Tag Archives: Mike Tyson

They Were The Man Then Dog

You’re The Man Now Dog is DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but thanks to the Internet Archive back up….

LONG LIVE YOU’RE THE MAN NOW DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thighs Wide was born in March of 2004 and within a month, we made our first link to You’re The Man Now Dog.  it was lust at first click, and then we juss kept on linking to a zillion more YTMNDs!

here are some of our favorites…

I know Bill Cosby is an a$$hole and a giant piece of $hit, but his YTMNDs were some of THE BEST

whatiscosby.ytmnd.com

letitcosby.ytmnd.com

and the Mike Tyson’s Punch Out ones were knock outs too (even if racist)

niggastolemybike.ytmnd.com

miketysoncheats.ytmnd.com

niggastolemyyoshi.ytmnd.com

dosstolemybike.ytmnd.com

and of course all the Admiral Ackbar ones!

akbargroove.ytmnd.com

trappp.ytmnd.com

ohtrap.ytmnd.com

shemaletrap.ytmnd.com

and SOOooOoOooO many other gems…

iytmnd2.ytmnd.com

redsauceonpasta.ytmnd.com

modpanel.ytmnd.com

ytdmnshining.ytmnd.com

thebrianpeppersong.ytmnd.com

pepperstruth.ytmnd.com

mortalkhaaaaanbat.ytmnd.com

istillbelieve.ytmnd.com

tcruiseko.ytmnd.com

tomcruisepsychiatry.ytmnd.com

balooandcruise.ytmnd.com

chunkpicard.ytmnd.com

wonkatrip.ytmnd.com

ourgodisanawsomegod.ytmnd.com

wheredagoldis.ytmnd.com

eeuauaughhhuauaahh.ytmnd.com

getyoasstomars.ytmnd.com

molaram.ytmnd.com

holmgrenwalrus.ytmnd.com

wsll.ytmnd.com

unitedstatesofno.ytmnd.com

vadergetsthetalk.ytmnd.com

vaderfortune.ytmnd.com

beaarthurandgreedoarebff.ytmnd.com

here’s one of the few I created of my friend Dave’s dad who appeared in an internet service ad, which will only be funny to me and a handful of people

and I think I did this one too

ablixa.ytmnd.com

thank you for your years of laffs and cervix YTMND.  you will ALWAYS be the man, dog!

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Nikki Sixxxxx Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

sorry kids, we normally dedicate our NFL season predictions and photoshop nightmares to two posts, but we’re on vacation, with little time and no access to photshop, so this thing is gonna be semi-half-assed.  apologies, but not really, cause if yer getting yer NFL predications from Thighland, yer obviously not a golfer

NFC

NFC EAST

It’s hard to pick a team that we love to hate cause they’ve never won a Super Bowl (HAAAA HAAAA!!!) and employ a dog killer, but The Eagles (14-2) should have little problem taking care of the over-injured Giants (8-8), the Garrett-topped Cowboys (7-9) or the ready to not be a disaster, but may be a disaster Redskins (7-9).  While we hope that doesn’t happen, we do hope that the Giants do well enuff to continue to keep ole man Coughlin as their joke, we mean coach, and Eli Manning as their joke, we mean QB

NFC NORTH

A lot of folks are high on Matty Stats and the Lions (4-12) this year, but wethinks these peoples forgots that they’re the Lions and Barry Sanders would rather retire with much gas left in the tank than play for that franchise.  The Vikings (5-11) won’t be that much better off with McScabb leading the charge, but stranger things have happened… like his ability to sometimes NOT throw passes into the ground.  How much longer will the Cutler diabetes experiment last in Bears (8-8) land?  Probably about as long as his engagement.  If The Packers (11-5) can’t win the division, well, then they don’t deserve to win jack sh#t.  But they have Jesus in a helmet and you don’t f$@k with the Jesus… in a helmet

NFC SOUTH

The South is where it’s at.  It’s kinda like what the NFC Beast used to be, but with warmer locales and smaller TV audiences.  But the limelight matters not to the division that will send its champ, The Saints (12-4), and two Wild Cards, The Falcons (11-5) and The Bucs (8-8), to the pay-offs.  That leaves The Panthers (2-14) to wallow in their own Cam Newton poop, which will be like the second-coming of that other roar-less Auburn Tiger, Jason Campbell.  Lets say the Panthers were the most stacked team in the league.  Even if they were, we’d still pick them to finish last.  That’s what they and their horrid jerseys and color scheme deserve

NFC WEST

Someone has to win this, right?  Aint gonna be the Tarvar-is-not Jackson led Seahawks (5-11), the we got Andrew Luck’s coach and will want the actual Andrew Luck next year, we wish you luck 49ers (4-12), and shockingly, not the Brads/Spags Rams (4-12).  It’s all about Kolb, who will be hotttttb and his Cardinals (9-7) will sorta look like the team that was in the Super Bowl a few years back.  Maybe.  Either way, we pray Kolb’s lady of interest doesn’t look like Kurt Warner’s wife

Seeds:
#1 Iggles
#2 Nawlins
#3 Pack Attack
#4 Zona
#5 Falcunts
#6 Bucsssxxx

NFC Champs: Philly will go far, but New Orleans will show them that hurricanes are more sympathetic and less pathetic than redeemed dog killers

AFC

AFC EAST

The Jets (7-9) can walk the walk, but they’re too much talk, and Dirty Sanchez’ dirty diaper smelling play will have em crawling back to mediocre-ville.  Plaxico won’t add a shot in the arm, but more shots in the pants.  BANG!  SNAP!!  The Dolphins (4-12) will not sirprize, but thinking the Bills (8-8) might, which will make the Buffalo Jills and their fans’ nipples hard.  Just thinking about it is making our nipples hard!  That leave the Patriots (12-4) to do what the Patriots do, win a lot, making Boston fans even more annoying, and making the rest of us even more annoyed at the annoyingness abound

AFC NORTH

We predict that the North will be the tightest division in the NFL this year.  Punching bags like the Browns (8-8) and Bengals (8-8) will end up being punchy instead of punch-lines.  We know, that sounds recockolous, but then again, so does naming a planet Uranus.  And yet Baltimore (9-7) and the Steelers (9-7) will remain the belles of this ball, and both will return to the playoffs… where the Ravens will still be unable to get past the Burgh.  Speaking of, the Eagles fans may be the worst, but the Steelers fans are the lamest.  All of them became fair weather fans in the 70s and now there’s a new generation of them after their past decade of goodness.  Them losing the Super Bowl was one of the best things to happen.  Moral? Rape never wins

AFC SOUTH

The giant question mark that is Peyton Manning’s health, and thus making a possible Manning-less Colts (8-8) dolts could make this division a little less snoozy-Q than usual.  Will this finally be the year when the doors go thighs wide open for the Texans (10-6)?  Yes!  If not, it’s time to rename them the Oilers and spread the derricks everywhere like it was Bayside High.  The Jaguars (5-11) and The Titans (4-12) will do nothing that anyone will remember, so don’t try and remember the Titans or the Jaguars, just the Alamo and WENN

AFC WEST

Hate this division, so they get the least of our choice words –  The Chargers (11-5) will bolt to the top of the division again, but the Raiders (8-8) won’t be as far behind as you think!  That leaves the Chiefs (7-9) and Broncos (4-12) to wonder what if… what if Norv Turner ever used Accutane???

Seeds:
#1 Pats me balls
#2 Chargerzz
#3 Texans, Houstons
#4 The Burgh
#5 Ravens, Nevermore
#6 Derrrr Raiders?????  why not

AFC Champs: in a total snooze-fest, Omar Epps will have his Steeler boys ready and able to take out Norv and his perennial playoff loser Bolts

Super Bowl: New Orleans 31, Pittsburgh 21

Super Bowl MVP: Drew Brees, again

Fantasy Outlook Shazz

Wees Loves (besides the obvious ones): Tim Hightower, Jimmy Graham, Kyle Orton, Reggie Wayne (he’ll still do damage, regardless of who his QB is), the Ravens D (soft schedule) and Nate Keading (duh)

Wees Hates He: Jets offense, Matt Forte, whoever the Saints’ kicker is, Giants D (whatever’s left of them), Sam Bradford and Percy Harvin

Don’t Sleep On These Sleepers From Sleepy’s: AJ Green, Greg Little, Beanie Wells, Chris Cooley, and Cool Chrissie

We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

and juss cause…

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Now You’re Playing With Power

So I guess you can call this our first Thighs Wide Theme Week. If you’ve been cave hidin’ with Osama, then you probably don’t know what I reek of. Lettuce recap: Montag gave love to Mike Tyson and his Glass Joe ways, Martedì lookyed back to the days of yore, when drowning your family was a fun thing, Miércoles paid tribute to a yellow pioneer (and I aint talkin bout them folks who made railroads for white people), Jeudi was filled all sorts of CAPCOMedy, and Friday I’m in love… ALL OVER AGAIN with the greatest gaming system known to man, no not TurboGrafx 16, but The Nintendo Entertainment Center, which went nationwide is on our side in ’86. I could go on and on with run-on and run-on sentences about how much the 8-bit of heaven means to I me mine, but then I wouldn’t have anything to write about for years to cum. So without further Freddy Adu, I giveth to you:

Thighs Wide NES Hall of Fame*
(Rated Rookies Need Not Apply)

1) The Legend of Zelda – No other game ever released before or afterage can match its bestedness. Boomerangs, Grumble Grumble, the eye of Gohma, and setting the old man on fire are juss a few reasons why I keep throwing in this cartridge year after year. Wanna get yer triforce on? Save up 250 coins and buy the blue ring ASAP!!

 

2) RBI Baseball – NES was loaded with stellar artois baseball games, but this was the king of the diamond. All the players were white and faceless, plus looked so cute when they got beaned. Wanna bring home the pennant? Play with Boston and sub Tony Armas for Marty Barrett & Ellis ‘Tim’ Burks for Spike Owen. And how do you like yer RBI muzak, men on base stizz or bases empty?

3) Super Mario Bros 3Super Mario 1 is classic, but not worth playing anymore. Super Mario 2 is a joke, but sorta set the stage for Mario Karts. That leaves 3 as the perfect edition to rule them all. Magic flutes, raccoon AND frog Mario, giant land, the match game, and giving people a reason to see Fred Savage, Beau Bridges, Christian Slater, AND a pre-Rilo K Jenny Lewis mix it up in The Wizard. Wanna make Bowser look as weak as Sha Na Na’s Bowzer? Load up on 99 1-ups on World 3, Level 9. Juss grab the shell of a green flying koopa, throw it between to blocks, and let the bomb-obs thing do the rest.

4) Final Fantasy – A much better RPG than OG Zelda, but too long and complex for repeat play. Sh%t was like the best parts of Ultima, Dragon Warrior, and even LOTR all rolled into one fat blunt. No other vid games’ enemies and boards made me sweat more than FF‘s did. Wanna shine light on the darkened orbs? Don’t even think about starting without Nintendio Power’s strategy guide. The secret game was effin hugo and its boss!

5) Mike Tyson’s Punch Out – Do I even need to explain this one? Juss look at these ani gifs, listen to this racist, yet chillarious tune, punch in ‘007 373 5963’, and kick that ex-Robin Givens loving machine to the kerb. Can’t ya juss hear Mario squeak ‘TKO’ with his accompanying word balloon?

6) RC Pro-Am – Love Spy Hunter‘s weapons & oil slicks, and Super Off Road curves? Then this is the game for you. My copy of the game has been used so many forkin times that after a 30 seconds of playing, everything on the screen turns black and all you can see is what place yer in. Wanna stack yer trophy room? Avoid picking up bombs, stick to the missiles, and ALWAYS use the red-speedy-arrow-thingies whenever possible.

7) Bionic Commando – CAPCOM at its best. You sport red hair, wear shades, gots a bionic arm, and get to kill Hitler. How? Throw the dude some watermellons and watch him go crazy!

8) Ice Hockey – One skinny dude and 3 fat guys are the recipe for success.

9) Castlevania 3: Dracula’s Curse – All of the C’vania games were moneybag mcgees, but once again, a #3 ups the steaks and salads. The standout feature here is the ability to transform into three diff characters. I’m partial to Alucard, Dracula’s bastard son.

10) Goonies II – I don’t remember there ever being a Goonies I or even any buzz about this one, but I borrowed it from a family friend and never returned it. Spank gawd, cause I was able to strap on my slick shoes and save the breastless mermaid from the Fratellis. Wanna never die like the Goonies? Find Konamiman as often as possible.

11) Contra – How could ANYONE ever win without ‘up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, select, start’? I guess it’s one of those never to be answered queries like how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?

Mostest honorable mentions: Blaster Master, Metal Gear, Bases Loaded, Baseball Stars, Metroid, Blades of Steel, Pro Wrestling, and shove course, the one with the bestest name of all thyme, Rygar.

Sorry kids, but Super Tecmo Bowl juss doesn’t cut it para me. I’ll stick with 10 Yard Fight as NES’ blue ribbon fooball game. Where else can you throw a 99-yard bomb TD pass, while being on yer opponents’ 1 yard line?

* for games that debuted on the NES

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