Tag Archives: Woody Allen

Claw & Disorder

Woody Allen vs the lobster, on the set of 1977’s Annie Hall.  photos by Brian Hamill



Café Society
Cup Half Empty
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 96 min

cafe society

There’s something to Woody Allen‘s latest entry – Café Society – but also, there’s not much to it.  You watch it and you go – hey, I’d love to be there, in that time period and in those fabulous places, with those endlessly beautifully sun-drenched lit scenes, and down some of those lush-looking drinks, and take a puff from those slow smoking c-gars!  This is like the gilded version of his 1999 film Sweet and Lowdown (one of my favorite modern Woody pics) – but somehow, his new jaunt is devoid of heart, soul and humor

It’s not the fault of our characters.  We like them, and we want to watch them do things.  There’s something to Jesse Eisenberg (playing the Woody role) chasing Kristen Stewart round ole Hollywood, but there’s not much to the chase.  There’s something to Jesse’s uncle Steve Carell, but not really anything to him, and the same goes to his uncle’s friends Parker Posey & Paul Schneider, and Eisenberg and his uncle’s kinfolk – Corey Stoll (all gangster schtick, zero personality), Sari Lennick (as if she just walked off the set of A Serious Man and right onto Society‘s set!), Stephen KunkenKen Stott and Jeannie Berlin.  There’s even something about Blake Lively, when usually there’s nothing to her except her body.  We want to spend time with these people, but not really given any good reason to, or to fully care about what happens to them

Well, there was one thing that was a thing – but it was more personal.  Jesse falls for a girl, and then another with the same first name.  This happened to me, although unlike in the movie, I didn’t continue to pine for the 1st girl, while the 2nd girl became my wife!!

Anywho, it was a decent try Woody.  You have a nice looking Café, with a nice set of drinkers, but there’s not much niceties to your Society at all.  See you next summer!

Verdictgo:  Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Café is juss OK at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…



we way no longer Hungray, and totally Czeched out of Krtekland, and it was off to our final destination in our European holiday…


first thing first, Vienna is actually named Wien, as in hot dog Wieners

smëlls lïkë üp dög

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or as in Wienerschnitzel (the city is HOME to it, duh)


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but not as in Tafelspitz or Mark Spitz


wonder if they have an AM radio station called 1010 Wiens.  anywho, Wien is in Austria, which shouldn’t be confused with Australia

Auf Wiedersehen Europe. until we Wiedërsehen again!!!

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and it never would, with such an awesome language in use like German!

wë hävë ärrivëd ïn Äüstria. Gööötën Mörgän Fäïrchïld #winning

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although ‘Gloria’ is a beautiful song in ANY language

GLÖRIA!!!!! #ZDFKultur

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but not sure what Chuck sauce is like in any language

Chück yöü

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but pizza in every language is ‘pizza’ (although we didn’t have pizza in Europe, cause why would we??)

I want this tattööed on meine ëÿës MEINEVER!!!

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cause when in Wien, do as the Wieners do – #Wienning

I'm shocked Herr Wöödy never made un film about Tafelspitz and giant wooden spoons

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and talk to random German and Swiss dudes

and kiss yer wife, cause you can’t stand how beautiful she is

and pick on someone not your own size

pïckïng üp gööd vïbrätïöns

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and be like The Third Man and ride that ye olde Ferris Wheel

this wiener riesëns mad rad yo!

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and know nose where to find one of your favorite painter’s work!  BLESS YOU GIUSEPPE ARCIMBOLDO!!!!!!!!

zumtimes I wish I had un pickle for ä schnauze too. bless yoü #Arcimboldo

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now Wien doesn’t have Eastern European charm like Hungary and Czech Repub do, but Austria never had to deal with all that standing in line for bread and sharing stuff.  it remained a cosmopolitan place, for centuries, and remains so

vienna street

where they have palatial palaces!!!


with selfie points – how modern!

selfie point

round we go!


too even more schmancy cafés!

hööráy 4 cáfës!

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and schmancy chocolatiers!


and to one of the most unique structures I’ve ever seen – KunstHausWien – a museum created by the artist himself – Friedensreich Hundertwasser!!!!!!!!!

Hundertwasser in dä haus, bringing dä fünk

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tiley smilerus!

kunst haus

even the bathrooms are funky fresh!

kunst bathroom

and he also designed other buildings that aren’t his own museumz!!!

 wasser 3

like the Hundertwasserhaus

wasser 2

it’s like a Smurf village for humans!!

wasser 1

but everything we did wasn’t juss fatrsy artsy culture stuff

of course we hit up grocery stores to see what was a brewin’

tiroler alm

although we actually did try this – Almdudler –  which is basically Austrian ginger ale – and once bitten, forever smitten


and apparently gefilte aint just for fishes.  it’s a thing, but I guess they go with the less Jewish ‘gefüllte’ which translates to ‘stuffed’.  but however it’s spelled, I’m g’scared of anything gefilted/gefüllted


then it was off to check out the famous Naschmarkt 

where there’s kraut by the barrel!!!


oh, you think we forgot to go to McDonalds, and McLook at their McMenü?


or miss seeing the Doc Brown Opera – 88 Meilen pro Stunde????

austrian doc brown

so long Austria, and Europe – never lose that old world Epcot charm, or the MUSTaches

horst lichter


Wild Man Best

Woody Allen & the Eddy Davis New Orleans Jazz Band
Café Carlyle
December 14th

woody allen cafe carlyle

Sometimes you have to make your own New York dreams come true, and sometimes that means taking a Brinks truck to your bank, and unloading your savings account to see Woody Allen play the clarinet with his jazz buddies, at one of his Monday shows at the chez shwanky Café Carlyle.  You know this place was crazy chezy swanky cause there’s a ‘é’ in the venue’s name

And?????????????  It was worth EVERY penny (although the money you’re additional forced to spend on food would have been better used for 26 trips to Wendy’s, although the shrimp cocktail was off the heeeeezy) – to sit in a VERY intimate room (a napkin’s toss away from the Woodman, at any seat) and listen to the 80 year old geezer kick the jazzy ballistics

It’s a once in a lifetime experience you should experience if a) you love Woody and b) love the music often featured in his movies and c) want to sit in a room with Woody Allen 

May he live to be 80000000000000000!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOODY ALLEN = WILD MAN BEST!!!!! #OnlyInNewYork #BucketList #AlvySinger #JazzInMyPants

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Defying Deaths

Peace The Forks Out


The Other Dick Van

eight is enouggh

spaceballs van patten

dick van dogs

dick van paten


Jerry’s Wife/Ben’s Mom/Anne Meara

anne jerry  the stillers

alf anne


THE John Steed


diana rigg steed

twiggy steed




his mind was beautiful 

Manson Family divorcer

little James Horner

oh no Yes

Fred Flinstone’s boss + other Hanna Barberians 

plastic pink flamingo dude

last original NBA employee

Ornette Coleman


Mother Theresa II

the voice of the Chiquita Banana


that other that guy

that other that that guy

a true dingbat of fonts


realllllly old movie gangster

Nature Boy

the first student-athlete 

he hearted heart-shaped bathtubs

Tariq Aziz, who made berets & mustaches & giant glasses look awesome


she made costumes for the Beatles & Bond

F Scott Fitzgerald’s final secretary

King of Easy Listening

Picasso’s right arm

not Ringo’s sister

blaze starr

little boy who got to look at MM

Mr Comcast

El Kickador/Univision-er

a Weaver

Woody Allen’s Jack Rollins

jack rollins

Texas A&M’s first Heisman winner

some surfer pioneer guy

some country singer

boxing movie producer dude

U2’s manager

this spicy Italian chick

Laura Antonelli3

Laura Antonelli paint

Queen of Versailles’s princess

Joe Biden’s son

Charles Barkley’s mom

Penelope Cruz’s padre

Jason Voorhees’ mom

betsy palmer

he once owned the Mets (not the Nats do:)

some comedy writer

some British actor who turned down the role of James Bond

some Russian guy

some chess guy

some Scottish actor

some fat British bloke

the guy who gave us this

mlb logo

a King of media

a White House Chef

MGM Resorter

what a drag

zilla was his god

Stand By Me‘s Milo Pressman

he printed LA stories

a trotter of globes

some old actor

she shot this and that and those other things

Mary Ellen Mark

Mr Superdawg

150 year old Galápagos tortoise

world’s tallest cow


the guy who made headlines

headless body topless

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