Thighs Wide Shut

The Barnes Foundation II

What’s the difference between the two pictures above (besides that blurry guy)?  Answer – NOTHING (much), except location location location!!!

Against Dr Albert C Barnes‘ explicit last will & testament (please see The Art of The Steal for the full story, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), the Barnes Foundation left its suburban Merion, PA digs, and moved to a much more accessible, and incredible new home in downtown Philly.  The move itself may not be ethically correct (Barnes must be perpetually spinning in his grave), but the fact that many many many many many people are unaware that one of the world’s (if not THE world’s) greatest art collections exists in Pennsylvania is kinda unethical in its own right.  Well, America’s best kept secret aint gonna be a secret no mo!

The new Barnes does the impossible – it recreates something that should have never been recreated, and it does it brilliantly.  Dr Barnes’ specific layout of the art has been delicately reproduced to a T.  The faux home fooled us and nothing fools us!!!  What’s new won’t hurt the experience, but will only enhance it.  Haters will hate, but what’s done is done, and the new Barnes is the best case outcome of a raping of the old Barnes

The Barnes Collection’s new home, on the same grand avenue that houses the Philadelphia Museum of Art + the Rodin Museum, instantly puts Philly on the must stop and see American art map, alongside New York, DC, Chicago and Los Angeles.  If you have eyes, you have to show your eyes this collection.  What more can we say or do to get yer a$$ to The Barnes?  If we had the time and money and firearms, we’d force each and every one of you by gunpoint to go to The Barnes.  But please, let’s lay down our weapons and make Barnes-stormings, not war!!!

Moonrise Kingdom
Merit Badger
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 94 min

Moonrise Kingdom might juss be the mos Wes Andersonian Wes Anderson movie there ever was was.  Instead of adults acting like kids, MK has kids (LOTS OF THEM!) acting like kids!  Instead of modern folks wearing vintage threads, using out of date audiovisual equipment and reading crusty old looking books, it’s of the day folk (1965) wearing threads, using audiovisual equipment and reading new looking books that will all eventually become vintage!  It’s got characters with character names that have more character than this restaurant.  Names like Gadge, Lazy Eye, Nickleby, Skotak, Lionel, Roosevelt, Izod, and Redford give the Tenenbaums & Steve Zissou & Raleigh St Clair & et al a run for their precious money.  It even has a ski-capped Bob Balaban as an on-screen narrator.  CAN WE GET ANY MORE ANDERSONIAN THAN THAT!  Oh, and it’s got kids who have absent parent figures.  Oh, and Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman are in it. Oh, and the film’s color looks like it was filmed with Instagram.  Wait, did Wes Anderson invent Instagram?

So is being the mos Wes Andersonian Wes Anderson movie there ever was was a great, good or bad thing?  To be perfectly honest, we have yet to make up our mind, and have already resigned ourselves to the fact that we probably need to see this flick again before delivering a real final verdict.  Well, if we want to see it again, that’s gotta mean this shiz is f#$king the biz-quick, yo!  Right?  Well, it’s definitely not the biz-quick, but it’s certainly not the limited Darjeeling Limited neither.  Moonrise Kingdom has a lot of heart, which is a wonderful quality for any movie to have (it’s what made MiB3 totally watchable!), but that heart didn’t somehow penetrate our own heart.  We’re not heartless (unless we’re talking Clooney or Apatow), but we juss couldn’t give our complete love and devotion to Moonrise Kingdom.  Maybe we’re still jaded with the Andersonian world, which started with Zissou, and kinda had a reprieve with his Fantastic Mr Fox, but Moonrise puts Anderson right back in Andersonland, and it feels like we’ve sorta been here, done that before

True, Wes (with writing help from Roman Coppola) has never given us a boy scout adventure, but he has taken us to an island before, treated us to amateur theater, and had kids write letters and read them aloud.  Since it’s been there/done that territory, gonna briefly explain the plot in Andersonian terms: A less annoying Max Fischer (Jared Gilman) has found his Rushmore, not in the Khaki Scouts (led by scoutmaster Edward Norton), but in the eyes of a girl that reeks of young Margot Tenenbaum (Kara Hayward).  Things stand in the way like un-understanding parents (Murray, Frances McDormand), but that won’t stop faux Max from carrying out his well laid out plan. (which would make Bottle Rocket‘s Dignan proud) of escaping with his beloved young Margot.  (this flick reminds us of the kids in love movie Melody).  Cuteness and zaniness ensues, and Bruce Willis, Harvey Keitel, and Tilda Swinton pop up, but don’t really stand out.  Then the movie gets Andersonianish and so on and so forth.  Roll credits

moral of the story – like we said, hard to make a final judgement without seeing it a 2nd time, but that has gotta be a somewhat good sign, since we didn’t even want to bother seeing Zissou or Darjeeling a second time.  but why didn’t it hit us on the first time?   have we had enuff of Andersonian stuffs? well, we could never get enuff of his 2nd to none production design, but how many times can we sit thru the same basic movie but with different vintage threads, audiovisual equipment and old crusty books?  dunno, probably like 5 more times, AND THEN THAT’S IT ANDERSON!!!

Quiet Riot: this is where that was

you love movies, so why aren’t you following Quiet On The Sets???

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers?  Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers?

Moonrise rises today in NY/LA only, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Polyphonic Spree
Webster Hall
May 24th

Has it really been 10 years since The Polyphonic Spree released their blessed debut The Beginning Stages of…????  And has it really been 10 wasted years for us, since we’ve never seen the 90 piece band (not literally that #, but not so far off, sorta) in concert?  Well, after finally submitting ourselves (in concert) to the cult that is the Spree, it won’t be 10 mo years before we make it time #2!!  We’re considering quitting our jobs and following Tim DeLaughter & co to the ends of the earth (them or the Nationals).  Pass the Kool-Aid, cause we’re drinking it.  (GO NATS!)

Btw, if you don’t know who the Spree are, you’ve definitely heard their music before, if you’ve ever seen an ad on TV.  And if you’ve heard that song, you can imagine how heavenly it might sound live, and guess what, it’s almost more than heaven! IT MADE US WEAR OUR LOVE LIKE HEAVEN!!!   And every song they played was heaven sent!!  They also threw some Who love, with brilliant renditions of ‘See Me, Feel Me/Listening To You’ + ‘Pinball Wizard’.  Never thought of them as a band that would cover someone else’s music (why support other cults than their own??), but after going bat shit crazy hearing those two Who-ers, we’re now wet dreaming of one day hearing them play Pink Floyd’s The Wall or really anything!  Even Nazi anthems written by George Clooney!

You’ve probably heard us complain endlessly about American concert audiences before.  They never get that super into shows, well, at least not as much as we do.  WE TOTALLY DO!!!  Clapping during a show (not just after the song, but during!) should be the standard, but apparently we’re in the minority on that one.  Well, The Spree didn’t even have to provoke the audience to do so, cause there was nuttin but euphoric applause from everyone in the audience during the encore set.  This gave us renewed faith in music, concerts, audiences, Jim Jones, David Koresh and even Nazi anthems written by George Clooney!

Men In Black 3
Third Is The Word
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 106 min

No one usually asks for thirds, but that never stopped Hollywood from serving triple helpings of anything that will automatically bring in the bucks.  You can’t fault the cash grab of a third Men In Black, with all the principal players in place, but is this something people really need?  Turns out we do.  Apparently there’s more to the relationship of Agent J and K than any of us could have ever imagined, which makes Men In Black 3 not only watchable, but totally watchable!!!  IT’S TRUE!!!

MiB3 starts off with the usual inane silliness of J & K hunting down gross aliens and then returning to their stark white offices to do office stuff, but then things get more interesting.  Main bad guy alien Jemaine Clement jumps into the past with aims of maiming the man (Tommy Lee Jones) who done him wrong, so Will Smith has no choice but to follow him back in time so things don’t go bad in the future!!!  Fish out of waterness ensues, Mad Men clothes are sported, and Michael Stuhlbarg acts weirderer than his screen brother Richard Kind did in A Serious Man  

This means Tommy Lee Jones is younger, and Josh Brolin brilliantly plays/imitates him as young version of Tommy Lee Jones.  Genius!  Will Smith imitates himself and it’s all basically juss a MiB movie that takes place in the 60s.  So far, so passable.  BUT then things get really really interesting!  They do!  Not gonna say how or why, but it comes at the end, and makes the whole thing well worth sitting thru.  Even if we have to endure the brief presence of toothy Alice Eve and her toothy teeth, pretending to be a younger Emma Thompson.  What is it about Alice Eve?  Why is she becoming a go to actress? Does she have dirty pictures of every studio head in Hollywood?  Or do these studio heads have a teeth fetish?

moral of the story – we didn’t need it, no one really asked for it, but as third movies go, Barry Sonnenfeld semi-sorta has us asking for more!  how is this possible? these movies are really nuttin but stupid fun.  But #3 is more than stupid fun.  WHY?  we’ll tell you why – this movie ends up having more heart than Mola Ram’s hands done does in a year!!  AND THAT’S A LOT OF HEARTSES!!!

Warhol of Fame: it was the 60s, so of course Andy Warhol makes an appearance in the flick, with the help of Bill Hader.  Below is our movie Warhol of Famers who have admirably donned the leather jacket, sunglasses and white wig, including new member Hader

watch Guy Pearce + Jared Harris + David Bowie + Crispin Glover pop art

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

MiB3 is outta this world, in our world, this Friday, at  a theater near jews tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Jack White
Roseland Ballroom
May 21st

Gone is Meg and her boobs, so are the good, but not that crazy good side project band pals (Raconteurs, Dead Weather, whatever that Rome thing was).  What remains is rock n roll’s savior, Jack White, who’s looking more and more like Robert Smith these days, but still sounding a lot like a junior Robert Plant.  Jack never really needed anybody.  He’s a enuff of a musician to equal the talent of 1,00000,9022002,29 musicians.  It’s true.  Now he’s fully at the center of attention, and anyone who pays attention to whatever Jack White does (which should be everyone), is paying attention to how super duper his first official solo album Blunderbuss is be.  It’s basically a White Stripes album, with less of an edge, but with a fuller sound, and that also describes what one of his current concerts is like.  Somehow we didn’t get the pleasure of his bouncy babes backing band, but his male band did a solid enuff of a supporting job to keep the focus on Jack and his shipmanshow.  The new songs sounded newlicious, and the old ones, like we said, had less of an edge, but had a fuller sound with the help of that backing band.  But the thing about the new ones is be that they already feel like the old ones, which means they epic classic awesomesss!!!  Which means the show was epic classic awesomessss!!!!

Set List - Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground / Missing Pieces / Sixteen Saltines / Hypocritical Kiss / I Cut Like A Buffalo / Trash Tongue Talker / Top Yourself / Two Against One / Black Math / Hello Operator / Weep Themselves to Sleep / You Know That I Know / Blunderbuss / Ball and Biscuit // Freedom at 21 / Steady, As She Goes / Take Me With You When You Go / Catch Hell Blues / Seven Nation Army (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)