you know the drill - The Washington Post does it, we does it too, better or worse or perhaps even worser.  anywho, to 2013 and beyond, and be yawn

OUT	IN
McKayla is not impressed	Willie McGee knows you farted
Binders Full of Women jokes	any other kind of jokes
Kanye’s DONDA	Peter Fonda’s Bridget
Star Wars VII	Cowboys & Aliens -1
This Is Not A Fugazi Shirt	This Is A Benghazi Shirt
Argo Fuck Yourself	Go Fuck Yourself Ben Affleck [NSFW]
Large Soda Ban	Large Marge BAND-AID®s
Pinterest	Still Not Interested In Harold Pinter
Keith David	David Keith
Gangnam Style	Graham Greene Style
George McGovern	Mick George Construction
Fresco Jesus	Frisco’s Moses Limos
Honey Boo Boo	Jonah Bobo
  Higgs boson	  Bothan Spies
Jocking Joss Whedon	Flossing with Wil Wheaton
Ai Weiwei	‘Miuzi Weighs A Ton‘
Elite Quaterbacks	Elite Quarter Pounders
Senkaku Islands dispute	Temptation Island redux
Katniss & Peeta	Catshit on Pita
Fiscal Cliff	Schuyler Fisk Eating Clif Bars
Sesame Chicken Friday	General Tso’s Chicken Thursday
Clint Eastwood talking to a chair	Clint Eastwood boning Cher
48fps	Feel-Around
Fifty Shades of Grey	Fifty+ Years of Jennifer Grey
‘Zou Bisou Bisou‘	Steve Zissou Kissing Bijou Phillips at the Zoo
Guy Fieri’s American Kitchen and Bar	The Girl, Interrupted Cafe & Buffet
Danica McKellar The Mathematician	 Fruit Pie The Magician (HE’S COMING BACK YO!)

and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006, the ’007, the ’008, the ’009, the ‘010, the ‘011 and the ‘012

‘Don’t You Want To Go Where The Rainbow Ends?‘

That, may, very, well, be, the, most, inviting, invitation, in, the, HISTORY, of, movies, EVER!,!,!,!,!  I would give up eating Popeyes & See’s Candies for life to trade places with Tom Cruise in this teeny tiny lil crazy/sexy/cool crazy/beautiful scene/gif.  If only life could be A-B repeated like this gif with super hot women that totally want to bang you in a Stanley Kubrick movie with awesome lights illuminating hotness in the foreground and things and stuff in the background!!!!!

If you’ve seen the movie, you know Tom Cruise doesn’t end up going where the rainbow ends cause he has to go upstairs and help revive Sydney Pollack’s ODed hooker whore prostitute lady friend.  we all make mistakes in life, but in movies, Tom Cruise should totally be going to where the rainbow ends AND THEN help tackle Sydney Pollack’s hooker whore prostitute issues, AND THEN return to where the rainbow ends, AND THEN make sure it NEVER ENDS!!!

and then?

oh, and btw, this is probably the first gif I ever fell in love with, circa 1999

and never 9get

Les Misérables
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 157 min 9ever long

[the following contains spoilers, like THIS MOVIE IS UNBEARABLY BORINGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.  sorry, had to spoil it for you]

Snooze Valsnooze (Hugh Jackman) stole some bread or something so he’s stuck in hard labor jail that’s basically a place where men pull ropes and get rained on.  His main adversary is Javsnooze (Russell Crowe), who hates him cause he’s a better Australian singer than he’ll ever be.  One day, Snooze Valsnooze escapes and then finds asylum in a church, but then he steals stuff from the church, is caught, but the priest lies for Valsnooze, which makes no sense, unless the priest wanted to sleep with him, but he doesn’t, cause he’s not a small boy [PRIEST JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Then years pass and Snooze Valsnooze now has a new identity and owns some sort of sewing company that employees a comely but really poor Snoozetine (Anne Hathaway), who can’t stop crying cause she has a daughter that she needs to feed, but needs a job to feed her, but she can’t really do her job cause she can’t stop crying, so basically she’s the world’s worst employee.  Snoozetine gets fired (SHOCKER), so she sells her hair and her teeth and her body, and sings a song about dreaming and basically dies, then dies.  Is this a dream or a nightmare???  Snooze Valsnooze feels bad that she died cause he’s a thief with a heart of gold, and a voice of platinum!!!, so he takes Snoozetine’s daughter Snoozesette (younger version played by Isabelle Allen & older version by Amanda Seyfried), but then Snooze Valsnooze has to run away cause Javsnooze smells his faux sewing ruse, so Snoozesette lands in the hands of Sweeney Todd and Mrs Lovett (Sacha Baron Cohen & Helena Bonham Carter, the only BRIGHT spot in 9 hours of dark and dreary bllllaaaaaahhhhhhhness), who are like slimy innkeepers who also sing cause the musical play theater play musical said they had to

Anywho, Snooze Valsnooze returns to take his faux kid back from the comic relievers, and he does, and then Valsnooze and Snoozesette get new identities like ‘Boring Valborings’ & ‘Boringsette’, and then hide in some little Hobbit house in a graveyard or something.  Then a fake French Revolution happens and that annoying redhead who faux bedded Marylin Monroe (Eddie Redmayne) sees Boringsette walking around Francetown and instantly falls in love with her, but he’s being secretly loved by Sweeney Todd and Mrs Lovett’s real daughter (Samantha Barks), but her story doesn’t matter, even though she’s hot, and how is it that that annoying redheaded guy has two women who want to bang him??  He’s so lame that even his left hand refuses to beat him off

Anywho, the half-assed revolution begins by the dirty French people throwing furniture into the streets, and then the army shoots all of them, cause the furniture pile is a giant mess.  Most of the revolutionaries die (SPANK DAWG, cause it means the movie’s closer to ending), but Boring Valborings saves that annoying redhead cause he knows that he would be a good person to bang his faux daughter Boringsette for eternity.  Then he feels ashamed for some reason and disappears, and then Javsnooze reappears and is ashamed or something (mainly cause of his singing voice) so he kills himself, and then Boring Valborings dies, but right before he does, he gets to see Boringsette’s face one last time (see below)

Think that was what the movie was.  Wait, WHAT THE FCUK WAS THAT?  That story is not even a story, and it’s stretches longer than turning the 310 paged Hobbit book into 3 Hobbit movies.  Les Snooze feels like 19 Hobbits.  It tastes like boring.  It’s so fcuking snoozy.  Sure, it’s well made and stuff, but so are guns, and guns kill people.  Les Misérables will kill any joy you have in your body.  Who wants to see a movie like that, with singing?  Only Gaspar Noé’s allowed to do that, without singing.  Happy Holidays!!!!!!!!!!!

[disclaim-her – I have never seen the musical on Broadway, and now, never want to, ever. long die Snooze Valsnooze!]

Why didn’t they just turn this gif into a 157 minute movie?

or shoot it in 48fps so it looked even faster than our eyes and brain can handle!!!!

Amanda Seyfried’s eyes > everything > tiramisu

Verdictgo: Next To Zero Dark Merit But All Snoozy Badges

Les Misérables is doling out comas at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Peace The Forks Out

to

Enduring Durning

&

Quincy Oscar Madison

&

Stand Up Sitar Norah Jones Dad George Harrison Brainwasher

+

he’s taking MORE than five now

Smurfette’s voice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEAR, HEAR to this man!!!!!

code is where the heart is

he probably loved ham & pineapple on his pizza

Tank mc-daddy

Iron Butterfly’s wings clipped

Bork to the future

the Music woman

Cracklin no mo

&

a final, XO XO to

Gossip Girl

man, I used to LIVE for those Pressler / Rovzar recaps.  now I don’t live for ANY recaps.  when do recaps PEACE THE FORK OUT????

West of Memphis
North of Incredible
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 147 min

The West Memphis Three (Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin, and Jessie Misskelley) – falsely accused of horrific murder, rushed to judgment, and left to rot in jail/hell, but after much uproar (from Eddie Vedder, Johnny Depp AND MORE!), the three are finally sorta freed, but remained guilty.  Got all that?  Doc makers Joe Berlinger & Bruce Sinofsky shed light on the Three’s injustice plight of un-fancy over 15 years in their muss see Paradise Lost doc trilogy.  It’s a lot to take in, so Amy Berg & Billy McMillin decided to simplify everything in their Peter Jackson & wife produced doc West of Memphis, catch us up on the Three, while trying to pin-point the finger on the real culprit…  although one reviewer brought up a good point – that the filmmakers are rushing to judgment on their new suspect juss as quickly as the original prosecutors did with the Three.  Regardless, the truth may not be fully out there, but whatever truths are know muss be told, even if they’re already known, cause the real murderer still walks free. Don’t know how many times you can sit thru the pain, suffering and agony, but it’s a little easier to sit thru all of these docs than being a horrifically murdered child or being falsely accused of horrifically murdering children and going to jail for no reason.  Sh!t is fcuked up, that much is 100% known

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

West of Memphis opens in NY/LA today & elsewhere elsewhen and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…