Tag Archives: The Hunger Games

Sucking Jay

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1
Lames: Part A Bazillion
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 123 min

I don’t know why I continue to subject myself to the awfulness that is The Hunger Lames movies. THEY IS SO LAMES!!!! #1 and #2 were like giant #2s, covered with endless piles of #2s, peed on with gallons upon gallons of #1s. They be rotten apples. Even more so than the rotten apple that is The Apple

Guess what, #3, part 1 is even worsester!!!!! Gone are the games where people tried to kill each other, but lamely didn’t really, and here, in their place, are boring meetings in underground lairs, followed by more meetings, and like Gale and like snoozing, and meetings, and propaganda, and boring and boring and boring and boring and boring and boring and boring and boring and boring and boring and some dumb song and boring and boring and boring and boring and boring and boring and boring, and some poor gifted actors handing in performances we wish we could re-gift

Way to go Hunger Lames – you killed Philip Seymour Hoffman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Mockingjay mocks your ears and eyes and wallet at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


The Boring Lames II: Catshit On Pita

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Garbage In, Garbage Out
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 146 min

catching fire

enuff’s been said already…





but two positive things to say!!!



wow, what a piece of fcuking crap. it’s JUSS as awful as The Apple, cept The Apple is awesomely bad and Catching Snoozes is just bad (same applied with the first movie)

VerdictgoSlit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Hunger lames it up at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…


This Is List – 2013

you know the drill – The Washington Post does it, we does it too, better or worse or perhaps even worser.  anywho, to 2013 and beyond, and be yawn



McKayla is not impressed


Willie McGee knows you farted


Binders Full of Women jokes


any other kind of jokes


Kanye’s DONDA


Peter Fonda’s Bridget


Star Wars VII


Cowboys & Aliens -1


This Is Not A Fugazi Shirt


benghazi shirt
This Is A Benghazi Shirt


Argo Fuck Yourself


Go Fuck Yourself Ben Affleck [NSFW]


Large Soda Ban


Large Marge BAND-AID®s





Still Not Interested In Harold Pinter 


Keith David


David Keith


Gangnam Style


Graham Greene Style 

George McGovern


Mick George Construction


Fresco Jesus


Frisco’s Moses Limos


Honey Boo Boo


Jonah Bobo


Higgs boson


Bothan Spies


Jocking Joss Whedon


Flossing with Wil Wheaton


Ai Weiwei


Miuzi Weighs A Ton


Elite Quaterbacks


Elite Quarter Pounders


Senkaku Islands dispute


Temptation Island redux


Katniss & Peeta


Catshit on Pita


Fiscal Cliff


Schuyler Fisk Eating Clif Bars


Sesame Chicken Friday


General Tso’s Chicken Thursday


Clint Eastwood talking to a chair


Clint Eastwood boning Cher





Fifty Shades of Grey


Fifty+ Years of Jennifer Grey


Zou Bisou Bisou


Steve Zissou Kissing Bijou Phillips at the Zoo


Guy Fieri’s American Kitchen and Bar


The Girl, Interrupted Cafe & Buffet


Danica McKellar The Mathematician   Fruit Pie The Magician (HE’S COMING BACK YO!)


and here’s what was In Oder Aus in the ’006the ’007the ’008the ’009the ‘010, the ‘011 and the ‘012


The Boring Lames

The Hunger Games
Hype-Hype Boo-Ray!!!
Official WebsiteTrailers & Mo
PG-13 | 142 min

Before we dig not so deep into this ‘review’, here’s a recap of our tweets with our immediate ‘thoughts’ on seeing the ‘movie’ version of Suzanne CollinsThe Hunger Games

– HUNGER GAMES???? more like BORING LAMES!!!!!!!! 999999real!!

– I love me some bad future movies above all other genres, but that was a not so good bad future movie. the future didn’t look bad enough.  apparently director Gary Ross has never seen a dystopian movie from the 70s

– There’s more excitement contained in 5 minutes of an AMERICAN GLADIATORS episode than there was in 7 hours of HUNGER GAME movieage

– HUNGER GAMES the movie hinges on Jennifer Lawrence‘s ability to emote. she can’t and the movie is thus emotionless

– HUNGER GAMES really needed some vampire baseball action.  [also] needed more boobs, fried chicken and ZODIAC

– things I liked about HUNGER GAMES – Stanley Tucci & his hair’s performance, Wes Bentley‘s devil beard, and the ending cause it meant movie was over

– I wish Katniss volunteered to watch THE BORING LAMES in my place

– I have a bad feeling that parents are going to start naming their kids Katniss and Peeta

– What happens in HUNGER GAMES sequel – Lenny Kravitz opens a salon? Kiefer Sutherland farms berries? Haymitch & Juliette Lewis go on a murder spree?

You are now exiting tweetville, and entering the ‘review’ of the ‘film’

As you can tell, we loved The Hunger Games!!!! NOT!!!!  But we didn’t hate it (PROMISE!).  We just don’t understand the appeal and big deal being made about this movie.  Sure, the books are probably bettererand morerer entertaining, but books are for people who can read, and movies are for people who like their stories wrapped up in 2 hrs so they can see more movies than you can read books.  Anywho, this is not a good movie.  It’s not bad, but it’s not good

Battle Royale, Running Man, blah blah blagg, you’ve heard it before, and again and somethen, but it’s true, The Hunger Games are lesser versions of them.  See those.  Don’t bother with HUNGER TAMED.  Why?  Cause there’s nothing to The Hunger Games movie.  There’s no danger (you know the heroine and her hero-ish friend Josh Hutcherson are gonna live), no drama (unless you’re concerned if bland-o Alexander Ludwig will ever act again), or any sense of anything (it’s like the future in one of them AT&T ‘You Will’ commercials with special FX that look like they were created on a Commodore 64.  no offense to those AT&T commercials, but that was the future according to the early 90s and the last time we checked, the early 90s are over)… and yet, it’s still sorta kinda watchable, even though the Games don’t start until 80+ minutes into it, and about 90 minutes needed to be cut from the whole thing

So what is good?  Tucci as that giddy Oompa Loompa looking TV announcer (it’s the only creepy cool thing about the entire movie, in a Richard Dawson Running Man awesome kinda way), Donald Sutherland‘s voice (duh), Elizabeth Banks‘ wardrobe (maybe?), the fact that Woody Harrelson is in it so young audiences will know of him for future movie going experiences (although he does better mentor work in Game Change, which also has morerer cutthroat gaming than anything in the con game that is The Hunger Sames), and Isabelle Fuhrman is in it too, although not nearly enuff.  She’s adorable, and was so evil in that movie where she was evil.  She’s not nearly evil enuff here, then again, nothing here is, and that is why we don’t HUNGER for these GAMES.  A movie about kids killing each other should be tense and scary and sinister, not none of the above!!!!

Oh, you wanted to know the plot?  It’s like a bad future America, although it doesn’t seem so bad.  It makes 1984 look like our actual 1984.  Every year there’s this big thing called The Hunger Games where a boy & a girl from each of the 12 districts are selected and compete in a water-downed Running Man Battle Royale so that people will like watch it on TV and not revolt or something.  So our girl in this game is some girl with a really stoopid name – Katniss, and the boy from her district is VelPeeta or something.  They aren’t exactly BFFs.  In some flashback, she was hungry and he threw her some bread in the mud, while it was raining!  OH MY!!!  BREAD!!!  MUD!!!!  RAINING!!!!  Anywho, the two get all like dolled up by make-up artists and get advice from drunk former winners and they be in the big city where trains are fast and it all looks like a shittier CGIier version of Coruscant, and all the people are kinda dressed like Clockwork Orange‘s singing sophisto lady from the TV station.  But before the games begin, the kids get trained in a zero-energy filled training sequence.  Then VelPeeta admits he has a crush on Katnipp, and then the games begin, and within like 2 minutes of the games, like 1/2 the kids are dead, and then the rest of the movie takes place in a forest, which isn’t very futuristic, and then they play cat and mouse games that aren’t amusing to anyone (involved or watching), and then Kattnappp whistles to birds, and then more kids die and then some don’t, then there’s a cave scene, and whatever, and then the games end.  CAN YOU GUESS WHO SURVIVE(s)!?!?!?!?!?!?

moral of the story – this could have been an awesome movie, but the guy who made Pleasantville not as awesome as it could have been does or DON’Ts it again.  this is the same guy who made Seabiscuit, and can’t remember much about it, cept there was a horse and Peter Parker rode it and they both overcame the odds to win the Hunger Games

even this shitty 80s movie about a bad future was more betterer and more evilier and more watchable than The Hunger Games, even though this movie is unwatchable

…But Seriously: this one still photograph has more bad future TV show deathgame beyond bestness than the entireness of the The Hunger Games movie

Verdictgo: Very Little Merit AND No Stinkin Badges

Games is currently running afoul at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

nope, this photo aint from Hunger Games either.  it’s from a real movie where kids gun down each other


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