Tag Archives: Alan Tudyk

Race Barrier Wreath

Artful Dodgers
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 128 min


42 – the story of Jackie Robinson(‘s first year in the majors) – is exactly like Trouble With The Curve, except 42 is really dang good and Curve is really stupid, and instead of an crotchety old man played by Clint Eastwood, we get an old man who sounds like he’s crotchety played by , and instead of Justin Timberlake being the würstest wannabe play by play announcer of balls thyme we have  eloquently barbing like Red Barber, and instead of Amy Adams looking not hot, cause she’s kinda plain like plain yogurt on a plane, we get  who makes us want to bat our eyes and bunt our balls, and instead of a bunch of dumb actors playing baseball players, we have  totally chad wicking the bose as Jackie Robinson, MAN!!!!  Wait, what am I even talking about?  STEAL SECOND!

42 could have been a cornball flick about a dude who did important stuff, like being the first black dude to play major league baseball in a sea of nuttin but whitey fords, but it wasn’t corny at all (ok, so there was a LIL corny-corny-ness-ness, like when a lil black boy in the grandstands says cheesy corny corny cheesy things, but it’s OK, cause he meant well, and the kid didn’t write the corncheeseball dialog).  And even if Harrison Ford hams it up, wrapped in bacon, it’s his (Branch Rickey) story as well, cause he had the balls to put a black dude with white dudes (like Pee Wee Herman Reeses Pieces !), cause he wanted to win, and he knew that white dudes suck at sports.   It’s true  (apologies to white people).  So Rickey/Ford & Robinson/Boseman take chances on each other, and make giant leaps, and the audience is so hooked, lined, and sinker-balled, that we never want them to land, and when they do, they’re safe at home, cause they scored, and we cheered!!  Go home team!!  Especially the home team with the one black dude and 38832 crappy white players!!

The movie doesn’t take risks, but it still rewards.  Nice work , although I’m sure somewhere Spike Lee wants to bat your face in cause yer a white guy doing a movie about Jackie Robinson, but Jackie Robinson is not juss a black story, it’s a black AND white AND read all over story.  It’s a story of us, the US-A.  We’re not perfect, but sports is where we level our playing field.  Are there any other sports puns I can make?   balks and talks, and  clears the benches, by doing the mos thankless acting job in the movie – being really really realy racist to Jackie while he was trying to hit a baseball.  Well, Tudyk’s character and racism STRUCK OUT, cause black, yellow, red and white dudes all play baseball together, and it’s awesome, especially when the Ws are mad curlied

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Worth A Peepers

42  adds up at a theater near jews this Friday 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

jack branch

1 Comment

Dunder Different

This is the original sign-in sheet for the first day of casting for The Office given to me by Allison Jones, our incredible casting agent. I was the very first person to audition for the series, 11/06/03. Notice all the amazing talent on the sheet, including the amazing #13! This is perhaps the greatest Office keepsake I have. So grateful for the best job I will ever have

Rainn ‘Benedict Cumberbatch’ Wilson

office sign in sheet

Alan Tudyk as Michael Scott???????????



Wreck-It Ralph
8-Bit o’ Honey
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 101 min

Wreck-It Ralph may not eggzactly be the gemmiest of the Pixar gems [editor’s note – turns out this ISN’T a Pixar pic, but a straight-up Disney toon!], but I can’t think of another Pixar toon or any toon for that matter that totally & specifically appealed to me and my endless lust of childhood nostalgia.  Sure, Toy Story is the gold standard of such days gone by but never forgottens, but arcades and video games tickle my ye olde fancy much mores so than Mr Potato Head and that Slinky dog could ever (mainly cause Star Wars & GI Joe action figures were my fav toys and they weren’t really allowed to play with Woody & Buzz).  And while the story of Ralph is all over the place AND THE ARCADE, and at times, a bit too much for the eyes, I was STILL totally game for the gaming being gamed!!!!!  It’s true!  Level passed!

And you know how these modern studio cartoons lean heavily on famous actors to voice the characters and it can be REALLLLLLLLY distracting cause you can’t lose yerself in these characters cause all you can hear and think of is the famous person voicing them?  WELL, that is NOT the case with Ralphy as John C ReillyJack McBrayerJane Lynch and Alan Tudyk (AMAZING!) all disappear behind their 8-bit alter egos with such ease that it’s such easy listening!  And even moist incredible of incredibles is the work that Sarah Silverman done does as the Powerpuffy lil girl Vanellope von Schweetz.  We aint a huge fan of the SS, but NOW WE IS CAUSE SHE SO PERFECT AS THE SWEET AND VICIOUS VANELLOPE WHO MAY LIKE BE ONE OF THE MOST FUN FEMALE DISNEY CHARACTERS SINCE LIKE (Miss Bianca?) EVER!  These are truths!

Plus there’s all kinds of awesome video game cameos, INCLUDING THE TAPPER DUDE FROM TAPPER!!!!!  AND EVEN SOME LOVE FOR THE CONTRA SECRET EXTRA MAN CODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   But no love for the kid from The Wizard with the Power Glove??????????????????????????????????????????

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Ralph 1-ups itself at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

Michael Bay of Sh#t Invasion

Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Dark of The Imgination
Official WebsiteTrailers & Mo
PG-13 | 157 min

T-III starts off with sum revisionist history of the moon landing, and it was like Houston, we have an awesome.  Everything after that was a bigger disaster than The Challenger space shuttle.  It’s so stoopid and beyond boring that it is hactually OK to compare it to such an awful tragedy in American history

This sums up everythings:  When Ken Jeong delivers your most ‘credible’ performance, your movie flat out sucks times 388737237739083478378478923767815281506507416561780570641756178657645164375816347856875643756786578134651873657813658761751656756745187651658745165765761756785617856875389389060547967076091780870934788765876586751678561874568765784365

OK, we do have to award 3 small bonus points for the employment of 80s Russian movie guy Elya Baskin, and funny white guys Andrew Daly and Alan Tudyk, but they and we all deserve better than this… anything but this

Never again Bay, NEVER AGAIN

And even if Bay isn’t doing the next one, there will be no next one for we

Michael Bay – Bad With Eye Diarrhea, Good With Eye Candy:

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Inna Korobkina

Meredith Monroe

Danielle Fornarelli

Elena Kolpachikova

Jesse ‘World’s Greatest Extra’ Heiman

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

III is a giant #2 at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


Remake-A-Wish Flounderation

Death At A Funeral
Dwarfed By The Original
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Did you see Frank Oz’s Death At A Funeral?  If not, then you missed out one of the funniest films we’ve seen over the last decade, and if you know our history with modern comedies, you know we don’t throw around accolades like that very often.  And so, if you haven’t seen it, you must mus mustt musss musssk, especially if yer ever contemplating seeing the blackified remake (directed by white guy Neil LaBute) first

So what’s the difference between the two?  Nothing glaring, cept this capable cast, including Chris Rock (dude loves remakes), Tracy Morgan (more please!), Martin Lawrence (he so cra-zay!) , James Marsden (valiant try, but he’s no Alan Tudyk), Zoë Saldaña (more annoying here than hot), Keith David (not David Keith), Danny Glover (never too old for any shit, including taking one on screen), Luke Wilson (guess there was a break in his AT&T commercial shooting schedule) and Columbus Short (a poor or rich man’s Cuba Gooding Jr?), can’t deliver the funny quite like their British counterparts done did.  Therefore this film is completely unnecessary, herspecially considering that the original only came out 3 years ago.  Peter Dinklage is the only soul who got to reprise his meaty role, and if any goodness can be gleaned from this pointless remake, hopefully it was a big paycheck for a job well done for doing the same job twice

Hall Pass: Regina Hall is beyond thighlarious (see the Scary Movie movies for proof, even if the first two were duds), but we never thought about how fly she was until we started to think about how fly she is!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Death At A Funeral is currently not as good as the original at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


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