Lethal Wet-Sponge

Cop Out
Chasing Lame-y
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

Anyone who was involved in the making of Cop Out should not only be embarrassed, but they should personally surrender their paycheck to any audience member who makes the giant mistake of seeing this ‘throwback’ of an 80s buddy cop flick. It’s more of a throw-up than a throwback and all prints of this movie should be burned and have their ashes scattered in the Chernobyl reactor so no one would dare to try and retrieve them. We kinda wonder how Cop Out woulda turned out had it moved forward with its original name, A Couple of Dicks, and original duo, Robin Williams and James Gandolfini! But wonder(ing) is for crappy white bread, so what we’re forced to deal with is Kevin Smith‘s directed take on Robb and Mark Cullen‘s script, although we do wonder how much more awfuler it might have been had Kevin Smith written the script himself

How did this fail more than fail itself? Yes, Kevin Smith’s name doesn’t scream comedy gold or anything remotely good, but pairing Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan does, and yet the end result is Willis looking like a dumbfounded babysitter, as Morgan unbelievably has more screen chemistry with Seann William Scott than he did with Willis. And how could this script ever be considered a 2008 Black Listee, since it seems like there’s a ton of good reasons why it was never produced back then. The plot is this: Willis is suspended w/o pay for a month, which sucks since he has need duckets for his daughter’s wedding, so he decides to sell his Andy Pafko Topps #1 card (a card that hactually has more meaning to us and My Man Markvus, since we used to write Beckett Baseball Card Monthly monthly, during our middle school daze, pleading with them to raise the value of that card since it was Topps’ very very first one!!), but as the sale is about to go down, it gets STOLEN, and then Willis and Morgan have to jump thru hoops (including the likes of Stifler, Susie Essman, Fred Armisen, Guillermo Díaz, Kevin Pollak and his partner Adam Brody?) to get it back! OH NO!!!!! How will it end????? All we’ll say is that the card gets destroyed, his daughter gets married, and every joke found in between, save for a few of Morgan’s improvisations, falls flatter than your 5th grade crush’s chest (we’re gonna keep using this joke for as long as horrid comedies eggist)

OK, there was one redeeming thang about the whole affair: the return of longtime moth-balled synth composer Harold Faltermeyer (Beverly Hills Cop, Top Gun & The Running Man). And the only reason why he was called in was cause Smith wanted him, which is no real sirprize since Faltermeyer scored Fletch and Smith was to make a third Fletch movie, but that spankfully never happened, which restored our faith in a higher being, and if Cop Out is any indication of his Smith’s ability to handle a funny-actioner, lettuce hope that it cements his non-involvement in any future Fletch endeavors, or anything for that matter that has an IQ over the lowest common denominator. For more on Faltermeyer, prick up yer ears to this solid interview with him

De La Soul To Her Hole : we never reviewed Nacho Libre, so butter late than never when dropping love to Ana de la Reguera

Verdictgo: Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

Cop Out strikes out today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…