Tag Archives: American Hustle

Bale & Hardly

American Hustle
Hustle & (Mostly) Blows
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 129 min

american hustle

American Hustle sorta tells the story of the Abscam FBI sting operation that took place in the late 70s/early 80s. Some of the names (and details) have been changed to protect the imbeciles. Some of it is entertaining, but most of it is like one REALLLLLLLLLLY long run on sentence that keeps on going and going and going.  Director  and writer  swing for Goodfellas-ian heights, but kinda blows it like 2001’s Blow – all 70s scenery, but not much beyond the sniffy, sweaty surface.  But oh, those surfaces…

like…

hey, if you’ve always wanted to see 1/3rd of good-too-shoes ‘s boobs (I never wanted to), then this is the boobie/movie for you!

amy adams boobs hustle

or see  smile in a movie, for the first time ever!!!

jeremy renner

or be depressed watching  give his all again (this time with curls!!!), and think about how much bullsh!t it was that he didn’t win best actor Oscar last year for the much better Silver Linings Playbook

curlers cooper

and then watch his Oscar-winning co-star J-bLaw blah us to death with her blah acting and eyes that bore her and we to tears

jlaw eyes

or JO to the thought of a mustache ride from Jack Huston!!!

jack stache

or watch Alessandro Nivola steal the show, in like a grand total of 6 minutes that he’s in the movie

Alessandro Nivola hustle

and look, we all LOVE Louis CK and all, but lets face it, he can’t act

louis ck faces

THE ARABIC VERSION OF ‘WHITE RABBIT’!!!

but nothing and nobody tops Christian Bale as a combed-over, hairy chested, big gutted Jewish dude, who hides behind those tinted shades OH SOOOOO WELLL.  BALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Man, CB is such a fcuking great actor.  So much so that I’m starting to think that the Batman movies were a waste of his time.  Anyone can be Batman (I’m sure even Affleck can’t ruin Batman), and since anyone can, we lost the time that Bale coulda been in other movies, like ones were he coulda played some overly intense mother-effer, who’s quietly ready to explode at any given moment.  Bless you Bale.  May you be ready to smolder at any given moment in a zillion movies to come

bale hustle

Verdictgo:  Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Hustle American’t currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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