Zodiac turns 10 on this very day – March 2nd  

ZODIAC!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ever since I saw the movie, I have not ever shut up about it.  You should know this.  I am still working on an street team (that no one asked me to be a part of… mainly cause I invented this street team) to try and get Zodiac a retroactive Oscar for Best Picture of the 21st century (juss a reminder – one of the most critically loved movies of this century got ZERO Academy Award nominations)

anywho, I keep tweeting about my love for all things Zodiac, but I never really have elaborated why I love it.  so here ye go – on things about the movie Zodiac that makes me love it endlessly…

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mustard yellows and browns abound

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all the real life people’s names are SO amazing sounding that they actually sound fake – David Toschi, Jack Mulanax, Ken Narlow, Sherwood Morrill, Duffy Jennings, and mos especially Melvin Belli… a lawyer who was once on Star Trek!!

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Donovan’s ‘Hurdy Gurdy Man’ is now the most rockinest & creepiest anthem ever

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and Donovan’s daughter Ione Skye was in the movie too!

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Ruffalo’s hair

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it inspired me to read not one, but TWO books!

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when I was in the Napa and San Fran, I made sure to make pit stops at a couple of the murder sites.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I WANT TO VISIT THE SITES OF MURDERS CAUSE I LEARNED ABOUT THEM IN A MOVIE!??!

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the more Jake Gyllenhaal & John Carroll Lynch movies together, the better.  They’re both unsettling awesome actors with screen presences for daze!  Zodiac was their 3rd pairing.  The others – 2002’s The Good Girl, and 2001’s The Bubble Boy

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the little touches, like Pong!

the blue drinks!

and the squirrels, and dildo in Arthur Leigh Allen’s trailer!

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ever since the movie has been released, far more people have claimed that the Zodiac was their father (including Time Werespanko), and some claim the Zodiac was even a Presidential candidate!

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I love this movie so much that when I saw Jimmi Simpson (who was in the movie for all of like 5 minutes at the end) smoking a cigarette on the street in New York, I went up to him, without remembering his name, and said, ‘I just wanted to let you know that you were AMAZING in Zodiac… and everything else you’ve ever been in!’  He said ‘thanks‘ 

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the Zodiac has never been caught, and so the mystery endures, and as the years pass, the movie only gets more awesomer

Nocturnal Animals
Whatturnal Whatttttttttt????
Official Site| Trailer & Mo
R | 116 min

If David Lynch had his name attached to whatever Nocturnal Animals is, then we’d all be saying – woah – this David Lynch movie is pretty slick!

But it’s a Tom Ford movie.  And what does that mean?  We only have one movie to compare it against – his debut, A Single Man, a movie I apparently liked a lot, but the only thing I can remember about that movie were those Michael Caine 60s glasses that Colin Firth wore

And what will I remember about Tom Ford’s second movie?  I dunno, it’s a book within a movie, and reality and fiction are blurred, or something?  Or that Amy Adams is dolled up like an anorexic sexy raccoon? Jake Gyllenhaal still has crazy eyes, but they’re not crazily as used or as good as they were peeping in Nightcrawler (the movie you should see in lieu of Animals)?  There’s a bunch of really really really REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY obese naked women dancing in the opening credits?  Michael Shannon looking like the Marlboro Man?  Aaron Taylor-Johnson sounding like he’s trying out a Texas twang for the first time ever as an actor?  Isla Fisher is sorta in it?  Armie Hammer is also sorta in it??  OR THAT EVERYONE IN THE MOVIE (besides Isla Fisher) HAS BLUE EYES????  

I dunno, there’s something to this movie, but I can’t put my finger on it, and the ending was an open ended ending, and while I sometimes like things left open ended, this was a movie that needed a definitive ending.  The end! (for me and this movie!)

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Animals needs to be tamed – at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Raven
While I Nodded, Nearly Napping, Suddenly There Came A Crapping
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 111 min

With the success of those mostly sucky, kinda watchable Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes flicks, it was only a matter of time before some other ye olde classic literary figure got the hyperetic overblown big screen treatment.  Apparently it was Edgar Allan Poe‘s turn to create riches, which makes sense, since the master of the macabre has endless fodder in his cannon to make a big boom boom.  So why then does James McTeigue‘s Raven feel so un-Poe-tic, and makes for a mostly big boo boo????  Hactually, it’s no real sirprize tat all, considering that James McT’s the same guy who took V Is For Vendetta and made it L Is For Lames-ies

Thanks to John Cusack‘s energetic performance as EAP, The Raven is sorta kinda a little bit watchable, but ultimately it’s just a meandering and pointless and kinda boring made up adventure about the guy who gave Baltimore’s football team a name. So what’s the story? Well, apparently some dude is obsessed with Poe’s writing and decides to murder people, just like how people are murdered in Poe’s writings!  Hmmmm, this could sorta work as a movie thing.  Then Poe’s lady (the overly teethy Alice Eve) is kidnapped by the killer, so the stakes get doubled!  Poe aint alone in this battle.  He’s got this annoyingly scowling inspector (Luke Evans, who might have permanently damaged his brow from all the scowling he done does) leading the charge, and he will not be stopped until he can stop all of this.  Sadly, it takes way too long to stop, and the hunt for the killer juss aint all that interesting, even if the reveal of the killer is sorta kinda interesting.  Oh, and Brendan Gleeson is in this for some reason, cause why not, it’s Brendan Gleeson!  But they don’t let him be funny, which is sorta Brendan Gleeson’s thing, sorta

moral of the story – Poe is cool.  The Raven, not so much.  Eversnore!

Bitched At Swirth: when you can’t get Jake Gylennnahhaallllalalllnnal, get Carter Oliver Jackson-Cohen

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

The Raven flaps & yaps its wings today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Source Code
Train Teaser
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Soooooo… there’s a train that explodes outside of Chi-town, and there’s no changing that, but the gov-mint could save future lives if they can figure out the who did it and why did it.  Enter purty boy Jake Gyllenhaal (who gets a lifetime pass from us for being in Zodiac), who’s like some amnesiac soldier tapped in box or something, tasked with finding the answers to those questions.  It’s a serious mission, he knows little about, and it’s an endless mission, that repeats over and over until his superiors (kind AND cold-eyed Vera Farmiga and a bordering on maniacal Jeffrey Wright pulling the strings) get that killer intel they desire.  Ya see, each time he gets thrust into the past, on that doomed train, he has only 8 minutes to dig deep.  Obviously he doesn’t complete the job on the first time (hottie Michelle Monaghan is a unwelcome distraction for him, and a welcome one for us!), and thus the movie is longer than 8 minutes

Just what we’ve all been waiting for: Groundhog Day with explosions!!!  Yesssss!!!!!!  And while some of the sci-fi-y stuff may be a bit too batty for lashing, and there’s sum pasted on sentimentality towards the end, director Zowie Bowie (Duncan Jones) and writer Ben Ripley‘s Source Code is one code worth cracking or breaking or sourcing or decoding or courcing or soding!!!!!!  It is!!!  Swears!!!  Who knew that the kin of David Bowie could truly make it on his own in a non-Will Smith’s children shoved down our throats kinda way!!!  His first feature, Moon, showed that the kid had talent and a cinematic eye (for Kubrick movies), but Code proves something even more important – that he could deliver quality Hollywood-type entertainment with a brain attached.  If you found Limitless to be limited (we didn’t), you won’t with Code

Thursday’s Child: father & son, in what musta been confusing times for the youngin

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Source Code bodes well today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Jake Gyllenhaal + Lauren Socha = her brother Michael Socha!!!!

which should not be confused with (this classic)…

your to do list: watch Misfits & watch This Is England ’86