that time when the world’s greatest musicians united and couldn’t look at a single camera together…

David Bowie, Art Garfunkel, Paul Simon, Yoko Ono, John Lennon and Roberta Flack, attending the Grammy Awards at the Uris Theater, New York, March 1, 1975

Peace The Forks Out

to

David Bowie

Time may change me / But I can’t trace time

Making love with his ego

This is our last dance

She’s not sure if you’re a boy or a girl

Ohhh, wham bam thank you ma’am

Oh man look at those cavemen go

Planet Earth is blue and there’s nothing I can do

Boogaloo dudes (Stand up, come on!)

Run for the shadows, run for the shadows

Is it any wonder I reject you first?

Beware the savage jaw

Waiting so long, I’ve been waiting so, waiting so

We can be heroes, just for one day

–

:(

Men In Black 3
Third Is The Word
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 106 min

No one usually asks for thirds, but that never stopped Hollywood from serving triple helpings of anything that will automatically bring in the bucks.  You can’t fault the cash grab of a third Men In Black, with all the principal players in place, but is this something people really need?  Turns out we do.  Apparently there’s more to the relationship of Agent J and K than any of us could have ever imagined, which makes Men In Black 3 not only watchable, but totally watchable!!!  IT’S TRUE!!!

MiB3 starts off with the usual inane silliness of J & K hunting down gross aliens and then returning to their stark white offices to do office stuff, but then things get more interesting.  Main bad guy alien Jemaine Clement jumps into the past with aims of maiming the man (Tommy Lee Jones) who done him wrong, so Will Smith has no choice but to follow him back in time so things don’t go bad in the future!!!  Fish out of waterness ensues, Mad Men clothes are sported, and Michael Stuhlbarg acts weirderer than his screen brother Richard Kind did in A Serious Man  

This means Tommy Lee Jones is younger, and Josh Brolin brilliantly plays/imitates him as young version of Tommy Lee Jones.  Genius!  Will Smith imitates himself and it’s all basically juss a MiB movie that takes place in the 60s.  So far, so passable.  BUT then things get really really interesting!  They do!  Not gonna say how or why, but it comes at the end, and makes the whole thing well worth sitting thru.  Even if we have to endure the brief presence of toothy Alice Eve and her toothy teeth, pretending to be a younger Emma Thompson.  What is it about Alice Eve?  Why is she becoming a go to actress? Does she have dirty pictures of every studio head in Hollywood?  Or do these studio heads have a teeth fetish?

moral of the story – we didn’t need it, no one really asked for it, but as third movies go, Barry Sonnenfeld semi-sorta has us asking for more!  how is this possible? these movies are really nuttin but stupid fun.  But #3 is more than stupid fun.  WHY?  we’ll tell you why – this movie ends up having more heart than Mola Ram’s hands done does in a year!!  AND THAT’S A LOT OF HEARTSES!!!

Warhol of Fame: it was the 60s, so of course Andy Warhol makes an appearance in the flick, with the help of Bill Hader.  Below is our movie Warhol of Famers who have admirably donned the leather jacket, sunglasses and white wig, including new member Hader

watch Guy Pearce + Jared Harris + David Bowie + Crispin Glover pop art

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

MiB3 is outta this world, in our world, this Friday, at  a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Source Code
Train Teaser
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Soooooo… there’s a train that explodes outside of Chi-town, and there’s no changing that, but the gov-mint could save future lives if they can figure out the who did it and why did it.  Enter purty boy Jake Gyllenhaal (who gets a lifetime pass from us for being in Zodiac), who’s like some amnesiac soldier tapped in box or something, tasked with finding the answers to those questions.  It’s a serious mission, he knows little about, and it’s an endless mission, that repeats over and over until his superiors (kind AND cold-eyed Vera Farmiga and a bordering on maniacal Jeffrey Wright pulling the strings) get that killer intel they desire.  Ya see, each time he gets thrust into the past, on that doomed train, he has only 8 minutes to dig deep.  Obviously he doesn’t complete the job on the first time (hottie Michelle Monaghan is a unwelcome distraction for him, and a welcome one for us!), and thus the movie is longer than 8 minutes

Just what we’ve all been waiting for: Groundhog Day with explosions!!!  Yesssss!!!!!!  And while some of the sci-fi-y stuff may be a bit too batty for lashing, and there’s sum pasted on sentimentality towards the end, director Zowie Bowie (Duncan Jones) and writer Ben Ripley‘s Source Code is one code worth cracking or breaking or sourcing or decoding or courcing or soding!!!!!!  It is!!!  Swears!!!  Who knew that the kin of David Bowie could truly make it on his own in a non-Will Smith’s children shoved down our throats kinda way!!!  His first feature, Moon, showed that the kid had talent and a cinematic eye (for Kubrick movies), but Code proves something even more important – that he could deliver quality Hollywood-type entertainment with a brain attached.  If you found Limitless to be limited (we didn’t), you won’t with Code

Thursday’s Child: father & son, in what musta been confusing times for the youngin

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Source Code bodes well today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

TRON: Legacy
Mild Digital Penetration
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

You should care less what we, you and everyone we bloat thinks of the TRON sequel, delivered 28 years after its first light cycle. Only one man’s opinion counts and that’s Tron Guy‘s.  Slain and pimple, he loved the first one, and the rest of us didn’t really.  That’s what qualifies him above us, and he could straight-up tell us whether the 2.0 disc hits the target or strayed too far off the grid.  But Disney wanted nothing to do with Jay Maynard and his male camel toe, 5reals, and we haven’t yet heard him have his say even with that jilt, T-Guy still found the new one to be ‘In-f****ing-credible‘.  Do you really need to know anything else?  Do you????  You don’t cause nothing else matters but that man’s opinion, and happiness [his full review is HERE!!!]

But you want our opinion, right?  And?  And juss like the original, it’s breathtakingly boring.  Not necessarily a misfire, but not necessarily setting our minds ablaze (getting blazed before a showing is recommended).  In a byte-shell, it’s TRON 1 with better turb-grafx times 16.  That’s that.  OK, it’s a little bit more than that, like this…

Jeff Bridges is stuck in an old computer, but the computer aint no Jessica Tandy anymore, and so instead of doing stuff, he lives like an Obi-Wan-Lebowski hermit, cause his younger alter ego self runs shiz, and he has a clue, cause his name is Clu, and ya know what, it’s purty ammazin how far CGI has come from the Jar Jar stinkage to the curious case of Jeffrey Buttons’ younging in Legacy (see above photo)

so while Obi-Wan-Lebowski Flynn plots his next move, he engages in a lot of yoga and hangs out in a 2001 style glowing cave home

and occasionally, he’ll take a trip to the big A.I. city to catch his favorite discus team, The TRON Toe Maple Leafs!!!

but he stays away from the shady bars filled with overly hammy and overly glammy David Bowie fanatics like Michael Sheen, or something

but why would he want to stay home since Daft Punk isn’t playing there, cause they’re playing at the shady bar, that’s a lot less shady than the one filled with death stickers!!!!  btw, Daft Punk were the bestest characters in the whole movie.  9reals!!!  And anytime we hear their score used in the film, we sorta care about those bits, and when we don’t, we don’t.  if there’s one reason TRON 2 had to eggist, it was so that we the people could see what it would look like if Daft Punk DJed in the world of TRON!!!!!

and at the Daft Punk party, there are like wicked hot Metropolis machine-man women (below, Beau Garrett) that you’ll want to make love to, but they’re all about the 1s & 0s and less about 69s (it’s a Disney movie, for Pete’s dragon’s sake!)

but that matters little to Obi-Wan-Lebowski, cause his bland son Garrett Hedlund transported into the computer by way of his Dad’s old arcade that isn’t as dope as Funspot, but what is?  you can even play TRON there!!  (note to you-self: GO TO FUNSPOT b4 you die)

and so dad & son are finally reunited, and both totally want to get wet & Olivia Wilde with her faux-Louis Brooks do, and the three of them have to like save discs and get back to the real world or else!!! or something!!!!

but where’s Tron from TRON?  We see Scarecrow (Bruce Boxleitner), but only in the real world.  in the Tandy world, he’s there, but he isn’t, but he is.  And where’s Cindy Morgan????  Is Cindy the real Mrs King?

and what is the deal with James Frain being a 7th rate Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg???

The end!  OR IS IT??????????????

Oh wait, did we mention that Doogie Howser’s mom was in it?

Punk’d: there were a lot of fake Daft Punk TRON tunes floating about over the past year, and some of them were hactually really darn good

Verdictgo: how you feel about 1 will dictate how you feel about 2, and thus, for eye poppin technical wizardry alone, we say low low low low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

TRON legates at a theater near jews this Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…