Tag Archives: NFL

H8-Ashbury Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

the NFLz is back.  NF-eeeellllllls YEAHHHH!!  

here’s a pee view of what’s to come, in yo pants…

 

NFC

rgknee

NFC East

RGIII turned the Skins (10-6) from NFC Least into NFC Beasts, and will continue to do so this year (unlesssss he goes back to being RGKnee), against the coughing Coughlin Giants (8-8) and un-wow Cowboys (8-8), who hired a new offensive coordinator, which will make zero difference and juss put Jerry Jones on the defensive, when they fail to do anything, again. The Eagles (6-10) won’t be a tragedy nor a comedy, but maybe a tragi-comedy.  Depends on if Chip Kelly lets the dogs out and Vick gets dogged by the dogs in the dog days of summer wearing Big Dog t-shirts

NFC North

Aaron Rodgers was lied to by his boy and restaurant co-owner Ryan Braun, meaning he’ll never be able to trust half-Jewish people ever again.  His new found half-anti-semitisim will propel his Packers (9-7) over the Jason-Hanson-less Lions (8-8) and cold-Cutler Bears (7-9) and whomever is leading the Vikes Vikes (7-9)

NFC South

Bountygate is a thing of the past, and so be the Saints (11-5) sucking.  THEY BACKKKKKKKK and Payton and Brees will play no defense and score enuff offense to make us believe that it’s 2009 all over again.  The Falcons (8-8) blow, but will slip into the playoffs so they can blow it in the 1st round, cause thats what they do, even if thats’s not what they did last year, but Matt Ryan will never win anything.  The Bucs (8-8) will be one win less dreadful than last year and the Panthers (4-12) will be the worst team in the NFL, but mainly cause they STILL have the most ugly color combo in the world

NFC West

The Seahawks (11-5) are unbeatable at home, and will prove to be juss as tuff on the road like Charles Kuralt, and prove to be slightly tuffer than last year’s darling the 49ers (10-6).  Once again leaving the Rams (7-9) and the Cards (7-9) to be two teams that the people of St Louis no longer give a sh$t about.  But hey, at least St Louis’ gotz this!

fisher stache

 

Seeds

#1 Seatalks

#2 Aints

#3 Redskins

#4 Greenskins (that’s what my niece used to call the Packers)

#5 49ersers

#6 Falcants

NFC ChampionshipSeattle proves their wools-worths, but the Saints are back and bounty quicker picking uppering their way back to the Super Bowl!!!

bounty-rosie

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AFC

buttfumble2

AFC East

It’s still New England‘s (9-7) playground to be the bully of, but Buffalo (7-9) and Miami (7-9) are closing the gap between complete awfulness and less awfulness.  But those Jets (5-11), oh those Jets, they still trying to wipe up after buttfumblegate, and that leaky butt aint closing anytime soon.  RUNNY POOP!

AFC North

The Ravens (9-7) may not be the same dudes who won the Super Bowl last year, but they have less annoying murderers on their team, and Torrey Smith will still catch five 80+ yard TDs and they will slightly edge out the Steelers (9-7) and the less poopy Browns (8-8) and the hard-knock lifed Bengals (7-9).  But for the love of gob, can the Browns just make it to one Super Bowl, PLEASSSSSSSSSSE.  And how bout winning one too???  America needs that, and I could too

Browns WIN

AFC South

Hate this division, cause they all feel like expansion teams that no one should care about, but alas, we have to care cause they in the NFL, but we mainly hate em cause we always predict the Texans (11-5) to do good things and they never come thru, and I guess we’re doing it again, but adding the Colts (10-6) into the mix, with the Titans (6-10) remaining unremberable and the Jags (5-11), jagging off.  Wait, why do all of the teams in this division have some sort of blue in their color combos?  They should put the Panthers into this division and then throw this division away in the color garbage

AFC West

Peyton’s Place is with the Broncos (10-6), and he’s gotz the weapons (white WRs – SHOCKING!) AND rap songs, and JUSS enuff stuff to hold off the new look Chiefs (9-7), and the not so close and no cigar Chargers (8-8) and not so much of anything Raiders (7-9).  But the only thing that truly matters is if they’ll get new Kansas City coach Andy Reid to don a headdress, like they somehow got him to slip his fat body into a Philly patriot outfit.  Dare to dream

andyreid_chief

 

Seeds

#1 Tejasans

#2 John Denver

#3 Pats vs Genos

#4 cRavens

#5 Dolts

#6 KC mastepieces

AFC Championship - Peyton’s Broncos end up up-ending his former team, the Colts (OH THE IRONY!), to make it back to a Super Bowl where…

Payton crushes Peyton’s hopes, AGAIN (oh the irony?).  History CAN repeats itselves – the Giants beat the Pats two times in Super Bowls and bored us to death, so why not this?

Saints 31, Broncos 27

Drew Brees is yer Super Bowl MVP, and Manatee Tai-Yo gets dumbest dipshit idiot ever

 

enjoy the season, and go Bills!  Jills!

buff jill

perv-iously…

Bert BlySeven Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

Nikki Sixxxxx Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
We Plead The Fifth On Our Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Queer As Fourth Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Third Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
Sec-unt Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: NFC Edish
First Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View: AFC Edish

 

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All-Huddle Offense

remember NFL Huddles?????????????????????????????

they were 1983ish dolls/toys/figures of all the 28 NFL teams’ mascots (ah, the glory days before the ugly Panthers eggsisted).  they were super adorable, and super important cause how else were we to know what a 49er or a NY Giant or Jet actually looked like????  well, NFL Huddles solved that problem by making mascots for teams that didn’t physically have a mascot!!

jet huddle

giants huddles

huddles cards

raiders huddles

redskins_huddle

huddles stitch

49ers_huddle

bears huddles

huddles pins

tb huddle

TB huddles

+

NFL Huddles on Location

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Spirit of 1776 lbs

for the record, this is one of the greatest magazine covers of all time, cause it’s Andy Reid, and he’s fat and he’s in a ye olde patriot outfit, and that’s pretty much that

December 2004

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