Speak Loudly & Carry A Little Cigar

Darkest Hour
Puff, Puff, Pass
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 125 min

How do you like your war movies?  Things that go boom?  Or do you prefer endless talking, in a cloud of endless cigar smoke?  If you prefer the latter, then STEP RIGHT UP to Joe Wright‘s Darkest Hour, which can certainly talk the endless talk, but the movie has zero WALK.  OK, that’s not true – there’s a LOT of walking.  If the Winston Churchill of this movie had a Fitbit on his wrist, he would be so proud by the amount of steps taken by the end of the film 

But would the real Churchill be proud of the performance that Gary Oldman attempts?  LARGE SHOES (and not juss cause Winnie’s overweight), and Oldman can always go larger than life (or shoes), but I didn’t buy it at all.  The whole time watching, me like – is that what Winston Churchill was like?  Some dude in terrible make-up, who’s prone to overracting in order to get Gary his 2nd ever Academy Award nomination???? No thanks  

Also, in this war movie – WHERE’S THE WAR?????  What went on in Dunkirk gets a mention, and when it does, me like – man, I wish I could juss watch Dunkirk instead of this!!! 

Lost in all the blubbery make-up (and the really dumb and cheesy secretary character played by Lily James) are two things I really liked – learning what happened to Neville Chamberlain (a scared looking Ronald Pickup) after he stepped aside for Churchill, and seeing what a restrained Ben Mendelsohn looks like.  He plays King George VI, without much of a stammer, but I loved the performance.  A better acting exercise woulda been to scarp this movie and juss remake The King’s Speech, but with Mendelsohn stuttering instead of Colin Firth.  I mean, they made two Capote movies, and both were great!  They could have named the Mendelsohn one – Gawd Save The Qqqqqqqueeen

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Darkest Hour clocks in today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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