Tag Archives: Michael Jackson

Monroe County Thanks

they and we used to say ‘Monroe County Dank‘, but now we say ‘Monroe County Thanks’.  thank you Monroe County, for giving us a place to escape after a wild week of American head-shaking and denial.  if there was ever a weekend to get away and disappear into a fuzz of farts and beer, then this was the one  

Monroe County was one of four blue counties in the entire state of Indiana red
monroe-county

but my blood bleeds blue AND red for the city seat of the county – Bloomington

ahhhhhhhhhhhh Bloomington – the home of my ‘education’ from 1995-1999, and the home of an annual weekend trip where a bunch of dudes I truly love get together and party like it’s (1995-)1999

❤️THESE GUYS!!!!!!

A photo posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

except our bodies can’t really handle it

but who cares – cause we will ALWAYS give it the old college try!

these-guys

once again – LOVE THESE FCUKING GUYS!!!

(and the ones who couldn’t make the trip this time)

Indiana, our Indiana, Indiana we're all for you! I-U! miss you Bloomington. stay ranchy until I return

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and we were there to get our game on

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMt-wh6jzyZ/

football vs Penn State live, with an outcome leaving us half empty… like the stadium holding the event

Halftime entertainment

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and got to watch the bball Hoosier boys play in Hawaii at our favorite bar

#GoHoosiers #KuckFansas

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beer me

beer

onion rings him

rings

sometimes we juss had to wing it

wild-wings

and sometimes we REALLY needed to wing it (our mothers and wives are so proud)

and coat our stomachs with something that looks like glue, but tastes like heaven

when I dip you dip we dip #RanchFarts2016 #RanchFarts @pizzax

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and occasionally, add a few ‘greens’ into our weekend diet

the only 'vegetables' I will see all weekend #RanchFarts2016 #RanchFarts

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and then eat incredible cheesy and breaded foods from that bear with boobs!

the big dipper #RanchFarts #RanchFarts2016

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and of course – dig in on one of America’s best non-chain hamburgers

inkles

on Veteran’s Day no less – and you can’t get more American than this…

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMrpkeSj9ls/

and you can’t get more delicious than this – as we tried out a NEW place (a very rare thing to do – try something new)!

quaff-foods

and said goodbye to some old places (who have moved to a nearby location, but this building was kinda an institution to us)

goodby-bbc

and we even branched out on more new stuff… like antiquing!

gone antiquing

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and something I’ve wanted to do since I left…

early for class

A photo posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

ATTEND A CLASS!!!

and especially this class – which I always got shut out of when registering for in the 90s – but better late than never…

The Music of Beatles by Glenn Gass!!!!

learning never ends

and sometimes lines never end either…

Saturday night alive #BTown

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

shout out to the IU Art Museum and their awesome Vik Muniz exhibit!

#VikMuniz does #GerhardRichter does Betty

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what a lovely fcuking city/town/place Bloomington is

#BigJohnson

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and even as the world feels like its upside down – the world still turns

as the world turns

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and I’m thankful to be alive, and to have such amazing friendships, that were forged in such an amazing place

falllll

life is beautiful

I could go on and on, and spin some more yarns…

yarn

but methinks you’d rather wear these NFL tie-dyes than hear more

tie-die-nfl

RANCH FARTS ÜBER ALLES!!!!!!!!

previously…

2015 – Diana, In

2014 – The Union Forever

2013 – Thighwalker Ranch Farts

2012 – Unhidden Valley Ranch Farts

2011 – Ranch DuBois

2011 – #RanchFarts2011

2009 – Herman B. Wells That Ends Well

2008 – Ranch Sauce Farts Part 6 Meets Police Academy Part 6

2008 – Bloomingtales

2007 – Village (Pantry) Idiot

2006 – College of Arts & SciencesCollage of Farts & Appliances

bonus…

the trip actually began briefly with a night stay over in Chicago!

I can now cross Midway Airport off my bucket list

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where having an Italian beef sammy at 11pm wasn’t nearly enuff to quench my burst

indigestion fest stop #1 with my Chicago culinary tour guide @mgomberg #HotBeefInjection

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also had to have hot dogs covered in fries – to begin the stomach stretching the weekend required!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMntqtnjgPz/

and on the way down south – stopped off in Gary, Indiana, and paid love and respect to the Jackson family home

and if you aren’t following us on Instagram, you may not have known that the Mrs and I were in Indiana (and Michigan) 10 days earlier!

where we…

paid respect to the Rebel

#RebelRebel

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said goodbye to a Moose

lights on one last time, before the lights go out at the original Chocolate @moosebtown :(

A photo posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on

and fell for the fall leaves

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMPSuWvDzTI/

big time!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMRgGtoDfAr/

btw – an amazing time to be on any college campus is Halloween!!

#College #Halloween Part 1

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although there were not as many slutty cats as you’d think there’d be!

#College #Halloween Part 2

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looks like today’s kids are more into slutty zombies

love you so much B-town

so long IU. see you in 9 days – no joke, but the next time with the #RanchFarts fellas #Bloomington5ever

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5ever

#College

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cheers!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMQBhB0DC_T/

and cheers to you MSU campus!

#College #GoSparty #SpartyLikeIts1999

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and even to you Michigan fans!

a proud @uofmichigan mom in enemy territory #AHouseDivided #GoTerps #GoHoosiers

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Big Ten = Big Friends!

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Lois In The Fast Lane

Margot Kidder is SuperFLY!!!!!!!!

kidder partner

margot thru

kidder desk

lois desk phone

lois phone

planet lois

kidder lois desk

lois lane desk

margot b4

kidder sweater

margot sweater

margot sweat

margot glasses

high kidder

superman towel

margot super chest

margot chest

and kinda Ursa-lish here!

margot hot

 

+ the coolest group photo EVER!!!! (maybe/probably)

tatum mj margot mj magic tatum

Griffin O’Neal, Ray Parker Jr, Tatum O’Neal, Randy Jackson, Magic Johnson, Dan Aykroyd, Michael Jackson and Margot Kidder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Disney Brought Me To My Knees

oh Disney World, what have you done to me (and the Mrs)

4 parks in 4 days equals memories 4 9evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvver!!!

Day 1 – Disney’s Magic Kingdom

if you ever went to Disney World as a kid, you probably have memories of it that you dearly hold onto. mainly these memories come from whatever pictures you took with the characters in costume, but they are memories nonetheless, and they are embedded deep into yer psyche

Well, in the summer of 1982, I was Disney obsessed, and especially with Chip n’ Dale. Meeting them was probably the biggest thrill of my life. Did I know that Chip was juss a person in a costume?

me and chip 1982

Do I look like I care that Chip is a person in a costume??? I don’t think I was ever happier (pre-wife), and I always wanted to recapture that magic. ALWAYS. Sure, I went back twice (I think) in the late 80s, and it was ALWAYS magical, but I was still a kid, being a kid, doing kid stuff

Then time passed, I got older, but never got to go back. Don’t know why, but never really had an excuse to… until I got married and found out my lady had never been. BOOM. Within 5 months of marriage, it was off to BestEverEVERland!!! FINALLLY!!!

And you know what, I may not be a kid, but I still want to be, and Disney lets that happen!!!!!!!!!!!

CHIP!!!!!!!!
DALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND DANCING WITH THEM!!!

AND BALOO!!

AND KING LOUIE THE ORANGUTAN!!!

me and king louie

WHO I ONCE PLAYED IN A SUMMER CAMP MUSICAL!!!!

OMG
OMG
OMG
OMG

this really IS the happiest place on earth!!!!!

and you know what? meeting and hugging the characters (who you know are juss dudes in costumes) STILL gives one such an indescribable warm and happy feeling on the in AND outside, at ANY AGE. price of that? PRICELESSS!!! / the price of admission to the parks

and who cares if a lot of the rides are tame and lame and contain creepy robots!!!

long live Walt Disney’s Carousel of Progress!!!

and Sonny Eclipse and his horrible jokes!!!

(although I sadly didn’t get to the Hall of Presidents. NEXT TIME!!!)

they say you can never go back again (or something)

tiki families

BUT YOU CAN!!!!

tiki today

Day 2 – Epcot

Epcot is 2 things – an outdated world of tomorrow, according to the 80s + an around the world place to get drunk, without ever leaving America

oudated future sure, but dude, the geodesic dome sphere thing still inspires awe and shucks!!!
geodesic
bless you geodesic godfathers Walther Bauersfeld and Bucky Fulls

too bad the ride inside of the sphere doesn’t inspire much of anything – even with Dame Judi Dench’s voice as our guide

it’s like a boring ‘It’s A Small World’, STARRING DAME JUDI DENCH’s VOICE!!! they should have made a ride focusing on Dame Judi Dench’s work in that Vin Diesel space movie sequel that no one saw

poor Disney’s future of the 80s

monrail epcot

a future filled with glass pyramids and monorails and lots of oranges that never happened

epcot pyramid
but hey, I’ll take it over it not existing at all, cause it’s like a time capsule of 80s future!! it’s like the closest thing we’ll get to the future in Back To The Future II

whatever you don’t do, don’t do whatever this spaceship ride is
vomit ride epcot
it will make you vomit and crap your pants

DAMN YOU GARY SINISE!!

luckily they have non-Epcotish characters to take the vomit taste out of yer mouth, and poop smears out of your butt
me and pluto

and help you re-live your childhood

and luckily Michael Jackson died and became a saint and everyone forgot that he’s a child molester so Captain EO could live to dance again

CAPTAIN EO!!!

cpt eo

I was so inspired that I’m making my own 3-D movie
3d
it’s called Colonel Flustard – IN 3D!!!

as for the other half of Epcot – the mini-BS versions of other countries – shiz is cool, esp if yer a typical American who probably never leaves the country

this is actually as closest I’ve ever been to Canada!
epcot canada
no joke – I’ve never been to Canada

how bazaar?!
fez
fezzed up, yo!

when in Faux-France
fake fance epciotr
do as the faux-Francos do!

they had this special thing going on where there were like even more mini-countries, offering even more foods and alcohol that people could spend money on!! and people were literally eating and drinking it up and going bankrupt by the country/second. there were teams of drinkers with their own drinking team shirts! somehow we ended up with zero pictures of these revelers, but they were annoying and everywhere, so eff them

anyone up for Sesame Chicken Saturday?
epcot sesame chicken
sesame chicken epcot
where are all the authentic dishes from China, like chicken feet and Cream of Sum-Yung-Gai?

but who wants to eat any of that crud WHEN YOU CAN HAVE A HARVEST DINNER IN A SLOWLY ROTATING RESTAURANT WITH CHIP n’ DALE & PALS!!!!

dale and me

chip and me

although I’m starting to get the feeling that my wife may leave me for Chip

chip wife
no joke. think we may both have to get married to him if I still want to be in the picture

Day 3 – Animal Kingdom

had actually thought about skipping this park altogether, cause I thought it was just a zoo. well, it kinda was, but it was a zoo with lots of Lion King stuff and employess who are Asian and African American. FINALLY!!! THEY FOUND A PARK WHERE THEY CAN CATER AND EMPLOYEE PEOPLE OTHER THAN WHITE PEOPLE!!!!

the main attracion is the safari, which makes you feel like yer in the jungles of Orlando!!!
safari giraffe
too bad yer not allowed to hug these animals

but fret not, they still have plenty of normal Disney stuff like…

CHIP N’ DALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

those bros are totally my bros
me and chip and dale
CANNOT get enuff of them and their hugs

but they aint no bro of Donald!!!

and they have an awesome character breakfast / lunch at the Tusker House Restaurant where you can meet Safari Goofy and Safari Donald and Safari Daisy and Safari Mickey!!!
disney tusker bfast
AND YOU CAN EAT MICKEY TOO!

and they Kingdom even have non-Safari Daisy!
daisy
soon after I met my future wife, I actually told her that she looks like Daisy Duck – not as an insult – like she looked like a duck or something – but that she has hazy beautiful eyes and lashes juss like Daisy (like I said of Emma Stone). they like twins of hotness. Wifey once told one of my friends that I think she looks like Daffy Duck. Not even close. I wouldn’t bone Daffy, but I can and have gotten lost in Daisy’s eyes, juss like I do with my wife’s

MY WIFE!!! SHE A NICEEEE!!!!

Day 4 – Disney’s Hollywood Studios

did we see Chip n’ Dale?
chip dale hollywood studios
DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! had to get in one last set of hugs :) :(

did we buy this shirt? nope. holding out for ‘We named the dog Indiana’
dont call me junior
btw – the Indiana Jones EPIC Stunt Spectacular was totes rad, although my 12 year old self woulda loved it more had I had the chance to go in 1989 which I always dreamt of

did we get to fight Darth Vader or that Jedi who looks like he’s 50?
vader
nope. only kids get to do it. they need to tear down the entire park and start over, making it 90% Star Wars, 5% Indiana Jones, 3% The Apple Dumpling Gang and 1% Condorman

btw – the Tower of Terror was awesome. so was the Aerosmith Rock n’ Rollercoaster too, but why Aerosmith? Couldn’t they make it like the Elton John ‘Circle of Life’cycle or something???

look, I’M ESCAPING NEW YORK!!!
escape from ny

THIS IS SO RACIST AGAINST NEW YORKERS
youse guys
where’s the FUGGETABOUTIT JEW BAGEL SHOPPEEE?

Downtown Disney

whatever you don’t, don’t even bother visiting Downtown Disney – which is basically a crappy mall with lots of Disney crap to buy and restaurants you can find back in the suburbs. It was a clusterfudge of crowds and commerce, not a welcome reprieve of being away from the parks, which is needed!!

But I credit the Disney people for monetizing and branding anything AND everything. You can buy ‘Goofy Candy’ anywhere, and Goofy Candy is basically normal candy with Goofy’s name on the packaging

Somehow me and the Mrs escaped without buying a thing, but we were VERY tempted to at least get one of these

chip dale foods

but c’mon, no Chip chips? or Ginger Dale drink??? C’MON DISNEY!!! THINK!!

oh, and how could I forget to mention my 1st ever Uber driver Howard – who was #77 in the Adam Sandler movie Waterboy + was in Any Given Sunday (although I couldn’t find his name on IMDB under either movie)
waterboy howard uber

man, I really miss Chip n’ Dale. wifey and I think they should open a Disney character dinning restaurant in Times Square, cause we want to eat AND hug them, here there and everywhere

can’t wait to bring my kids to Disney world one day, and the kid still within me

remember – hugs not drugs

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