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Waxing Gibbous

Magic In The Moonlight
Medium Medium
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 98 min

magic in the moonlight 1

Woody Allen loves the 20s(/30s). Disclaimer – SO DO I!!! Woody is a man who made his mark making very contemporary movies, but some of his more memorable ones travel back to that time – Purple Rose of Cairo, Sweet & Lowdown (a personal fav), Bullets Over Broadway & sorta Midnight In Paris. His latest – Magic In The Moonlight – transports him and us back to them delovely jazzy-bobbed times, and it may be the Woodman’s weakest entry of the ye olden times lot – but hey, LOOK AT THAT LOT!!!

Not saying that Moonlight isn’t watchable – IT IS!!! – but it juss aint all that magical. If you like Woody Allen movies, you will probably like this film, and if you like Emma Stone & Colin Firth, then the same will also be true. If you don’t like Emma Stone or Colin Firth, you probably don’t like smiling and/or fried chicken. I like me some Firth, but I personally didn’t think he was the right fit for his character – a despirited magician out to debunk medium Stone – and yet I still cared that he would eventually crumble and fall for Ms Emma (oops – spoiler alert!!! like you didn’t see that happening anywayz)

The scenery is nice in the background (the south of France!) and the foreground – Hamish Linklater, Eileen Atkins, and Simon McBurney (love his voice SO much) add to the mild fun – and it’s a Woody Allen movie, so you probably already know if yer gonna see it or not, magical or not. Abracadab-DUH!

Verdictgo: as a movie movie? Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers, but as a Woody Allen movie? Jeepers Worth A Creepers!

Moonlight shimmys today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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What If/TF

Jodorowsky’s Dune
Mœbius Strip Tease
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 90 min

dune book

The greatest movie never made is probably/maybe Jodorowsky’s Dune. Who is Jodorwsky? I’ve never seen a single one of Jodo’s movies, but from the looks and sounds of em – namely El Topo and Holy Mountain – they look and sound beyond batshit crazy, and I need to see them YESTERDAY!! Well apparently Mr Jodorwsky was riding such a creative and critical wave after completing them movies in 70s and that he had carte blanche in choosing his next project, and so he chose the dense & sandy Frank Herbert Dune book(s). Jodorowsky never read the book(s), but that mattered little to this visionary, ready to unleash his vision that would send his audience on a vision quest. All he needed was some ‘warriors’ ready to make a movie of supreme consciousness, which would make its viewers feel like they were on drugs without even taking them (paraphrasing his words). He had the whole thing ready to go – frame by frame storyboards + a creative army to end all creative armies – Salvador Dalí, Orson Welles, Mick Jagger, artists HR Giger, Chris Foss and Mœbius, effects man Dan O’Bannon + music by Pink Floyd. Yep, THIS WAS GONNA BE THE MOST BANANANANANANAAS PROJECT EVER!!!

dune storyboards

As you might have guessed, his Dune was never made (David Lynch later got the dis-honor), for numerous reasons (being 10+ hours probably wouldn’t work in Hollywood), but Frank Pavich‘s fun and frustrated doc relishes the mind in that big ‘what if’ (it got made), and if it did, WHAT THE FCUK!!! Sure, Dali and Orson and others are dead, but Jodo aint, so why not make it now?!??!?!? Jodorowsky’s Dune doesn’t have to stay forever doomed. Even Terry Gilliam hasn’t given up on his Don Quixote

giger dune

Verdictgo: this is essential viewing – Breast In Show

Jodorwsky’s Dune LIVES on BD/DVD/streaming!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

jodo

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Ebert & Learnie

Life Itself
Rule of Thumb
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 115 min

life itself

I love me some Roger Ebert [You can read what he meant to me here].  Everyone loved him.  That’s why he got even more popular than ever when he lost his jaw and ability to eat and drink and became a mad blogger and twittererer.  His fighting of cancer and continuing his love of movies made it even easier for us to be a fan and root him on.  And then he left us.  But before he did, someone Ebert championed – Hoop Dreams director Steve James - followed him around in his waning months, to tell his life story, and his death story, with help of Ebert’s memoir, also the title of the film

Ebert deserves a doc about his life.  There’s no denying that.  And James’ one is good enough, but I feel like it only scratches at the surface of what made Ebert Ebert.  It all becomes much clearer, about 1/3 of the way thru, when Gene Siskel enters the picture.  Ebert’s past is colorful stuff  - the Pulitzer win, the Russ Meyer screenplaying, the love of booze and ladies – but what really made Ebert Ebert was his partner Siskel (and you should see his past – staring at boobies at that Playboy Mansion!!!!!).  Without Siskel, this doc would probably not need to exist.  But Siskel left us too early, and his due is long overdue.  He’s a figure equally as important as Ebert is/was, but he didn’t get his final say – as he choose to hide his sickness, where Ebert didn’t

I cannot fault Life Itself as itself, but I just wish the focus was wholly equal – where each thumb’s owner got their diligence dued, dude.  Two thumbs are better than one, but one is still better than none.  Now we have zero thumbs.  But…

thumbs

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Life lives in limited release AND on demand!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Ape Man Out

Dawn of The Planet of The Apes
Hail & Hearty Caesar!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 130 min

dawn planet apes

Dude, I am all about planets and apes and the’s and of’s.  So when all those things come together- BLAZZZZZZZZZZZZAMO – my eyes and ears and brain may explode!!!!!!!!  They have, and they did!!!  I am so about Planets of Apes.  I’ve seen them all – even the crappy ones – and in some ways, they are all awesome – unless Tim Burton had something to do with them.  20th Century Fox was wise to start over with the dusty and musty Apes franchise.  They did a wonderful job with started over #1 – Rise of The Planet of The Apes – giving us something old, but making it feel entirely new, although I slightly miss seeing men and women in dumb ape costumes!

Well, the old-new juss got old-newer, and iMuss say, even betterer!!!!!!!!!!!  Director Matt Reeves takes over in round 2 with Dawn of The Planet of The Apes, and everything is not only bigger – it’s even betterereeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrr.  I know I already said that, but had to say it again, so you know I’m being serious, cause I seriously love this Ape movie, cause it’s even betterererrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Andy Serkis goes ape-sh!t again, but this time the CGI is even betterer than before, making his head ape in charge – Caesar – feel even more realer than the real thing. EAT THAT LANCELOT LINK!!!  These apes feel so real that I got like semi-emotional for them and their family problems, and like want to be their friends and stuff!  They so reals, that I may juss JO to them right now…

OK, I’m back, and so are these apes!!!!!  Trying to make peace with them are humans Jason Dark Thirty Clarke, Felicity Russell and Kodi I look like Meathead from Meatballs Part II Smit-McPhee.  And trying to make war with them are Gary Oldman and Toby Kebbell!!  BUT WILL PEACE AND WAR FIND A BALANCE WHERE MAN AND APE CAN LIVE TOGETHER ON THIS PLANET????  What do you think?  The movie aint called Planet of The Happy Go Lucky Apes & Humans.  Cause if that was the name of this movie, it would be about as exciting as that Ed movie.  But it’s EVER BETTETETEERRR THAN ED!!!!  But I’ve actually never seen Ed, but I would welcome a planet apes movie where the apes play humans in baseball – and the winner gets to own earth!!!  APE BASEBALL > VAMPIRE BASEBALL!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Dawn rises big time at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

ed leblanc

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Platts & Platters

Chef
Burnt Sugar & Cheese
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 114 min

chef

I guess Jon Favreau really loves food and cooking and wanted you to know this, by making a movie called Chef that’s basically about food and cooking, and the result is pretty lukewarm – SEND IT BACK TO THE KITCHEN!!!  Favry recruited a fun bunch to join him - Robert Downey JrScarlett JohanssonSofía VergaraDustin HoffmanOliver Platt, Bobby CannavaleAmy Sedaris and John Leguizamo - but they have little to work with, other then being overly enthusiastic, in a movie that oozes more cheese than all the cheesteaks of the greater Philadelphia area.  There’s too much time dedicated to (showing us how Twitter works +) Chef Favry trying to bond with his onscreen kid Emjay Anthony, who has about as much acting chops as this movie has lamb chops – zero.  Look, I’m happy Favry is taking a break from big budget fiasco flicks, and going small, but this movie is tiny – a tiny bit entertaining, and a ton bit schmaltzy

Only bit I really really really liked was Oliver Platt playing a food critic, which is not much of a stretch since his brother Adam is the main food critic for New York mag.  The role wasn’t good at all, but I just like that he’s playing a role his brother does for a living

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Chef boy r deez nutz at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

platt

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