Tag Archives: Jennifer Lawrence

Catching Ire

you are so annoying
jennifer lawrence red carpet fail
and lame
jennifer lawrence red carpet fail2
you about as funny as a funeral
lupita figth oscar
I laugh at you cause you a joke
laughing2laughing
go away

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Bale & Hardly

American Hustle
Hustle & (Mostly) Blows
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 129 min

american hustle

American Hustle sorta tells the story of the Abscam FBI sting operation that took place in the late 70s/early 80s. Some of the names (and details) have been changed to protect the imbeciles. Some of it is entertaining, but most of it is like one REALLLLLLLLLLY long run on sentence that keeps on going and going and going.  Director  and writer  swing for Goodfellas-ian heights, but kinda blows it like 2001’s Blow – all 70s scenery, but not much beyond the sniffy, sweaty surface.  But oh, those surfaces…

like…

hey, if you’ve always wanted to see 1/3rd of good-too-shoes ‘s boobs (I never wanted to), then this is the boobie/movie for you!

amy adams boobs hustle

or see  smile in a movie, for the first time ever!!!

jeremy renner

or be depressed watching  give his all again (this time with curls!!!), and think about how much bullsh!t it was that he didn’t win best actor Oscar last year for the much better Silver Linings Playbook

curlers cooper

and then watch his Oscar-winning co-star J-bLaw blah us to death with her blah acting and eyes that bore her and we to tears

jlaw eyes

or JO to the thought of a mustache ride from Jack Huston!!!

jack stache

or watch Alessandro Nivola steal the show, in like a grand total of 6 minutes that he’s in the movie

Alessandro Nivola hustle

and look, we all LOVE Louis CK and all, but lets face it, he can’t act

louis ck faces

THE ARABIC VERSION OF ‘WHITE RABBIT’!!!

but nothing and nobody tops Christian Bale as a combed-over, hairy chested, big gutted Jewish dude, who hides behind those tinted shades OH SOOOOO WELLL.  BALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Man, CB is such a fcuking great actor.  So much so that I’m starting to think that the Batman movies were a waste of his time.  Anyone can be Batman (I’m sure even Affleck can’t ruin Batman), and since anyone can, we lost the time that Bale coulda been in other movies, like ones were he coulda played some overly intense mother-effer, who’s quietly ready to explode at any given moment.  Bless you Bale.  May you be ready to smolder at any given moment in a zillion movies to come

bale hustle

Verdictgo Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Hustle American’t currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Inaction DeSean Jackson

Silver Linings Playbook
Bipolar Opposites Attract
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 122 min

David O Russell‘s Silver Linings Playbook is a great great great American film.  It’s like American Beauty but less pretentious and more American.  It’s like David O’s own The Fighter, but more fun and funnier.  Not even Jennifer Lawrence‘s dour sourpuss stizz can halt its amazingness.  She, for the first time in our eyes, hands in an actual performance that isn’t a total snoozefest, and its incredible!  IT’S TRUE!!!!  Chris Tucker isn’t even the most annoying thing in the film.  What is?  NOTHING, cause if you pair Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro in a movie, it’s obviously going to be something worth seeing.  OK, so it has only happened twice – first, with the crizzazzy Limitless & now with Playbook (the time where pre-fame Coops asked De Niro a question on Inside The Actor’s Studio doesn’t count), but still, Cooper/De Niro in 2016!!!!

So what is the Silver Linings Playbook? Bradley Coops is a bipolar man that has just returned home after an extended stay at a mental facility, who wants nothing more than his wife & previous life back, but that aint happening anytime soon, even if he’s under the delusion that it is.  In order to get better, Coops wants to see the silver lining in everything… AND USE IT AS HIS PLAYBOOK!  He gets help and support from his parents, De Niro & Jacki Weaver (she, the tuff & ruff & gruff Aussie mum in Animal Kingdom), even if he may have inherited his crazy from them.  Weaver doesn’t have that much to do besides bake & hug, but her smile is a comfort every time it is shown.  De Niro on the otherhand, is actually acting, as a character who lives & breathes, instead of juss showing up for a paycheck.  He is fantabolous, especially when he gets all itchy about his beloved Philadelphia Eagles, gambling & good luck charms.  DON’T YOU DARE MESS WITH HIS JUJU!!!!!

And while Coops also gets solid support from folks like Anupam KherJohn OrtizShea Whigham & Julia Stiles, he finds the most help from a kindred battered spirit in the form of Katniss Everdeen J-Law.  Her husband recently died, and she too wants to put her life back together.  This movie is really about Coops and J-Law moving forward in life, together, even if they seem like two ingredients in a recipe for disaster.  While the outcome may be a tad predictable, and a bit more dancy than Hugh, the journey is so dang earnest and honest and awesome that it actually pays to discover something so undiscoverious.  That isn’t a word, but this movie is so great that it’s forcing us to make up words.  We hope this wins lots of awards.  We hope you do too

summary of all fears – there’s a movie that Jennifer Lawrence is in that we don’t hate and/or hate her in it, which automatically makes it a MUSS MUSS MUSS SEEEEE!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Silver Linings is gold in limited release this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Katnizzz Eversnooze

House at The End of The Street
Dead End On Arrival
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 101 min

There’s a house in this movie, but its actual location on its street is never EVER determined. It could be at the beginning of the street or even in the MIDDLE of the street, but it is never ever noted that the house is actually located at the end of the street.  So why bother naming your movie House at The End of The Street?  Guess Generic Sorta Horror Movie X was juss not catchy enuff.  Having a poorly used title is one thing, but being a poor movie in general is another

OK, so the house did have some murders in it, which we see in the very first scene, but they are about as creepy as the bleeps and the sweeps were in Spaceballs… which means they are not creepy at all.  The presentation of these murders was purty darns silly, and it sets the tone for everything else from there on out – laffable

You will laff at the kid (Max Thieriot) who still lives in the house that his parents were murdered in, and who keeps his sister (the murderer?????????????????????????????) locked in the basement, and who doesn’t do such a good job at keeping her locked in the basement, cause she’s always getting out and running in the woods and screaming and stuff.  And you will laff at his budding romance with his new neighbor Jennifer Lawrence, who sings laffable love ballads for zero reason other than to maybe launch a blah singing career to add to her blah acting career.  We wouldn’t dare laff at J-Law’s hot MILF Elisabeth Shue, cause we’re actually crying at her, cause she deserves better than this, like more adventures in babysitting or having MORE liquor being poured on her boobs [NSFW]

Anywho, stuff happens, but so does sh!t, and the twists that come our way are about as shocking as Jeremy Shockey doing something douchey, and when your movie is about as shocking as Jeremy Shockey doing something douchey, it means your movie is pretty f$%king stoopid

Street Treat: we want to eat off Allie MacDonald‘s dollar menu!!

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Street has no outlet today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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