Tag Archives: Steven Spielberg

Lincoln, That Guy & Those Guys

Lincoln
Fourscore & 148 Years Ago, We All Scored For Equality, Mostly!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 120 min

Steven Spielberg‘s Lincoln 

=

Spielberg’s Amistad

+

strange white man beards

minus

any

moment

but that’s still pretty fcuking good filmmaking if you ask we!!!

AND DANIEL FCUKING DAY LEWIS AS LINCOLN IS ALL DANIEL DAY AND ALL DANIEL NIGHT BESTNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

obvi

Tommy Lee Jones will have you jonesing for more Tommy Leeness!!!

Sally Field plows it!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a mustache!

John Hawkes + James Spader + Tim Blake Nelson = hottest/coolest threesome EVERRVEVEVRR (for ending slavery that is!)

Hal Holbrook is still alive!!!

+ we still dont know how to spell or say David Strathaririansiansairn‘s last name!!

but wait, there’s more

more like…

OMG, THAT GUY IS IN THIS MOVIE!!!!

‘that guy’s like

DOUG FROM FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS and GALE FROM BREAKING BAD!

 

THE PUSHING DASIES GUY!

 

LANE PRYCE IS RIGHT!

 

BAD NEWS KELLY LEAK!

 

THE SERIOUS MAN!

 

ANIMAL HOUSE’S D-DAY!

 

PRESIDENT LOGAN FROM 24!

 

MILES PAPAZZIAIANNN FROM 24!

 

THAT GUY ON GIRLS WHO HAS TO HAVE SEX WITH LENA DUNHAM!

 

THAT KID WHO PLAYED THAT GAY GUY IN THE STOOPID MOVIE BASED ON A BOOK ABOUT RUNNING WITH SCICICXSSSSORS!

 

THAT REALLY GOOD ACTING GUY FROM IN TREATMENT!

 

THAT KID FROM DARK SHADOWS!

 

THAT GUY FROM THE NEW PLANET OF THE APES!

 

THAT ASSSHOLE GUY WHO HATES BOOKS FROM FRANK AND ROBOT!

 

THAT GUY WHO NARRATED VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA!

 

THAT BLACK GUY!

 

THAT GUY THAT GUY!

 

THAT GUY THAT GUY THAT GUY!

 

&

 

LUKAS HAAS!

VerdictgoJeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Lincoln logs time in NY & LA today, and elsewhere elsewhen

oh, and MAJOR special love goes out to Spader’s facial hair & weirdness in this movie.  it’s something I tells ya!!  ALMOS worth the price of admission alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Just Say Nancy

Nancy, still with us!!!!

happy birthday!

Annie Hall-way!!

where’s his ET hat?

this picture needed its own reality show

DC VICE!!!

we’d do anyone in this picture

tough Nancyied power couples!

how did we let Sylvester Stallone become famous

dude, Tom Cruise, Bruce Jenner, Cher AND Robert Rauchenberg!!!!!

#celebratetheliving

even more pics of Ron & Nancy meeting with celebrities!!!

+ some adorable ones of young Nancy!!!

4 Comments

World War Wane

War Horse
More Like Bore Horse
Official WebsiteTrailers & Mo
PG-13 | 146 min

Apparently there’s this beloved book turned into a hit play about a boy and his horse a horse and his boy, who loved one another like no horse and no boy could have ever loved one another, BUT THEY DID IT (not actually did it, but you know what we mean).  Apparently there love was so great that Steven Spielberg needed to make a movie out of it.  If you see one Spielberg movie this winter, do not make it War Horse, unless you love horses more than people, and if you do, please never come to this dot org ever again

OK, so it was kinda cool to see how horses’ role in warfare came to an abrupt end in WWI, due to trenches and tanks, but it wasn’t all that cool to watch a horse change hands from a poor English family (newbie boy Jeremy Irvine + parents Emily Watson and Peter Mullan), to a super fruity English army officer who knows how to draw (Tom Hiddleston), then to the kid from The Reader (David Kross), then to the old dude from The Prophet (Niels Arestrup), and then into no man’s land, before the eventual (no real sirprize here, but a spoiler lessthenone) reunion with the boy.  Yep, that’s the story, and yep, our main character is a horse.  Yep, the horse hands in the best horse performance of the year, but wouldn’t you rather watch Tintin run around the world in search of treasure instead of a boy searching for a horse?

The movie is well made, but it’s juss not all that compelling, and never registers on an emotional level that it is desperately trying to reach for (the script is ultra-fromage-y).  The most we got out of it was being happy for peeps like David ThewlisBenedict CumberbatchToby KebbellEddie Marsan and Liam Cunningham who finally got to be in a Spielberg movie.  Is that some sort of an accomplishment?  Not really, but all of their performances (+ Celine Buckens &  Robert Emms) are commendable in a not so commendable flick

moral of the story – said it before – bore Horse.  nuff said again

No More Horsing Around: horses were still hactually used in WWII, mainly on the Eastern Front, even by the Poles, who couldn’t get their screen door submarines into action quick enuff to halt the Nazis

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

War Horse trots into a theater near jews on Xmas day

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

Motion Capture The Flag

The Adventures of Tintin
Let The Adventures Begin & NEVER End!!!
Official WebsiteTrailers & Mo
PG | 107 min

We never read a single word of Hergé‘s classic tales of Tintin, the world’s most famous fictional young Belgian reporter EVER (go ahead, NAME ANOTHER!), but we’ve always been captivated by the artwork. As a kid, we’d go to the public library and stare at the Tintin covers, but never bothered with what was inside (remember, we’re illiterate). Well, them images have been brought to cinematic life, AND BOY HAVE THEY BEEN BROUGHT TO CINEMATIC LIFE!!!!  Without question and further debate – the most fun we had (and probably you’ll have) in theaters in 2011 was eyeballing Steven Spielberg‘s beyond magical motion capture 3-D extravaganza The Adventures of Tintin!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you need more glowing endorsements? Of course you do, you haters of ginger-haired Belgians! Tintin is Spielberg’s bestest adventure movie since Indy’s Last Crusade.  IT’S TRUE!!!!  Hell, some of Tintin‘s action sequences HACTUALLY top ANYTHING he’s ever done (DID WE JUST WRITE THAT, we did!)!!! Even the digital animation visual stuff here rivals any of that crazy visual shaz seen in his modern futuristic fare, like A.I. and Minority Report!!!!!!

Now, we really should wait a few years before making such statements like this, but we’re almost ready to safely name Tintin as one of Señor Spielbergo’s top ten works, EVER!!!!  Same cannot be said of the other movie being released this week with SS’s name on it, about a boy & his horse, but that’s not for now, cause now it’s all about a boy and his dog and Belgium waffle-awesomeness!!!

So, it cannot possibly be bottom to top mad rad, cannnit?  Well, the plot aint eggzactly all that fancy (it’s the combo of three books - The Crab with the Golden ClawsThe Secret of the Unicorn, and Red Rackham’s Treasure), but an adventure doesn’t need to be all that schmancy when it is so dang adventurous!!!!  Sure, the ending doesn’t even come close to matching some of them sequences that preceded it, but then again, not much in movies in 2011 can match those sequences either + the ending is really juss the beginning of what we hope is like 1444 dozen more of these movies.  IT’S TRUE!!!!

Tintin is like one of those National Treasure movies minus Nic Cage & stupidity, and replaces it with the epic epicicity skills of Spielberg & (producer) Peter Diddy Jackson + the wonderful voices of Jamie BellAndy SerkisDaniel CraigSimon PeggNick Frost, et al + animation so bla-zam-a-zamm-a-slammin-za-mazing, that you’ll almos forget yer watching a cartoon, even though it is a cartoon, sorta!  And you know we hate cartoons, but this aint like any cartoon cartooned before!!  EAT IT PIXAR!!!

moral of the story: catch THIS if you can!!  9reals.  It’s a PG movie that kicks MAJOR a$$.  We mean, it’s got a kid in it who packs heat and hangs out with an always drunk sea captain!!!  If you can only see one movie this holiday season (that doesn’t have dragon tattoos in it), then this HAS to be the one.  We enjoyed this one singular tale more than we did all 7 of the Harry Potter flicks combined!!!  IT’S SO TRUE!!!!  EAT IT HOGWURST!!!!

He Hate She: there’s 2 female characters in the Tintin film, and that’s about as many as there were in the entire Tintin comic world! Hergé usually abstained from including women in on the fun.  He said ‘For me, women have nothing to do in a world like Tintin’s, which is the realm of male friendship. [They would cause] misadventures rather than adventures. Mocking women would not be nice’.  C’mon, doesn’t Tintin wanna celebrate some of his conquests by conquesting some biznatches???

Verdictgo: BREAST IN SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yer inin like Tintin at a theater near jews December 21st

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Raider of the Lost Spielbergian Art

Super 8
Amblin’ Enuff Entertainment
Official WebsiteTrailers & Mo
PG-13 | 112 min

Steven Spielberg doesn’t make Steven Spielberg movies anymore (yes, Munich is the knees bees, but do flicks like that scream Spielberg’s name? no), so why not let someone else make them?  Fine by we, and apparently fine by Spielberg, who produced JJ AbramsSuper 8, which is soaking in so much Spielbergian Spielbergedness that someone has rightful dubbed it ‘Spielberg porn‘.  Still fine by us.  We all loved Spielberg’s 70s & 80s output (if you didn’t, you must have skipped childhood), and no big flicks these days has come even close to (re)capturing that magic and wonder (maybe Pixar stuff, but that’s computer cartoon stuff, and thus doesn’t count).  Abrams must feel the same void we do, and he certainly aims hard to fill it.  Good for him

For 2/3rds of his first real film, Abrams hits the E.T. marks to perfection.  By the time we get to that last third, he’s still following in Spielberg’s footsteps, but instead of karaoke-ing on the good stuff, he gets Super 8 bogged down in the lesser and louder Spielberg stuff, like his War of the Worlds. That’s not a good thing (we can never forgive Spiels for everything that happened after Tim Robbins showed up), but still, it’s OK.  We’d rather have movies that hearken back to older movies that work, and not just be extensions of franchises and name brands (we know yer siked for that Battleship movie… SIKE!).  We must support this kinda stuff, hispecially since Abrams comes awfully close to nailing it

Recently, we were watching The Goonies (another Spielberg related 80s gem thingie) and felt sorry for today’s kids who don’t have their own Goonies. Movies where kids are the focus and there’s fun AND serious stuff going on (read: NOT Hotel for Dogs) are too far and few between.  Again, Abrams is gunning for that same territory, and is A THIRD CLOSE to having an encountery-kind there.  They did cast a great bunch of youngins, who all fit into some sorta Spielbergesque kid role/look – Mikey Walsh (Joel Courtney… hope this kid’s around 9ever), Chunk (Riley Griffiths), Henry ‘Elliot’ Thomas (Zach Mills), Elliot’s brother (Gabriel Basso) and Mouth (Ryan Lee), but in 10 years time, no one will be remembering these characters’ names or any lines of their dialog.  It’s kinda like Joe Dante’s Explorers, which sorta looks and feels Spielbergay right, but juss aint eggzactly the genuine article.  Wait, what the hell was Explorers about?

So what is it that doesn’t work?  For one thing, Elle Fanning should have played every role.  Yep, she’s that hammazin.  She’s even more hammazin than her sister is/was.  If you haven’t seen her in the nowhere going Somewhere, yer going nowhere, MISTER mr!!!  Our lil Joel Courtney (see, who cares what his character’s name is) falls for her, and you will too. You will!!  So much so that yer gonna start rooting hard for them tweens to hook up.  Kids making out is a pretty sick thing to root for, but thats how compelling and believable their budding relationship is!  That shiz is Super-gr88888!!!

So what is it then that keeps this Spielbergy thing from being totes Spielbergeded????  If we told you, we’d have to kill you, or spoil-ish the movie, sorta.  We will tell you this – Abrams is grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr8 at keeping the lid on mystery (and keeping the pace fast!!!), but once the lid is lifted, what’s behind the curtain was probably better left being a mystery.  Remember how Lost began and ended?  Bang and whimper?  Still, we’re not going to complain here.  This is only Abrams’ first stab at Spielbergvilletown.  Looking forward to seeing his Indiana Jones rip-off.  Just don’t let George Lucas anywhere near it

ps, Kyle Chandler is so good at being a screen dad.  we so wish he could be our screen dad!!

ps 2, we agree with Leitch, Abrams’ buddy Matt Reeves’ Let Me In is THE Super 80s throwback over Super 8

West Virginia Is The New Ohio:  what happens when yer town is rundown and hasn’t changed in 30 years?  YOU GET TO STAR IN A SPIELBERG JJ ABRAMS MOVIE!!!!!

welcome to Weirton, West Virginia, home to ‘Lillian, Ohio’!  watch this! read this! & look at this!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

8 is duper-enuff tomorrow at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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