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He The People

Citizenfour
The Patriot Act
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 114 min

You know that one photo of Edward Snowden, right?

ed snowden

It wasn’t taken at a Sears portrait studio. It came from an interview he gave abroad, right as he was about to drop a bombshell of information on an unsuspecting world, implicating the US government of spying on its citizens at home, and zillions others across the globe

Well, if you ever wanted a behind the scenes tour of that photo, then Citizenfour is the doc for you. And why wouldn’t you want to know what’s going on in the background? The info he leaked is only half of the story. Why he leaked the info is 1/4 of the rest of the story, and how he went about going public is the other 1/4 – and it’s 100% captivating!

Snowden knew what he was doing, and what the fallout from it would be. He stealthily got in touch with two rabble-rousers who could assist in his cause – filmmaker Laura Poitras and journalist Glenn Greenwald. He got them both to meet him at a hotel in Hong Kong, where they set up shop and laid out the plans to spring his leak. He didn’t want the story to be about him, but about the bad that the US gov’mint was doing, and he knew that once the info got out there, that they’d try to turn the narrative into nuttin but Snowden

citizenfour

So the three leak the leaks, and watch the plumbers come streaming in. At first, Snowden held his identify back, but before he could be outed, he outed himself, with the help of Poitras and Greenwald, and naturally, he became the story. What starts as soft jitters in a quiet hotel room quickly escalates into full-scale paranoia, both for the players onscreen, and for us. It is truly a privilege to be able to sit and watch the events unfold, for something so mammoth, and historic. Could you imagine if footage existed of Deep Throat meeting Woodward and Bernstein in a garage??? It’s juss plain crazy that we get to see Snowden try to remain calm, while his name and face are splashed all over the TV’s news broadcasts, and knowing that he’d never be able to go home again

The info Snowden divulged is the story, but who Snowden is, why he did what he did, and what he had to do next is juss as important as the info itself. I mean, why not tell a story from all sides? If only the US government believed in such transparency

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

get on all Fours, in limited release today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Contras Banned

Kill The Messenger
Runner Renner
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 112 min

kill the messenger

I was alive (and well) in the 80s, and heard all about the Iran-Contra Affair, but had no idea what any of it meant, other than Oliver North lied to us, and Fawn Hall had people fawning all over her. That’s why need movies like Kill The Messenger – to remind us of the shadowy things and stuff that the US done did, that we either don’t know or cared to forget about. The messenger is Gary Webb (Jeremy Renner in the rare role of a good guy), a reporter for the San Jose Mercury News, who blew the lid off of a story of how the CIA backed the sale of Nicaraguan Contras’ cocaine on American soil, and turned the profits into the Contras’ ammunition for their freedom fight back home. Once the lid came off, it couldn’t be put back on – and Webb became collateral damage of his own story. The CIA and even the media itself tried to bury the lead, and the lead writer with it. Michael Cuesta‘s film solidly captures the tension and fallout for Webb/Renner, but it never quite adds up to All The President’s Men II, even with a stellar supporting cast consisting of Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rosemarie DeWitt, Barry Pepper, Ray Liotta, Paz Vega, Oliver Platt, Michael Sheen, Richard Schiff, Andy García, Robert Patrick, Michael K Williams and Tim Blake Nelson

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Kill shoots to inform at a theater near jews

I’m still waiting for a Contra movie, called Contra: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start

contra1

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Pike’s Peaked

Gone Girl
Desperate Housewife
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 149 min

gone girl

Gone Girl the movie is thankfully no Gone Baby Gone

but it’s no Zodiac either. NOTHING IS ZODIAC!!! Zodiac‘s the only great thing post 9/11 besides my wife and Curly Ws!!

What is Gone Girl? Some ballyhooed book by some gal writer who used to write about TV for Entertainment Weekly. Watching all that trashy TV probably helped her come up with her trashy story about a bad husband and a wicked wife, which turns even darker under the watchful eye and skill of director David Fincher‘s skillful watching eye. HIS EYES WATCH, WITH SKILL!!!

There’s like a twist midway thru the film/story that apparently will ruin everything if we mentioned it – so lets juss say – the film is not called Dead Girl. SHE GONE!!!! Who she? She Rosamund Pike – that icy blondey gal who usually doesn’t have much to do in other movies, besides being some pretty girl who our hero wants or something. Well Gone Girl finally showcases Pike’s acting chops, and boy is she choppin here, yo!!! While she GONE, baby, GONE, left holding the bag is hubby Ben Affleck, who has to face the public spotlight, and scrutiny – A ROLE BEN AFFLECK WAS BORN TO PLAY!!!! And a funny thing happens on the way to not loving Ben Affleck as per usual – YOU START TO FEEL FOR BEN AFFLECK(‘s character). GO BEN AFFLECK’S FLAWED CHARACTER!!!

Movie is be long, but it all goes by real quicks. Not exactly sure what went on, or if any of it made sense, but it wasn’t The Curious Case of Benjamin Borings, so that’s good enuff for me, from Fincher, although I always eggspect Zodiac II

Along for the ride are his annoying screen sister (Carrie Coon), his crafty lawyer (Tyler Perry’s Madea‘s Law Firm), and Doogie Howser, playing against type, as a character who is not a child prodigy doctor + apparently Ben Affleck’s penis, and this girl, who’s boobs aren’t gone, they HERE!!!!!

Emily Ratajkowski2

Emily Ratajkowski

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Gone Girl is found at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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ALL IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Step Up All In
Sweating To The Newbies
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 112 min

step up all in

DUDE!!!

step up ani3

THEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

step up ani2

TOTALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

step up ani2

STEPPED UP A FIFTH TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

step up ani4

AND WE AND THEY WERE ALL IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEST STEP UP MOVIE EVER!!!!!!!!!!! (maybe) (probably)

[reviews of #1 | #2 DA STREETS | #3-D | Peter Gallagher's Eyebrows Up]

Guess what my favorite modern movie franchise is? DAT RIGHT – STEP UP!!!!! These movies doesn’ts have people with super powers CAUSE THE ONLY POWER THEY NEED IS DANCE!!! And it doesn’t have stupid CG or things than transform, UNLESS YOU COUNT THESE MOVIES TRANSFORMING YOUR LIFE LIKE THEY HAVE ME!!! The only way these movies could blow is if George Lucas took a shot at one and made gungans dance

Do you like fun and being happy? If so, YOU MUST SEE ALL 5 STEP UP MOVIES AND HAVE FUN AND BE HAPPY LIKE ME AND ALL THE PEOPLES WHO HAVE IS BE!!!

Oh what, you want plot?? WELL #5 GOT PLOT!!!! THEY HAVE TO DANCE TO LIVE AND THEY LIVE TO DANCE!!!! AND MAYBE WIN A CONTEST!!! AND FIND LOVE!!!! AND BATTLE AND CONQUEROR ADVERSITY!!!!! AND DANCE!!!!!!!!!!! IN VEGAS!!!!!!

AND MOOSE IS BACK AND BRIANA EVIGAN AND SHE SO CUTE AND HOT!!! AND SO IS THE CUTE GUY FROM THE LAST MOVIEE!!!

moose and crew

AND THERE WAS THIS NEW GUY DAVID SHREIBMAN AND HE WAS LIKE THE BEST!!! HE NEEDS HIS OWN SPINOFF MOVIE CALLED STEP SIDEWAYS WITH CHAD!!!

chad step up

AND THERE WAS THIS GUY STEPHEN STEVO JONES WHO WAS SO BADASS AND VERY MARKY MARK LIKE AND WE WISH HE WAS MARKY MARK!!!

steve steveo

OH MAN, AND THERE WAS SOME CRAZY SHIZ GOING ON WITH THE GIRL THAT WAS IN COYOTE UGLYIZABELLA MIKO – LIKE SHE WAS ALL LIKE HUNGER GAMES AND STUFF AND CRAZY!!!!

izabella_miko step up

step up miko

Please Lord Jesus Moses F Christ F Murray Abraham – if you really the lord, please let there be another Step Up movie. I promise to step up and maybe eat microwaved tunafish

Verdictgo: Breast In Show, duh

get All In before it’s too late

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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The Brotherhood of the Traveling Rants

The Trip to Italy
Buono Voyage
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
Unrated | 108 min

the trip to italy

Two British guys walk into a restaurant and hilarity ensues. Have you heard this one before? Yep – it was called The Trip, a British TV series, directed by boy wonderful Michael Winterbottom, and starring comedy stalwarts Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon – that was a travelogue of sorts, as the pair made their way thru the English countryside for fine dinning, and fine banter, and endless laughter for anyone who watched it. The TV series was edited down for America into a marvelous little movie, and it was surely a Trip well worth taking

Well, the trio of blokes are back, but this time they’re indulging in pasta in The Trip to Italy. Sequels rarely equal or top the original, a topic Coogan and Brydon tackle right off the bat (everyone uses Godfather II as an example, but what other examples are there?), and any thought of this follow-up being a sub-par affair are gone in 60 seconds. The imitations are back, and even if they sound familiar, they sound better than ever!!!! But what really works about round 2, besides the Italian scenery and the chewing of it, is that Coogan (or Coogan’s character of himself) seems more relaxed in this venture, leaving little room for un-needed drama, and more room for always needed stupidity/comedy

The only thing wrong with this movie is that the trip comes to an end, but for those who want more – there is more – the Italian job was slimmed down from a TV series too, and so I will be seeking out the full episodes, and I’m sure you will too!

Where to next boys? Count us in, times a bajillions

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Embark on The Trip To Italy – in limited release today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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