Thighs Wide Shut

Men In Black 3
Third Is The Word
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 106 min

No one usually asks for thirds, but that never stopped Hollywood from serving triple helpings of anything that will automatically bring in the bucks.  You can’t fault the cash grab of a third Men In Black, with all the principal players in place, but is this something people really need?  Turns out we do.  Apparently there’s more to the relationship of Agent J and K than any of us could have ever imagined, which makes Men In Black 3 not only watchable, but totally watchable!!!  IT’S TRUE!!!

MiB3 starts off with the usual inane silliness of J & K hunting down gross aliens and then returning to their stark white offices to do office stuff, but then things get more interesting.  Main bad guy alien Jemaine Clement jumps into the past with aims of maiming the man (Tommy Lee Jones) who done him wrong, so Will Smith has no choice but to follow him back in time so things don’t go bad in the future!!!  Fish out of waterness ensues, Mad Men clothes are sported, and Michael Stuhlbarg acts weirderer than his screen brother Richard Kind did in A Serious Man  

This means Tommy Lee Jones is younger, and Josh Brolin brilliantly plays/imitates him as young version of Tommy Lee Jones.  Genius!  Will Smith imitates himself and it’s all basically juss a MiB movie that takes place in the 60s.  So far, so passable.  BUT then things get really really interesting!  They do!  Not gonna say how or why, but it comes at the end, and makes the whole thing well worth sitting thru.  Even if we have to endure the brief presence of toothy Alice Eve and her toothy teeth, pretending to be a younger Emma Thompson.  What is it about Alice Eve?  Why is she becoming a go to actress? Does she have dirty pictures of every studio head in Hollywood?  Or do these studio heads have a teeth fetish?

moral of the story – we didn’t need it, no one really asked for it, but as third movies go, Barry Sonnenfeld semi-sorta has us asking for more!  how is this possible? these movies are really nuttin but stupid fun.  But #3 is more than stupid fun.  WHY?  we’ll tell you why – this movie ends up having more heart than Mola Ram’s hands done does in a year!!  AND THAT’S A LOT OF HEARTSES!!!

Warhol of Fame: it was the 60s, so of course Andy Warhol makes an appearance in the flick, with the help of Bill Hader.  Below is our movie Warhol of Famers who have admirably donned the leather jacket, sunglasses and white wig, including new member Hader

watch Guy Pearce + Jared Harris + David Bowie + Crispin Glover pop art

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

MiB3 is outta this world, in our world, this Friday, at  a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Dinner For Schmucks
Send It Back To The Kitchen For Some Re-Warming
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Putting today’s holy trinity of funny (IMO, or should that be In We Opinion?), Steve Carell, Jemaine Clement & Zach Galifianakis + adding in nice straight guy (playing mean!) Paul Rudd (and our sassy lassy Kristen Schaal!) in the same movie should equal NOTHING but comedy gold.  Anything less would be uncivilized! So why then does Jay Roach‘s Dinner For Schmucks feel like unoriginal pyrite material?  And why are we only served about 15-20 minutes of actual dinnertime and the rest is lukewarm appetizers of Murphy’s un-guffaw Law?  To be perfectly honestly, the 1998 Francis Veber film in which this is based on, Le dîner de cons, wasn’t even close to being humorous to begin with, and while writers David Guion and Michael Handelman elevate the material to at least a chuckle zone here and there, they can’t help but make the audience feel like the schmucks.  Ouch!

We don’t want you think that Schmucks is a bomb or a waste of time, cause it’s not (the mousterpiece dioramas by the The Chiodo Brothers are INCREDIBLE, and so is the beastly photo artwork by Clement’s character).  We know comedy is hard, but most comedies juss don’t try hard enuff… like this one!  Then again, this was well more enjoyable than Get Him To The Greek, Death At A Funeral (the remake), Hot Tub Time Machine and the Carell starring Date Night (do we even have to mention Cop Out?).  Knowing you alls, you’ll probably think the opposite is true, and let’s juss leave it at that you schumcks (we love you!!)

Final thought: Carell is leaving the comfy and well-written confines of The Office for the bumpy and poorly written ones of Hollywood flicks.  Look, he deserves all the money in the world, but he and we deserve better

A Lil Mo Than So-Szo: Stephanie Szostak plays Paul Rudd’s love interest in the movie, and a French maid in our wetty wet dreamzzzzzzzzzzz!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Schmucks goes awe schucks this Friday at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…