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Wiktor/Wiktoria

Cold War (Zimna wojna)
Love (In Post-War) Is Hell
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

R | 88 min

Moral of the story – if you ever fall in love with a super talented, super fine looking lady, but she’s a giant pain in the ass and will destroy your soul and probably make you do things like renounce your freedom and do forced labor, it’s probably not worth being in love with her in the first place.  But hey, look at that amazing b&w cinematography!  And now I finally know what language Borat got his ‘chenqui’ from!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Cold War warms things up in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Bale To The Chief

Vice

The Long Big
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 132 min

What can I say about Vice?  Bale was amazing as Dick Cheney, but the main reason to see it is to see him in that transforming make-up and hair (or lack thereof), and those glasses.  The rest of the movie?  Bleeding liberal wanking, too much winking, too much trying to be an Oliver Stone movie, but basically being The Big Short of Dick Cheney, but coming up short this time in the presentation department.  And what’s the take away, anyways?  Hard to tell, other then I think the Cheneys are a nice family who have politics and practices that may be different from your own.  So what’s the point?  Don’t ask me, I didn’t make the movie, but sat thru it.  Maybe they should have stopped in the middle, with the faux credits.  That was clever.  But the rest of the movie was too clever for its own good, or it thought it was clever and it wasn’t good.  Again, hard to tell

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Vice clamps down currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Poppins Fresh

Mary Poppins Returns
The Old Disney Razzle Dazzle Made New
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

PG | 130 min

Everything’s a winner in Mary Poppins Returns, and purists should have no cause for alarm, and everyone else should have cause to see this, cause it’s pure Disney movie magic, in that old fashioned way we knew and STILL love.  Walt would be proud

First and foremost, Emily Blunt stepped into shoes that be so large that they were simply impossible to fill.  So I guess that means she did the impossible, because she made Mary P her own, with a bit of Julie Andrews’ spoonful of sugar, tossed in with a tad of author PL Travers’ bitter toughness.  Blunt’s Mary is, well, blunt.  She doesn’t take no sh!t, but also makes magic out of anything, even sh!t, but not literally sh!t

And the kids are great.  They’re wide-eyed enuff, and one of the kids has super-wide ears!  And the girl’s real name is Pixie Dust or something!

And the kids in the first movie are now grown up, and the perfect path for moving the story forward, in what is the loosest story they could go forward on (they don’t have money and may lose their house!  can anyone help them!).  And you cannot ask for better actors basically doing pointless acting as worrisome siblings than Ben Whishaw and Emily Mortimer.  I wish they were my dad and mum, or brother and sister, or husband and wife, or anything that would make me able to hug them.  I’d give Ben a mustache ride, and Emily any kind of ride she desires

Oh, and super annoying Lin-Manuel Miranda is super annoying (not sure why a guy who lights lamps has to appear in every scene, AND BE SO FCUKING HAPPY), but his super annoyingness actually works for this show-stopping show that does not stop.  He doesn’t stop!  HE WON’T STOP!!  And his pizzaz in the proceedings is infectious!  You’ll want to light lamps!  And imitate him, like…

 

Oh, and Colin Firth is a good baddie, and Dick Van Dyke and Angela Lansbury are old as fork, but you watch them twinkle and wish that you’ll be as spry and as with it as they are at age 93.  And even thought his character was kinda whatevs.net, it was nice to see David Warner.  I love David Warner.  You probably do too, but just don’t realize it.  And what about Meryl Streep?  How do you think she was??

And the songs?  I don’t remember any of them, but they were really good!  And when mixed with the 2-D animation, I literally felt like a kid again, on a Disney ride with no line, having the time of my life!

Verdictgo: mos def Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Mary pops at a theater near jews and white nationalists today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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American Idle

Vox Lux
A Star Is Mourn
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

R | 110 min

Brady Corbet (yes, that guy!) aims for the (pop) stars in his second feature Vox Lux, which is part masterful, and part questionable.  All in all, there’s a lot to take in, and a majority of the praiseworthy work belongs to Raffey Cassidy (and to Brady and cinematography by Lol Crawley for all those beautiful New York City building shots!!), who plays our fragile heroine Celeste in younger times, and then later on, when Natalie Portman portrays the older, crustier, unhinged version of Celeste, Raffey plays her daughter.  Confusing, a bit, and especially so when Portman enters the movie and acts like she’s doing one of those ‘silly’ an SNL raps, and a lot of the built up luster turns to bluster, but when the finale concert is staged, and the Sia songs blare, and the Mr Portman Benjamin Millepied dance move groove, they turn the beat around, and everything feels perfectly in sync

VerdictgoJeepers Worth A Peepers

Vox is currently sounding off in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Scotland Yarn

Mary Queen of Scots
I’ve Seen Better Episodes Of The Tudors
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

R | 125 min

The history is interesting and worth telling, but the latest and not so greatest iteration of it – the Josie Rourke directed and Beau Willimon written Mary Queen of Scots – somehow doesn’t give the affairs the royal treatment it deserves 

Not for a lack of trying.  They got black guys and Asian gals and Hispanic dudes playing roles usually reserved for white folk.  That was kinda refreshing!  And you can’t go wrong with Irish tongued Saoirse Ronan giving Mary the upper Scottish lip, while Aussie Margot Robbie goes ‘ugly’ and white face as her cousin rival Elizabeth 

History news flash – the two Queens don’t interact much, and basically never face to face, so for the most part, it’s juss a war of words, and a bunch of dudes with staches and ruff necks endlessly scheming.  And that’s OK, cause it’s like The Tudors, but like a lesser episode  

The main issue I had with the film is how muddled it begins and how middling the middle parts were (too many needless side characters we could care less about), but when the film finally hits its stride in the last act, it’s all class act until Mary gets hers.  Woulda been nice if her head and the movie was screwed on tighter from the get go, before it gets the chop in the end, but hey, history and herstory is told by the victors, and the victorias, however they want to tell it

Verdictgo: low end Jeepers Sorta Kinda Worth A Peepers

Mary gets bloody at a theater near jews and white nationalists this Friday

want to see a better movie about women in power and women empowerment?  seek out the doc ¡Las Sandinistas! – it’s great!!! you’ll learn more about Nicaraguan modern history than you’ve ever known!! and Bernie Sanders is in it!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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