALL IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Step Up All In
Sweating To The Newbies
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 112 min

step up all in

DUDE!!!

step up ani3

THEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

step up ani2

TOTALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

step up ani2

STEPPED UP A FIFTH TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

step up ani4

AND WE AND THEY WERE ALL IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEST STEP UP MOVIE EVER!!!!!!!!!!! (maybe) (probably)

[reviews of #1 | #2 DA STREETS | #3-D | Peter Gallagher's Eyebrows Up]

Guess what my favorite modern movie franchise is? DAT RIGHT – STEP UP!!!!! These movies doesn’ts have people with super powers CAUSE THE ONLY POWER THEY NEED IS DANCE!!! And it doesn’t have stupid CG or things than transform, UNLESS YOU COUNT THESE MOVIES TRANSFORMING YOUR LIFE LIKE THEY HAVE ME!!! The only way these movies could blow is if George Lucas took a shot at one and made gungans dance

Do you like fun and being happy? If so, YOU MUST SEE ALL 5 STEP UP MOVIES AND HAVE FUN AND BE HAPPY LIKE ME AND ALL THE PEOPLES WHO HAVE IS BE!!!

Oh what, you want plot?? WELL #5 GOT PLOT!!!! THEY HAVE TO DANCE TO LIVE AND THEY LIVE TO DANCE!!!! AND MAYBE WIN A CONTEST!!! AND FIND LOVE!!!! AND BATTLE AND CONQUEROR ADVERSITY!!!!! AND DANCE!!!!!!!!!!! IN VEGAS!!!!!!

AND MOOSE IS BACK AND BRIANA EVIGAN AND SHE SO CUTE AND HOT!!! AND SO IS THE CUTE GUY FROM THE LAST MOVIEE!!!

moose and crew

AND THERE WAS THIS NEW GUY DAVID SHREIBMAN AND HE WAS LIKE THE BEST!!! HE NEEDS HIS OWN SPINOFF MOVIE CALLED STEP SIDEWAYS WITH CHAD!!!

chad step up

AND THERE WAS THIS GUY STEPHEN STEVO JONES WHO WAS SO BADASS AND VERY MARKY MARK LIKE AND WE WISH HE WAS MARKY MARK!!!

steve steveo

OH MAN, AND THERE WAS SOME CRAZY SHIZ GOING ON WITH THE GIRL THAT WAS IN COYOTE UGLYIZABELLA MIKO – LIKE SHE WAS ALL LIKE HUNGER GAMES AND STUFF AND CRAZY!!!!

izabella_miko step up

step up miko

Please Lord Jesus Moses F Christ F Murray Abraham – if you really the lord, please let there be another Step Up movie. I promise to step up and maybe eat microwaved tunafish

Verdictgo: Breast In Show, duh

get All In before it’s too late

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

0 Comments

The Brotherhood of the Traveling Rants

The Trip to Italy
Buono Voyage
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
Unrated | 108 min

the trip to italy

Two British guys walk into a restaurant and hilarity ensues. Have you heard this one before? Yep – it was called The Trip, a British TV series, directed by boy wonderful Michael Winterbottom, and starring comedy stalwarts Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon – that was a travelogue of sorts, as the pair made their way thru the English countryside for fine dinning, and fine banter, and endless laughter for anyone who watched it. The TV series was edited down for America into a marvelous little movie, and it was surely a Trip well worth taking

Well, the trio of blokes are back, but this time they’re indulging in pasta in The Trip to Italy. Sequels rarely equal or top the original, a topic Coogan and Brydon tackle right off the bat (everyone uses Godfather II as an example, but what other examples are there?), and any thought of this follow-up being a sub-par affair are gone in 60 seconds. The imitations are back, and even if they sound familiar, they sound better than ever!!!! But what really works about round 2, besides the Italian scenery and the chewing of it, is that Coogan (or Coogan’s character of himself) seems more relaxed in this venture, leaving little room for un-needed drama, and more room for always needed stupidity/comedy

The only thing wrong with this movie is that the trip comes to an end, but for those who want more – there is more – the Italian job was slimmed down from a TV series too, and so I will be seeking out the full episodes, and I’m sure you will too!

Where to next boys? Count us in, times a bajillions

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Embark on The Trip To Italy – in limited release today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

0 Comments

#MirrenFace

The Hundred-Foot Journey
A Spoonful of Curry & A Poundful of Sugar
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 122 min

100 foot journey

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN AN INDIAN FAMILY MOVES TO A PICTURESQUELY QUAINT FRENCH VILLAGE AND OPENS UP A RESTAURANT – 100 FEET ACROSS THE STREET FROM A SNOOTY FINE DINNING EATERY?????????????????????????????????????? Oh man, if only there were a book that tackled this story idea that got Oprah and Spielberg so jazzed that they turned it into a movie directed by the guy who made that Chocolat movie! OH WAIT, THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise jeebus, and ganesha, and PG movies that you can actually bring your family too, even if the drama on-hand is about intense as cracking an egg

Sassy and fussbudgety Om Puri and his Indian family flee India cause there was like some political fire or something that burned down their restaurant and his wife/their momma, and so they go here and there until their van breaks down in some French village, where they quickly open up an Indian restaurant – that will forever change everything – for them, the town, and the town’s reigning cooking mistress, and restaurant neighbor – the perma-frowny Helen Mirren. She is SO dang frowny, and sourpussy that they HAD to highlight it on the movie poster

100 foot poster journey

Then again, Mirren makes that face in every movie she’s in. It’s her go to face, and I for one have had enuff of #MirrenFace

Well guess what happens?? One of the Indian kin – Manish Dayal – is a master chef in the making, and he is such a master chef in the making that not even the bitchy Helen Mirren can deny his talents, and so maybe JUSS MAYBE, she will stop being so cranky that she’ll take the spatula that’s stuck up her a$$ and start cooking things up with her enemy neighbors!!! And what about the Frenchy restaurant cutie patootie sous chef Charlotte Le Bon?? Will their be romance a simmering between her and the master chef in the making or will their yearning ambitions to become king/queen of the kitchen stand in the way of their syrupy soup of love????? OMG, YOU MUSS BE SWEATING WITH NERVES JUSS READING THIS REVIEW!!!!

For a movie about food, the taste can at times be pretty formaggi, but for the most part – the cheesiness sizzles, unlike in Chef, where it kinda stank like rotten meat

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Journey begins at a theater near jews Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

0 Comments
eXTReMe Tracker