Tag Archives: NFL

The Unlevened Eleventh Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Tony Romo’s broken, but our Annual NFL Pee View aint.  here we go…

NFC

ben-mcadoo-begbie-trainspotting

The Giants should easily win the NFC East, right?  Ben McAdoo?  More like Ben McAdon’t!  They say he looks like some dude on South Park (a show I haven’t watched since season 1), but I think he looks like a bullsh!t version of Begbie from Trainspotting.  Regardless, in my heart of hearts, I want no team to win less than them.  Living in New York City, during a time when they’ve netted 2 Lombardi trophies, has been simply unbearable.  Having them suck above all other NY sports teams is all I can hang my hopes on to.  I don’t trust the Redskins, but I actually think they’re more together than the other teams in their division (Eagles may suprise, but probably not), and so, they will make the playoffs… and probably lose in the first round again

Silly to think that the Packers have only won one Super Bowl with A.A. Ron Rodgers, but that’s the truth.  His brother ‘won’ the Bachelorette, and apparently there’s been much Rodgers family drama going on with their ladies, which will distract A.A. Ron from winning another.  The Vikes need another sex boat scandal to become sexy again, and the Bears are praying the Cubs dominance will continue to take the edge and attention off and away from their awfulness… which leaves the Megatron-less Lions being the mightiest of this bunch.  Woah!  Say it aint so!

The Panthers will remain one of the conference’s top dogs (or should that be cats?), but the Saints will give them a run for their money all season long.  Brees will actual break the record for most TDs in a game – a record he is currently shares with 7 other white dudes.  The Bucs will continue to suck until they realize that they need to revert back to their original uniforms and helmet.  And the Falcons?  Time to put Matty on ice for good, or in a dumpster (on fire or not)

The 12th man and the 11 starting Seahawks will retake their West crown back from the Cardinals, in 4pm EST games most of us will not really care about, but will watch, cause it’s football!!!  Will be cool to see the Rams back in Los Angeles, and even more cooler when we see the Rams without Jeff Fisher.  What woulda been even way more cooler is if they renamed themselves the Los Angeles Dons – the 1st football team to ever play in LA, which was co-owned by Louis B Mayer, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, and Don Ameche!  DON FCUKING AMECHE PEOPLE!!

la-dons-ticket

#1 Seahawks

#2 Panthers

#3 Skinz

#4 Lions

#5 Cardinals

#6 Saints

NFC ChampionshipSaints meet up with the Panthers and stun the defending Conference champ – 44 – 39!!!

nice neck!

giant-neck

AFC

natalie-colts

Is this the year the Patriots don’t getter-done?  Everyone’s sick of them and their cheating.  That’s why the NFL punished them – even though they’ve never been proven guilty of anything, other than being amazing.  (OK, I guess they got caught in Spygate, but that was almost 10 years ago, and I can’t remember what happened 10 seconds ago).  We certainly shouldn’t count them out, but lets say Jimmy Galapagos isn’t Tom Brady II.  OK – Jimmy Santangelo isn’t the 2nd coming of Tom Brady.  Lets say he puts them in a 0-4 hole to start the season.  OK, Jimmy Gulps loses 4 games. Sure, Brady could win the next 12, but lets say he only wins 9?  9-7 is tough tomatoes when talking about AFC playoff spots.  Seems like some AFCers have finished 10-6 and haven’t made the dance.  So, for giggles and big sh!ts, lets say the Pats try their dam damn bestest, but don’t make it to the playoffs!  I’M CALLING IT!!!  Cause honestly, what else do I have to do?  So, I guess that means I have to pick a division winner.  I have a soft spot in my heart for the Bills, but one coach Ryan is too many coach Ryans, so two coach Ryans is too two too many.  Phins stink, so my defacto winner are the Jets!!!

RGIII is now the Browns‘ problem, but it’s a perfect place for him – low visibility and even lower expectations.  And I expect him to be placed on injured reserve when his ego deflates in week 4, when his former teammates on the Redskins scalp his RGKnees to shreds!!!  I don’t dig on the Steelers and their drug addicted team, and I don’t dig the Ravens neither (mainly cause black still doesn’t pair well with purple).  I also don’t diggity dig on the Bengals none either neither, but at least their consistent, at being good in the regular season, and sucking in the post-season.  The NFL’s storylines don’t change dramatically from year to year, so the Cincy boys will win.  Insert ‘Zzz’ emoji here…

zzz

Gonna spare you and me the words, and leave the North division to one word – Colts 

I’m doing it again, two years in a row – picking the Chiefs, Broncos and Chargers all to make the playoffs, cause why the funk not?  Hell, the Raiders even have a shot… when they move to Vegas and become The Las Vegas He Hates Mees!

he-hate-me

Seeds

#1 Colts

#2 Bengals

#3 Jets

#4 Chiefs

#5 Broncos

#6 Chargers

AFC Championship – IF the Pats don’t make the Playoffs, the Colts with luck without suck will ground the Jets – 21 – 10

Super Bowl –wait, how did I pick a rematch of Super Bowl XLIV???  dunno – but these things happen, but this time the Colts win, and the two teams combine to break the record of most points scored in a Super Bowl (75 pts in Super Bowl XXIX)

Colts 39, Saints 37

rumspringa party time for all the Amish kids!!!

luck

 

our super ye olde yee pee views always used to end with a pic of Meagan Good in a Hooters outfit, cause why not?  we thought we used every single Meagan Good in a Hooters outfit picture in the known world, but turns out we didn’t!  lucky you!  lucky me!  lucky we!!

meagan-good-hooters

meagan-good-hooters-c

meagan-good-hooters-f

perv-iously…

Ten Things I Hate About Our Tenth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Deep Spaced Nine Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

H8-Ashbury Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Bert BlySeven Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Nikki Sixxxxx Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

meagan-good-hooters-xx1231231

0 Comments

Got ’em If You Smoke ’em

taking off for Nawlins and then opening day Natsiesness in Hotlanta.  but relax, I’ll be back soon

chuck bednarik 3

chuck bednarik 5

chuck bednarik

chuck bednarik 2

chuck bednarik autograph

Philadelphia Eagles Chuck Bednarik celebrating an NFL championship win over the Green Bay Packers, with a cigar AND a cigarette, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, December 26, 1960

photo by Herb Scharfman

1 Comment

Ten Things I Hate About Our Tenth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

our NFL pee view gets smaller and smaller each year.  is it cause the Breadskins endlessly suck?  or that the NFL is kinda predictable, as the same teams always win?  or is it that marriage has taken a toll on my free time?  Actually, I think it’s that the NFL isn’t as fun as it used to be.  too many off the field distractions, and not too much awesomeness on the field.  anywho, here’s a qwik pee view of what’s what for 2015…

NFC

chip kelly

The East is the Eagles for the taking, IF Sam Bradford can stay healthy, and IF Chip Kelly does the wise thing and dress up like a Patriot like his predecessor did

The Packers should run away with the North, and the NFC.  Sure, losing Jordy Nelson doesn’t help, but maybe he’ll be healthy enough to join the Nelson Brothers (Matthew and Gunnar) when they play in Spencer, Wisconsin on December 13th

It pains me to pick the Panthers as the mouths of the South, but the other three teams don’t seem to be going in the right direction, unless that direction is the same name as this division.  I guess you could say that they’ are all heading south for the winter

People are dogging the NFC West, but I say West will be best.  Sure, Marshawn Lynch reunited with Fred Jackson will have the Seahawks running all over their divisionmates, but I see both the Cardinals (Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald’s combined age is 67!!!) AND the Rams (somehow giving Jeff Fisher his 1st winning seasom there) snagging the two Wild Card spots

Seeds

#1 Packers

#2 Seahawks

#3 Eagles

#4 Panthers

#5 Cardinals

#6 Rams

NFC Championship – somehow the Eagles do the impossible, go into Lambeau in January and freeze the hearts of all Packer fans – 31 – 28

AFC

brady

Nothing will deflate the Patriots.  Brady will be more pissed and driven than ever, and kill everything in sight.  Always doesn’t hurt that they play 6 games against dogsh!t teams (within their division) – make that 7, since they play Deadskins too!

So will it be the Browns or the Bengals… who finish in last place?  Actually, the question is, and always is – who wins the North – the Ravens or the Steelers?  Sure, the suspensions and what not will have the Steelers shorthanded at the start, but don’t count these guys out in the long run

The Jags may surprise this year, but they’re still a bunch of Jag-offs, leaving the Colts needing no luck to walk off with the division crown.  Andre Johnson and Frank Gore will find the fountain of youth in Indianapolis, which would be the first thing anyone would find in Indianapolis, one of America’s lamest big citities

I guess I’m all about the West, cause I’m penciling in the Chiefs as head Chefs, with the Broncos (although Manning’s arm will fall off in week 16) and Chargers taking the wild card slotz

Seeds

#1 Patriots

#2 Colts

#3 Chiefs

#4 Steelers

#5 Broncos

#6 Chargers

AFC Championship – nice try Colts, but you run out of luck vs the Patriots, again.  total snoozefest – 45 – 20

Super Bowl – is there anything more boring than another Patriots win?  no, and that’s why the boredom ends, with Chip Kelly and Sam Bradford and the Iggles topping the Patriots by deflating their hearts and their stupid helmet logo 

Eagles 25, Patriots 24

zero super bowl wins no mo!

superbowls zero eagles

wait, stop the presses – the Buffalo Jills are no longer????

oh well, we’ll throw our weight behind and on Eagle cheerleader Megan this season!!!!!!!

megan eagles cheerleader

perv-iously…

Deep Spaced Nine Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

H8-Ashbury Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Bert BlySeven Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Nikki Sixxxxx Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

1 Comment

Deep Spaced Nine Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

is it baseball season yet??? I kid, although I’m more into baseball these days than into football, but dude, FOOOOOOOTBALLL!!!

here’s a pee view of what’s to come, in Uranus…

 

NFC

eli face

NFC East

The Eagles (11-5) are DeSean Jackson-less, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t be no Action Jacksoners, as they may actually score 98.5 points a game with Darren Sproles, sproling in backfield next to LeSean McCoy. The Giants (10-6) will prove they are relevant, thus keeping Giants fans hate-loving Coughlin/Eli faces well into the 2015 season. Sorry, but you can’t hate this pair that gave you 2 Super Bowl rings!! The Cowboys (8-8) will be better than expected, but when not much is expected, then expect the unexpected!!! As for my beloved/hated racist Washington Football Team – the Skins (6-10) will flounder with a ‘healthy’ RGKnee, and probably carry on with this refarted experiment until they realize it’s one that won’t ever work/there’s nothing left under his knees. GO BREADSKINS!!!

NFC North

Aaron Rodgers is back and healthy, and with all forgiven with Brett Farve, the Packers (13-3) are primed to crush the competition. The only thing standing in their way is a sex boat scandal, or maybe a moldy cheese scandal. I feel that the Lions (10-6) will get their sh!t together and claim the last playoff spot, leaving the Bears (9-7) on the short end of the stick, and the Vikings (5-11) closer to hell, then Valhalla

NFC South

ryans beach

As long as Drew Brees is under center, the Saints (12-4) will be really fcuking good. It doesn’t matter who he’s throwing to, cause if they have arms, they will score. But can the defense prevent scoring? Not sure if Rob Ryan is the right man for that job, or to even judge a crawfish cookoff, but it may not even matter. The Falcons (8-8) will continue their falCON job of being good on paper, but crappy in reality. They need Jerry Glanville. WE ALL NEED JERRY GLANVILLE!!!!!!! The Bucs (6-10) stop here, and here is Middlingville, the town over from Okayland. And the Panthers (3-13) will finally find out if Cam Newton is Superman or Aquaman – aka sink or swim time!!!

NFC West

It’s raining Skittles for the champs, and the Seahawks (12-4) will prove all the stats wrong by not only getting back to the playoffs, but going deep into them. Joining them will be their enemy to the south – the 49ers (11-5), who will dazzle on the field, and in the stands, with a hot new stadium that’s not very close to San Fran, but will have beers served in Levi denim cups!! The Cards (8-8) won’t be making much of a move anywhere, but they really should juss give their name back to St Louis, whose Rams (2-14) wish they were anyone but themselves. They shoulda kept Michael Sam, only so they’d still be in the news come October

 

Seeds

#1 Packers

#2 Seahawks

#3 Saints

#4 Iggles

#5 49ersers

#6 Lions

NFC Championship – Seattle goes far, until they have to go on the road and realize that 11 is no 12, as their 11 won’t top the Packers‘ 11

pack to the future

AFC

AFC East

danc guy

Is there anything is be more predictable and boring than this division? Maybe even the Patriots (12-4) are sick of themselves, but until old fogeys Brady and Bill a checks out, this is their kingdom to rule. Pity poor Buffalo (6-10), Miami (6-10) and der Jets (6-10), who all tie for who cares

AFC North

blount blunt

Don’t know how it came to this, but I somehow have the Steelers (13-3) not only back atop the North, but king of all the AFC. Guess they’ll be riding high with Bell & Blount, smoking blunts, and riding around in a puff of smoke and mirrors, like they were Bam Morris or something. Marvin Lewis & that redheaded QB get the Bengals (10-6) back into the playoffs, but another first round exit will have them looking for the exit door themselves. The Ravens (8-8) – nevermore, and the Browns (5-11), wishing they were big like Josh Baskin. Poor Browns. One of these years

AFC South

Amazing how the Colts (12-4) can dump Peyton Manning and somehow be even betterer, but they have a lot of LUCK. HA HA HA HA. Er, um, uh, I do say. Is that hearsay or Irsay, who is so rock n roll, that he totally rocks, even with a DUI, cause he doesn’t have any IOUs. Huh? COLTS!!! And the Texans (6-10), Jags (6-10), and Titans (5-11)??? DOLTS!!!

AFC West

Der Broncos (10-6) not only have Peyton, but they have the ghost of Robin Williams cheering them on. Wanna bet against either of thems?? Didn’t think so. Their only chief concern are the Chiefs (9-7), who will show that last year was no fluke, even if they were kinda flukey, and get their playoff revenge on the Colts, by coming back from a 28 point deficit to beat them in the first round of the playoffs. The Chargers (8-8) spin their wheels, while the Raiders (3-13) try the two headed RB monster that is MJD and DMC, which = S.U.C.K.

 

Seeds

#1 Steelers

#2 Broncos

#3 Colts

#4 Pats

#5 Bengals

#6 Chiefs

AFC Championship – It’s curtains for the Steelers when they face the Broncos, who are out to prove that Eli isn’t the best Manning

Super BowlPeyton IS better than Eli, and gets his 2nd ring, as the Broncos topple the Packers 39 to 31. Your Super Bowl MVP is super Denver WR rookie Cody Latimer, cause I said so

 

enjoy the season, and stay Saintsational!!!!!!!!!!!

saintsational

perv-iously…

H8-Ashbury Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Bert BlySeven Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Nikki Sixxxxx Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

 

2 Comments
eXTReMe Tracker