Boiling The Author’s Cannon

Sherlock Holmes
Holmes Sliced
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

We cannot squarely place the blame on director Guy Ritchie‘s shoulder for the purty much tame new Sherlock Holmes ‘re-imagining’ cause he had nuttin to do with the plotting (hello/goodbye Michael Robert Johnson, Anthony Peckham and Simon Kinberg). Ritchie’s rock n rolla style applied to one of literary’s greatest characters actually does give the material an edge of freshness, but what kind of case can he present to us if the case he and Holmes were handed was devoid of a mystery (or ANY mystery tat all!!) from the get go, and thus not very worthy of solving. Think the ‘mystery’ had something to do with an occultist murderer (played by Mark Strong), who gets killed and then is brought back to life to do… more murders, for some reason or something??? can you say snooze fest 1891?

Despite it’s paint by numbers Victorianessness, it’s the action and wordplay that keeps this baby purring. And it’s kinda hard not to have fun watching Robert Downey Jr‘s Holmes (a kindred spirit of Depp as Ichabod in Sleepy Hollow) mince words with a perfectly paired Jude Law‘s Doc Watson, as they tackle whatever bad guys lay in their wake. Juss wish the bad guys had something more to them besides juss being bad. Wish Rachel McAdams‘ Holmes love interest character was something more than juss being a bad character. Wish Eddie Marsan was using his gruff to teach driving, again! What, did Santa 5gets to read our wishlist for a Holmes movie?

Holmes ends with a gaping thighs wide open door for further adventures (and maybe some real mystery!), and if the studio is happy with the strong opening BO weekend bucks, then it mos likely will happen, and if it does then we certainly hope that whomever’s piecing it together will try and outdo this lesser From Hell that graced our eyes and disgraced our intelligence

Love sherLockDown: we’ve never seen mo than 7 minutes of a Basil Rathbone joint, sooooo that makes Barry Levinson/Chris Columbus/Spielbergo’s udderly franztastic Young Sherlock Holmes our mos flavorite of Holmes alones!! incidentally, that film starred Nicholas Rowe as the young SH, who would later appear as a bonhead stoner in Guy’s Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. and while we’re at it, YSH marked the very first movie to incorporate a CGI character, done up by the Pixar folks (!!!!!) when they were still a part of ILM!!

Verdictgo: (try and) forget about the non-mystery mystery + the girl, and you still gots yerself something that’s Jeepers Somewhat Worth A Peepers in an It’s not so Complicated kinda brainless kinda fun kinda way

Holmes is currently sherlocked at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…