is it baseball season yet??? I kid, although I’m more into baseball these days than into football, but dude, FOOOOOOOTBALLL!!!
here’s a pee view of what’s to come, in Uranus…
The Eagles (11-5) are DeSean Jackson-less, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t be no Action Jacksoners, as they may actually score 98.5 points a game with Darren Sproles, sproling in backfield next to LeSean McCoy. The Giants (10-6) will prove they are relevant, thus keeping Giants fans hate-loving Coughlin/Eli faces well into the 2015 season. Sorry, but you can’t hate this pair that gave you 2 Super Bowl rings!! The Cowboys (8-8) will be better than expected, but when not much is expected, then expect the unexpected!!! As for my beloved/hated racist Washington Football Team – the Skins (6-10) will flounder with a ‘healthy’ RGKnee, and probably carry on with this refarted experiment until they realize it’s one that won’t ever work/there’s nothing left under his knees. GO BREADSKINS!!!
Aaron Rodgers is back and healthy, and with all forgiven with Brett Farve, the Packers (13-3) are primed to crush the competition. The only thing standing in their way is a sex boat scandal, or maybe a moldy cheese scandal. I feel that the Lions (10-6) will get their sh!t together and claim the last playoff spot, leaving the Bears (9-7) on the short end of the stick, and the Vikings (5-11) closer to hell, then Valhalla
As long as Drew Brees is under center, the Saints (12-4) will be really fcuking good. It doesn’t matter who he’s throwing to, cause if they have arms, they will score. But can the defense prevent scoring? Not sure if Rob Ryan is the right man for that job, or to even judge a crawfish cookoff, but it may not even matter. The Falcons (8-8) will continue their falCON job of being good on paper, but crappy in reality. They need Jerry Glanville. WE ALL NEED JERRY GLANVILLE!!!!!!! The Bucs (6-10) stop here, and here is Middlingville, the town over from Okayland. And the Panthers (3-13) will finally find out if Cam Newton is Superman or Aquaman – aka sink or swim time!!!
It’s raining Skittles for the champs, and the Seahawks (12-4) will prove all the stats wrong by not only getting back to the playoffs, but going deep into them. Joining them will be their enemy to the south – the 49ers (11-5), who will dazzle on the field, and in the stands, with a hot new stadium that’s not very close to San Fran, but will have beers served in Levi denim cups!! The Cards (8-8) won’t be making much of a move anywhere, but they really should juss give their name back to St Louis, whose Rams (2-14) wish they were anyone but themselves. They shoulda kept Michael Sam, only so they’d still be in the news come October
NFC Championship – Seattle goes far, until they have to go on the road and realize that 11 is no 12, as their 11 won’t top the Packers‘ 11
Is there anything is be more predictable and boring than this division? Maybe even the Patriots (12-4) are sick of themselves, but until old fogeys Brady and Bill a checks out, this is their kingdom to rule. Pity poor Buffalo (6-10), Miami (6-10) and der Jets (6-10), who all tie for who cares
Don’t know how it came to this, but I somehow have the Steelers (13-3) not only back atop the North, but king of all the AFC. Guess they’ll be riding high with Bell & Blount, smoking blunts, and riding around in a puff of smoke and mirrors, like they were Bam Morris or something. Marvin Lewis & that redheaded QB get the Bengals (10-6) back into the playoffs, but another first round exit will have them looking for the exit door themselves. The Ravens (8-8) – nevermore, and the Browns (5-11), wishing they were big like Josh Baskin. Poor Browns. One of these years
Amazing how the Colts (12-4) can dump Peyton Manning and somehow be even betterer, but they have a lot of LUCK. HA HA HA HA. Er, um, uh, I do say. Is that hearsay or Irsay, who is so rock n roll, that he totally rocks, even with a DUI, cause he doesn’t have any IOUs. Huh? COLTS!!! And the Texans (6-10), Jags (6-10), and Titans (5-11)??? DOLTS!!!
Der Broncos (10-6) not only have Peyton, but they have the ghost of Robin Williams cheering them on. Wanna bet against either of thems?? Didn’t think so. Their only chief concern are the Chiefs (9-7), who will show that last year was no fluke, even if they were kinda flukey, and get their playoff revenge on the Colts, by coming back from a 28 point deficit to beat them in the first round of the playoffs. The Chargers (8-8) spin their wheels, while the Raiders (3-13) try the two headed RB monster that is MJD and DMC, which = S.U.C.K.
AFC Championship – It’s curtains for the Steelers when they face the Broncos, who are out to prove that Eli isn’t the best Manning
Super Bowl – Peyton IS better than Eli, and gets his 2nd ring, as the Broncos topple the Packers 39 to 31. Your Super Bowl MVP is super Denver WR rookie Cody Latimer, cause I said so
enjoy the season, and stay Saintsational!!!!!!!!!!!