A Stroke of Suck
And the worst date movie of 2012 is Michael Haneke‘s Amour. That’s not a knock, it’s actually an honor for us to declare such a thing, but even though this movie is called ‘Love (in French)’, it’s more like ‘Watching An Old Woman Slowly Decay For Two Hours’! How much fun does that sound??? OODLES!!! And if you enter this old woman’s apartment, you won’t ever leave it cause the film doesn’t leave this old woman’s apartment!!!!! It’s like the Hotel French California, but like even more painful than listening to The Eagles!
So who’s this old lady? She’s Emmanuelle Riva and she starts off as a normal old lady, lover of music, being French, etc, but then she has a stroke – not of genius, but the bad kind. She begs her husband Jean-Louis Trintignant to never put her in a home besides their own, so he plays the good husband and takes care of her at home. What a great husband! But then she has a second stroke – still not one of the geniusnessness kindsz, and this stroke has basically transformed her into a babbling, drooling old lady baby. It’s like Benjamin Button, but even more painful to watch (pain, in a good way, as BB was painful cause it sucked). Poor husband – his job juss got super super harder. And he’s super old too! And he’s gotta lift her up all the time! And he’s gotta pick up her pants after she poops! And other stuff that sucks!!! And their daughter Isabelle Huppert is zero help. Cause all she does is cry and be French and stuff
Man, what an excruciatingly painful movie to sit thru, but a tremendously beautiful one at that. Would you expect anything less from beauty pain-meister Michael Haneke????? Dunno. Only seen 3 of his movies and all 3 are still hauntings me. His movies stay with you, FOREVER, so beware cause the Haneke man will get you!!! And you should let him get you!!!!!
Verdictgo: Breast In Show
Amour desires your love in NY & LA on December 19 and elsewhere elsewhen
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…