Thighs Wide Movies 2008

we saw 190ish flicks in the ‘008
and you probably didn’t

The Thirsty Thirteen
That Didn’t Make Us Thirst Fo Mo’

1) Stranded: I Have Come From A Plane That Crashed On The Mountains – 8466332834357 pa-zillion times more alive than Alive

2) Gran Torino – our ulnar nerve is totally rocked by Ol’ Dirty Harry/Bastard and his lawn

3) Mister Lonely – Michael Jackson, Marylin Monroe and Abraham Lincoln star in the second mos unforgettable film mt EVERest named after a Bobby Vinton song

4) Man On Wire – 90 minutes to be awed by the Twin Towers, not shocked by them

5) Doubt – Streep/Hoffman yell like hell, and it feels like heaven, and we aints talking bout Kramer vs Kramer

6) American Teen – what life is like for people who aren’t Lauren Conrad and her blank starring friends

7) My Winnipeg – we haven’t cared this much about Canada since Strange Brew Jamie Salé

8) Boy A – more like Boy A+

9) The Wrestler – name one movie with Marissa Tomei goings all NSFW that isn’t brilliant?

10) Towelhead – what the suburbs would be like if McCain won

11) Love Songs (Les Chansons d’Amour) – take a chansons on it

12) Blindness – what you can see will hurt you

13) Slumdog MillionaireDanny Boyle is in like Flynn Boyle

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

The Bank Job, Betrayal, Cassandra’s Dream, City of Men, Constantine’s Sword, The Dark Knight, Expired, Frost/Nixon, Frozen River, Happy-Go-Lucky, Rachel Getting Married, Revolutionary Road, Stuck, Trumbo, The Visitor & the first 1/3rd of WALL•E

5rdndth Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

(Causing A) Scene
of The Year

the goings on at the deli counter in The Wrestler

The Only Thing
From The ‘008
That Made
Motion Pictures Motionless

Ebert’s thumb
being replaced by Ben Lyons
who deserves two thumbs up his butt
(although Ebert’s retort almos makes up for the entire debacle)

Quite Possibly
The Single Gratetistist

Performance By An Old Dude
In The History of
Old Dudes,
& Quites

The Dirty Old Dude at the end of Teeth

Post Her
Post Me
Post Haste!

& the wurstest one

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Guy of The Year

That Guy
aka Mark Strong
who appeared in 6 movies
including RockNRolla, Body of Lies & Good
(Sir Ben Kingsley was also in 6, but he’s Gandhi in 60 Seconds)

Post Pre-Racial
Neil Diamond In
The Jazz Singer

Kirk Lazarus in Tropic Thunder

Coma Inducing On A
Sunny von Bülow Level

Che Part II
The Flight of the Red Balloon
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
speaking of…

Nine Stuffs More Curious
Than The Curious Case
of Ben Butt

Jake Tusing’s acne in American Teen
Pierce Brosnan singing ‘S.O.S’ [d ] in Mama Mia!
Brad Pitt’s hair in Burn After Reading
Jet Li monkeying around in Forbidden KingDUMB
the plot twists and turns in Roman De Gare
the bowling alley in Antarctica in
Encounters at The End of The World
Mimi Weddell‘s acting career in Hats Off
the death of the Jets and their stadium in My Winnipeg
Rachel Seiferth‘s freaky eyes in Henry Poole Is Here

The Bare Un-Necessities

Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden?
The Not So Incredible Hulk
Death Race
Get Smart
Indy 4
(even though we still do sorta like it)

Least Illainist Villain

the evil air in The Happening

Judd Apatower
That Needs To Be Forgotten
More Than Sarah Marshall

Ken Jeong, ass seen in
Role Models, Pineapple Express & Step Brothers
we get it Ken, you’re an angry Asian
hardy har hardee’s!

Least Bangable Hutt
Since Pizza The

Ziro The Hutt/Capote The Slutt
from The Clone Wars
the mos unwatchable Star Wars thing EVER
yes, even more so than the Christmas Special

Trailers Worth Tractoring
& The Songs From Them
That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer’s Bong

Watchmen trailer 1 & 2
‘The Beginning Is the End Is the Beginning’
by The Smashing Pumpkins [d]
& ‘Take A Bow’ by Muse [d]

one hammazin soundtrack
Love Songs (Les Chansons d’Amour) Soundtrack
three mo hammazin trailers
Waltz With Bashir

An Instrumental
Edward James Almost
As Mental As Jim Mora
& ‘Lux Aeterna’ [d]

(from Requiem For A Dream
& The Two Towers trailer)

‘The Haunted Ocean 4’ [d]
from Waltz With Bashir
a song/scene combo so chilling
it’s repeated 4 times!!!

Bestest Flix
We Netted

Lando Calrissian
Smoothest Mustachio
In All of The Galaxy

Jeffery Wright in Cadillac Records

Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles

Good Dick
Body of Lies
The Bank Job
Savage Grace
The Wackness
Momma’s Man
Fugitive Pieces
Filth & Wisdom
The Babysitters
My Name Is Bruce
The Foot Fist Way
Nights In Rodanthe
Who’s Your Monkey
Bangkok Dangerous
Another Gay Sequel
Let The Right One In
Midnight Meat Train
Young People F%cking
Gunnin For That #1 Spot
How The Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award

Richard Italiano
Hippolyte Girardot
Pride Grinn
Bingbing Li
Esme Creed-Miles
Slim Twig
Jenni Blong
Scoot McNairy
& Imogen Poots

The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious
Mos(tly) Overhyped
Girl Loses Dog
Girl Finds Dog
Girl Abandons Dog
For No Reason

Wendy and Lucy

The Death to Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year

War, Inc.
Ping Pong Playa &
Everybody Wants To Be Italian

Welcome To The House, Dolls

Briana Evigan

Step Up 2

Kitty Zhang Yuqi


Odette Yustman


Justine Waddell

The Fall

Clémence Bretécher & Charley Fouquet

A Girl Cut In Two

Roxane Mesquida

The Last Mistress

Elena Anaya

Savage Grace

Viktoria Winge


Natalie Dormer


India de Beaufort

Run Fatboy Run

Bérénice Bejo

OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies

Hannah Bailey

American Teen

Hayley Atwell

Cassandra’s Dream & Brideshead Revisited

Natalia Avelon

Eight Miles High

Elaine Cassidy

When Did You Last See Your Father?

Jess Weixler


Li Bingbing

Forbidden Kingdom

Nathalie Paulding

The Life Before Her Eyes

Donna Feldman & Yamit Sol

You Don’t Mess With The Zohan

Sara Simmonds & Kathleen Luong

In Search of A Midnight Kiss

Lucy Holt

Mister Foe

Catherine ‘Cat’ Taber

Clone Wars

Rachel Specter & Sarah Wright

The House Bunny

Natalie Martinez

Death Race

Archie Panjabi


Summer Bishil


Trilby Glover

88 Minutes & Righteous Kill

Tiffany Mulheron


Moon Bloodgood

What Just Happened

Sharon Leal

Soul Men

Sarah Greene


Ashley Greene


Andria Blackman

What Doesn’t Kill You

Zoe Kazan

Revolutionary Road

Olga Kurylenko & Gemma Arterton

+ a ton o other Quantum of Solace hotties

Gabe Nevins

Paranoid Park

Lynndie England

Standard Operating Procedure

Movies To Look
For In The ‘009

Miss Pettigrew Some Balls
Untitled Jason Statham Drives A Car Movie
Three Men & A Baby Mama Mia!
The Walrus Was Paul Blart
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Lebron James
Welcome Home Rosco P Coltrane
Tyler Perry’s Run Out of Ideas
The Secret Life of Beef Stroganoff
8 Fast, 8 Furious

lookin for a second opinion?
mumsy and dadsy Thigh Master weigh in!

Magnificent Seven+3

1. Slumdog Millionaire
2. Frozen River
3. Rachel Getting Married
4. The Wrestler
5. Doubt
6. Under The Same Moon
7. Burn After Reading
8. The Year My Parents Went On Vacation
9. I’ve Loved You So Long
10. The Life Before Her Eyes

Worst Adaptation From A Book
The Other Boleyn Girl

Worst Movie Ever
Zombie Strppers!

Best Actress
Meryl Streep, Doubt

Best Actor
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Papa’s Picks

1. Young @ Heart
2. Slumdog Millionaire
3. The Wrestler
4. Roman de Gare
5. Tell No One
6. The Edge of Heaven
7. Where God Left His Shoes
8. Frozen River
9. I’ve Loved You So Long
10. The Life Before Her Eyes
11. Under The Same Moon
12. Rachel Getting Married
13. Choose Connor

Best Ensemble
Burn After Reading

Best Vampire Film
Let The Right One In

Should Be A Must See Cult Movie
Zombie Strippers!
don’t forget to peep out our ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Twitter Digg Delicious Stumbleupon Technorati Facebook

Leave a Reply

eXTReMe Tracker