1) Deli Man

I never reviewed this documentary, cause I saw it on a plane, and I usually don’t review movies I’ve seen on planes.  It was the perfect plane movie, but it was also the perfect movie movie – it was funny, and entertaining, and informative, and it actually made me cry – tears of joy.  It also made me proud to be Jewish, and reminded me what I value most of my Judaism – tradition thru food, and how we must never lose either.  Levy’s Rye said you didn’t have to be Jewish to love their bread, and the same is true of this documentary.  Bless you Ziggy Gruber – you are the Jewish Ziggy Stardust

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there were plenty of other grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat films in the ’15 of 2000, but instead of ranking them against one another, this year I’m juss gonna lump them together, saying they all grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat – in reverse alphabetical order…

 

Straight Out of Compton

if Paul Giamatti is your movie’s main a$$hole, and your soundtrack is NWA, you have a surefire hit

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Star Wars – The Force Awakens

JJ Abrams may have played it safe, leaning on the past, but that’s what the people wanted, and he gave us stuff we didn’t even know we wanted – a Rey of hope for the future  

George Lucas who?

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Spotlight

it’s the Zodiac of priest abusing children movies!!

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Son of Saul

imagine the intensity of Saving Private Ryan, but strip the patriotism and cheese, set it in and around a concentration camp, and let the horror destroy your senses – yes the würst date movie of 2015 is also one of its best!

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The Search For General Tso

a MUST for anyone who eats Chinese food in America (aka, every American)

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The Martian

who said Ridley Scott needed aliens to make space wonder-full?

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Maps To The Stars

I had to pick one fcuked up movie to make my list, so why not the one that says incest is best/würst!!!

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Mad Max – Fury Road

I mean the guy with the flamethrower guitar was the tamest part of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Joy

this is the movie American Hustle should have been, but wasn’t, but this is Joy, and Joy was all American, all hustle, and all awesome

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The Intern

schmaltz-o ball soup for the soul.  I SLURPPED IT UP BIG TIME.  can’t wait to watch it on cable for eons to come!!

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The Death of Superman Lives, What Happened?

the (second) greatest doc ever made about the (second) greatest film never made 

(the first was last year’s #1)

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Creed

some things DO get better with age

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Brooklyn

they say they don’t make movies like they used to, but they wrong.  they should say they should make more movies like this

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Black Mass

Deep as Whitey gave me a bulger in my pants

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The Big Short

finally, a movie about the economic collapse that doesn’t make you want to take a coll-nap

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Amy

too bad the title Trainwreck was wasted on another movie

 

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and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

Vacation / While We’re Young / Tomorrowland / Steve Jobs / Rosenwald / Room / Pitch Perfect 2 / Kingsman: The Secret Service / It Follows / Iris / Furious 7 / Ex Machina / The Danish Girl

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our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Here We Go Again
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 135 min

Now is not the time for a full review and dissection of the 7th Star Wars movie ever put into existence.  Today is for initial thoughts only, and so here we go – my initial thoughts of Episode VII – The Force Awakens

• this movie won’t change your life.  it won’t surpass your love of IV thru VI, BUT it succeeds where Indiana Jones IV failed
• it’s better than anything the prequels were. it’s less cluttered, CGI-y, pretty, cute, kidsy, dumb. it’s grimy and dark and evil, as it should be
• George Lucas could have never made a satisfying Episode VII.  I truly believe it would have looked like this.  poor Lucas – he tarnished his own legacy, but without him, we’d have nothing to complain about, or love.  but kudos for him for letting go and letting someone else give it a go
• only JJ Abrams could have made a new Star Wars movie work, and let us all move forward in the Star Wars world in this day and age.  he could probably make Citizen Kane 2 something passable.  looking forward to seeing what others can do with Star Wars.  we shall see, but probably we’ll see way too much Star Wars in the decades to come
• the movie is funny, in a good way.  has a lot more fun with itself than previous installments, while remaining very serious
• the new characters are awesome (even though I guessed them all wrong).  I LOVE Rey.  like, SUPER LOVE REY!!! Dog bless Daisy Ridley. I LOVE Finn.  He’s great.  Didn’t get too much of a handle on Poe Dameron, but he will probably be super cool in due time, but hey, aren’t these three newbies juss assuming the same roles that others had in IV – VI????
• Adam Driver was really really really good, and angry.  anger is what Star Wars needs. there was anger in the prequels, but it was dumb anger
• it was AMAZING to see our old favs – Han, Chewie, Leia and a guy who looked like Admiral Ackbar.  it’s kinda sad to see how old our heroes have become – on screen and in life, but I’ll take this over not seeing them at all
• this guy/girl/whatever wasn’t as awful as I thought he/she/it would have been
• I know he’s JJ’s pal and all, but Greg Grunberg doesn’t deserve to be in this movie (unless he happens to be the kin of Jek Porkins)
• the only thing I HATED was that Lord Voldemort is in it
• the movie is grand, but not really full.  the characters are rich, but the story isn’t.  and the plot is kinda, sorta, almos all too familiar.  and the final battle at the end didn’t give off the same kinda UMPPPPPPPPHHH that the old ones did. will something big will blow up at the end?  biggest non-shocker of the year
• not sure how the movie could be anything different or better than what it is.  it had to embrace the past and set up a new future.  it did that, very well, and for that, we all should be grateful, and grateful that the movie didn’t suck

More thoughts to come, after my 2nd, 3rd and 129129129th viewing

Verdictgo: a HUGE Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Force is to be reckoned with, at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

meet the new Star Wars VII cast, and what we guess will be their roles…

 

John Boyega as Sando Calrissian

Sando grew up in Cloud City, living under the shadow of his dashing father Lando.  Sick of hearing his father’s glorified stories about the Battle of Taanab and endless late-night partying with Nien Nunb, Sando left home to make it on his own.  Since then, he has become a legendary pilot, and an even bigger scoundrel AND player than his father ever was.  He currently holds 14 death sentences on as many planets, and has won the last 3 World Series of Sabacc titles

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Daisy Ridley as Hope Solo

When parents Leia and Han tell their daughter Hope that they love her, she always replies, ‘I know’.  But does she?  HOPE so!!!  Hope, like her mother and grandmother before her, is one of the most independent women in the galaxy.  When she’s not getting straight A’s at Coruscant University, she devotes a lot of her free time to the Refugee Relief Movement.  And if she has any additional additional free time, she makes her own bathtub blue milk, from her great Aunt‘s secret recipe.  The force is slightly strong with this one, although she’s only a half-breed, and gets her ‘shoot first’ mentality genes directly from her pops

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Adam Driver as Darth Brooks

Not much is known about Darth Brooks, but what is known is to stay the fcuk out of his way.  Brooks employs the rare tri-lightsaber, which can not only slice opponents with ease, but galactic pizzas as well!

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Oscar Isaac as Dweezil Zapple

When it comes to Jizz music, there no musician more on top of his game than Dweezil Zapple.  Sadly, the rest of the galaxy doesn’t realize that.  Stuck playing coffee shops and bounty hunter bars on remote planets, Dweezil keeps on keeping on, waiting to make a breakthrough.  Sales of his last album weren’t promising, but an opening slot on the Max Rebo tribute band’s latest tour is.  To make ends meet, Dweezil moonlights as a droids dealer.  His most popular seller is R7-D4

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Andy Serkis as Grand Toff Fee

After the destruction of the second Death Star, the Empire was in shambles, until Grand Toff Fee rose thru the ranks and righted the ship.  He is currently overseeing the construction of a third Death Star, and promises that this one will be indestructible, and will not have a shield generator located anywhere near any muppets or midgets

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Domhnall Gleeson as Obi-Thwoo Kenobi

Obi-Wan Kenobi was perhaps the greatest and most dedicated of all the Jedis, but everyone has their faults and weaknessess.  Obi-Wan’s was prostitutes, and he would use the force to force himself upon endless hookers, without paying them a dime or spices.  Well, one of these forced situations, with a Mos Eisley red-lighter named Sxxixty Nyne, resulted in a bastard child that Obi-Wan never knew about.  Nyne tried her best to raise her son, Obi-Thwoo, but being the son of whore didn’t provide much of an opportunity for him, and so she sent him to the Jedi Academy on his 10th birthday.  Obi-Thwoo was a quick study, and soon become as good a Jedi as his father before him.  But apparently he couldn’t escape his genes either – as he got involved in a scandalous affair with Yaddle that threatened to destroy the Jedis forever

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Max von Sydow as Galactic Emperor Vax mon Ydow

Emperor Vax mon Ydow is one of the most malicious and vicious men in the entire galaxy.  He has been known to set up meetings, and then not show up.  BASTARD!!!  One of his biggest priorities as Emperor, besides killing all the Jedi, is to figure out a better system of visual communication other than the ye olde glitchy hologram

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so there you have it.  will this be the bestest Star Wars ever????  probably not, but it will probably be 129393939 billion times better than the last 3 Lucas gave us.  HOOOOORAY!!!!!!!