Thighs Wide Shut

J Edgar
Hoover? What? When? Where? And Sometimes Why?
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 137 min

Don’t know what’s wrong with more than 1/2 of the critics who reviewed J Edgar.  Did they even see the same movie we saw?  Was there not enough J Edgar Hoover picking up the dirt (hoovering!) for them?  Did they find the quality Clint Eastwood direction directionless?  Was Leonardo DiCaprio‘s best work since What’s Eating Gilbert Grape not bestiful enuff for their boasteringing, despite the impossible task of playing someone he looks nothing like (which oddly enuff was what made The Aviator crash)?  Was Armie Hammer too handsome for them to clap their hands some?  Was the Dustin Lance Black script too straight without a chaser?  Were they pissed Naomi Watts didn’t give Judi Dench some carpet cleaning?  What’s yer problems, yo???

Seriously folks, J Edgar is a fine fine movie.  It takes a notorious and mysterious figure of 20th century American history and notoriousizeses him, while still keeping his enigma wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a woman’s slip, and entertains us.  What more do you want?  We may not get a complete picture, but how do you make a complete picture of a man who ran a bureau of secrets, with a bureau filled with STILL unknown secrets????  You don’t, and even if this flick had early 90s Oliver Stone written all over it, Stone didn’t make it, and thank dog he didn’t today, cause he’s no longer up to the task, but Clint Eastwood is and he did it and he did it right (heck, there’s not a ton of gangstering goings on, but it’s a zillion times betterer than whatever Public Enemies was).  So, GET OFF MY LAWN!!!  and critics, GET OVER YER YAWNS!!!!!

moral of the story:  we’re totally gay for J Edgar Hoover and this movie about him.  He may have been misguided, but he got the job done, no matter what the costs were, and no matter how much make-up they had to cake onto Leo to make him look like old man Charles Foster Kane (see below below)

Creepy Ship Lollipop: J Edgar Hoover & Shirley Temple, a WTF relationship for the ages

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

J Edgar digs up the good dirt currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Milk
It Does A Body Mind Good
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

If Harvey Milk’s name is new(s) to you, lemme hexplain. No, there’s not enuff time, lemme summarize. Harvey Milk was a 40 year old man, hiding in the closet, while living a corporate life/lie in New York. One day he decides to follow his younger boyfriend to San Francisco, wearing flowers in his hair, where he begins to come clean about who he really is. The two open up a camera shop in SF’s gay friendly Castro area (the film actually shot in the same exact space where the camera shop resided) and Milk starts to make a voice for himself and other gays in the community. Realizing the large potential that this untapped voting bloc could do to shape local politics, as well as help their own cause, Milk decides to run for public office. After a few unsuccessful campaigns, yet raising his profile on each attempt, and with a little help from Mayor George Moscone, Milk eventually won and became a member of SF’s board of supervisors in 1977, making him the very first openly gay man to ever be elected to public office in the United States (fythighs- Elaine Noble of Massachusetts became the first openly gay person to be elected in the States). As his popularity continued to soar, pressure mounted on Milk from both sides, as an advocate for gay rights (hispecially in the vote against California’s wicked Proposition 6, which wanted to ban gays and lesbians from working in public schools) and from those who opposed him and his lifestyle. He started receiving death threats, and even recorded an audio tape explaining what his friends, followers and fellow politicians should do in the advent of his assassination. Sadly, the tape served a purpose as another city supervisor by the name of Dan White murdered both Milk and Mayor Moscone at City Hall, a mere 9 days after the Jonestown mass suicide had already rocked and shocked the Bay area (fythighs 2- M & M’s winning election campaigns were helped in large part by the support of Jim Jones and his Peoples Temple. So much so that Moscone appointed Jones as Chairman of the San Francisco Housing Commission. None of this interesting bidness is mentioned in the film howevers). Milk’s devotees could gotsen mad upset and rioted and stuff over the killings, but as he pleaded and hoped in that tape, they turned ‘that anger and frustration and madness into something positive‘, and for generations to come. Don’ts worry, we didn’t ruin anything for ya cause this shiz is history, and a history mos definitely worth taking note of

Milk the film captures these events, exploring his professional relationships (Victor Garber as Moscone, Emile Hirsch as eventual AIDS quilt founder Cleve Jones, Alison Pill as campaign manager Anne Kronenberg, the list goes on), and to a weaker extent, his personal ones (James Franco as his camera store cohort/companion Scott Smith and Diego Luna as his later troubled lover Jack Lira), but at the center of it all shines Sean Penn in the title role. Although he kinda sounds like he’s acting in I Am Sam 2 at times, Penn, with prosthetic nose and all, completely embodies Milk heart and soul. Josh Brolin continues his non-stop winning streak of bestness by playing the disgruntled and confused assassin, with straight hair that we’d die for. We get to see a lot more of Brolin as White than we thought we would, and his conversations and confrontations with Penn as Milk are among the mos powerful and exceptional scenes in the film. Gus Van Sant does a fine job with the material he’s given (not based off of any book, but by the legwork of Dustin Lance Black), handing in a mainstream biopic that lacks the subtlety that embodied his last four droll and dreamy flicks like Gerry, Elephant, Last Days and Paranoid Park (although doesn’t lack in style at all, as he used DP Harris Savides, who helped to give another SF 70s period piece its good look: ZODIAC!!!!!). He may have hactually done one better had he told the story in a similar vein to those smaller films

If you haven’t (like we thighly suggested ages ago) czeched out the egggggsalad Oscar winning documentary The Times of Harvey Milk, then you should definitely do so above all else. Yes, even if you have to choose between it and giving peepage to Van Sant’s slant on the same song and dance. Not to say that Milk (as we overheard one critic say, Van Sant’s most ‘straight‘ film) isn’t worthy of your eyes, but Harvey Milk’s accomplishments far outweigh want transpired in his personal life and that’s the deal breaker that separates the two in our minds. Guess Van Sant wanted to complete the picture and make a ‘Life AND Times of Harvey Milk‘, and in doing so he demonstrates to us how much of an inspiration Milk was, but we didn’t necessarily feel completely inspired by what we saw, like we did with the doc. Regardless, they both celebrate Milk’s trailblazering legacy and his lasting effect on the fight for gay rights. Milk lit the fire, and although he fell, thankfully others have picked up his torch and carried on the work that is far from finished

Flag Bearer: Milk’s friend and fellow activist Gilbert Baker created the Rainbow Flag that has since become the m
ain symbol of the LGBT community. Yes, you can go ahead and blame Baker for ruining the rainbow for us straight people… unless yer a fan of the University of Hawaii

Crafty Services: the film gave special thanks to Escape From New York Pizza, and we say thanks to the film for introducing us to the bestest pun restaurant mt EVERest

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Milk opens today, a day before the anniversary of his death, in limited release

enjoy yer turkey and stuffins
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…