Zodiac turns 10 on this very day – March 2nd  

ZODIAC!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ever since I saw the movie, I have not ever shut up about it.  You should know this.  I am still working on an street team (that no one asked me to be a part of… mainly cause I invented this street team) to try and get Zodiac a retroactive Oscar for Best Picture of the 21st century (juss a reminder – one of the most critically loved movies of this century got ZERO Academy Award nominations)

anywho, I keep tweeting about my love for all things Zodiac, but I never really have elaborated why I love it.  so here ye go – on things about the movie Zodiac that makes me love it endlessly…

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mustard yellows and browns abound

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all the real life people’s names are SO amazing sounding that they actually sound fake – David Toschi, Jack Mulanax, Ken Narlow, Sherwood Morrill, Duffy Jennings, and mos especially Melvin Belli… a lawyer who was once on Star Trek!!

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Donovan’s ‘Hurdy Gurdy Man’ is now the most rockinest & creepiest anthem ever

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and Donovan’s daughter Ione Skye was in the movie too!

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Ruffalo’s hair

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it inspired me to read not one, but TWO books!

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when I was in the Napa and San Fran, I made sure to make pit stops at a couple of the murder sites.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I WANT TO VISIT THE SITES OF MURDERS CAUSE I LEARNED ABOUT THEM IN A MOVIE!??!

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the more Jake Gyllenhaal & John Carroll Lynch movies together, the better.  They’re both unsettling awesome actors with screen presences for daze!  Zodiac was their 3rd pairing.  The others – 2002’s The Good Girl, and 2001’s The Bubble Boy

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the little touches, like Pong!

the blue drinks!

and the squirrels, and dildo in Arthur Leigh Allen’s trailer!

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ever since the movie has been released, far more people have claimed that the Zodiac was their father (including Time Werespanko), and some claim the Zodiac was even a Presidential candidate!

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I love this movie so much that when I saw Jimmi Simpson (who was in the movie for all of like 5 minutes at the end) smoking a cigarette on the street in New York, I went up to him, without remembering his name, and said, ‘I just wanted to let you know that you were AMAZING in Zodiac… and everything else you’ve ever been in!’  He said ‘thanks‘ 

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the Zodiac has never been caught, and so the mystery endures, and as the years pass, the movie only gets more awesomer

The Founder
The Big Mac Daddy
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 115 min

As a kid my love for McDonald’s was beyond super-sized.  As an adult, I haven’t abandoned the golden arches, but I certainly don’t eat there as much as I did as an ultra-happy Happy Meal youngin 

Anywho, I always remembered seeing this plaque in our local Maccy D’s…

And I was like, who’s Ray Kroc?  And why isn’t his last name McDonald??  And what up wit dat???  I didn’t bother to ever ask my parents these questions, so I kept these questions to myself

The rise of the internet somehow never moved me to look further into this, and so I am thankful that the answers in the John Lee Hancock directed, and Robert Siegel written story of how Ray Kroc became Mr McDonald’s, and the McDonald brothers became a footnote in their own invention could be found in The Founder

Kroc (an excellent, cold AND hot Michael Keaton) was a struggling milkshake salesman, when a chance encounter with Richard and Maurice McDonald (a less annoying/mustached than usual Nick Offerman, and the mad round of awesomeness John Carroll Lynch) and their bustling, innovative namesake burger joint in San Bernardino, California, changed the fortunes and futures of all involved

Dick and Mac McDonald created McDonald’s, but with their permission, they unleashed Kroc to make their modern fast food franchise into a giant reality, and created a monster in the process.  The Brothers wanted to retain and maintain control, but as the brand grew under Kroc’s stewardship, they lost more and more of it, to the point where they were cut out completely

The story of McDonald’s is the story of America – capitalism, efficiency, grease, greed - all done with a smile, no matter how crooked that smile is on the inside

Mr Kroc, you may not be the greatest human being, but don’t you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette?  I mean, without him, would you have ever even had a childhood?

For me, the answer is’ no’, and the same goes with Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy’s.  I want to hear his story.  He was adopted AND he worked under Colonel Sanders!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Founder is found at a theater near jews AND white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

being married kept me away from the movie theatre/theater, and more at home, glued to the good ole boob tube, and that was way OK, cause TV was pretty fraking good in 2014…

1. Married at First Sight (FYI)

A reality show that made us believe in love AND reality TV again, and it all felt so real.  Sometimes happily ever after is possible, even if it’s manufactred

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2. Ray Donovan (Shotwime)

I am SO gay for Gay Donovan and all of its characters, but mostly gay for Jon Voight as Mickey Donovan – perhaps TV’s greatest supporting character of this century!  Every episode plays like a season finale - packed with more wallop than one could ever wall-down.  WALLOP!!!

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3. American Horror Story: Freak Show (FX)

Scariest sh!t television has ever seen (MAYBE!).  From Twisty the clown (and his super sad backstory) to Finn Wittrock KILLING IT as Dandy Mott to a 3-breasted woman – there’s something for everyone… to make them sh!t their pants!!

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4. Fargo (FX)

Not even Tom Hanks’ lame son could ruin the TV show that did the Bates Motel/Hannibal impossible of 2014 – take a sacred movie and turn it into a brilliant TV show!!!   BILLY BOB THORTON’S HAIR FOR THE WIN!!!

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5. Gotham (Fox)

Batman goes Muppet Babies – and it too somehow works, even if doesn’t make comic book sense.  It’s all about Gordon, but Penguin and Catowman junior rule the city/the show + younger Alfred kicks BUT(ler)!!!

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6. Boardwalk Empire (HBO)

Boardwalk was usually BOREDwalky, and never lived up to its potential, but finally did in its final season.  Maybe cause they found the perfect teeny Steve Buscemi in Marc Pickering

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7. Drunk History (Comedy Central)

My favorite show of 2013 still packed a punch in its second season, for both the brain AND the funny bone.  A rare double-threat that should threaten all other shows that aren’t informative AND funny!!

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8. True Detective (HBO)

that tracking shot!!!

and those boobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [NSFW]

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9. Tyrant (FX)

Nobody is having more (screen) fun than Ashraf Barhom is as Tyrant Jamal, and no one had more fun watching him do that thing than me.  It’s TV’s most underloved awesome show!

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10. Silicon Valley (HBO)

Was there any doubt that a Mike Judge TV show wouldn’t be cool-whip-smart?  And that cast!!!!!  OMG OMG OMG, that CAST!!!!

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11. 10 Things You Don’t Know About (H2)

Sober history, with perhaps the best sober host ever – Henry Rollins!!

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12. Hannibal (NBC)

(spoiler alert) Mason Verger will eat himself!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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other solid forms of entertainments: 

Veep – FOUR MORE YEARS!!!!

Homeland – it got back to where it once belonged – deep in our hearts

The Knick – would probably be my #1 show, but I only got to see 3 eps cause who subscribes to Cinemax???

My Grandmother’s Ravioli – Mo grannys, mo awesome!!

Ali G Rezurection – for completists, and people who like to laugh

Bates Motel – a lot of padding, but mother and son know/are best

The Americans  – dude, Keri’s butt!!!

Mad Men – too much Megan, not enuff Bert, but plenty of BURGER CHEF!!!

Modern Family – TV’s consistently funniest show that you somehow don’t find funny

House of Cards – that subway push, that 3some, that other stuff!!

Louie – his screen daughter Jane needs a spinoff show

Get Carter – we got it!

Under The Dome – lost a little luster in season 2, but plenty of clusterfudges to keep us glued

Black-ish – the fall’s only new AND funny show worth watching/that wasn’t canceled

Shameless – was nice to be Justin Chatwin-free for a season

Newsroom – good riddance you overly talkie Aaron Sorkin talkie.  and I don’t care how ‘good’ she looks, cause Olivia Munn is the world’s würstest actress

Top Chef - Katsuji for president

Undercover Boss - over-ly sweet and souful!

Masters of Sex – too much time dedicated to the too many side characters, and their too not so interesting side stories

Selfie – dumb, fun, and sadly, gone too soon

Pizza Masters – wish these fatties were my cousins

Garfunkel and Oates – for the comedy (and Saved By The Bell refs), but not so much for the music & lyrics

Maron – dropped off a bit in season 2, but he made Ray Romano funny!

Penny Dreadful – finally, monsters and creatures with brains

Halt and Catch Fire – sweet dreams, OK reality

Vice – although I don’t remember any of the pieces off the top of me head

Girls – sucks

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+ bone-yes moments

- Adrien Brody as Houdini and his hot screen wife and his weird-faced assistant were beyond best!

- TWIN PEAKS IS COMING BACK!!!!!!!  and here’s what they should do

- Stephen Colbert, we’ll meet again

– you can’t handle the Chelsea Handler goodbye

– Cam dances off against Will Sasso

– the insaneness of Petals On the Wind

- all the grandmother’s on My Grandmother’s Ravioli, but especially 90 year old Thelma Brelesky

– Jill St John as Molly as Robin in the second ever episode of Batman (1966)

– that time ‘Murder She Wrote’ went Psycho

– ABC promo glamour shots

– so long Californication – you were the fcuking WURST

– Pam Mueller > Ferris Bueller

- Tommy Chong dances

– never 5get Jimmy McBride – Boston Cab Driver – MTV Gabber

– Disaster of Puppets

- Drake’s Bar Mitzvah / Hobbit Office / Me

– Once In A Lifetime, Times Four

– Keith L Williams as DJ Pre-K on Selfie

– the mystery of Debra Messing’s green sweater puppies

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my favorite TV performance of 2014…

Adam Hagenbuch as Ashton Kutcher in Lifetime’s Brittany Murphy movie!!!

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& peace the mork out :(

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perv-iously ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07

Crazy, Stupid, Love.
It’s Not So Complicated Too
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 118 min

Are you a fan of Steve Carell(‘s sad sack funny guy shtick), Ryan Gosling(‘s serious hotness), Julianne Moore(‘s less is moore approach) and/or Emma Stone(‘s beyond sexy Daisy Duck eyes)? If yer a human being living on planet earth and go to the movies, then the only answer can be ‘yes, to all the above‘.  If not, you might be Hollywood Elsewhere.  Crazy, Stupid, Love is not crazy, nor is it stupid, and nor nor did we out right love it.  BUT, if you love (or even juss like) Carell, Gosling, Moore and/or Stone, then you will dig on them digging on each other.  Here’s another litmus test –  Did you like It’s Complicated?  If you did, you will like CSL.  Nuttin fancy, juss cute people making cute.  No harm, no foul.  Lots of smiles, and if there aren’t smiles, you know eventually that those frowns will be turned upside down

So what’s this movie about?  Who even cares, but we will say that there was a lil bit of a twist that even took us by sirprize!!!  And that sirprize isn’t that Josh Groban is pretty decent at playing a dork, or that Kevin Bacon is beyond decent at playing an unlikable person, or that Analeigh Tipton is solid at being awkward, or that Marisa Tomei can make good use of a bad useless role, or that John Carroll Lynch really is the Zodiac, or that Jonah Bobo has an odd name and should totally play a young Brian Wilson in that 5thcoming biopic

Crazy Stupid Hot Chicks: there were plenty on hand, but we’d like to get our hands on these two the mostest!!

Crystal Reed

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Karolina Wydra

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Stupid isn’t so at a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Zodiac
Period Piece of Art
Trailer & Mo

Within the very first scene of Zodiac, we are not only introduced to the titular killer and his dirty work, but we are also reintroduced to David Fincher who’s masterful talent has been sorely missed. His last film dropped in the ’02, but Panic Room was a far cry from where he left off before that in the ’99, with the beyond brills Fight Club. So I’ve basically been waitin and waitin for 8 long years for the director who I’ve worshiped above all the cool mid to late 90s directors (Tarantino, Boyle, Jonze, Singer, and yes, even Aronofsky) to deliver the goods. Zodiac not only fulfilled that Fincher bestness void, but also the void of fantab flicks to be released so far in the ’07. While there’s many moons and suns to go before Dec 31st, I still feel confident in naming it one of the best films of the year

Fincher has already shown that’s he jason capel-able of making a thumcredible serial killer flick. I mean, once could argue that Se7en is even more engaing than Silence of the Lambs, but Zodiac isn’t a serial killer movie. Sure, it’s about a serial killer, but it’s more of a spooky Unsolved Mysteriesish journalistic investigation, a neverending one at that since the killer was never caught, into the events that brought northern Cali to it’s knees in the late 60s and early 70s. When I walked out of the theater I wanted to know every single in and out about the case (gawd bless Zodiackiller.com). I hadn’t been so keen in seeking out the truth since Oliver Stone’s JFK mesmerized me beyond belief when I was all of 14 years of age… if only Spike Lee’s complete misfire Summer of Sam had worked the same magic

While I wished that Inland Empire‘s runtime was 3 minutes instead of 3 hours, I wouldn’t have minded if Zodiac was 2 1/2+ days long instead of 2 1/2+ hours. Tits dat good folks. Welcome back Finchy. Never leave me hangin like that again or I’ll have to throw all my love to the other Finchy for good!

Apt MPupil3: Donovan’s beyond bananas bestness ‘Hurdy Gurdy Man‘ [d] which will forever make me think of this film

Deja View: No, Zodiac aint the first time that Jake Gyllenhaal & John Carroll Lynch peered into each other’s eyes. Hell, it aint even the second time! The two first appeared together as father and son in Bubble Boy, followed by The Good Girl, where JCL was JG’s boss at the Retail Rodeo

Killer Looks: Zodiac Watches

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show•

Rental Round Up(dog)

Colour Me Kubrick
[Trailer]

One of the sadest things a Thigh Master has to deal with on a day-to-day basis is the fact that there will never be another Stanley Kubrick film ever. Since his death and the release of this site’s cousin Eyes Wide Shut in 1999, we’ve been slowly dying ourselves. So any time anything Kubrickianishesque gets released, it’s naturally that we get a bit nutty. Luckily for me, these releases have all eased my pain. We totally JOed to the mishmash that was Spielberg’s take on A.I., and we really dig-dug the not so revealing yet intriguing doc Stanley Kubrick: A Life In Pictures, by his bro-in-law Jan Harlan, and on the last go around, at the ’06 Tribeca Film Fest, we went bananas for Colour Me Kubrick (in America, we leave out the ‘u’). To quote ourselves, Colour Me is the loose fictionalization of conman Alan Conway’s amazing mid 90s London exploits as a Kubrick impersonator that not only is hilarious, but is by far the mos humorous John Malkovich (who plays Conway) film to date. We gave it a rating of Breast In Show and will still stand by that. It’s another one of these Magonlia Pic Day & Date Premiere thangies. Shiz opens in theaters and HDNet today, and will be available on DVD next week. Seek it out, like I seek out the truth about the Zodiac killah!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…