been seeing less new movies and more old movies, cause old movies rule, but new movies are still good, cause there are so many bad ones that the good ones rise to the top of the toilet.  out of what I saw, I giveth to you, for 2012, the bestest of the bestestesttest…

 

The Nifteen Fifteen

 

1) Zero Dark Thirty

This century has just been awful awful awful, and Kathryn Bigelow & Mark Boal’s second stab at being social studies teachers feels like the perfect closing chapter to all the awfulness.  Awfulness, go away or else I’ll throw a seal team at you and you will be all minus one even darker thirty billion!!!

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2) Searching For Sugar Man

THEY FOUND HIM!!!!  If this story doesn’t warm your heart, then it’s time to donate it.  Seriously, my life AND ears were changed for the better after seeing this doc, cause now I have the music of Rodriguez in ’em.  PLEASE let it do the same for you.  PLEASE,  I BEG OF YOU

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3) Silver Linings Playbook

Never thought much of Bradley Cooper or Katniss Everdeen as actors before, or even the Philadelphia Eagles as anything other than a team that sucks.  It’s OK to be wrong.  WAY WRONG!!!

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4) Beasts of The Southern Wild

MOVIE MAGIC LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HUSHPUPPY FOR BEST ACTRESS/PRESIDENT/SUPER BOWL CHAMPION!!!!

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5) the Sonmi~451 storyline of Cloud Atlas

If only Tykwer & the Wachowski Brothers/Sisters cut out the rest of the Cloud Atlas storylines and made a singular movie out of the ‘Orison of Sonmi~451’ tale, cause it might MIGHT MIGHHHT juss have been the best movie that any of thems had ever made.  I have seen the future and it is smoking hot bobbed Korean clone slaves!!!!!

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6) Prometheus

My only complaint with this movie was having to listen to everyone else’s complaints about this movie.  So what if the guy put in his hand in the goo?  That guy sucked and got what was coming to him.  That should happen to all the haters of this movie.  As for the lovers?  They get to love the movie, and that’s more than enuff, cause this movie is RAD!!!

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7) Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry

China is fcuked up. Ai Weiwei is fcuking awesome

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8) Beware of Mr Baker

More like – be aware of Ginger Baker.  DO IT!!!  Sunshine of his Love AND Hate!!

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9) The Impossible

you see Naomi Watts’ breasts AND it’s not hot AT all.  NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL CINEMA!!!

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10) Robot & Frank

Finally, someone made a movie about Frank Langella becoming friends with an Omnibot 2000!!!!

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11) The Perks of Being a Wallflower

John Hughes is smiling/crying beyond the grave

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12) 21 Jump Street

TV to big screen done right.  Please make 21 more of these peas

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13) Chronicle

The best super hero flick of the year had ZERO to do with Lord Messiah Joss Whedon

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14) Frankenweenie

sometimes Tim Burton is capable of making things that don’t suck

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15) Project X

a different kind of monkeying around movie.  PARTY ON COSTA!!

 

 

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

(in the reverse order that I saw them…)

This Is 40 (Apatow’s first REALLY funny movie!) / West of Memphis (north of incredible) / Amour (there was no better French old lady slowly decaying movie in 2012!!!) / Wreck-It Ralph (Pixar who?) / The Sessions (sexy unsexy sex!) / Wuthering Heights (haunting, cause we’re still haunted by still not knowing what ‘Wuthering’ means) / Looper (LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER!) / Compliance (dude, Dreama Walker in an apron, and nothing else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) / Step Up Revolution (Peter Gallagher is watching you) / The Queen of Versailles (stinky rich) / Chernobyl Diaries (it was so refarted, and yet here we is, still thinking about it half a year later) / Men In Black 3 (seriously, this movie is so much fun, and sweet, and kinda funny!) / The Dictator (SBC proves he can work with a script) / Trishna (d’Urbervillicous!) / Marley (& me AND you AND everyone we and he knows) / The Three Stooges (OMG, this didn’t suck!!!!!!!!) / Bully (that poor kid with the fish lips) / Michael (hide your kids)

 

our anal-ual movie awards, THE THIGHSMANS, will hit the air-wavvvves right around Oscar time.  so stay pooned!

 until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

Searching For Sugar Man
Unearthing Forgotten Buried Treasure
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 86 min

‘Sugar Man’ is Sixto Diaz Rodriguez, a working class Detroiter who made 2 Dylanesqueseish albums in the early 70s that never gained any traction in the US, so he gave up on his musical aspirations and killed himself on stage.  Or did he?????????????????

Well, apparently the US’s loss was South Africa’s gain.  Rodriguez somehow had a following there, a BIIIIG one (his rebellious music spoke to white folk who hated apartheid), but Rodriguez had zero idea about it, and his South African fans knew so little about him, cause this was during a pre-internet time, which is hard to fathom, cause who would want to live in a time without the interwebs????  [we also can’t fathom a time where men had to wear suits ALL THE TIME, like in 100000 degree heat]

There were two South African men who refused to let the Rodriguez mystery remain a mystery – a record store owner & a journalist.  Together they unraveled the mystery, wrapped in a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a burrito wrapped in saran wrap at a wrap party sponsored by Rap Snacks, by finding what they were searching for, and in turn created an incredible fairy tale ending that was only just the beginning of more amazingnessnesssss to come!!

This documentary is not about who Rodriguez is, but the search for him.  This journey and its destination create quite an emotional roller coaster, which had us fighting back tears and welcoming smiles at each and every turn in the road.  It doesn’t hurt neither that Rodriguez’ music is simply INCREDIBLE, which basically makes Malik Bendjelloul‘s doc is the greatest untold music story about (maybe) the greatest unknown musician, away and far and far and away, hands AND thighs down.  That’s quite a claim, WE KNOW, considering there are probably zillions of untold tales about zillions of unknown musicians that are still, well, untold, but we stick by this claim cause we are actually the final authority on everything, and we know what’s good, for you and for we, and for us all

Soundtrack of Our His Lives: a man who released only 2 albums in his prime that most people never even heard of to begin with, doesn’t exactly need a greatest hits album, but that’s pretty much the void that the fantastic soundtrack serves.  so, see the doc, then discover the music OR ELSE!!!

Verdictgo: Breast Breast Breast Breast In Show

Sugar Man is found NY/LA today, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed