without SFPD Detective David Toschi…

Bullitt would be shooting blanks

Dirty Harry would be too clean cut

Mark Ruffalo wouldn’t have the role he and his hair were born to play

and Luke Skywalker would not have a better place to be

thank you Detective Toschi.  if it makes you feel better, no one else ever caught the Zodiac either

2017 in TV was Tele-LICIOUS.  somehow I still haven’t seen the new Twin Peaks, which is a miracle and a tragedy as the original is my favorite TV show of all time, but I’ll get to it in 2018, I promise – myself!  anywho, here’s all the other stuff from TV that made my heart beat stronger and my shlong beat shlonger…

1. Riverdale (CW)

I always need a show in my life that’s the modern equivalent of Beverly Hills 90210.  Riverdale is it (it even has Luke Perry) AND THEN SOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There was even Zodiac love!!!

–

2. Mindhunter (Netflix)

Dude, it’s like my dream come true – more of Fincher’s Zodiac!!!

–

3. Feud: Bette and Joan (FX)

What Hollywood does to actresses is horrible.  Now AND THEN.  Susan was born to be Bette.  The EYES have it!

–

4. Married At First Sight: Second Chances (Lifetime)

I don’t do Bachelor shows, but I love the Married At First Sight series, so when they whored out two former Sighters and let a bunch of whores try to whore all over them – the end result was one giant sloppy mess, and I couldn’t get enough of it!!

–

5. American Horror Story: Cult (FX)

Evan Peters is scary as fck!!!  Zodiac!!!  But the real revelation here is Carrie Fisher’s daughter, ready to be her own person – hello Billie Lourd

–

6. The Americans (FX)

Martha stuck in Russia is the saddest thing ever in a show of so many sad things ever!

–

7. Veep (HBO)

It’s truly amazing how a comedy about the US Presidency could be out clown-showed in real life by our current US President, and even more truly amazing is how the TV show this season was able to re-out clown show the real clown show.  CLOWN SHOW!!!!

–

8. The Hunt For the Zodiac Killer (History)

Spoiler alert – they didn’t catch him/her.  BUT LET THEM KEEP TRYING!!!

–

9. Curb Your Enthusiasim (HBO)

Long time off, and not much has changed, and that’s fine by me.  Loved the Fatwa advice from Salman Rushdie, like having an excuse to not pick someone up from the airport

–

10. Wormwood (Netflix)

Errol Morris at his best, and he’s always at his best, so this is BESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!!!

–

11. Fresh Off The Boat (ABC)

Still, the funniest network comedy going.  Love the shifting focus to the school kids.  Eddie’s friends are more interesting than Eddie!  Bonus props to redhead Trevor Larcom! Bonus bonus props to their Rent ripoff – Brent!

–

12. Bates Motel (FX)

Norman Bates COMES full circle, and what better way to COME all over than with Rihanna as Marion Crane!

–

+ bone-yessss!! moments

give all the awards in the world to Natasha Bassett who totally speared the lead (and my heart) in Lifetime’s Britney Every After

&

the awkward adorableness of Stranger Things 2‘s Snowball Dance

&

the theme music of the game show Now You See It

&

realizing that I never saw Beverly Hills 90210 Season 4 and loving it beyond belief

&

finally watched the final season of The Knick, and I already miss the fcuk out of this guy

&

the real life filming locations of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

&

Chelsea Cardwell‘s sexy and sad portrayal of Monica Lewinsky in an ep of Scandal Made Me Famous

&

the return of Battle of The Network Stars

&

the new Dynasty is mostly garbage, cept Alan Dale remains TV’s finest a$$hole

&

BUZZR’s excellent doc about game shows, hosted by Alex Trebek! – Game Changers

&

Amazon gets STACKED and streams the original UNSOLVED MYSTERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

&

the horrible awfulness amazingness awfulness of the made-for-TV version of Dirty Dancing

&

Copycat Killers‘ talking head J. Buzz Von Ornsteiner – for his name, and how he talks, but mainly for his name

&

I hope Kendra On Top never stops

&

cheering for The Bold Type gals

&

booing the girls of Girls. good riddance. YOU FCUKING SUCK!!!

&

goodbye Merc Lapidus.  YOU WERE THE ABSO FCUKING BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AND WILL ALWAYS BE ONE OF MY MOSTEST FAVORITE TV CHARACTERS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

–

wish we could MAKE A DEAL to keep these people with us on earth :(

–

perv-iously ’16 ’15 ’14 ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07

David Fincher’s Zodiac (aka, greatest movie of this century) had two bits of love tossed their way this week on television …

American Horror Story: Cult – Episode 7 “Valerie Solanas Died For Your Sins: Scumbag”

where they revealed the Zodiac killer to be… killerS, by way of Andy Warhol’s real-life would be assassin and her man-hating minions!  and presented in a very Fincheresque manner!

+

Riverdale – Chapter Fifteen: Nighthawks

a killer is on the loose and in the episode’s closing minutes, to the tune of Donovan’s ‘Season of The Witch’, he strikes again!!!

just like he did in Fincher’s movie, which was set to Donovan’s ‘Hurdy Gurdy Man’

Zodiac turns 10 on this very day – March 2nd  

ZODIAC!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ever since I saw the movie, I have not ever shut up about it.  You should know this.  I am still working on an street team (that no one asked me to be a part of… mainly cause I invented this street team) to try and get Zodiac a retroactive Oscar for Best Picture of the 21st century (juss a reminder – one of the most critically loved movies of this century got ZERO Academy Award nominations)

anywho, I keep tweeting about my love for all things Zodiac, but I never really have elaborated why I love it.  so here ye go – on things about the movie Zodiac that makes me love it endlessly…

–

mustard yellows and browns abound

–

all the real life people’s names are SO amazing sounding that they actually sound fake – David Toschi, Jack Mulanax, Ken Narlow, Sherwood Morrill, Duffy Jennings, and mos especially Melvin Belli… a lawyer who was once on Star Trek!!

–

Donovan’s ‘Hurdy Gurdy Man’ is now the most rockinest & creepiest anthem ever

–

and Donovan’s daughter Ione Skye was in the movie too!

–

Ruffalo’s hair

–

it inspired me to read not one, but TWO books!

–

when I was in the Napa and San Fran, I made sure to make pit stops at a couple of the murder sites.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I WANT TO VISIT THE SITES OF MURDERS CAUSE I LEARNED ABOUT THEM IN A MOVIE!??!

–

the more Jake Gyllenhaal & John Carroll Lynch movies together, the better.  They’re both unsettling awesome actors with screen presences for daze!  Zodiac was their 3rd pairing.  The others – 2002’s The Good Girl, and 2001’s The Bubble Boy

–

the little touches, like Pong!

the blue drinks!

and the squirrels, and dildo in Arthur Leigh Allen’s trailer!

–

ever since the movie has been released, far more people have claimed that the Zodiac was their father (including Time Werespanko), and some claim the Zodiac was even a Presidential candidate!

–

I love this movie so much that when I saw Jimmi Simpson (who was in the movie for all of like 5 minutes at the end) smoking a cigarette on the street in New York, I went up to him, without remembering his name, and said, ‘I just wanted to let you know that you were AMAZING in Zodiac… and everything else you’ve ever been in!’  He said ‘thanks‘ 

–

the Zodiac has never been caught, and so the mystery endures, and as the years pass, the movie only gets more awesomer

I gay for the bay!

no US city has views like this!!!!

always gotta hit up the touristy sites

I’ve got nothing but love and HAIGHT (that pun will never not be awesome) for this city

where the streets have names, and are curved, for everyone’s pleasure

real streets have curves

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on Sep 25, 2015 at 11:55am PDT

did the Jewish slaves erect this one too?

the Coppolas own this sweet a$$ building

this Palace is a hotel!

lets try 8 mini beers!!

but will I pass the test????

or get knocked out?

mechanicool

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on Sep 25, 2015 at 2:19pm PDT

or catch on fire?

fire drink with me

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on Sep 24, 2015 at 11:12pm PDT

but the drinks aren’t the only thing that be loaded

and who doesn’t want their salad tossed and dressed in front of their own eyes?

now THAT is how you toss a salad!!!!! #HouseOfYum #HouseOfYES

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on Sep 25, 2015 at 7:34pm PDT

I went NUTS for mini donuts!!!

you can't spell donut without 'do'

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on Sep 26, 2015 at 10:43pm PDT

you can smell this, right?  or at least my farts from it, right???

sorry if the puns feel old, and that I’m phoning it in

but things are on the rise, out there in the Napa Valley

where the wine flows like overpriced restaurants

and where the only storms are castle storming

and all the rooms have views

and all the hills have (my) eyes

what, you think I was going to the SF area and do zero Zodiac zsleuthing???

didn’t find Z, but did go to Lake Berryessa, where those poor kids were stabbed 46 years ago

place was super creepy & quiet… I was actually a little bit frightened

but me & the Mrs survived, and rode another vacation off into the glorious sunset

–

perv-iously

Old Bay Seasoning

A Fine Line Between Love And Haight