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Bat Out of Hellz Yeah!!!

The LEGO® Batman Movie
Boy Wonder Boys
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG | 104 min

Like me, you’re human.  Like me, you LOVED The LEGO® Movie!!!  Everything about it was awesome, especially the Batman parts, and so when they decided to make a LEGO® Batman Movie, of course you and I had to see it, and of course we knew it was gonna be AND actually would be equally as AWESOME as the other LEGO® movie was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Batman and the Gotham universe is rich in everything – characters, scenery, color, darkness, awesomeness, and history – and it’s all on display, tongue in cheek, in another mad dash of 100 minutes of LEGO® brick building (and destroying) fun for all ages  

The thing about these LEGO® movies vs actual movies is that the possibilities of what they can do is limitless.  When they make a real Batman movie with humans, they are limited.  They can’t have too much fun, and they can’t do everything.  Well, EVERYTHING happened in this LEGO® Batman Movie, and even though it’s seems like they did everything, I’m sure it won’t be hard for them to top this if they go for a 2nd round of LEGO® Batman Movie (please Lord, make it happen)  

To be honest – this one LEGO® Batman Movie was more entertaining than anything Christopher Nolan ever did with the character, or in fact, any super hero movie released this century done did!  Like LEGO® Batman’s password would say – IRON MAN SUCKS!!!

I don’t see a lot of animated movies, mainly cause I’m an adult without kids (and would much rather see a documentary or an old black & white movie), and mainly cause they don’t make them like they used to, but whatever they’re doing when making these LEGO® movies, they need to NEVER stop, EVER with them

They need to take EVERY existing franchise and turn them into LEGO® movies.  I’m sure they’ll eventually somehow make a Star Wars one, and when they do, it will be better than the new Star Wars movies they’ve been making.  IT WILL BE TRUE!!!

Wouldn’t you rather see young Han Solo as a LEGO®, then as a human who isn’t Harrison Ford?

LEGO® my eggo!!!  And my Solo!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Batman is batsh!t awesome at a theater near jews AND white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Riff Notes of a Native Son

I Am Not Your Negro
Race Yourselves
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 95 min

The most important movie of 2016 (which is now getting a full release in 2017, so I guess that makes it the most important movie of 2017) is Raoul Peck‘s I Am Not Your Negro

YESS!!!  It’s true!!!!

One can never truly understand what it’s like to be an African-American in America (especially when you aren’t one), but I’ve never seen a more clear and concise explanation and examination than in the MUST see doc I Am Not Your Negro

I knew who James Baldwin was, but since we were never required to read his works in high school, I never bothered with him.  Silly me.  All I knew was that he had kinda buggy eyes and that my English teacher really liked his work, and I trusted her judgement (and so did Tori Amos!!!)

Negro is based on Baldwin’s unfinished manuscript Remember This House (he died in 1987), which aimed to examine racism in America, through the vital lives, and violent deaths of his contemporaries and comrades – Medgar Evers, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr

Knowing those men, and being a gifted (black) intellectual and writer gave Baldwin a great understanding of America and its race issues, but moving to France in the late 40s, and living in self-exile there, gave him and even more unique perspective – being able to look at America and its problems from the outside, and at a distance

The doc uses only Baldwin’s words and work – the unfinished manuscript, other writings (all spoken by a surprisingly unassuming Samuel L Jackson) along with interviews, lectures and debates caught on camera.  We get a portrait not only of America, but of the man himself.  In both ways, it works brilliantly.  It also not only works as a history lesson, but as a wake-up call about how the issue of race in America has never gone away

I Am Not Your Negro will continue to be the most important film of any year – until there is no longer an issue of race in America.  Good luck with that

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Negro is not not at a theater near jews AND white nationalists and not negros

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Beholden Arches

The Founder
The Big Mac Daddy
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 115 min

As a kid my love for McDonald’s was beyond super-sized.  As an adult, I haven’t abandoned the golden arches, but I certainly don’t eat there as much as I did as an ultra-happy Happy Meal youngin 

Anywho, I always remembered seeing this plaque in our local Maccy D’s…

And I was like, who’s Ray Kroc?  And why isn’t his last name McDonald??  And what up wit dat???  I didn’t bother to ever ask my parents these questions, so I kept these questions to myself

The rise of the internet somehow never moved me to look further into this, and so I am thankful that the answers in the John Lee Hancock directed, and Robert Siegel written story of how Ray Kroc became Mr McDonald’s, and the McDonald brothers became a footnote in their own invention could be found in The Founder

Kroc (an excellent, cold AND hot Michael Keaton) was a struggling milkshake salesman, when a chance encounter with Richard and Maurice McDonald (a less annoying/mustached than usual Nick Offerman, and the mad round of awesomeness John Carroll Lynch) and their bustling, innovative namesake burger joint in San Bernardino, California, changed the fortunes and futures of all involved

Dick and Mac McDonald created McDonald’s, but with their permission, they unleashed Kroc to make their modern fast food franchise into a giant reality, and created a monster in the process.  The Brothers wanted to retain and maintain control, but as the brand grew under Kroc’s stewardship, they lost more and more of it, to the point where they were cut out completely

The story of McDonald’s is the story of America – capitalism, efficiency, grease, greed – all done with a smile, no matter how crooked that smile is on the inside

Mr Kroc, you may not be the greatest human being, but don’t you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette?  I mean, without him, would you have ever even had a childhood?

For me, the answer is’ no’, and the same goes with Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy’s.  I want to hear his story.  He was adopted AND he worked under Colonel Sanders!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Founder is found at a theater near jews AND white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Spunk Knit I

Hidden Figures
Space Race-ist
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG | 127 min

I am all for movies about equal rights, the space race, the American spirit, conquering adversity and unheard true stories that must be told.  Hidden Figures needs to exist.  It’s a PG movie that anyone and everyone can and should see.  You + watching it will = entertained. But.  But… But?

But, Hidden Figures is also an overly saccharine, sappy and sassy movie that could have been something truly special, instead of having that made-for-TV/made for the brain capacity of 5-year-olds feel to it

Our film’s main NASA mathematician hero, Katherine Johnson (by way of the always amazing Taraji P Henson), doesn’t have a proper place to pee in the all-white folk work environment she’s been thrusted into (but happy to be a part of), eh??  Well, she’s juss gonna have to deal with that, and run across her work campus to go pee pee in the ‘colored’ sanctioned bathrooms, day after day (and scene after scene).  This run to go pee pee repeated sequence is such a perfect place to put an Oscar ‘caliber’ song by Pharrell Williams, that we can play over AND over, again AND again, pee AFTER pee!  I’m surprised Pharrell didn’t re-purpose his song ‘Happy’ to be ‘Hap Pee-Pee’

Don’t get me wrong, I LIKED this movie, but I felt we were always about 1 line of dialog away from such words being spoken as…

Oh, you want to get him to the moon?  Well, 2 + 2 = GET YO A$$ A PROTRACTOR!!

or

Your cosigns don’t add up, so I’m gonna go off on a TANGENT!!

or

The square root of 81 is I’M GOING TO WHOOP YO A$$ INTO SPACE!!

But, the movie IS important, although you can learn more about Mrs Johnson and her accomplishments below, in less than 4 minutes, than you can with the entire movie, about her and 2 other breakthrough ladies breaking on through – with class, AND SASS!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Hidden is revealed at a theater near jews AND white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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White Swan Song

Jackie
To Live and Die With Dignity
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 100 min

I’ve missed Natalie Portman, and I feel like she hasn’t really done anything post-Black Swan, which somehow was 6/7 years ago.  Yes, I know she was in Thor and in that dumb Ashcan Kruncher flick, and other stuff, but those were juss movies, not films.  Natalie can obviously pick and choose whatever she wants to do – she’s earned that right – but being such an incredible actress means she has a responsibility to take on incredible roles

I’d like to say that Natalie Portman’s proper follow-up to Black Swan is Pablo Larraín & Noah Oppenheim‘s Jackie Kennedy film, where she somehow is even more graceful, tortured and emotionally wounded than when she was as a ballerina bent on finding perfection.  Jackie is not perfect (it’s close, but there’s not enough grassy knoll for me :), but it is what it needs to be, and Portman as Jackie IS perfection

Throughout the course of the film, Jackie goes from white swan, to white swan covered in blood, to even whiter swan, and by the end of it all, I somehow I felt more compassion for Portman (as Jackie), then I actually do for Jackie Kennedy, for enduring and rising above the horrific death of her husband, and the leader of the free world

What the country went through is incomparable to what Jackie went though, but in a time of much awfulness, she had the right mind to plan a sendoff for JFK worthy of royalty, and cement his legacy and place in history for eons to come.  What Jack Kennedy accomplished in office wasn’t much (he didn’t get a chance to put man on Uranus), but what Jackie Kennedy accomplished in giving dignified life to his death was more than a lot, it was Camelot!

Portman also accomplishes something that wasn’t important or needed – reminding me how much I love Love LOVE seeing her on the big screen

Bonus points to the film for somehow turning Greta Gerwig into a real human being.  Never seen her so un-loopy and restrained.  And props to Peter Sarsgaard for giving new life to RFK, without going haaaard on the look or accent that most others usual do in Bobby’s shoes.  Also, Billy Crudup and John Hurt are quiet great as listeners for Jackie

Also, we finally have a definitive Jackie movie.  before Portman, all we had was this…

YES!

Verdictgo: Portman is Breast In Show, but the film is Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Jackie is way JF O-Kay at a theater near jews AND white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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