Tag Archives: Louis CK

Bale & Hardly

American Hustle
Hustle & (Mostly) Blows
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 129 min

american hustle

American Hustle sorta tells the story of the Abscam FBI sting operation that took place in the late 70s/early 80s. Some of the names (and details) have been changed to protect the imbeciles. Some of it is entertaining, but most of it is like one REALLLLLLLLLLY long run on sentence that keeps on going and going and going.  Director  and writer  swing for Goodfellas-ian heights, but kinda blows it like 2001′s Blow - all 70s scenery, but not much beyond the sniffy, sweaty surface.  But oh, those surfaces…

like…

hey, if you’ve always wanted to see 1/3rd of good-too-shoes ‘s boobs (I never wanted to), then this is the boobie/movie for you!

amy adams boobs hustle

or see  smile in a movie, for the first time ever!!!

jeremy renner

or be depressed watching  give his all again (this time with curls!!!), and think about how much bullsh!t it was that he didn’t win best actor Oscar last year for the much better Silver Linings Playbook

curlers cooper

and then watch his Oscar-winning co-star J-bLaw blah us to death with her blah acting and eyes that bore her and we to tears

jlaw eyes

or JO to the thought of a mustache ride from Jack Huston!!!

jack stache

or watch Alessandro Nivola steal the show, in like a grand total of 6 minutes that he’s in the movie

Alessandro Nivola hustle

and look, we all LOVE Louis CK and all, but lets face it, he can’t act

louis ck faces

THE ARABIC VERSION OF ‘WHITE RABBIT’!!!

but nothing and nobody tops Christian Bale as a combed-over, hairy chested, big gutted Jewish dude, who hides behind those tinted shades OH SOOOOO WELLL.  BALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Man, CB is such a fcuking great actor.  So much so that I’m starting to think that the Batman movies were a waste of his time.  Anyone can be Batman (I’m sure even Affleck can’t ruin Batman), and since anyone can, we lost the time that Bale coulda been in other movies, like ones were he coulda played some overly intense mother-effer, who’s quietly ready to explode at any given moment.  Bless you Bale.  May you be ready to smolder at any given moment in a zillion movies to come

bale hustle

Verdictgo Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Hustle American’t currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Woody & Cate Plus Ache

Blue Jasmine
I Left My Heart Has Nothing Left In San Francisco
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
PG-13 | 98 min

blue jasmine

Woody Allen‘s recent movies have ranged from unforgettable (Midnight In Paris) to forgettable (Whatever Works) to juss plain forgotten (had zero recollection as to what You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger was about).  And his latest – Blue Jasmine?  As a whole, it’s neither of the three, but of course you should see it, cause it’s a Woody Allen movie, but anyone who does see it will never EVER forget the performance that  hands in as the title blue-stress.  Oh man, the screen burns with every fiery ember of Cate as Jasmine and her smoldering at-the-ready Chernobyl-level meltdowns.  HOT HOT HOT!!!  She’s a woman scorned, broken, battered, but trying to bounce back.  Will the world let her, or will she burn herself down into pile of alcohol-soaked black ashes?  We’re rooting for her at every (mis)step she takes, even though she’s one of the least rootable characters of 2013.  GO JASMINE!!

So how did Jassy Jasmine bottom out to such a low match point?  She turned a blind eye to husband ‘s madoff-ing with other people’s monies & philandering all over New York, and before it was too late to open her eyes, she lost everything.  Now she’s begging at the door of , her adopted sister who Jasmine could give three sh$ts about.  But times are tough and any family is family when yer down and out and now in San Francisco (new Woody locale, yeah!!).  Hawkins has enuff stuff on her own plate, like trying to feed two kids she sired with ex-husband  (not playing for nursery rhyme laughs, and it works!), and a non-stop yapping greasy new beau in the form of Bobby Cannavale (although his yawk-y character doesn’t seem like the kinda guy who’d be living in the Bay Area).  Of course Jasmine complicates matters for all parties involved, as anything she (or Woody) touches turns into instant-neuroticism.  Things eventually do get better between the sisters, and then they each meet a dashing new man – Jasmine + Peter Sarsgaard and Hawkins + Louis CK, but the likelihood of the forecast staying perma-sunny in a ‘blue’ movie is about the same as the chances that dentist Michael Stuhlbarg or dopey mustachio Max Casella have of scoring with Cate Blanchett

Wowsers Cate Blanchett!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Are you the best actress alive?  Dare we say possibly even bester than the grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat Meryl Streep?  Time will tell for some, but we may be ready to make and stick by such a bold claim.  Streep of course coulda played a perfect Jasmine, and has even worked with Woody before, but I just don’t see a Streep Jasmine giving me movie memory neurosis for time eternal.  Burn baby burn!

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Blue is golden currently in NY & LA, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thighs Wide Telly 2012

 TV was watched in 2012, and here’s how we rank what we watched!!!!!!

1. Dan Le Batard Is Highly Questionable (ESPN 2)

Two years of existence and it’s still the funniest show on TV (NO JOKE), and it’s on DAILY!  More Papi rants please!  Less Papi raps please!

[we'll take this off the list next year, and just make it a permanent bestness like CBS Sunday Morning & PTI]

2. Louie (FX)

the best David Lynch TV show since Twin Peaks + there was GF Parker Posey + that episode where Louie got so scared of his dad that he had to escape the madness on a boat

2a. The Untold History of the United States (Showtime)

IT HAS BEEN TOLD!!!!! As told by Oliver Stone!!!

3. American Horror Story: Asylum (FX)

Dominique -inique -inique s’en allait tout simplement,
Routier, pauvre et chantant.
En tous chemins, en tous lieux,
Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu,
Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu.

4. The (American) Inbetweeners (MTV)

MTV tried to make an American Skins, and it didn’t exactly work.  They tried again with the UK’s BEYOND INCREDIBLE The Inbetweeners and it BEYOND WORKED (like how the US version of The Office beyond worked)!!!  Making this work is Nobel Peace Prize worthy.  Too bad MTV cancelled the series, cause it was smarterer & clevererer than anything else on its channel.  Personally, I think the show failed cause they didn’t get crazy hot adorable girls, like the British one did

5. Modern Family (ABC)

If you hate Modern Family that means you hate Phil Dunphy which means you hate life.  I feel sorry for you

6. Episodes (Showtime)

Everything about this show = A+.  Daisy Haggard as Myra = A++++++++++++++++++++++++++

7. Dexter (Showtime)

Finally, Dexter boned someone we’d actually bone too – Yvonne Strahovski.  Oh, and the show returned to form, after its first and only not so great season, which starred Tom Hanks’ son

8. Newsroom (HBO)

I’d literally watch Emily Mortimer watch TV screens, which is why I watch the overly annoying YET thighly addictive Newsroom

9. 30 Rock (NBC)

Going out with a bang, of laughter!

10. Rock Center with Brian Williams (NBC)

It’s ALMOST better than 60 Minutes.  Well, it’s definitely more fun.  And Bri Wills’ week in review bit at the end of each show 30 ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

11. The Client List (Lifetime)

and what’s your reason for NOT watching this show about hand jobs & boob jiggles??????????????

12. Political Animals (USA)

this mini-series was more engaging and sirprizing than the 2012 election, and Ciarán Hinds (my favorite living actor) as faux Bill Clinton was pretty much the knee’s bees to end all knee’s bees in 2012 + Carla Gugino was in it, so that means she was probably half nekkid and banging someone.  in fact she was!

13. Dallas (TNT)

Desperate Housewives was the würst, and yet we barely missed an episode.  It ended in 2012, so we needed a trashy prime-time soap to replace it.  Well, how about a show that features two of the hunky guys from DH, who happen to be two of the würst actors around?  SOLD!!!  Plus, there’s JR, one of TV’s greatest villians EVER.  Glad we joined in.  And we’ll stick with it, until TNT doesn’t

-

other solid forms of entertainments: Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel (so real!), Eastbound & Down (that Russian pitcher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), Pretty Little Liars (JOtastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), Breaking Bad (it’s been kinda downhill after the dis-Gus), Misfits (love it, but there’s been too many cast changes), Mad Men (think we take it for granite, and yet it’s still overrated), Sherlock (CUMBERBATCH!), Elementary (it’s no Cumberbatch, but Jonny Lee Miller is awesome!!!), Arrow (super, heroes), Homeland (losing patience with this one), The Office (righting the wrongs of last season), Boardwalk Empire (less Bored-ing this year), The Ricky Gervais Show (anything Gervais is behind is worth your time), Veep (THAT CAST!!!!!), Life’s Too Short (we loved it… in 2011), The Mindy Project (who knew Mindy could carry her own show?), Don’t Trust The B—- in Apt 23 (Dawson-awesome), Childrens Hospital (11 minutes of heaven), Gossip Girl (we’re actually gonna miss this show), Parks & Rec (it’s still not as funny as you all make it out to be),  Shameless (annoying, but can’t stop watching), Nurse Jackie (annoying, but can’t stop sorta watching), House of Lies (awful, but can’t stop watching), Californication (awful, but see below), SNL (obvs) & Game of Thrones (well made, but we couldn’t tell you a thing about this show) 

+ bone-yes moments

Californication, you’re never amazing, and yet, you are the BREAST!!!!!!!

Phil-isms

Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel’ Gymnast Sisters story :(  :)

- ‘where are gay men’s vaginas?’

Lisa Loeb + Rufus 9ever!!!!!!!

- Gervais’ Derek pilot is melancholy madness

Weeds ended, thank gawd

- found out who Gabbo is, almost 20 years after the fact

- MLB.tv is the greatest web tv thing ever

- 12.12.12 got us to watch one thing on TV for 6 straight hours

- more Drunk Uncle please!!!!!!!!!

- wait, Joe E Tata was on TV’s BATMAN?!??!?!!

- the guys of Girls, cause the girls from Girls suck

- when it comes to Hitchcock, we’re on team Toby Jones (and Sienna Miller too!)

- Pat Sajak’s interview on DLHQ | Liam Neeson calling Dan ‘David’ on DLHQ

- Mister Rogers and the Make Believe Olympic Games robot!!

- the Luck theme song

& fair thee well Dick and…

&

&

&

&

 

perv-iously

’11
’10
’09
’07

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This Is List: 2012

you know the drill - The Washington Post does it, we does it too, better or worse or perhaps even worser.  anywho, to 2012, and beyondce…

OUT IN

Kardashians

 

Calrissians

 

Tebowing  Bilbo Baggins’d 
What About Bobbed?  What About Watermelon? 
Adele  Bdele 

Anthony Weiner

 

John Cocktosten

 

North Korea

 

West Korea

 

Amanda Knox

 

Amanda Knox’ Knockers

 

SMiLE

 

FRoWN

 

David Keith

 

Keith David

 

The Arab Spring

 

An Arab Remake of Sprung

 

Nostalgia

 

Yestalgia

 

basketball on
aircraft carriers

 

jai alai
on hovercrafts

 

being compared
to Hitler

 

being compared
to Houghton Mifflin

 

Dragon Tattoos

 

Pete’s Dragon Tattoos

 

Godfather’s Pizza

 

Dogfather Hot Dogs

 

Quickster

 

Slowster

 

Steve Jobs

 

Steve Unemployeds

 

Words With Friends

 

Winwood & Friends

 

Silent Films

 

Ceylon Films

 

Louis CK

 

BK Dymacels

 

Skinny Jonah Hill

 

Jonah Hill’s Skin Flute

 

Sleep No More

 

Awake Yes Less

 

Casey Anthony

 

Casey Siemaszko

 

Occupy Wall Street

 

Rockupy Hollywood & Vine

 

Bridesmaids

 

Chi McBride‘s Maids

 

Osama bin Laden

 

Coleslama bin Laden

 

Winning

 

Whinnying

 

Kepler-22b Jokes

 

Uranus Jokes

 

Penn State
Inappropriate Touching

 

Penn State Penitentiary
Inappropriate Touching

 

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006, the ’007, the ’008the ’009, the ’010, and the ’011

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