been seeing less new movies and more old movies, cause old movies rule, but new movies are still good, cause there are so many bad ones that the good ones rise to the top of the toilet.  out of what I saw, I giveth to you, for 2012, the bestest of the bestestesttest…

 

The Nifteen Fifteen

 

1) Zero Dark Thirty

This century has just been awful awful awful, and Kathryn Bigelow & Mark Boal’s second stab at being social studies teachers feels like the perfect closing chapter to all the awfulness.  Awfulness, go away or else I’ll throw a seal team at you and you will be all minus one even darker thirty billion!!!

–

2) Searching For Sugar Man

THEY FOUND HIM!!!!  If this story doesn’t warm your heart, then it’s time to donate it.  Seriously, my life AND ears were changed for the better after seeing this doc, cause now I have the music of Rodriguez in ’em.  PLEASE let it do the same for you.  PLEASE,  I BEG OF YOU

–

3) Silver Linings Playbook

Never thought much of Bradley Cooper or Katniss Everdeen as actors before, or even the Philadelphia Eagles as anything other than a team that sucks.  It’s OK to be wrong.  WAY WRONG!!!

–

4) Beasts of The Southern Wild

MOVIE MAGIC LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HUSHPUPPY FOR BEST ACTRESS/PRESIDENT/SUPER BOWL CHAMPION!!!!

–

5) the Sonmi~451 storyline of Cloud Atlas

If only Tykwer & the Wachowski Brothers/Sisters cut out the rest of the Cloud Atlas storylines and made a singular movie out of the ‘Orison of Sonmi~451’ tale, cause it might MIGHT MIGHHHT juss have been the best movie that any of thems had ever made.  I have seen the future and it is smoking hot bobbed Korean clone slaves!!!!!

–

6) Prometheus

My only complaint with this movie was having to listen to everyone else’s complaints about this movie.  So what if the guy put in his hand in the goo?  That guy sucked and got what was coming to him.  That should happen to all the haters of this movie.  As for the lovers?  They get to love the movie, and that’s more than enuff, cause this movie is RAD!!!

–

7) Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry

China is fcuked up. Ai Weiwei is fcuking awesome

–

8) Beware of Mr Baker

More like – be aware of Ginger Baker.  DO IT!!!  Sunshine of his Love AND Hate!!

–

9) The Impossible

you see Naomi Watts’ breasts AND it’s not hot AT all.  NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL CINEMA!!!

–

10) Robot & Frank

Finally, someone made a movie about Frank Langella becoming friends with an Omnibot 2000!!!!

–

11) The Perks of Being a Wallflower

John Hughes is smiling/crying beyond the grave

–

12) 21 Jump Street

TV to big screen done right.  Please make 21 more of these peas

–

13) Chronicle

The best super hero flick of the year had ZERO to do with Lord Messiah Joss Whedon

–

14) Frankenweenie

sometimes Tim Burton is capable of making things that don’t suck

–

15) Project X

a different kind of monkeying around movie.  PARTY ON COSTA!!

 

 

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

(in the reverse order that I saw them…)

This Is 40 (Apatow’s first REALLY funny movie!) / West of Memphis (north of incredible) / Amour (there was no better French old lady slowly decaying movie in 2012!!!) / Wreck-It Ralph (Pixar who?) / The Sessions (sexy unsexy sex!) / Wuthering Heights (haunting, cause we’re still haunted by still not knowing what ‘Wuthering’ means) / Looper (LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER!) / Compliance (dude, Dreama Walker in an apron, and nothing else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) / Step Up Revolution (Peter Gallagher is watching you) / The Queen of Versailles (stinky rich) / Chernobyl Diaries (it was so refarted, and yet here we is, still thinking about it half a year later) / Men In Black 3 (seriously, this movie is so much fun, and sweet, and kinda funny!) / The Dictator (SBC proves he can work with a script) / Trishna (d’Urbervillicous!) / Marley (& me AND you AND everyone we and he knows) / The Three Stooges (OMG, this didn’t suck!!!!!!!!) / Bully (that poor kid with the fish lips) / Michael (hide your kids)

 

our anal-ual movie awards, THE THIGHSMANS, will hit the air-wavvvves right around Oscar time.  so stay pooned!

 until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

Prometheus
On and Off The Origin of The Specieses
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 124 min

Dude, what’s your problem with Ridley Scott‘s Peromoutheosues?  Why do you have beef when this movie is all filet mignon-and-on-and-on til the break-a-break-a-dawn?  This is how quasi-prequels should be made!!!  This is what they should look like.  This is how they should be acted in like.  No cheese, all ruling.  Seriously, what didn’t you like about the best sci-fi movie of the 2000s, and Scott’s biggest and bestest since freaking Blade Runner?  What didn’t meat yer eggspectations?  This movie answers THE question to end began all questions of how we began, and how Alien began!!!!!  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the movie has theseses!!!!

a not as strong-willed girl with probably zero tattoos who used to be a strong-willed girl with a dragon tattoo!!!!

every woman AND man’s dream – a robot Michael Fassbender who does whatever you want it to do!!!

the opposite of finding Texas Tea/black gold!!

spaceships that look like rotten cashews!!!

SORTA FACE ON MARS THING!!!

batshit crazy rich old white dudes!!

Ryan Atwood’s skeezy brother!!

alien masks almost more alien than this helmet!!

bobbed in space!

this surly a$$hole guy who always plays surly a$$holes!!!

space vomit!

better use of Charzlizezeze Therzon in tight future clothings!!!

speaking of, Leeloo-lish clothings for space hibernating hotties!

&

[spoilerish alert!!!….]

the grossest of gross that could possibly happen to a woman’s tummy!!!!!!

moral of the story – IT’S A PREQUEL THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF SUCKS/STAR WARS EPISODES I – III!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Prometheus is currently lighting fires at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…