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Ritchie Poormanie

Mistress America
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-Wigging Out (Not In A Good way)
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 84 min

and

The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
The Mod Squandered
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 116 min

Noah Baumbach and Guy Ritchie have nothing in common, cept they both direct films, and both were born in September (one yearish a part).  Other than that, I happen to see both of their latest cinematic adventures within a week of each other.  But their movies DO have something in common – both were nice tries, but kinda more of the same, but basically near misses, that were kinda enjoyable.  Knowwhatttamean?

uncle man

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. is based off of a TV show that you’ve never seen (and neither of I), but it’s essentially a Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movie, set in the mod 60s.  It looks cool, zooms right along, but wasn’t much of anything.  But it did have an American playing a Russian, a Brit playing an American and a Swede playing a German!  What doesn’t make sense is how Ritchie used to make dumb fun movies, but with wit and bite.  U.N.C.L.E. had a look, but no wit or bite.  It didn’t have me crying U.N.C.L.E., but letz juss say I’m not camping out for a #2

Btw, I think I’d go gay for Henry Cavill.  I’ve been all in since I saw him on The Tudors, but now, more than EVER!!

mistress america

Noah Baumbach had previously done the impossible – he made the unwatchable Greta Gerwig watchable!!!  See Frances Ha… for more than juss laughs (HA!)!  A second helping of GG and Baumbach has gotta work the same mojo magic again, right?  You’d think, and while watching their Mistress America it kinda feels like it’s working, but in the end, it felt more like a misstepped Mistress!  Nothing felt natural – especially the acting – and none of the characters were all that likable, although I did like meeting Lola Kirke, who seems to be 1202102301320 times more talented than her sister, as seen on Girls.  I really tried and tried to like this movie.  I DID. I want Baumbach to be our new Woody Allen, spewing out New York stories that I want to dive into, but not so fast there buddy.  We’re edging back to reality – where Greta Gerwig is unwatchable.  Still, I’d camp out for what the two do next… as long as she’s watchable

Verdictgo: juss cause I kinda liked both movies, doesn’t mean they’re great movies, so… Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

The Mistress From U.N.C.L.E. are both playing at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Paul Giamatti Is A Jerk Manager: The Movie II

Straight Outta Compton
Fear of A Black Hatted Planet
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 147 min

nwa

Dude, F. Gary Gray (the guy who directed Friday) nailed it.  He took the story of N.W.A. and gave it big screen attitude, AND IT WAS SO BANGING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And why did it work?  Cause I believed O’Shea Jackson Jr was Ice Cube (and not just his real life son), and Corey Hawkins was Dr. Dre, and Jason Mitchell was Eazy-E, and I guess Aldis Hodge was MC Ren and guess Neil Brown Jr was DJ Yella.  It felt so real, but real like in a music video real real kinda way, but was like so f’reals, like 7 reals!!  And it had a lot of heart, and baseball bats, and those amazing black hats (how did they plan on who got to wear which hat on which day????).  147 minutes never felt so fun, and quick, and jheri-curled.  Get STRAIGHT at this movie, NOW!!

Bust morest importantly, it’s the 2nd movie I’ve seen this year where Paul Giamatti plays a music impresario who means well, but is mean, and greedy, and kinda horrible… and of course Giamattz plays it to perfection  

In Love & Mercy he was Dr Landy – Brian Wilson’s worst daymare

gimatti landy

and in Compton, he was the pimp behind the wheels & deals – Jerry Heller

heller giamatti

would you trust Gi-mattz and his toupees??? 

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Compton is Straight awesome – at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Waldy World

Rosenwald
Official Website
Unrated | 100 min

Did you know that a Jewish guy basically give African-Americans a leg up in America, in a time when everyone wanted to chop off their legs? It’s true! This Jewish guy made Sears & Roebuck zillions of dollars, and himself lots of money, and then he gave some of his money to help build schools for blacks in the south! Without this man – Julius Rosenwald – there may not have been no Maya Angelou, James Baldwin, Langston Hughes, Civil Rights movement, or Barack Obama for President!!! IT’S (POSSIBLY) TRUE!!!!!

And it’s all told in this fantastic new doc by Aviva Kempner – Rosenwald

And Avia Kempner is fantastic!  (she’s a friend and colleague, so there’s no verdict here, juss a demand that you go and see it!)

And be sure to see her other great docs – Yoo-Hoo, Mrs. Goldberg + The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg.  ALL ESSENTIAL VIEWING!!!

Rosenwald gives and you get in NY this Friday, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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The Holiday Road More Traveled

Vacation
Rustyed Roots
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 99 min

vacation 2015

When you see 2015’s Vacation you automatically don’t expect it to eclipse or come even close to what 1983’s National Lampoon’s Vacation is or was.  Then again, when you see a comedy in 2015, or pretty much any time you saw a comedy this century, it has rarely been anything remotely comparable to what  made those classic 80s comedy classics.  That golden era is way over.  Comedy has changed, not so much evolved, perhaps even devolved (blame Sandler), but I personally do not expect much from a comedy in this day in age (or expect much of anything from anything!).  DAMN YOU 21st CENTURY!!!! YOU BLOW GOATS!!!!  The exceptions have been exceptional, but I can count them on my toes – The (two) Trips, Borat y Brüno, Death At A Funeral (the Caucasian version), Napoleon Dynamite, and the Jackass series.  It’s a sad state of affairs for a genre that’s suppose to be funny.  Well, the new Vacation is NOT joining that list, but…

They made a new Vacation, and of course we had to see it, and kinda have to admit – was even a little excited for it.  Love me some Ed Helms, and the thought of him playing a grown-up Rusty Griswold seemed like the right idea… and that is certainly the case here (plus you juss KNEW he was going to sing, and I love him singings).  Sure, he’s no (vintage) Chevy Chase, but who is?  No one.  So throw that dumb thought out.  And what about Christina Applegate as the modern day Beverly D’Angelo?  Works for me, and the movie too!  Throw in two kids with mostly thankless roles (Skyler Gisondo + Steele Stebbins), a silly vehicle, grand ole American destinations, and you have – a road trip movie with enuff jokes and sight gags (mostly dumb ones) to make me laugh, early and often.  YES, there’s stuff in there that doesn’t work/isn’t funny (the Four Corners cops especially), but co-writers/directors John Francis Daley (yeah, that awkward looking kid from Freaks & Geeks) and Jonathan Goldstein do a good enuff job to not blow out the tires on the Griswolds’ latest batch of screen fun

Yep, the new Vacation is totally NOT awful.  It’s totally no 1983 Vacation, but it’s its own modern comedy thing, and while none of us will probably be quoting it 30 years from now, I’d be fine with another Vacation three years from now with Helms at the helm… but only if they replace their kids with other actors.  Not cause they aint any good at acting, but juss cause, you know

ps – it blew my mind when I later in life found out that it was the dude from Fleetwood Mac who sang ‘Holiday Road‘ (which obviously was used in the new movie).  czech out the original video for it.  super 80s strange! (they also don’t make music vids like they used to either!)

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Vacation hits the road at a theater near jews today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Runaway Train, Never Goin’ Back

Amy
You Know She’s No Good, Cause She Was DAMN FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 128 min

amy

Asif Kapadia‘s hard to digest/MUSSS digest documentary Amy has everything you’d want to know and everything you don’t want to know about how Ms Winehouse got big, then got too big for her own britches, then had her britches explode.  It was literally like watching a runaway train crash, and you know the exact time and location of when and where that runaway train gonna crash [actually saw it on the anniversary of her death date.  SPOOKY!!].  You shake your head at how incredible she was [was lucky to see her perform once!], and shake your head at how sad it is that she’s no longer with us.  You think she done herself in?  We all did her in.  How can we save ourselves when we can’t even save Amy Winehouse???

and watching the doc was eggzactly like this…

amy winehouse young

amy sings

drugs party

party drugs

stoned

paparazzi

amy fingers

old train wreck

 

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Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Amy is housed currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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