Tag Archives: Rihanna

Thighs Wide Telly 2017

2017 in TV was Tele-LICIOUS.  somehow I still haven’t seen the new Twin Peaks, which is a miracle and a tragedy as the original is my favorite TV show of all time, but I’ll get to it in 2018, I promise – myself!  anywho, here’s all the other stuff from TV that made my heart beat stronger and my shlong beat shlonger…


1. Riverdale (CW)

I always need a show in my life that’s the modern equivalent of Beverly Hills 90210Riverdale is it (it even has Luke Perry) AND THEN SOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There was even Zodiac love!!!

2. Mindhunter (Netflix)

Dude, it’s like my dream come true – more of Fincher’s Zodiac!!!

3. Feud: Bette and Joan (FX)

What Hollywood does to actresses is horrible.  Now AND THEN.  Susan was born to be Bette.  The EYES have it!

4. Married At First Sight: Second Chances (Lifetime)

I don’t do Bachelor shows, but I love the Married At First Sight series, so when they whored out two former Sighters and let a bunch of whores try to whore all over them – the end result was one giant sloppy mess, and I couldn’t get enough of it!!

5. American Horror Story: Cult (FX)

Evan Peters is scary as fck!!!  Zodiac!!!  But the real revelation here is Carrie Fisher’s daughter, ready to be her own person – hello Billie Lourd

6. The Americans (FX)

Martha stuck in Russia is the saddest thing ever in a show of so many sad things ever!

7. Veep (HBO)

It’s truly amazing how a comedy about the US Presidency could be out clown-showed in real life by our current US President, and even more truly amazing is how the TV show this season was able to re-out clown show the real clown show.  CLOWN SHOW!!!!

8. The Hunt For the Zodiac Killer (History)

Spoiler alert – they didn’t catch him/her.  BUT LET THEM KEEP TRYING!!!

9. Curb Your Enthusiasim (HBO)

Long time off, and not much has changed, and that’s fine by me.  Loved the Fatwa advice from Salman Rushdie, like having an excuse to not pick someone up from the airport

10. Wormwood (Netflix)

Errol Morris at his best, and he’s always at his best, so this is BESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!!!

11. Fresh Off The Boat (ABC)

Still, the funniest network comedy going.  Love the shifting focus to the school kids.  Eddie’s friends are more interesting than Eddie!  Bonus props to redhead Trevor Larcom! Bonus bonus props to their Rent ripoff – Brent!

12. Bates Motel (FX)

Norman Bates COMES full circle, and what better way to COME all over than with Rihanna as Marion Crane!

+ bone-yessss!! moments

give all the awards in the world to Natasha Bassett who totally speared the lead (and my heart) in Lifetime’s Britney Every After


the awkward adorableness of Stranger Things 2‘s Snowball Dance


the theme music of the game show Now You See It


realizing that I never saw Beverly Hills 90210 Season 4 and loving it beyond belief


finally watched the final season of The Knick, and I already miss the fcuk out of this guy


the real life filming locations of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel


Chelsea Cardwell‘s sexy and sad portrayal of Monica Lewinsky in an ep of Scandal Made Me Famous


the return of Battle of The Network Stars


the new Dynasty is mostly garbage, cept Alan Dale remains TV’s finest a$$hole


BUZZR’s excellent doc about game shows, hosted by Alex Trebek! – Game Changers


Amazon gets STACKED and streams the original UNSOLVED MYSTERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


the horrible awfulness amazingness awfulness of the made-for-TV version of Dirty Dancing


Copycat Killers‘ talking head J. Buzz Von Ornsteiner – for his name, and how he talks, but mainly for his name


I hope Kendra On Top never stops


cheering for The Bold Type gals


booing the girls of Girls. good riddance. YOU FCUKING SUCK!!!




wish we could MAKE A DEAL to keep these people with us on earth :(


monty firewe

perv-iously ’16 ’15 ’14 ’13 ’12 ’11 ’10 ’09 ’07


Luc, You’re Our Only Hope

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Luc’s Skywalking, And Everyone Else Is Sleepwalking
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 134 min

After seeing Luc Besson‘s super fun Lucy, I declared that I wanted him to ‘direct all my blockbuster blusters‘.  My wish was beyond granted in his Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, where imagination knows no bounds, and awe and awesome is around every corner!!!  

Sadly, others don’t seem to agree with my sediments, and the audiences have spurned it as well.  This wholly creative cinematic force will die a quick death in theaters, and with that, any hope of a sequel, or the chance of big studios taking other chances on chancy material that isn’t a known commodity.  Well that sucks!  Damn you people!!!  Didn’t you see The 5th Element?  Do you not want more of THAT same, but with a fcuking dope 21st century digital landscape that makes George Lucas’ Star Wars prequels look like Pong???

Do you not want to see a movie that has Rihanna doing this (AND MORE)???

Are these slick-a$$ robots not slick-a$$ enuff for ye???

Do you not want to take your favorite memories of Avatar, A.I., Mad Max, Mos Eisley, The Neverending Story, Moulin Rouge and Contact and have them rolled up into one stellar movie roller coaster that’s beyond well worth the ride?

OK, so they maybe could have found a better Valerian than Dane DeHaan, but he was fine.  And I’m not usually a fan of smelling-a-bad-fart-faced Cara Delevingne, but here, as Val’s girl Friday – Laureline, she’s a woman with more depth and rockitude than anything Wonder Woman womanized!  

WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?  YOU DON’T WANT THIS, AND INSTEAD YOU WANT CRAP???  WELL, YOU WILL KEEP GETTING CRAP!!!!  Hollywood will continue to make the garbage that you so rightfully deserve

I believe, and sincerely hope that time will be kind to Besson’s Valerian.  Today’s box office ‘bomb’ will one day turn into a cult classic that we’ll be talking about well beyond the 28th century.  Beam me up, and boo on you haters!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Valerian  soars at a theater near jews and white nationalists (but hurry – shiz is gonna leave theaters ASAP!!)

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

Marion Crane Operator

not sure they hand out Emmy awards for such a category, but…

Rihanna as Marion Crane on Bates Motel should win mos Outstanding Lead Wet Breasteses in a Drama Series mt EVERbreast!

btw – the show is SOOOO dang fine.  they took something sacred, made it sorta their own, but honored the original material thru and thru

1 Comment

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