21 Jump Street
They Got The Beat, Street
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 109 min

21 Jump Street the movie defied the following odds…

a) its trailer was horrible

b) aside from The Fugitive, Dragnet, The Brady Bunch, The Addams Family and The Untouchables, old TV shows rebooted to feature films suck

c) if it’s the 21st century and Ice Cube is in your movie, it’s probably not funny

How it bypassed all of these roadblocks is kinda a modern day movie miracle.  And on top of all that, it’s the most laugh out loud-able film we’ve seen since Jackass 3-D, but if yer talking actual scripted comedies, then it would be the laughiest riot laugh since 2008′s Step Brothers, but it’s better than Step Brothers, so we’d have to definitely say that 21 Jump Street is the funniest f$%king movie we’ve seen since the 2007 original version of Death At A Funeral!!!!!!  That’s right, yo, it’s taken 5 years to make us laugh that hard again.  You know we’re tough on comedy, but it’s a tough love.  No easy laughs, although we do love slapstick humor, which is kinda the easiest laugh giver of givers.  Anywho, take this paragraph for it’s worth, and that worth is that 21 Jump Street is comedy gold, and will probably end up as one of our favorites of 2012… and it’s only March.  WOW

Credit all involved, from the directors (hot buttery action from bottom to top by Phil Lord & Chris Miller), to the writers (Michael Bacall, who just gave us the crizzazzy Project X, with help from Jonah Hill, giving us the winkiest eye wink that will make you want to wink right back) and to the actors (Hill again, in silly straight man skinny mode, plus playing against type Channing Tatum, playing against type, and the aforementioned usually unfunny Ice Cube being funny, and Rob Riggle, who is also usually not funny also being funny, and Chris Parnell, who is criminally funny, being criminally funny, and it’s a crime in general that he doesn’t work more, cause he’s one of SNL’s best alumnuts, EVER, and a guy who looks exactly like a mini-James Franco cause he is a mini-James Franco, cause he is James Franco’s brother Dave Franco + some slices of Ellie Kemper & Nick Offerman, and finally Brie Larson, who you’ll instantly fall in love with, if you weren’t already, and who’s future’s so bright that she’d put Ray-Ban out of bidness)

So what more do you need to know?  Plot?  There is one.  A very decent enuff one that supports the rest of the funny bidness from becoming udder malarkey bidness

moral of the story – they made a movie out of a TV show that didn’t need a movie, and even if it’s barely sorta like the TV show, it’s better than the TV show, and better than any TV show that was turned into a movie since The Brady Bunch!  BAM!!!!

Fanning Over Dakota: Jess Weixler is fine and all, but we recommend you upgrade to the similiarish looking…

Dakota Johnson

and know who she is?

DON JOHNSON AND MELANIE GRIFFITH’S KID!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

21 Jumps into a theater near jews today!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Moneyball
Straight A’s
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 133 min

Moneyball does cinematic poetry to statistical baseball analysis and management like The Social Network did with internets social networking empire building. The recipe - take a best selling book with a subject matter that might not lend itself to being a compelling thing to watch, throw in some punchy Aaron Sorkin (+ Steven Zaillian) words, a great cast & score, and let the good times roll.  And roll, they do!!!

Moneyball will make you believe that David still has a chance against Goliath.  It will make want to buy an Oakland A’s hat.  It will make you rethink Brad Pitt.  We were pretty much done with star, but for the first time in awhile, he’s acting as someone else (Billy Beane), and not juss being Brad Pitt the movie star in a movie.  It will make you yearn for endless Jonah Hill dramatic work (see Cyrus.  seriously, see that movie.  he was fantastic in it) or for him to have stayed fat forever (he just looks wrong, but good for him).  It will make you want to have a daughter that plays guitar.  It will make you wish that Philip Seymour Hoffman was hatcually a baseball manager.  It will make you swear that Chris Pratt isn’t really a prat.  It will make you aware that Bennett Miller (Capote) might really be quite good as this directing thing

But there’s gotta be some bad, right? OF COURSE!  WE CAN EVEN FIND BAD IN POPEYES FRIED CHICKEN (their lack of biscuit sangwiches).  Here’s the ‘bad’ – no AC/DC’s ‘Moneytalks’, the A’s don’t win the World Series (no spoiler there kids), and it’s kinda long.  Well, so is baseball, so maybe they got it right (they did)

BALK THIS WAY, TALK THIS WAY!!!

Hammer Time: always found this tibit so fascinating…

MC Hammer got his nickname from his childhood job with the Oakland Athletics.  Eccentric longtime A’s owner Charlie O Finley loved Stanley Kirk Burrell, the talented kid who danced in the team’s parking lot and eventually became a batboy and an errand boy for the club, and the benevolent owner called him ‘Little Hammer’ because he thought Burrell looked like ‘Hammerin’ Hank Aaron. When the Little Hammer picked up the mic, he became M.C. Hammer [via MFloss]

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Moneyball is atop the standings today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Cyrus
Manchild’s Play
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Apparently you all think Get Him To The Greek was rather hilarious.  We didn’t, we’re 101% correct on this, we stand by our census of humor, and you berated us for it.  Fair enuff, since humor is subjective, and we guess you all like to be subjected to crap.  So what if we were to tell you that there was another Jonah Hill flick released 2 weeks after Greek that contained real laughter, based on realistic situations (no furry walls), had this thing called ‘heart’ and makes one cringe endlessly, and we’re not talking about in the way that Greek‘s freshamoronic script made us cringe.  OK, you get it.  Actually, you don’t and that’s why we’re having this lil chat.  Anywho, the JHill movie in which we speak of is called Cyrus (not to be confused with Angus)

Cyrus is more akin to Step Brothers than it is to The Greek (and we’re not juss saying that cause S Bros is also funny, unlike Greek, which if you didn’t realize, is unfunny).  So imagine Step Brothers, keeping the always vulnerable, always puppy dog pathetic John C. Reilly in the mix, but give him a wee bit more maturity and a lot more insecurity, and instead of Will Ferrell, pit him against a deadpan, dead serious Jonah Hill (they sorta look related, right?).  Change the battle from a parent’s love and attention, to the love of Marisa Tomei (Reilly’s once in a lifetime new ladyfriend, and Hill’s overprotective, yet cool mom with whom he still lives with) and what we have here is one of the better romantic (unintentional?) comedies released in Hollywood in quite awhile.  And why is that so?  Cause Cyrus (and Cyrus the character) is unpredictable, and doesn’t star Katherine Heigl or Mr Demi Moore

Unconventionality is the Brothers Duplass (Jay and Mark)’s calling card, but instead of making juss another one of their meandering mumbling mediocre mumblecore pics, they gots themselves a budget over $10 and bona fide actors to work with for the first time.  If these refreshing results are any indication (this is the film that Greenberg was sorta trying to be, but was too irksome for anyone to truly embrace), please get us to anywhere they’re going and not To The Greek

They’re The Men Now Dawgs:  we’re totally mclovin the flick’s sorta official/unoffical website notmileycyrus.com, which totally reeks of You’re The Man Now UP Dog

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Cyrus billy rays today in NY & LA only and elshwere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…