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The Mighty Bosch

Jheronimus Bosch, Touched by the Devil
Like Watching Dried Paint
Official Site | Trailer
Not Rated | 86 min


I love Hieronymus Bosch.  Love.  LOVE!!!!!  He’s so fcuking twisted!  In a time when paintings were too Jesusy, and way too Jesusy, and WAY WAY WAY too Jesusy, Mr Bosch was getting evil with the Jesusy stuff!  His painting freak me the fcuk out.  If the heavenly and mainly hellishly things going on in them existed in real life, I would probably not want to be a part of real life!

I mean, look at this fcuking thing!!

bosch bug thing

or look at these fcuking things!!

strange bosch

and what the fcuk is going on here??

rape bosh

I mean, I could go on and on, and show you ever more fcuked up sh!t, but there’s only so much you cannot unsee

bosch odd


So many questions – and WTF? is the question that needs to be asked over and over!

Pieter van Huystee‘s documentary – Jheronimus Bosch, Touched by the Devil –  isn’t necessarily about Bosch as a man and a painter – it’s more about the mounting of a Dutch exhibition taking place in his hometown, to mark the 500th anniversary of his death in 1516, and that’s kinda a shame.  Cause we want to know more about Biggty Bosch, and not as much about the exhibition and the people mounting it

BUT, the process of mounting this exhibition is interesting in its own right.  A Dutch team was assembled to scour the earth and re-examine and re-evaluate the 25 known Bosch works in existence, which are attributed to him or his studio.  This team left no stone unturned, or even wood unturned.  Thru the wood of the paintings’ backing, they can figure out a year, and some of these paintings that are known to be works of Bosch, fall beyond the year of his death!  Woah, not possible!  And the film digs deep into the details of the actual paintings, and shows these details in full, which is a treat, since none of us will ever get that close to his paintings!!! (SO MANY OWLS!!! SO LITTLE TIME!!).  And they do this cool infrared photo stuff where you can see the drawings behind the paintings – like stuff that was once there and now aint!!!

bosch infared

OK, so we don’t get learn about Bosch the man, or his motivations  – cause its apparent that that information doesn’t exist – and so all we are left with is only MORE questions, but isn’t the goal of art is to make you think and question things and stuff, while marveling at its beauty (and/or horror)?? 

Verdictgo:  Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Bosch is currently playing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…



Café Society
Cup Half Empty
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 96 min

cafe society

There’s something to Woody Allen‘s latest entry – Café Society – but also, there’s not much to it.  You watch it and you go – hey, I’d love to be there, in that time period and in those fabulous places, with those endlessly beautifully sun-drenched lit scenes, and down some of those lush-looking drinks, and take a puff from those slow smoking c-gars!  This is like the gilded version of his 1999 film Sweet and Lowdown (one of my favorite modern Woody pics) – but somehow, his new jaunt is devoid of heart, soul and humor

It’s not the fault of our characters.  We like them, and we want to watch them do things.  There’s something to Jesse Eisenberg (playing the Woody role) chasing Kristen Stewart round ole Hollywood, but there’s not much to the chase.  There’s something to Jesse’s uncle Steve Carell, but not really anything to him, and the same goes to his uncle’s friends Parker Posey & Paul Schneider, and Eisenberg and his uncle’s kinfolk – Corey Stoll (all gangster schtick, zero personality), Sari Lennick (as if she just walked off the set of A Serious Man and right onto Society‘s set!), Stephen KunkenKen Stott and Jeannie Berlin.  There’s even something about Blake Lively, when usually there’s nothing to her except her body.  We want to spend time with these people, but not really given any good reason to, or to fully care about what happens to them

Well, there was one thing that was a thing – but it was more personal.  Jesse falls for a girl, and then another with the same first name.  This happened to me, although unlike in the movie, I didn’t continue to pine for the 1st girl, while the 2nd girl became my wife!!

Anywho, it was a decent try Woody.  You have a nice looking Café, with a nice set of drinkers, but there’s not much niceties to your Society at all.  See you next summer!

Verdictgo:  Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Café is juss OK at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Pitter-Pater Familiars

Star Trek Beyond
Somewhere Between Be-Yummy and Be-en-There-Done-That
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 122 min

star trek beyond

Beyond is the third Star Trek movie with this new, hip and young Enterprise crew, and it’s already starting to feel very familiar – both good and bad.  Good in a sense that we still love Love LOVE these guys (Pine/Quinto/Urban/Pegg/Saldana/Cho/Yelchin – RIP):, and their familiar presence is a continuing reassurance that we’ll have fun with them no matter what trouble they get themselves into 

Meeting them in round 1 was pure bliss, and battling Benedict Cumberbatch in round 2 was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and in this third one, we’re totally on board for the new mission – but the bad?  – while they’re off exploring new worlds, even without their ship(!), it feels like it’s nothing new.  This is the 3rd of their 5 year mission, but it kinda feels like its 33rd year of a 55 year mission.  Familiarity – both good and bad

OK, so there was some new fresh newness – like a NEW bad guy – Idris Elba!  And they silenced the fanboys who were pissed that The Beastie Boys’ ‘Sabotage’ was featured in the trailer – CAUSE THE SONG ENDED UP BEING IN THE FILM – AND IT WORKS FOR THE STORY!  And the movie was fun – but it’s starting to feel a bit like running thru the motions.  More of an actual trek, and less of a journey

Maybe in the next Trek, they can boldly go somewhere else, and hopefully as far as humanly and alienly as possible from these fcuking dumb-a$$ looking creatures…

ugly stoopid aline

Verdictgo: still, love me this crew, so low-end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Star Trek doesn’t go too far Beyond, currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


The Show Must Egon

Bustin’ Loose
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 105 min


THEY DID IT – THEY MADE A GHOSTBUSTERS – WITH WOMEN!!!  And the world will survive it, and the world will move on.  Blasphemy doesn’t exist anymore cause nothing is sacred.  In our lifetime Citizen Kane will get a remake or a sequel or a prequel or a shequel.  Maybe even Jesus will get a reboot.  But you know what, life and art has been repeating and imitating itself for centuries, so why not juss give up and accept the misery, especially when the results are sometimes not awful

Ghostbusters 2016 is NOT awful.  It’s actually 2/3rds really good, and then in the final 1/3rd of the film – a little TOO familiar and too much of a good nothing.  But that first 2/3rds – man – the women (Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones) are FUNny and spunky (McKinnon comes out on top of the four), and the film moves fast and is flashly, and I was all with it!!  But that ending?  You’ve seen it before when it was already called Ghostbusters, and the filmmakers missed an opportunity to make something entitrely new, and make the franchise something truly their own

Now I get it, you want to pay homage and respect to the original, and the cameos of the old timers were nice, and the other nods to the first movie, and to the fans are necessary, but there has to be a limit.  The original was actually a serious movies with perfect humor to offset the scariness.  This new one is all for laughs, and since they’re not taking things too seriously, it’s kinda hard for us to take it seriously either

But then again, a funny Chris Hemsworth is better than a serious one

hemsworth ghostbusters

VerdictgoJeepers Worth A Peepers

Ghostbusters call at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Please Be My X-Wife

X-Men: Apocalypse
Sophie Page Turner
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 144 min

x-men apocalypse

Oh, hey – another superhero movie!  But ya know what?  I’ve come to the realization that out of ALL the superhero franchises in existence – I like the X-Men ones the most, and I’m not even really an X-Men kinda guy (my peeps are The New Teen Titans of the late 80s, early 90s).  I think I’ve liked or super-liked every single one of the X-Men movies, even the Brett Ratner one (but not really the solo Wolverine ones, which doesn’t make much sense as to why they aren’t so great, cause Hugh as Wolvie is SO great)

Well, this X-Men movie may not be perfect (Oscar Isaac‘s mummy resurrected bad guy was kinda cool, but the final battle vs him wasn’t so much), but I am on board with whatever this movie is.  Mainly cause…

they don’t let Olivia Munn talk! (she’s in an insult to actors everywhere who cannot get employed, while she is)

oliva munn x men

and Evan Peters as the super fast dude is STILL the fcuking BBBBBBBBBBBBBEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

x-men peter evans

but more importantester than ANYTHING… 

Sophie Turner is sooooooo SUPER fine, in leather, and not in leather

(I’m a sucker for redheads, in leather, and not in leather)

grey sophie tuener

sophie cxmen

sophie xmen2

sophie xmen

sophie grey

grey sophie

VerdictgoJeepers Worth A Peepers

X-Men is about to X-it theaters soon!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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