Tag Archives: Alison Pill

The Movie About Movies That Wasn’t There

Hail, Caesar!
What The Hail???
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 106 min

hail caesar

You sit there watching the Coen BrosHail, Caesar!, and you think to yourself – this is cool – they love old Hollywood, I love old Hollywood, they’re totally doing right by old Hollywood, and as the movie snappily moves along, you start to realize that nothing is really going on, and you’ve laughed MAYBE twice during this comedy, and by the time that Joel & Ethan’s name appear on screen to kick off the end credits, you start to question what in the film is there to actually hail?

It seems like the Coen Bros invested more time on casting, or OVER-casting (Josh Brolin, George Clooney, Alden Ehrenreich, Ralph Fiennes, Jonah Hill, Scarlett Johansson, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, Channing Tatum, Alison Pill, Christopher Lambert, Fred Melamed, Patrick Fischler, David Krumholtz, Fisher Stevens, Alex Karpovsky, Clancy Brown, Robert Picardo, Dolph Lundgren and Michael Gambon‘s voice), than they did trying to construct a fluid movie.  They have ideas – WAY too many of them - and they’d maybe work if they were short films, but together as one long film – it’s juss a bunch of loving valentines with no heart

What I don’t REALLY understand, like I also didn’t REALLY understand with Inside Llewyn Davis, is if this stuff is based on reallife stuff, then why do the Coen Bros bother to fictionalize it into fluff?  They would be better off actually making a movie about the real players, instead of trying to impress us with their impressions.  It’s a waste of their talents, and a waste of our time

I mean, they obviously put a lot of thought into the movie, but I juss didn’t think too much of it.  Less is more.  They needed less of most of it, and more Alden Ehrenreich.  He gets a hail + the sets + Josh Brolin’s tuff gruff + the double dip of Tilda Swinton

Trumbo captured a similar time and themes in Hollywood, but it lacked the professional polish the Coen Bros gave Caesar.  Maybe the Coen Bros should have made Trumbo, instead of trying to make a movie that makes you feel like a sad trombone after watching it

Hail YEAH!!: it’s been awhile since we highlighted some movie hotties.  so here’s two that need hailing!!!

Natasha Bassett

Natasha Bassett

Natasha Bassett 3

Natasha Bassett eyes

Natasha Bassett 2

&

Emily Beecham

Emily Beecham

Emily Beecham 2

Emily Beecham 3

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badgers

Caesar is a mixed salad today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Prego! Ragù! Summa Spicy A-Meatballs! Sorta!

To Rome With Love
Amore or Less-a – 4 Mini I-talian Woody Allen Movies
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 102 min

Woody Allen‘s latest has four I-talianish stories that have nothing to do with each other, or really anything in general.  here’s a breakdown of the 4 stories…

story 1 is about average schmo Roberto Benigni, who one day, for no reason, becomes famous for just being himself.  this story is more stoopid than a typical Roberto Benigni movie (not talking bout Life Is Beautiful here).  Woody should have just made him re-enact his winning an Oscar zaniness or maybe the two should juss remake Jerry Lewis’ never released The Day The Clown Died.  anywho, story 1 is a good story… to run out of the theater if you need to take a giant dump

story 2 is about a pair of newlyweds (Alessandra Mastronardi & Alessandro Tiberi) who come to Rome with big job prospects from relatives, but they first must impress them.  The wife gets lost in the city, and for no reason a prostitute (Penélope Cruz) arrives at the husband’s door, right when his relatives show up, so the relatives think that the hooker is his wife, so the husband pretends that she’s his wife, and hilarity doesn’t ensue.  Meanwhile, the wife gets more lost, and eventually locks arms with some bald movie star and yadda yadda, who cares, whatevs.webs

story 3 is about Woody (BACK IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA BIZNITCHES!!!! AHHHH YEAH!!!!) meeting his daughter (not muse, but solid Allen player Alison Pill)’s about to be in-laws.  New Yorkers meet Romans – hilarity kinda mildly ensues, cause future in-law mortician papa (opera tenor Fabio Armiliato) is a diamond in the rough opera tenor superstar, but is only a blammazin singer in the shower.  Woody wants to make him a star, but how can he be a star without a shower????  We’ll juss leave it at that, as the what happens next stuff (WHICH YOU ALREADY PROBABLY ALREADY FINGERED OUT, ALREADY, CAUSE YOU SO SMART)  is one of the bettererer parts of the movie, sorta

story 4 is about Jesse Eisenberg who falls in love with his girlfriend’s (non-actress Greta Gerwig) actress best friend (Ellen Page), all while getting sage imaginary advice from Alec Baldwin.  This is the typical, watchable, enjoyable Woody Allen movie story plot thing that happens to be trapped in a movie with half crap and 1/4 of semi-amusingness

moral of the story – for a movie set in Italy, it’s kinda odd that all the bits and pieces that don’t work mainly have to do with the Italian characters and actors in the film.  our thinking like this is nots causes we’re American and only like American stuff (you’ve been to our older sister-site, NonUSHotties, right???), but it’s a fact, as proven by we, by saying so, and we juss said so, that the Italian parts need more spicing in the a meatballs

Verdictgo: acceptable low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

To Rome gets a lil Love in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Phappers & Flilosophers

Midnight In Paris
Well-Oiled Chime Machine
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 100 min

We are all in love with the past, and never with the present.  There will always be some point in time and history that we’d rather be at than the here and now, no?  Oh, how super kick-a$$ it musta been to live and be in the American 6os, yes?  Who wouldn’t want to experience Beatlemania and watching a man walk on the moon first hand, maybe???!!!  That’s juss one of our idealized wishful time travel dreams, and for Woody Allen, apparently his is the roaring 20s of Paris, France

In his latest European yarn (ever single one of them, even Scoop, have been quality fare), Woodsie goes there (time and space), and his persona, and our guide, is played by the perfectly nebbish Owen Wilson.  He’s a scriptwriter trying to become a novelist, but he’s got writer’s block, a pushy fiancée (Rachel McAdams, reuniting with her Wedding Crashers pal) and ‘pedantic’ Michael Sheen (looks great with a beard) overbreathing knowledge down his neck.   So what’s the solution to all his modern 21st century problems?  Inspiration from his idols, but not from a distance, but directly from them.  You know, hactual hobnobbing with the likes of Hemingway (Corey Stoll), F Scott (Thor’s devilish bro Tom Hiddleston) & Zelda (Alison Pill) Fitzgearld, Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates), Luis Buñuel, Man Ray, Salvador Dali (Adrien Brody), Alice B. Toklas, bullfighter Juan Belmonte, Cole Porter, Joséphine Baker, Djuna Barnes, T.S. Eliot, Henri Matisse and MORE!!!!

There’s no science involved in this fiction here, just sum magical jumping back 90 years into the past, without worrying about how that all works, or altering future BS worries, except for Owen’s own love interests (who wouldn’t fall for Marion Cotillard???)!  That’s right, Woody jumps into the time travelling game, and in all honesty, it’s one of the better films of the past couple of decades to do so, but with the help of a 1920 Peugeot Landaulet instead of a DeLorean.  88kmph?

If we could build a time machine and change one thing about this movie, we would somehow give the gifted Gad Elmaleh a little bit more to do.  He’s one funny fellow, and would hactually make a perfect French version of the Woodman.  We smell a Untitled French Woody Allen Film in here somewhere!

Something Is Rotten In Tomatoes: some say Paris is Woody’s best in decades.  those some peoples are entitled to their opinion (and they may not even be wrong), but have these and you people seen Casandra’s Dream, at least more than once????  even our initial review is wrong.  SH$T STILL HAUNTS US JUSS THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!  A-MAZINGGGGGGGGGG!

Verdictgo: enjoyable to the (sor)bon(n)e, so… Breast In Show

Paris je tames audiences currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

1 Comment

Not Fuzz

Scott Pilgrim vs The World
8-Bit More Than It Can Chew
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Remember this lil maddening Nintendo send-up/mash-up/cracks-we-up?  What a wonderful, colorful and inventive way to spend 8.5 minutes!!!!!  Same could be said of the similar pixelated terrain of Edgar Wright‘s screen version of the Scott Pilgrim graphic novels.  But what of the remaining 1 hour and 45 minutes? Tedious, repetitive, uninteresting.   Waiting for our titular hero (Michael Cera) to fight and (of course) beat level boss/evil ex-boyfriend after level boss/evil ex-boyfriend (Chris Evans, Brandon Routh, Jason Schwartzman, etc + one ex-girlfriend, Mae Whitman) had us screaming internally for ‘game over’ to flash on the screen as soon as Atarily possible.  No matter how many 1-ups Pilgrim gets on his quest, the film never 1-ups itself into new territory, even if that singular territory is inspired, fun and a place we’d like to play in… for 8.5 minutes!!!!!

Urgggggh!!!!!!!!!!!!  Maybe there needed to be more real-worldedness ala The Wizard!  Maybe there should have been more things for the supporting cast (Kieran Culkin, Mark Webber, Alison Pill, Anna Kendrick, et al) to do besides make ironic smirks and be all malaise-y (esp Aubrey Plaza, who’s a pro at malaise-y.  so much so that she may end up with a career more one-noted than Cera’s).  Maybe Scottie P spent too much time slayin’ dragons, chasin’ waterfalls and tiltin’ at windmills, and not nearly enuff time building up the actual relationship he so desires with his beloved Ramona Flowers (our once and future wife Mary Elizabeth Winstead, with anime eyes that won’t and we hope, will never quit!!!).  There’s more time devoted to destroying his relationship with Knives Chau (Ellen Wong) AND forgetting his one with Envy Adams (Brie Larson) than anything resembling quality time with Flowers (smiles and heart kisses don’t suffice!).  Their love grows with artificial sweetness, but sometimes substitutes aren’t better than the real thing!!!  Pilgrim, leave Plymouth and do not collect 200 bonus points!!!!

Out With The Old & Always In With The MEW: Mary Elizabeth Winstead may be new to you, but she’s MEW to us, and with this pic from the flick, MEOOOOOOW for one and all!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Pilgrim is currently may deflowering at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

5 Comments

Rainbow Flags of Our Fathers

Milk
It Does A Body Mind Good
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

If Harvey Milk’s name is new(s) to you, lemme hexplain. No, there’s not enuff time, lemme summarize. Harvey Milk was a 40 year old man, hiding in the closet, while living a corporate life/lie in New York. One day he decides to follow his younger boyfriend to San Francisco, wearing flowers in his hair, where he begins to come clean about who he really is. The two open up a camera shop in SF’s gay friendly Castro area (the film actually shot in the same exact space where the camera shop resided) and Milk starts to make a voice for himself and other gays in the community. Realizing the large potential that this untapped voting bloc could do to shape local politics, as well as help their own cause, Milk decides to run for public office. After a few unsuccessful campaigns, yet raising his profile on each attempt, and with a little help from Mayor George Moscone, Milk eventually won and became a member of SF’s board of supervisors in 1977, making him the very first openly gay man to ever be elected to public office in the United States (fythighs- Elaine Noble of Massachusetts became the first openly gay person to be elected in the States). As his popularity continued to soar, pressure mounted on Milk from both sides, as an advocate for gay rights (hispecially in the vote against California’s wicked Proposition 6, which wanted to ban gays and lesbians from working in public schools) and from those who opposed him and his lifestyle. He started receiving death threats, and even recorded an audio tape explaining what his friends, followers and fellow politicians should do in the advent of his assassination. Sadly, the tape served a purpose as another city supervisor by the name of Dan White murdered both Milk and Mayor Moscone at City Hall, a mere 9 days after the Jonestown mass suicide had already rocked and shocked the Bay area (fythighs 2- M & M’s winning election campaigns were helped in large part by the support of Jim Jones and his Peoples Temple. So much so that Moscone appointed Jones as Chairman of the San Francisco Housing Commission. None of this interesting bidness is mentioned in the film howevers). Milk’s devotees could gotsen mad upset and rioted and stuff over the killings, but as he pleaded and hoped in that tape, they turned ‘that anger and frustration and madness into something positive‘, and for generations to come. Don’ts worry, we didn’t ruin anything for ya cause this shiz is history, and a history mos definitely worth taking note of

Milk the film captures these events, exploring his professional relationships (Victor Garber as Moscone, Emile Hirsch as eventual AIDS quilt founder Cleve Jones, Alison Pill as campaign manager Anne Kronenberg, the list goes on), and to a weaker extent, his personal ones (James Franco as his camera store cohort/companion Scott Smith and Diego Luna as his later troubled lover Jack Lira), but at the center of it all shines Sean Penn in the title role. Although he kinda sounds like he’s acting in I Am Sam 2 at times, Penn, with prosthetic nose and all, completely embodies Milk heart and soul. Josh Brolin continues his non-stop winning streak of bestness by playing the disgruntled and confused assassin, with straight hair that we’d die for. We get to see a lot more of Brolin as White than we thought we would, and his conversations and confrontations with Penn as Milk are among the mos powerful and exceptional scenes in the film. Gus Van Sant does a fine job with the material he’s given (not based off of any book, but by the legwork of Dustin Lance Black), handing in a mainstream biopic that lacks the subtlety that embodied his last four droll and dreamy flicks like Gerry, Elephant, Last Days and Paranoid Park (although doesn’t lack in style at all, as he used DP Harris Savides, who helped to give another SF 70s period piece its good look: ZODIAC!!!!!). He may have hactually done one better had he told the story in a similar vein to those smaller films

If you haven’t (like we thighly suggested ages ago) czeched out the egggggsalad Oscar winning documentary The Times of Harvey Milk, then you should definitely do so above all else. Yes, even if you have to choose between it and giving peepage to Van Sant’s slant on the same song and dance. Not to say that Milk (as we overheard one critic say, Van Sant’s most ‘straight‘ film) isn’t worthy of your eyes, but Harvey Milk’s accomplishments far outweigh want transpired in his personal life and that’s the deal breaker that separates the two in our minds. Guess Van Sant wanted to complete the picture and make a ‘Life AND Times of Harvey Milk‘, and in doing so he demonstrates to us how much of an inspiration Milk was, but we didn’t necessarily feel completely inspired by what we saw, like we did with the doc. Regardless, they both celebrate Milk’s trailblazering legacy and his lasting effect on the fight for gay rights. Milk lit the fire, and although he fell, thankfully others have picked up his torch and carried on the work that is far from finished

Flag Bearer: Milk’s friend and fellow activist Gilbert Baker created the Rainbow Flag that has since become the m
ain symbol of the LGBT community. Yes, you can go ahead and blame Baker for ruining the rainbow for us straight people… unless yer a fan of the University of Hawaii

Crafty Services: the film gave special thanks to Escape From New York Pizza, and we say thanks to the film for introducing us to the bestest pun restaurant mt EVERest

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Milk opens today, a day before the anniversary of his death, in limited release

enjoy yer turkey and stuffins
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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