Tag Archives: Tommy Lee Jones

GayFK

dude, you know how gay I am for JFGay, right??? well, if you didn’t, now you know, and I JFGayed the sh!t out of JFGay last nite, catching Oliver Stone’s 3+ hour director’s cut in a theater!! (dude, those 3 hours went by in like 3 minutes. NO JOKESESZ!!). Sadly, none of the extra footage including more JFGayness, but still – there is be no better movie with 3 letters in it, and without JFGay, there would be no Zodiac, and without Zodiac, this planet aint even worth living on. Anywho, all I have to say is…

JFGay-edit

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JF-Gay

the best movies are the ones that permanently instill images on yer brain for life, but sometimes the images are not eggzactly things you really want imprinted on yer brain for life, even of the movie is phenomenal

take Oliver Stone’s BRILLIANT and jarring JFK for example.  and no, we’re not talking about the endless shots of our 35th President getting plugged in the head, back and to the left, repeat, repeat, repeat.  wees talking about the gayest and creepiest gayest and scariest gayest scene in a movie that we’ve ever did done did seen…

jf-gay

jf-gay2

this is the orgy scene where Clay Shaw (Tommy Lee Jones) and David Ferrie (Joe Pesci) and ‘Willie O’Keefe’ (Kevin Bacon) get all Barry Lyndon and FTD florist guy dressed up and do blow and blow each other, and it remains THE gayest AND creepiest gayest AND scariest gayest scene in a movie that we’ve ever EVER EVVVVVVVVER done did did seen, ever.  we saw this when we were 14 and haven’t seen anything creepyscarygayer than this, AND DON’T WANT TO (although we did walk out of Fellini’s Satyricon, which was plenty gay, but we walked out of the movie mainly cause it sucks).  in fact, if I WERE gay (we’re actually only 1/16th gay IRL), I’d probably keep myself from being gay cause this JFK orgy scene scared me straight fo life.  hooray for boobs!

lesson? no idea, but if I ever do run into a shirtless golden Tommy Lee Jones in my travels, I’m gonna slit my eyes out and cut off my penis

 

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Lincoln, That Guy & Those Guys

Lincoln
Fourscore & 148 Years Ago, We All Scored For Equality, Mostly!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 120 min

Steven Spielberg‘s Lincoln 

=

Spielberg’s Amistad

+

strange white man beards

minus

any

moment

but that’s still pretty fcuking good filmmaking if you ask we!!!

AND DANIEL FCUKING DAY LEWIS AS LINCOLN IS ALL DANIEL DAY AND ALL DANIEL NIGHT BESTNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

obvi

Tommy Lee Jones will have you jonesing for more Tommy Leeness!!!

Sally Field plows it!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a mustache!

John Hawkes + James Spader + Tim Blake Nelson = hottest/coolest threesome EVERRVEVEVRR (for ending slavery that is!)

Hal Holbrook is still alive!!!

+ we still dont know how to spell or say David Strathaririansiansairn‘s last name!!

but wait, there’s more

more like…

OMG, THAT GUY IS IN THIS MOVIE!!!!

‘that guy’s like

DOUG FROM FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS and GALE FROM BREAKING BAD!

 

THE PUSHING DASIES GUY!

 

LANE PRYCE IS RIGHT!

 

BAD NEWS KELLY LEAK!

 

THE SERIOUS MAN!

 

ANIMAL HOUSE’S D-DAY!

 

PRESIDENT LOGAN FROM 24!

 

MILES PAPAZZIAIANNN FROM 24!

 

THAT GUY ON GIRLS WHO HAS TO HAVE SEX WITH LENA DUNHAM!

 

THAT KID WHO PLAYED THAT GAY GUY IN THE STOOPID MOVIE BASED ON A BOOK ABOUT RUNNING WITH SCICICXSSSSORS!

 

THAT REALLY GOOD ACTING GUY FROM IN TREATMENT!

 

THAT KID FROM DARK SHADOWS!

 

THAT GUY FROM THE NEW PLANET OF THE APES!

 

THAT ASSSHOLE GUY WHO HATES BOOKS FROM FRANK AND ROBOT!

 

THAT GUY WHO NARRATED VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA!

 

THAT BLACK GUY!

 

THAT GUY THAT GUY!

 

THAT GUY THAT GUY THAT GUY!

 

&

 

LUKAS HAAS!

VerdictgoJeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Lincoln logs time in NY & LA today, and elsewhere elsewhen

oh, and MAJOR special love goes out to Spader’s facial hair & weirdness in this movie.  it’s something I tells ya!!  ALMOS worth the price of admission alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Brolin With The Homeboys

Men In Black 3
Third Is The Word
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 106 min

No one usually asks for thirds, but that never stopped Hollywood from serving triple helpings of anything that will automatically bring in the bucks.  You can’t fault the cash grab of a third Men In Black, with all the principal players in place, but is this something people really need?  Turns out we do.  Apparently there’s more to the relationship of Agent J and K than any of us could have ever imagined, which makes Men In Black 3 not only watchable, but totally watchable!!!  IT’S TRUE!!!

MiB3 starts off with the usual inane silliness of J & K hunting down gross aliens and then returning to their stark white offices to do office stuff, but then things get more interesting.  Main bad guy alien Jemaine Clement jumps into the past with aims of maiming the man (Tommy Lee Jones) who done him wrong, so Will Smith has no choice but to follow him back in time so things don’t go bad in the future!!!  Fish out of waterness ensues, Mad Men clothes are sported, and Michael Stuhlbarg acts weirderer than his screen brother Richard Kind did in A Serious Man  

This means Tommy Lee Jones is younger, and Josh Brolin brilliantly plays/imitates him as young version of Tommy Lee Jones.  Genius!  Will Smith imitates himself and it’s all basically juss a MiB movie that takes place in the 60s.  So far, so passable.  BUT then things get really really interesting!  They do!  Not gonna say how or why, but it comes at the end, and makes the whole thing well worth sitting thru.  Even if we have to endure the brief presence of toothy Alice Eve and her toothy teeth, pretending to be a younger Emma Thompson.  What is it about Alice Eve?  Why is she becoming a go to actress? Does she have dirty pictures of every studio head in Hollywood?  Or do these studio heads have a teeth fetish?

moral of the story – we didn’t need it, no one really asked for it, but as third movies go, Barry Sonnenfeld semi-sorta has us asking for more!  how is this possible? these movies are really nuttin but stupid fun.  But #3 is more than stupid fun.  WHY?  we’ll tell you why – this movie ends up having more heart than Mola Ram’s hands done does in a year!!  AND THAT’S A LOT OF HEARTSES!!!

Warhol of Fame: it was the 60s, so of course Andy Warhol makes an appearance in the flick, with the help of Bill Hader.  Below is our movie Warhol of Famers who have admirably donned the leather jacket, sunglasses and white wig, including new member Hader

watch Guy Pearce + Jared Harris + David Bowie + Crispin Glover pop art

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

MiB3 is outta this world, in our world, this Friday, at  a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Johnny Storm Drain

Captain America: The First Avenger
Drags of Our Fathers
Official WebsiteTrailers & Mo
PG13 | 125 min

As a movie, Captain America is OK, we guess, but as a superhero movie, it’s like a Mad-Libs fill in the blanks paint by numbers road more traveled exercise in nothing newness here.  Sure, it may be a bit ‘different’ by taking place during WWII, draped in a Flags of Our Fathers look, but that’s not enuff to make up for one giant narrative void.  Here’s the story: there’s a scrawny guy (Chris Evans, who had more fun, and we did too, when he was the Human Torch), who becomes unscrawny (by way of Stanley Tucci‘s questionable German accent), and then the newly unscrawny guy needs to stop someone who may be even more unscrawnier than him (Hugo Weaving, with nothing to do but show off his crazy eyes and teeth and like shoot some blue lasers from time to time).  On team unscrawny guy there’s Hayley AtwellTommy Lee Jones and a band of silly looking boringest basterds (nice bowler hat & mustache, you jacka$$!!!).  Weaving’s got Toby Jones, who totally wishes he was the face melting Nazi from Raiders.  A battle ensues?  Or something?  Not really.  Can’t remember anything that actually happened in this movie, cept they tried to sell war bonds, and couldn’t sell a story

War Bondage: Al Capp, creator of Li’l Abner, and raunchy war bond posters!!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Captain is all over America and a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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