Tag Archives: Harrison Ford

Rebel Scum On Feel The Noize

Solo
Sabacc to the Future
Official Site | Trailers & Mo

PG-13 | 135 min

I don’t care how many directors it took to screw in the Solo origin story light bulb, but the most important director of them all turned out to be the CASTING director (or whomever at Disney makes the calls – Kathleen Kennedy?).  They NAILED young Han in going with Alden Ehrenreich (I’ve long been a fan).  Could there be a cooler young Lando than Donald Glover is??  NO.  And Joonas Suotamo has already proved his worth in wookie fur for his third screen jaunt as Chewbacca.  And for me, that’s enough to mark Solo down as a success.  I believe in those guys as younger versions of my childhood heroes that I don’t even care about the imperfections of the movie that has no real reason for being other than MONE$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$YYYYYYY!!

So what works besides the dudes we already know and love?

Paul Bettany works.  he’s a human enemy, which is rare for Star Wars, and he’s one of the more intriguing baddies we’ve been given in awhile (human, Muppet, awful CGI).  I’ll take him over Snoke any day.  Gawd fcuking dammit – how awful is Snoke?  And even though Bettany’s Dryden Vos has a dumb name, I also kinda like it!  VOS IS BOS!

and how bout them sets?  they have that lived-in Star Wars universe look to them.  every film since Jedi is too polished. the prequels especially, but even the other new ones look TOO clean.  Solo gets the dirt and grim right (very Mad Max looking too!), and even the classy joints too.  I LOVE the windows in Vos’ pad.  Coolest far far away galaxy architectural design since Cloud City!

Woody Harrelson‘s mustache.  I didn’t fully care for his Haymitch Abernathy-like character Tobias Beckett (what kind of a fcuking name is that?  AND WHO IS COMING UP WITH THESE PUTRID NAMES???), but he did teach Han valuable lessons, like if you want to be taken seriously, don’t have a mustache like this, no matter how good it looks on Woody!

L3-37 – initially, I was like WTF is this sassy Tilda Swinton sounding (actually Phoebe Waller-Bridge‘s voice) droid that wants to jump Lando’s bones?  Also, why do robots want to bang humans?  Humans don’t need to bang droids.  Humans should stick to banging banging hot Cuban holograms, but L3-37 (a name# I had to look up) grows on you, and you can see why Lando may want to jump her bones bolts with his nuts.  Plus she gets a scene with the best cameo of the film (and it’s not the red & black dude with thorns in his head)

the humor.   it works here the way it didn’t work in The Last Jedi.  Jedis are seriously and have dry humor that they rarely use. Han is a scoundrel and a jokester.  As a young dude, he should be even jokey-er, and they did that.  Jedis, not so much.  Thankfully this movie is Jedi free!!

THE SPICE MINES OF KESSEL!!  FINALLY, we meet you!  And you did not disappoint, although the above grounds of Kessel were a little more sweet than the mines themselves.  And Sabacc!  The game we all don’t know AND love cause it’s how the M Falcon was won!!!  And now YOU can play Sabacc at home!

and other stuff worked, but mainly Alden Ehrenreich is the works that works and works and works me over.  Alden Ehrenreich forever!!!  EVEN IF I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO REMEMBER HOW TO SAY OR SPELL HIS NAME EVER!!!  Let him play young EVERYBODY.  Young Jack Torrance! Young Bullitt!  Young everyone that isn’t Clint Eastwood, cause he’s got that kid that looks exactly like him!!! 

also, sorry Leo, but Alden for life!

so what didn’t work? not much didn’t, but…

Emilia Clarke as Qi’ra.  didn’t care for her whatsoever.  her and her giant eyes and tiny frame seemed out of place.  felt like she was acting in a non-Star Wars movie.  sadly they’re setting her character up for future stuff.  The only future I see is that I like her character even less.  I’m already counting down the days when Han gets older, wiser and moves onto princesses #iKnow

and whatever this guy was.  he sucked.  too much monkey bidness.  bad CGI.  just dumb.  naturally he was voiced by Jon Favererauuu

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Solo HANds it to you at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Keep On Runnering

Blade Runner 2049
Blades of Stole (The Show)
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 164 min

My memory is fuzzy, like radiated Las Vegas 2049 yellow-orange fuzzy, but I cannot recall a belated sequel to hit the mark so well as Denis Villeneuve‘s Blade Runner 2049 done does.  It takes the best aspects of Ridley Scott’s original – mood, neon, music – and leaves behind all the stuff that didn’t work – boringness, rain, more rain – and gives us something that both honors the original, and surpasses it altogether by taking the good bad future to a whole nother fucking level!!

Also, FINALLY, someone did something useful with and old dormant Harrison Ford character, and not only dusted him off, but perfectly polished him up (but you’ll have to wait til the third act to see him).  Same cannot be said when he returned as Indy and had the fridge nuked, or when Han Solo was forced admit his friend was some old turtle with buttholes for eyes!!!  Maybe instead of wishing for more Star Wars, we should have been wishing for more Blade Runner all this time!!!!!

and instead of going on and on, lets get to the point about what I loved…

Gosling.  he is so hot, and soooo cool

his holographic robot whatever houseslave woman is even HOTTTER than him.  and that scene where they do the thing in Her, but actually make it work – BOY O’BOY!!!!

my LORD, do I want to put my arms’s around Ana de Armas and her FCUKCING CRAZY/SEXY/AMAZING EYEBALLS!!

and she’s like a Cuban Tiffani-Amber ‘Senior’ Thiessen!!!

but enough about her… for now

and oh, I love that even if some of the companies promoted in the first movie are kaput (or mostly), they still live on in 2049!!

and that the love of The Neverending Story will never end!!!

and a zillion other things that were awesome too! 

but don’t worry, if you don’t love Jared Leto there isn’t that much Jared Leto in the movie 

also, wasn’t really a fan of Sylvia Hoeks’ hairdo in the flick.  She’s no Rachael!

also, your mom!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Blade Runs quite well a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Rolling (Young Han) Solo

Baby Driver
iPod Racing
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 113 min

Lets face it – Edgar Wright isn’t THAT great of a director, but man, does that guy certainly try to direct the fcuk out of his movies, and man, does he sure like to have fun, and hopes that you will too.  I’ve sorta had fun seeing all of his films (he’s definitely good at ideas and decent at humor), but I have only truly loved one of them – Hot Fuzz. I didn’t LOVE love his latest – Baby Driver – but it was certainly fun (and more fun but not nearly as good as the seriously driven Drive was), and it was certainly better than all of his other (non-Fuzzy) films that juss weren’t quite there

Had Baby Driver been directed by someone else, say Guy Ritchie or Matthew Vaughn, or even the the Wachowskis, this could have been something momentous.  Ritchie or Vaughn could have made it more polished, and taken the tongue with the cheek, instead of juss being mostly a wagging tongue.  The Wachowskis failed with Speed Racer, but I think they would have soared with the keys to Baby Driver.  Directed by Edgar, the film felt not quite Wright (the car driving scenes in particular didn’t seem overly fast nor furious enuff), but as a whole, it was better than OK, and that’s… OK, cause I really liked the main character – A LOT!  Juss wish the presentation was more presentable, + all the side attractions needed more traction to them

Speaking of the man and the man who played him – Baby Driver IS Ansel Elgort‘s young Han Solo movie.  A finalist for the role he didn’t get, Elgort does super fine as a slick and cool maverick pilot (of a car) flying/driving into the heart of danger, and coming out of it each and every time barely alive, but even slicker and cooler than he was before!  He even wears a jacket that’s very Han-y Solo-ish

Dude – Baby Driver IS Ansel Elgort As Young Han Solo The Movie!!!

But what about everything else?

The movie is all about the soundtrack, and while there are some choice cuts (‘Harlem Shuffle’, Blur’s ‘Intermission’, the Beach Boys’ ‘Let’s Go Away For Awhile’), a lot of the other choices were either too obvious, kinda forgettable, or didn’t match the speed of the car/action.  If I ever made a movie, and had a car chase in it, I would certainly use Gnarls Barkley’s ‘Run’.  But I’m probably not going to make a movie, so I’ll juss be critical of people who do make em!

loved the Michael Meyers mask joke, juss wish it wasn’t ruined for me in the trailer

Lily James is a peach as baby’s babe, but maybe a bit too syrupy sweet

Kevin Spacey somehow doesn’t chew enough of the scenery as you think he would

Jon Hamm is likable, and then becomes detestable – and who wants to endure an unlikable Jon Hamm?

Jamie Foxx – I dunno what he was, but I could barely understand any of his lines of dialog, so he didn’t really register with me

Speaking of a foxx…

HUBBA BUBBA YUBBA HUMMANANA HUMMMMMANA AY DIOS MIO 

Eiza González!!!!!

Verdictgo: juss enuff to make it a Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Baby goes into overDriver currently at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Harrison/Ford

when George Harrison (and Ravi Shankar, and Billy Preston, with the most incredible afro maybe ever) met Gerald Ford, December 13, 1974

10 Things You Didn’t Know George Harrison Did

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