Tag Archives: Ben Mendelsohn

Green Valentine

The Place Beyond The Pines
Brooding Broods
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 140 min

place beyond pines

 knows pain and unhappiness, and he has no issue serving it up thru the face of , and we have no problem with any of that cause if you don’t love Gosling’s face you either cannot love or don’t have sight.  If you saw their first heartbreaking pairing – the 4th best film of 2010Blue Valentine – you knows whats wees sqwaking bouts, and you should so be inclined to see their second pairing, where Gosling plays a motorcycle stuntman who finds out that  is having his baby, so he decides to like help and stuff, even if he has no money, and Eva doesn’t want his money even if he had some, and she’s living with some black dude anyways, and he has a crying dagger tattoo, so you know this situation aint great, cause who wants your child to be the son of a dude with a crying dagger tattoo??

To spell out how the rest of the movie is spelt is to spelled out too much.  There are basically three movies in this single movie.  The first movie centers on Gosling robbing banks, with an assist from that creepy awesome Australian dude with that lisp - .  It’s like Drive meets Point Break.  In the second movie, policeman  pops in and then this thing turns into Copland meets Copland.  In the third movie, time passes and Bradley Cooper has a son (Emory Cohen) who’s like The Wackness and stuff.  I really really really can’t tell you ANYTHING that links all of these mini-movies into the one movie, cause you shouldn’t know anything, but you should know that all three movies are worth watching, even if the culmination of them don’ts necessary add up to a hill of beans/pines, in, around or beyond them

Oh and Dane DeHaan is in this movie and Dane DeHaan is the greatest brooding actor of his generation.  Long may he brood

Oh, and this Mike Patton song is the knees bees

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

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Trance
Doctor Mindbender
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 101 min

trance

‘s Trance is like Derek Cianfrancespainengland’s Place Beyond The Pines in that we can’t really tell you all that much about it, cause if we did, it would semi-spoil the mindfudge that Danny Boyle tries to fudge our minds with.  This movie’s kinda Inception-like, but you don’t have to do that much thinking and over-thinking for something that doesn’t really require much thought in the end.  This is minor Boyle, but still, minor Boyle is better than most people’s major stuff.  He’s incapable of making awful movies.  We’re sure A Life Less Ordinary and The Beach will be the greatest movies of all time if we don’t watch them for 50 years (but probably not)

Anywho,  plays the Ewan McGregor role, the guy we root for, but is this the guy we should be rooting for????  Or is it Frenchie ?  Or hypnotist , or should we say hypno-tttttttttttttitties, cause you get to see them AND HER BUSH!?????  HOW COULD YOU NOT TRUST A WOMAN WHO SHOWS HER BOOBS and BUSH ON THE SILVER SCREEN????  Maybe we shouldn’t trust any of them.  They all want a stolen piece of art that maybe they stole or didn’t, or did they?  TRANCE TRANCE TRANCE TRANCE!  or something

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

 

Pines & Trance do the dance currently in limited release elsewhere elsewhen

 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

ice cream

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The Asssnoozination of Snoozy Snooze By The Coward Andrew Dominik

Killing Them Softly
More Like Talking Them Lotsly
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 97 min

Two foolish hoodlums (that wily scuzzy awesome Australian guy with a lisp - Ben Mendelsohn & that guy who had a mustache in Argo and has some horrible accent thing going on here - Scoot McNairy) go for a quick score and end up with more trouble than the score was worth.  Aint that always the truth?  The lead up to the score, and the score itself are top notch cinematic stuff, AND TENSE!, but the rest that follows in the fall-out is about as interesting as listening to politicians from 2008 talk about the failing economy.  Oh wait, that IS what happens.  We get to hear GW Bush & Obama & McCain blab on and on about the economy in the background, while we try to stay awake listening to Brad PittJames Gandolfini and Richard Jenkins blab about mob economy, hookers and killing in the foreground.  Sounds eggciting, dunnit?  It’s not.  Not even seeing Ray Liotta get his a$$ beat down by Vinnie Delpino from Doogie Howser can make up for the unexciting talking that keeps getting talked

No real shock here in the blahdum, since this movie was made by Andrew Dominik, the dude who gave us The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford aka The Great Time Robbery.  We are audiences of action, not words.  Give us action, not words.  And give us more than 8 seconds of Sam Shepard, and give us less than zero seconds of Vincent Curatola, that annoying guy from The Sopranos who is annoying here too cause he’s annoying.  Oh, and there’s one woman in the entire movie and she’s a hooker, and she gets so bored by James Gandolfini talking that she gets to leave the movie.  Wish we could have done that.  Or wish the movie jettisoned Pitt and all the other tough talkers and juss let Ben Mendelsohn shoot drugs and people, and perhaps shoot his mouth off, as he was the only character worth listening too, even if he was always talking shiiiiiiiiiiiit

VerdictgoSum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Softly aint so hard in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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The Melbourne Identity

Animal Kingdom
Broken Silence On The Lam
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Something is afoot in down under cinema, and it’s all on solid ground… solid ground that’s TOTALLYYY AWESOMES!!!!  If you saw The Square, you’re already on this right track, and when you see (WHICH YOU WILL DOGNAMMI!!!) David Michôd‘s brilliant debut, Animal Kingdom, you’ll be on the fast track to this new era of Ozploitation (do yerself a flavor and rent the doc Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! about the old era).  ANIMAL KINGDOM!!!!!!!!!!

So what’s it all about Aussie Mega shampoo? A family of thieves (Ben Mendelsohn, Joel Edgerton, Luke FordSullivan Stapleton) and their tough as nine inched nailed mum (Jacki Weaver), with the grossest mother-son kisses around, are keeping a low profile as the fuzz (Guy Pearce!!!!) are hot on their tail.  Then their bashful cousin (James Frecheville) comes to live with em, after his mum dies, and shiz gets foreal as he gets in the way!!!!!  Cops are gunned down, family members are too, and many webs be weaved before we find out who will be the last man standing when the dust settles.  Yep, simple stuff, but it’s 109% tight tension that no knife could ever cut!  ANIMAL KINGDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Throw This Barbie On Our Shrimp: Jacinta Stapleton wasn’t in the movie, but she did attend the premiere to support her bro Sully, and she’s wikkkkid hotttttttttt mate!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Animal Kingdom is king of the jungle and the limited release movie theaters it’s playing in

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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